Chapter Text
It started off very slow and very late like most things in Haruka's life, but because it went unnoticed he felt like it happened in an instant.
-
If Haru had to guess when it all actually started he supposed it had to of been when Rei's antics became funny rather than strange. There was one day in particular.
'Rei-chan, who would you want to go out with among the guys here?' Nagisa asked. A day of stupid conversations. The benefits of having Nagisa as a friend. Haru would never admit it out loud but these stupid conversations were actually pretty enjoyable.
'Myself, of course!'
At the time, he thought it was a stupid answer.
'.... That's....um.... kind of sad.' Nagisa admitted after an awkward passing of silence.
'Really sad.' Haru added.
And there was a moment. It was a very small, almost unnoticeable moment. Right before the question was switched to Makoto that he saw a very, very brief smile on Rei. So brief it almost felt imaginary, like it didn't even happen. Haru didn't think much of it at the time, hell he hardly even noticed that he saw it himself! But after school, after practice, walking home in the orange glow of a setting sun with Makoto; that was when that smile came back to him.
What a strange answer. What a weird guy. What was that smile for?
Rei was the type of person that no one should judge by surface value. His whole personality reminded Haru of a nervous bungee jumper. Scared, confused and almost regretting their choice to jump because why-oh-why was this ever a good idea? But after a big puff of air and a slap of confidence, he'd be the very first one to go.
Guts. Rei definitely had guts.
He had guts with what he did and what he said, though not in the most obvious of ways. When Rei would say he'd do something amazingly perfect, he didn't say it because of a faux sense of self security that he would actually do it perfect. Yes he had confidence but he wasn't that much of a twat that he really believed he could do everything. He said it to put himself in a mindset to try his hardest to do it amazingly, even if it didn't quite turn out that way.
And when Rei boast about how he was a perfect candidate for... well... anything to his friends, he didn't say it because he thought it was true. He said it because he knew he was a strange, giddy, weird person. So in contrast of announcing how "perfect" and "beautiful" you are was actually pretty funny, and that was his goal. To make it funny so his friends could laugh. Though, they didn't always get it and that could get a little awkward sometimes.
Rei didn't give that answer because he was self-centered, or narcissistic or cocky. He said it because he was... he made himself to be...
"Satire." At least his humor was, whether Rei consciously knew about this or not, he couldn't really say. Haru hadn't realized he mumbled part of his thought out loud, catching Makoto's attention.
"Huh? What was that, Haru?"
"Rei. He's satire." Haruka explained in the most simple and straight forward answer he could give.
Rei didn't honestly believed the things he said about himself, he said it because he thought the contrast was funny. Unfortunately no one really got it, Haru included. Which was a shame because without that understanding, it usually made Rei to came off sounding a bit of a cock. But it was okay if they didn't get it, maybe one day they will. Friendship is an every growing thing and god dammit it was still funny. Which was why Rei smiled. At least that's what Haru thought.
"What?" Makoto asked utterly confused. Oh Makoto.
Now Makoto. Makoto could read Haru easily sometimes, which honestly someone should give him a pat on the back for because even Haru had to admit that he was a pretty damn difficult person to be around at times, let alone read. That being said Makoto was really only good with catching the simple thoughts and ideas. What Makoto couldn't catch were the train of thoughts. Which Haru was thankful for because sometimes that mind reading thing could get really annoying. So in moments like these, when Haru could absolutely confuse and baffle Makoto, he'd secretly bask in the glory of his victory while his friend would stand by with the ever proud 'I give up' shoulder shlump.
Occasionally confusing or pissing off Makoto was a favorite pastime of Haru. This art form was actually really easy to do.
Step one: pick a subject.
It could be who or whatever you want as long as it gets you thinking for a while.
Step two: Go beyond connecting to point B when starting from point A.
Make it a goal to have to go through at least five different connections to come to a satisfactory conclusion or something close to a conclusion. The longer the train of thought, the better.
Step three: Announce your conclusion as simple as possible.
If you can, try to get it down to five words or less.
Step four: Don't explain steps one through three.
Dismiss the idea if your party asks for an explanation. If they persist for an answer just repeat step three until the party has given up their inquiry.
