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The thing is, it’s not going to work.
The Justice League may have a running bet on when Barry and Hal are going to succumb to their mutual attraction, and all of Barry’s friends may rib him on it, and Hal might just give him that look sometimes, but Barry’s not going to say a word because it’s not going to work.
It’s not because starting a relationship with a coworker is never a good idea and the potential volatility of it could literally endanger the planet, as Batman has obliquely pointed out. It’s not that Hal spends months on end off planet, to the point that he usually doesn’t know who is president, or sometimes what year it is when he returns.
Barry doesn’t mind that.
And he doesn’t mind the flirting, or the empty bank account.
Hal makes up for it in the way he always seems to know when Barry needs words or silence, or a trip to Paris or the Moon.
Or just a hug.
The fact that he manages to cook things both abundant and delicious on a negative budget doesn’t hurt either.
But it’s never going to work, no matter how happy they seem to make each other.
Their orientations are incompatible, for all that they both like men.
It’s not that it’s impossible for Barry to have relationships, because he has and they’ve ended for reasons unrelated to love or sex, but this particular relationship won’t work. Hal’s one of the most sexual people Barry’s ever met. And Barry’s…not.
So he ignores the hints and the looks and enjoys the time he has with Hal now, before the inevitable confrontation makes things awkward.
Which is why he’ll never figure out why he was the one to kiss Hal.
It’s not after a life threatening battle or a friendly race or anything at all.
Hal’s stretched out in ratty shorts on Barry’s couch, because he’s technically homeless, and he’s trying to explain the backstory to the ridiculous cartoon he’s watching, rolling his head toward Barry with a soft smile and Barry can’t not kiss him.
Hal can shoulder the blame of kissing back.
Hal’s hair is soft under his fingers, and oh wow, Barry’s in real trouble.
Because he’s always liked kissing, and it’s no surprise that Hal is very, very good at it and in the moment he forgets why this was such a bad idea. They fit together like breathing and for a moment everything’s perfect.
And then Hal’s thumbs slide under Barry’s shirt and in the shift he can feel how hard he is under those shorts and just like that Barry’s back is against the far wall of the living room.
The second it takes for Hal to register that his arms are empty is an eternity for Barry.
This, he thinks, is how I lose him.
“B-”
“I can’t have sex with you!” He blurts, in full panic mode and Hal blinks.
“Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”
Hal smiles, slow and warm “We can take it slow, Bear, wait ‘til whenever you’re ready.”
“No. No, that’s not going to happen, not ever.”
He takes a deep breath and starts.
Barry has a speech.
He knows most people like to let this conversation happen more organically, but Barry is the sort of guy that organizes his books via the Dewey decimal system. Since age twelve.
Once he knew enough about his sexuality, figured out what he did and didn’t want, he calibrated a speech to hit the right note between ‘let’s just be friends!’ and 'I’ll be ready eventually’. He even had a professor look at it, back in college, fidgeting and blushing but determined. He still sends Dr. Hoshi a box of her favorite hot chocolate every Christmas.
It’s not a rejection but it’s not an invitation either.
It’s a declaration: this is me. Are you still in?
There’s a silence when he’s done, long even for non-speedsters, and he doesn’t know if that’s better than Hal saying something like 'but you’ve never flown with me’. At least if he did Barry wouldn’t be forced to watch the loop playing in his head, all the times they went for ice cream or star gazing or watched crappy movies on purpose.
All things he’s never getting back.
What Hal says, instead, is “How big of an apology do I owe you?”
He looks up, hadn’t noticed he’d been staring at his shoes, “What?”
“For…I mean, if…Barry if I forced you at all, I am so-”
Barry shakes his head so hard it feels like his whole body moves. “Of course you didn’t. I like kissing, I told you, it’s just…”
“You literally ran off. It is not just and I’m sorry. I would never want to hurt you”.
“You didn’t, I promise. Usually I’ve discussed this by the time I get around to kissing people. You…surprised me”.
Hal studies him for a moment, clearly thinking.
Barry refuses to wonder if he’s trying to figure out how to leave politely.
“C'mere” Hal finally says, stretching his arms out and before Barry can say anything he adds “You said you liked cuddling. In your uh, speech-type-thing. Just cuddling”.
It’s a little awkward, trying to fit together on Barry’s tiny couch and pretending that Hal isn’t trying to angle his hips away because he’s still half hard.
But it feels like heaven, like everything finally in its place.
Barry sighs, and burrows deeper into his side.
“You looked like you were going to puke” Hal says after a while and Barry looks away “I know this isn’t what you want and-”
Hal presses his lips to Barry’s.
“You didn’t ask me what I wanted, Bear”.
Barry’s eyes are definitely not watering. “Still calling me that?”
Hal smiles against his cheek.
“You don’t have to, I, you’re, well, pansexual is probably the word and I can’t give you-”
Another kiss, though slightly more forceful.
“First, you’re always going to be my Care Bear. Second, stop. I can do without, you know. Like, the Air Force. Prison. The Corps even. Feeling a little insulted here.” His tone is deliberately light.
Barry’s the one that kisses him now because words can’t come close to what he’s feeling.
“The only real question is, do you want this? Whatever this might be” Hal pauses, licks his lips
“I mean, you did mention, repeatedly, that you can have relationships. I’m down…Though you should know that I will never stop teasing you over having a speech prepared, goddamn. Do you have any idea how creepy that is? Batman’s probably jealous”.
His heart feels overstuffed with sensation, both wonderful and painful.
“You drive a hard bargain. But I cannot refuse a man who thinks children’s cartoons are the apex of civilization.”
“Aaaand just for that I’m cashing in on that massage. Which will happen while I watch cartoons because they are awesome, heathen”.
Barry smiles.
Hal smiles back.