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The hour was late and the city that never slept was quiet and earie outside the window. Weary eyes were watching the street lights from the top window of a tall apartment building in Brooklyn. The loft was quiet and dark, the otherwise so lively and sparkly warlock was sleeping soundly behind him in their huge bed. Alec wished he could crawl back into bed and let the warlock wash his worries away.. but this time he couldn't.
The shadowhunter leaning against the window was tired, so very tired, but sleep had neglected him for days now. Ever since they had both returned from the shadowhunter's home city he had not been able to sleep. Pictures of the war had haunted him and especially a pair of big brown eyes behind glasses. Young, innocent eyes looking up at him.. eyes that would never look up at him again, ever.
Alec was ripped from his thoughts when slim, warm arms wrapped around him from behind, holding him close and his tense shoulders relaxed slightly. The shadowhunter hadn't even realized how tense he was until Magnus held him close and put his chin on Alec's tense shoulder. He sighed softly and leaned back against the strong warlock who was holding him up as if he was lighter than air.
"Why are you up, darling?" Magnus asked him softly, almost a whisper as if he would disturb the city's calm by speaking louder than a whisper.
"Couldn't sleep.. I don't like what I see when I try.." He explained in a low voice, knowing it was useless to lie to Magnus but he wasn't really up to talking or explaining himself. He felt Magnus sigh lightly, his breath tickling Alec's bare shoulder.
"Me neither.. But we should still try." Magnus told him kindly and Alec knew that was the warlock's way of urging him back to bed but the shadowhunter stayed put, keeping quiet. They stood there for a long moment, Magnus' hands trailing his bare chest and abs slowly and Alec's fingers tickling along the warlock's arms absentmindedly as his mind kept running too fast for him to keep up.
"You don't have to be strong, darling.. Not here, not with me." Magnus spoke up after a long moment of silence between the couple. Alec had managed to keep himself together for over a week now but of course Magnus said the exact words that tugged at his heart and formed a lump in his throat that was impossible to swallow down. Instead Alec shook his head stubbornly and bit his tongue to keep the tears at bay. He was supposed to be strong, supposed to keep his composure for everybody else.. He was supposed to be the strong one, the adult one who could keep himself together and focus on the bigger picture.
"Alec.. Look at me." Magnus demanded kindly, almost sadly, as he spun the shadowhunter around so their eyes could meet. "It's just me.. you don't have to be strong here. I love you." He felt Magnus' hands against the sides of his neck, his thumbs stroking his jaw, as their eyes met and Alec couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't be strong when Magnus was looking at him with those eyes and holding him in those strong arms.. He couldn't hold it together anymore and he fell apart in the warlock's arms, tears falling that had been demanding to fall since that awful night.
All Magnus could do was hold him tighly as low sobs wrecked the shadowhunter's body, making them both shake as he trailed his tan fingers along Alec's pale back and through his jet black hair fondly. He wanted to do more but he knew this was all Alec needed right now, all Alec was able to do.
Alec had let his composure crumble and the result was that everything had come crashing down and nothing in the world could stop the tears now. He was sobbing silently into his boyfriend's shoulder, holding him tightly as he cried. He cried for Max, he cried for Izzy and his parents, he cried for Jace and he cried for himself.. for the loss he had be struck with and it hurt so badly. Alec was hardly aware that they had moved but when he calmed down he realized they were back on the bed and the fluffy cat was frantically trying to crawl in between them, wondering what was going on and feeling left out. They both moved slightly to let the cat in and he quickly snuggled up to Alec, licking at his hands in comfort and confusion.. which only made the shadowhunter cry harder. He had been keeping the walls up for so long that now when they had crashed down it felt like he would never be okay again.
Alec curled closer to Magnus on the bed, his face burried in the other's chest as his sobs turned into whimpers and his tears eventually stopped while Magnus rocked him gently in his strong embrace. They stayed like that for a long time, the room eventually turned light as dawn settled over the apartment building. Magnus was trailing his fingers over Alec's back and through his hair while the shadowhunter was lazily drawing patterns on the warlock's chest and stomach fondly, occassionally sighing softly and sniffing lightly.
"I shouldn't have left them.. I should have known.." Alec spoke up with a quiet, broken voice. He felt like crying again but he felt too exhausted to do anything but just sign and lean his forehead against Magnus' chest as he pulled him closer again.
"No.. How could you have known? Don't put this on yourself.. You left him with Izzy and someone you thought you could trust, you couldn't possibly have known." He heard a slight tremor in his boyfriend's voice that cut into his heart. He hadn't meant to upset Magnus as well, he didn't mean for any of this to happen.
"You saved my life." Magnus said after another moment of silence, running his long fingers through the shadowhunter's dark hair. "I would have never gotten out of there alive if you hadn't showed up.. Aline would have probably been dead as well and many more. I know.. I know it doesn't bring him back but you did what you knew was right at the time.. No one blames you, darling." A few silent tears had fallen as Magnus spoke softly into his ear and he nodded weakly in respons.
"I know.. Deep down I know that. I just feel so bad.. so guilty." He sighed, his voice cracking again and he gladly curled into the embrace as Magnus held him closer.
"I know you do but you did what you could.. what you needed to do." Magnus held him tightly in the safety of the bedroom on the top floor of an apartment building in Brookly.
"My hero." Magnus whispered with a soft smile and he heard a slight chuckle from the boy wrapped in his arms. The shadowhunter would never know how much he actually meant it. "I love you.. so much." Alec whispered in respons, gripping the warlock tighter and never wanting to let go. He never wanted to go home, never wanted to leave their bed.. Alec only wanted to stay in the safety of Magnus' bedroom and arms.
No one would have guessed a warlock lived here just by looking at the building or even looking through the windows. It was a big loft but the bedroom was small.. It felt safe and cozy as they laid there together. Magnus running his fingers through the dark hair of the shadowhunter seeking comfort and understanding in their tight embrace. The sun kept rising over the city, light rain strumming against the large window and grey clouds hanging heavy over the sky. It was a dreary day and the couple stayed in bed for the most part. All they needed right now was each other.