Step five: Congratulate yourself, you have now successfully confused your friend.
For full effect do this sparingly, otherwise it will become dull and your party will get use to this habit.
To Haru, these long trains of thoughts made complete sense to him, and as long as it made sense to him it didn't matter if no one else understood because why would that part matter?
"Haru?" Makoto said after no reply from Haru.
"Just a thought." He finally answered, not wanting to go through the effort of explaining himself because that would ruin the spoils of his victory. And he just didn't feel like wasting his breath.
"Oh. Okay then." Makoto replied, wanting to inquiry him a bit further about what was going through his friend's head but instead decided to drop it.
-
If Haru had to pick a time when he started to notice this feeling it would probably have been the day of the relay. It was after the race, at home, that Haru entirely realized Rei's sacrifice and once he did it hit him hard enough to leave him where he was now.
Laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Utterly dazed and confused.
Most people wouldn't have done what Rei did. A lot of people, wouldn't have done what Rei did. Not Nagisa, not Makoto and definitely not himself. Was it easier for Rei to give up his spot because he hadn't been in the sport for that long, the lack of seniority fueling his nerves?
'No. That's not it, he's too dedicated to just throw away his spot without a good reason.'
And for the first time Haru felt like Rei did when he wanted to know about the bad blood with Rin. He wanted to know why.
Why? Why would he do that? Was Rei not feeling well? Did he do it to have leverage on all of them? There were so many possibilities and none of them seem to fit the reason. They were friends, yes but Haru didn't realize how close they all were. The more Haru thought about it, the more he realized the obvious answer that he was trying to avoid because he couldn't fathom someone to be that kind.
Rei gave up his spot for the sake of his friends.
That was it, that was the only reason Rei needed to do what he did. As stated before, he guy was a man of action but in a much more subtle way. Don't know how to swim? I'll keep trying to find a way until I can. Too chicken shit to confront your old friend? I can handle that. Need an ultimate way to reconnect and bond with your old friend? I got you covered on that too. Need a good laugh? Well I don't know any jokes but watch me do this!
Rei has been dragged along and left behind several times but he still managed to smile at them sincerely because that's just the type of person he was. Haru realized, without meaning to, he had taken Rei for his surface value for quite a while and the guilt was terrible.
What shitty friends they were to Rei.
Even with that thought in mind, Haru was sure Rei would deny that, he wouldn't have sacrificed his spot if he thought that was true.
'Maybe we should all do something together again soon.' Haruka thought, sitting up and arching his back to relieve the tension in his muscles from laying on the hard floor for so long.
'I think there's a festival coming up.' It would be nice if they all went and had fun somewhere together. It wouldn't be enough to repay Rei, but it would make him smile and that sounded like a good start.
-
If Haru had to pick a time when these feelings would start causing some trouble, it would have to be that day at the market, when Rei was by himself.
It was strange seeing Rei without Nagisa by his side. As clichéd as it was, the two were peas in a pod. If you were looking for one, it wouldn't be a surprise to find the other, much like Makoto and himself. Haru recognized this but he didn't realize it until he saw Rei on his own that day. Did that make sense? It did to Haru... sort of.
Walking up to Rei's side, the younger too busy paying attention to his choices to notice him yet. Haru pause just for a moment to see what Rei was shopping for. Mackerel?
"Good evening, Rei." Man, that sounded awkward. A little cold too, Haru really had to work on his peoples skills. At least with his friends. Rei twitched a bit from surprise and look over to his right. Instantly a big smile came to his face and it felt like Haru had seen him smile for the first time.
"Haruka-sempai, good evening to you too." Rei greeted. Haru nodded his head, and glanced over at the packaged mackerel, then his eyes wandered to hand basket in Rei's arm. There was nothing wrong with being a little curious about what your friend was shopping for, right?
"Pineapple?" Haru questioned making Rei glance down at his basket and blush slightly. A bashful smile, Rei almost looked guilty.
"Y-yeah. Remember that pizza you made back at the training camp?" Rei asked, continuing when Haru nodded his head. "Well, every once in a while I make it again. I kind of like it. My mom and brother did too. Not so much my father." He nervously laughed to himself, again looking as if his big secret had just been found.
