Chapter Text
"You finished all the Cheetos? C'mon dude, I didn't even get to try any and I'm the one that fucking bought them!" Michael whined, staring at the empty bag mournfully.
"That's only because you cheated on the last round!" Jeremy said, throwing an empty bottle of Sprite at Michael's head.
"I did not cheat, you just suck at Rainbow Road! It's not my fault that you're not gay-hey, wait! Did you finish the Sprite too?" Michael picked up the Sprite and cradled it to his chest with a fake sadness, crying out, "You killed him! He was filled with fizzy goodness and then you fucking drained him! You sick bastard! You-!"
"Dude, shut the fuck up, you're gonna wake up my dad." Jeremy half-whispered. "Let's just go to 7/11 and buy some more snacks, I'll pay."
"Sweet." Michael said, abandoning the Sprite bottle.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, typically Jeremy paid little to no attention to whoever the hell was behind the counter at a 7/11, as long as they didn't bother him, he didn't bother them. The only issue was, this guy behind the counter was sure as fuck bothering him. Now, at first Jeremy reasoned that the guy must've been looking at someone else- like a girl in a low cut crop top or a dude with really tight jeans and a v-neck, not a 17 year old Filipino boy in minion sleeping pants ("I swear, dude, I'm only wearing them to be ironic!") and a baggy "this man ate my son" Ted Cruz tank top.
Because, in all the years that Jeremy hung out with Michael, he has seen the many different ways strangers react to simply existing near Jeremy's best friend. The most common ones being an utter look of disgust fellow customers at Ted's Diner make when Michael pours relish and mustard onto his pancakes, and the awed gaze younger kids at the arcade wear while Michael nonchalantly beats the high score on the most difficult games there. But there's one look that Jeremy never thought he'd see aimed at his childhood pal, and definitely not while he dipped his hot dog into his multi-flavored slushie at a 7/11. So there Jeremy stood, glaring at this corner store cashier, wondering why the hell this guy was giving Michael the horniest look that he'd ever seen in his life.
"Hey Jere-bear, what do you think of Flaming Hot Cheetos? I'm thinking of switching it up tonight." Michael said, interrupting Jeremy's train of thought.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, why not." Jeremy answered distractedly.
"What's wrong, dude? You seem sorta out of it." Michael asked, concerned.
Instead of answering, Jeremy grabbed Michael's arm and pulled him towards the back of the store and away from the cashier, before saying, "That guy behind the counter has been undressing you with his eyes ever since we got here."
Michael stayed quiet for several seconds before full on laughing, shoulders shaking and bent over with his arms around his waist. "Oh my-Jesus, fuck, you got me! You looked so believable, too! Good one, man!"
"No, Michael, I'm serious! Just look for yourself!" Jeremy said.
"Alright, fine." Michael surrendered, walking to the aisle closest to the counter, "But I know you're just fu-oh ok."
Jeremy turned to see the Counter Guy trail his eyes appreciatively up and down Michael body, then wink.
"Michael, help me pick out a good slushie combo!" Jeremy lied, dragging Michael towards the back again. "See? I told you that that guy was legit perving on you!"
"Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy-!" Michael repeated, fingers combing through his hair.
"Hey, Michael, buddy? Listen, it's gonna be fine. I'll call up management and tell them that he's harassing you then we can-"
"What, no! He's totally hot, like shit, I'd let him do me right there on the counter if it were legal." Michael joked, a little more breathy than usual.
"You guys know I can hear every word of what you're saying, right? It's not that big of a store." Counter Guy addressed them, smirking.
Both boys turned to him, faces red, as they quietly began choosing the rest of their snacks. Once they got to the check-out, Michael broke the silence, saying, "Sorry about the whispering, by the way, we didn't mean to come off as rude or anything." Michael barely met Counter Guy's eyes, face completely red.
"Oh no, it's completely fine. And uh," He leaned on one elbow in a way that blocked out Jeremy from their conversation and kept himself completely facing Michael. "If your friend weren't here, I'd totally take you up on that last offer. Anyhow, have a nice day!" He said in a teasing tone, handing Michael the receipt.