"Oh... you didn't really seem to have any opinion of it then." Which was true. He remembered Rei giving it funny looks but he never really said if it was good or bad.
"I guess it's just one of those things that slowly come up on you, it's different and weird in the beginning so you don't instantly take a liking to it but after a few times you really appreciate the different taste." Rei explained the best he could. "It's kind of my guilty pleasure, I guess."
He liked it. Rei actually like some weird thing Haru made, enough so that he made it for himself, even shared it with his family. Haru wondered, what other things he could make that Rei would like. He made just about everything with mackerel though so the interest might become fleeting. Before Haru could speak, he heard someone call out for his spectacled friend from behind the two.
"Reeeeiii-chhhaaannn!" Nagisa. Of course. "You're taking forever! I want to get ice cream before we go- oh! Haru-chan!" Nagisa bounded up, Haru stared.
"You shopping for dinner, Haru-chan? I'm eating at Rei-chan's tonight! He's making that weird pizza you made a while ago." Nagisa said with a giggle at the end of his sentence.
Nagisa already knew Rei did that? How did he find out? How long? Was he invited? Did he invite himself? Did he ever leave Rei alone? How often did these two hang around each other? How annoying.
Haru stopped his thoughts there. This strange animosity he was feeling towards Nagisa, that was new. It wasn't strong enough for him to call it hate. Far from that, Nagisa was his close friend, he just felt annoyed. He was jealous.
What an ugly feeling. It felt foreign to Haru, probably because he never really got jealous, which was probably why it bothered Haru more than he would've liked.
It wasn't anything new to anyone that the two boys spent a lot of time together, they were best friends after all. But then, if Nagisa was Rei's best friend, what kind of level did Rei put himself with Haru? A friend? A team-mate? Did Rei did what he did at the relay just for Nagisa? Because he wanted to see his best friend happy? The relationship Haru had with Rei, they were more than team mates. They were friends, right?
"- you want to, Haruka-sempai."
"Huh?" Haru didn't realize he tuned out the world while he was in his own head. The worst part about jealousy was that it tend to give you a big side serving of insecurity, which didn't help with Haru's constant rambling thoughts.
"Haru-chan, don't be rude and tune us out! Rei-chan asked if you wanted to join us." Nagisa said for Rei in a playful huff.
"Oh. No, thank you." Rei and Nagisa exchanged glances, a secret language passed between the two without either one of them saying a word which only made Haruka have another twinge of jealousy. This sucked, he felt left out and he didn't like it. The two looked back at Haruka with all smiles.
"Well you're welcomed anytime, Haruka-sempai." Rei grabbed a package of mackerel and put in the hand basket. As soon as he did Nagisa grabbed his available forearm, pulling it like a small, bored child would do to his mother.
"Rei-chan, let's go! I'm getting hungry." Rei let out a sigh and looked at Haruka once more. "Have a good evening, Haruka-sempai."
"See you at school tomorrow, Haru-chan!" Nagisa chimed in with a friendly wave goodbye, blabbing on about what sweets to get as he dragged Rei away.
-
If Haru had to pick a time when he started to recognize this feeling, it would probably have been the fourth time he "accidentally" spent the day with Rei. How do you accidentally spend a day with someone?
Well to understand the fourth "accident" you'd have to hear about the first accident, which was an actual accident. The other three times? You'd have to ask Haru himself.
The first accident started on a sunday, at an office supply shop, Haru was there for new rubbers and a few pens. He thought about browsing, because really he had nothing to do for the day but before he could really decide, he spotted him. Rei was by himself again, at least Haru was sure he was, in the art supply section. Because the store was more for offices and schools, the arts section wasn't very big to begin with, so there wasn't a lot of interesting things in it. But there he was, browsing the pens and pencils which was a little strange because Rei didn't really seem like the artistic type.
Haru walked up behind Rei as quietly as he could. He didn't know why but he felt like being a little mischievous, it just seemed like the right setting. Few people in the store, Rei deep in thought and no Nagisa around. At least he hoped there wasn't a Nagisa around, it would kind of kill his mood at the moment. Haru stared at Rei's back, his eyebrows furrowed close together and his mouth in a tight-lipped frown. He was concentrating.
What would be the best way to freak out Rei?
Haru squared his shoulders as he straighten himself up, puffed up his chest and in the highest octave he could make without it being too obnoxiously high-pitched.
"Rei-chan!" Almost immediately Rei's entire body jolted. The case of pencils he had in his hand slipped out of his hand and he fumbled one
two
three
four, five, six, seven times before he bopped it too hard, graciously smacking himself in the face with the case. It clattered to the floor and Rei deflated a bit.
A bit embarrassed and a lot of confused, Rei took a moment to collect himself before turning around. There was quite a few things Rei expected when he turned around, Haru was not one of them.
Rei look to the left, then to the right, and one more time to the left before looking back at Haru.
"Did someone just.... was I.... you.... I.... what?" Haru was surprised with his own handi-work, he actually had to suppress himself to not laugh at Rei. "Haruka-sempai?" Rei said, as if questioning Haru's existence. "Did someone.... call me?"
"It was me." Haru answered quickly. He'd never seen Rei so bewildered and it was actually pretty wonderful. Rei pointed to Haru then to himself.
"...R-rei-chan?" Rei repeated and Haru nodded, as if giving him a signal that yes that really did happen.
"Why?" Rei asked, still limited to simple conversation because seriously what the hell was that!
"I thought it would be funny."
"Oh. I thought... I thought it was Nagisa-kun." Rei admitted which made that weird twinge happen in Haru again. Not wanting that feeling to stay and blossom into something he knew would be unjust towards Nagisa, he decided to start steering the conversation in another direction. One with more words.
"You don't draw, why were you looking at these?" He questioned while staring down at the case of pencils that still graced the floor.
"These?" Rei picked up the case, inspecting it for just a second to see if any damage had been done from the fall. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Or I guess, in this case, it's think of the devil." He said mostly to himself, which only bothered Haru. What the hell did that mean?
"What?" He questioned and Rei blushed ever so slightly, probably because he said a thought out loud without meaning to.
"Sorry, I was just thinking these would be nice for you to have because you're really good at drawing, Haruka-sempai."
There was a flutter inside of Haru, an almost giddy, really nice feeling. He supposed it couldn't be helped, how could that not make you happy? I saw this and thought of you. How are you suppose to react to that? It made Haruka feel light but it made his palms feel a little sweaty. He should say something, right? Like a thank you, right?
"So when you saw these pencils, you thought of the devil?" Haru said flatly. He wasn't mad, he was still happy but because his brain couldn't really handle what he was feeling it went to plan B: tease Rei again.
"W-what?"
"You said earlier, speak of the devil. So you were calling me the devil." Rei shook his head.
"No! I wasn't-... it was an expression."
"Then I'm an angel."
"You're not that either!"
"Then you do think I'm the devil."
"Haruka-sempai!"
Rei looked flustered and Haruka seemed amused.
-
From the supply store, Haru followed Rei to the book store. Rei didn't mind and Haru just wanted to.
"You read more than just theory and study books?" Haru asked, surprised when Rei picked up a mystery novel. He knew he read a lot, one look at his room could tell you that before he had to but Haru never really imagined Rei to read fictional stories for leisure.
Rei gave him a pointed look, not entirely sure if he should have taken Haru's remark as an insult or not. His expression almost screamed 'I'm not that much of a nerd' which made Haru's face twitch into the beginnings of a smile. "Yes but I don't go out of my way to squeeze it into everyday conversation." He answered, opening the book to hear the ever satisfying crack of the back binding and flipping the pages simply because that's what he liked to do with all the new books bought.
"Why not?" Haru questioned, it was refreshing and curious to him to find out different things about Rei.
"Fictional books are a bit more of a selective interest because it branches out into a wide range of different themes, subjects and plots. It's an easy way to bore someone unless they've read the material themselves," Rei sighed, his expression changing to a defeated look "and Nagisa-kun says I... 'nerd out too much' about these. So I just... keep it to myself." Rei looked back at Haru with a neutral expression. "It's kind of the reason I keep this day to myself," Haru gave him a curious look and Rei continued "Don't tell Nagisa-kun but I always tell him I can't go out on sundays because I spend it studying, when really I just use it for myself." he confessed with a shy smile.