"Oh ok, well, b-bye!" Michael stuttered, having to be physically pulled out of the 7/11 by a uncharacteristically upset Jeremy.
As soon as they got into the car, up until they finally parked into Jeremy's driveway, Michael was subject to several minutes of Jeremy's strangely agitated rambles.
"-and who's to say that he's not some kind of murderer! C'mon, you've seen those documentaries on these creepy pedos that prey on young teens by hanging around places that they know they frequent! How come we've never seen him in town before? I mean, maybe we should stop going to that 7/11 altogether!"
"Jeremy, my dude, my buddy, I love you to death but you need to chill-sorry bad choice of words." Michael apologized as the two of them made their way back into the house. "All I'm saying is that you're over analyzing the hell outta this. He's not a pedo or a serial killer or any of the other crazy shit that you just said. And if his texts are anything to go by, he's a bit of a sweetheart, too." Michael said, smiling at his phone.
"Wait, you're texting him now? Michael, what the hell?" Jeremy screeched.
"Yeah, he wrote his number on the receipt! How awesome is that?" Michael said, flopping down on Jeremy's bed.
"I just don't like the look of him." Jeremy said, mostly to himself.
"Really? Because I love the look of him, he's easily a 10!" Michael said, opening up his bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos and a bottle of Crystal Pepsi.
"Just be careful, please?" Jeremy begged, sitting next to Michael on his bed.
"I will, I will. But enough about my love life, how're you and Christine? Is it everything you ever hoped it would be?" Michael asked with a smile a little too wide to be as genuine as either one will admit.
"Sorta? I mean, she's so awesome and perfect, it's just- I don't know. I feel like I spent so long imagining what our relationship would be like that the reality of it just kinda sucks. But, I still love her, ya know? It's probably just awkward because we're both so new to dating so... Yeah, if that makes any sense?" Jeremy shrugged sadly.
"Oh, man, that-that fucking sucks, dude. If there's anything I could do to help..." Michael trails off, momentarily distracted by a vibration from his phone. "Sorry, hold on." Michael quickly checks his phone before his eyes pop open almost humorously wide. "Oh my god, this is amazing! Jeremy, he asked me out! I'm not gonna die a dateless virgin!"
"You're hooking up with Counter Guy? Who you just met?" Jeremy asked with obvious disapproval.
"No, it's just a date! I might not even sleep with him." Michael said, attempting to calm down his extremely high strung best friend.
"Might? Does that mean you're considering it? Michael, you know nothing about this guy! You don't know his age, name, what he does, what kinda guy he is... Nothing!" Jeremy ranted, almost hyperventilating.
"Hey, Jere-bear, I need you to take some deep breaths. That's it. Good job, buddy." Michael softly said, rubbing Jeremy's back with Jeremy's head leaning on his shoulder. "If you're really that worried, you can come with us. And if he has a problem with that, then screw him. I don't want anybody around who doesn't want you around."
Jeremy's shaky breathes slowly became more and more controlled, until finally his breathing evened out. "Thanks, Mikey. I don't know what's up with me today, I've been feeling really off lately... I just want you to be safe and happy, and if that guy can give those things to you, then so be it." Jeremy said, smiling shakily.
"Jeremy, it's just a date, I'm not marrying the guy. Besides, if all goes well I'm hoping he'll give me more than safety and happiness, if you catch my drift." Michael teased, winking and nudging Jeremy.
"Michael..." Jeremy groaned.
"I'm talking about his dick, Jeremy."
"Dude, stop being gross!" Jeremy said, tackling Michael in an attempt to get him to stop speaking.
"There's nothing gross about one bro talking about another bros sweet, sweet co- Ow! Dude, watch the face! That's my money maker!" Michael complained, taking the pillow Jeremy just threw at him and laying his head on it, defeated. "Now, I'm gonna get some beauty sleep because some of us have a hot date tomorrow."
"5 bucks says he's got an erectile dysfunction."
"GOODNIGHT, JEREMY!"