"Oh. Am I intruding?" He asked, wondering if Rei didn't say anything before just because he didn't want to possibly be rude to his sempai, which it wouldn't have been but it would've made Haru feel a little closed out.
"No, not at all! It's different if it's you." Rei blushed slightly, not meaning to answer as quickly as he did. Haru shuffled his feet and glanced at the array of novels on the book shelf. There was that warm light feeling again that he wasn't use to, he never knew hearing these types of things could do so much to a person.
"I want to look at the cook books." Haru suggested, Rei chuckled and followed Haru who head their way to the hobbies and cooking section of the store.
-
"Haruka-sempai, do you mind if we stop here?" Rei asked, suggesting at a very simple looking coffee shop. "They're nothing special, but it's become a habit of mine to get a drink here." There was a pause, Haru had that look again. That look that meant he just hopped on another train of thought.
"So you always get a drink here?" Haru asked, staring at the shop.
"Only on sundays." Rei said, still waiting for a yes or no from Haru.
"Do you get the same drink every time?" He asked, still staring at the coffee shop.
"N-no. It really depends on my mood... um..." Was it an old man thing to do? Was it cliché somehow? Or maybe Haru didn't like the smell of coffee. Rei wasn't sure but the wait was baffling.
"Okay then." Haru said and stiffly walked into the coffee shop, Rei following shortly after.
-
"All the fuss about going into that coffee shop and you just got an iced tea." Haru sipped at his own tea.
"You ordered the same thing! And I wasn't fussing, you were making it difficult." Rei ended with a sigh.
"My tea is hot tea and I only made it difficult because you were fussing." A calm retaliation.
"I don't fuss!" A flustered exclamation.
"You're doing it now." A twitching smile.
"Haruka-sempai!" A sign of surrender and then a comfortable silence.
The two of them headed towards the train station. Between conversations, window shopping and even exchanged smiles they ended up spending most of the day together. It was unexpected and pleasant and a mark of a new memory, though the two hadn't realized that yet. No one ever really does. At one point Rei wondered if he should walk Haru home, but quickly rejected the idea, partly feeling like Haru spent the day with him out of some strange obligation or boredom. Whatever his reasoning was, Rei liked the company, even if the day was supposed to be for himself.
"Thank you, Haruka-sempai." Rei said, the first to break the silence. For a moment, Haru almost forgot where he was, lost in his own thoughts until Rei snapped him back to attention. He looked over to the taller teen, whose unfocused gaze settled on his own drink. "We've never spent time together like this before, it was really nice so," Rei mustered up the guts to look at Haru and smiled. "Thank you, for spending the day with me. I really enjoyed it." If Haru had been sipping his drink at that exact moment he would've choked.
There was that light, warm feeling again. Except this time it tickled him from his ears, to the sides of his face, to his stomach, the palm of his hands and to the tip of his toes. It made him nervous and happy and slightly scared at the same time, he darted his attention to the train tracks, figuring if he focused on something else he'd have better control of whatever his body was going through. Or maybe it was his mind. It was a mesh of so many things, Haru wasn't quite sure.
"Yeah." He replied, coolly as possible, still not looking directly at Rei. He felt ridiculous for the way he was acting and hoped to the gods that Rei would assume it was just part of Haru's eccentric behavior. His whole self was so out of tune from what he was use to, Haru didn't register the squeak of the trains brakes when it arrive, even though his direction of sight was right at the tracks he didn't really notice anything; too focused with his own musings. He was so caught up he almost missed Rei's departure.
"See you tomorrow, Haruka-sempai." Haru snapped his head up, how long had he been staring down at nothing? There was a friendly smile on Rei's face but there was something else too that Haru didn't know what to name but he knew he didn't like it. It felt sad and Haru felt guilt all over again. He didn't even catch a chance to say goodbye before the doors closed.
-
The entire week Rei hadn't mentioned a thing. He hadn't mentioned about them bumping into each other, or spending time together; he hadn't even talked about the new book he bought! He just laughed like he normally did, he got angry like he normally did, he boasted like he normally did. Hell, even the weird side of him was acting normal! And it bothered Haru for the entire week.
It bothered him so much his foot couldn't stop tapping the floor. It was sunday and Haru had been waiting at that regular joe coffee shop him and Rei went to last week. Of course Rei wasn't expecting him because Haru hadn't called and for all he knew Rei might've passed by already but here he was.
Waiting.
With every person who walked in Haru would look up, and with every person who wasn't Rei, Haru would look back down a bit more defeated. He flipped open the news paper on the small table he was comfortably seated at, wishing he had brought something a bit more entertaining to occupy his time as he waited.
If you were to ask Haru why he was waiting at a coffee shop for Rei; who didn't know Haru was waiting for him, Haru wouldn't give you an answer. And the reason why he wouldn't give you an answer was because he didn't know the answer.
It started off simple, Haru went on a short walk because he was bored again. So he ventured out on a walk, but during his walk he saw a group of friends enjoying iced coffee. Coffee sounded like a good idea, he hadn't had it in a while. Then the thought of coffee reminded him of the coffee shop Rei went to because it was sunday and Rei said he always got a drink at that coffee shop on sundays. If he went to that coffee shop he'd get coffee and maybe bump into Rei because even if Rei didn't get coffee they still served coffee because it was a coffee shop!
'Coffee it is!'
So there he was, one coffee, a scone, an iced tea and now a smoothie later.
'Maybe every sunday was just a broad way of saying most sundays.' Haru thought, almost ready to give up.
"Do you mind if I join you?" Haru's heart felt like it jumped, he wasn't expecting someone to talk to him. Looking up it was the very devil he'd been waiting for, Rei.
"N-no. Go ahead." He answered, slightly embarrassed at the small mess he had on the table, it took no more than a couple of seconds to clean up though. Haru discarded his trash and returned to his seat. Now that Rei was here, he didn't really know what to say. He probably should have thought this through a bit better.
Rei smiled at Haru, "It's a little surprising to see you today, how long have you been here?" he started.
"I just got here." Haru lied and Rei still smiled.
"How long ago did you just get here?" He teased.
"Shut up." A sign of defeat. "You bought another book?" Moving the subject away from himself.
"Y-yeah. I finished the last one." A bashful reply.
"You'll end up like those old ladies with cats. But with books instead." He teased, Rei shrugged. "Maybe I'll shop for digital books, so I don't end up with a clutter."
"Tell me about it," He requested "about the book you just finished. What happened in it?" Haru asked and believed the two hours and thirty-four minutes was definitely worth the wait to see a genuinely excited smile on Rei's face, not that he'd ever admit that to Rei, of course.
Haru decided he liked making Rei smiled, not he'd ever tell him that either.
-
The third sunday Haru had to wait only fifty minutes. The fourth, a mere twenty. Neither of them ever called each other to meet up, they just sort of knew. Each sunday they ventured out somewhere different but the meet spot was always the same. They stayed out later that day, getting lost in conversation and only started heading home when the street lights turned on.
It was another comfortable silence as the two walked to the train station, both contentedly lost in their own thoughts whilst in the company of the other. Again, Rei was the one to break the silence.
"Haruka-sempai." Rei's fingers fidgeted a bit in the pockets of his jacket. "I got these for you." Rei held out a six piece drawing pencil set, the ones he was looking at the first time Haru accidentally spent nearly an entire day with him. Hesitantly, Haru grabbed them, his palms just a bit sweaty. He was thoroughly surprised but flattered.
"Why would you get these for me?" Haru asked bluntly. It wasn't his birthday, not even close to his birthday. There wasn't a special holiday today, so why?
"Because they made me think of you." Rei answered, slightly worried if he somehow offended Haru. "T-they're drawing pencils. I'm not sure how different they compare to normal pencils but... you're really good with your hands and you draw beautifully. So it just... I-.... um..." Rei turned red, not sure what to say anymore and feeling completely foolish.
Haru on the other hand could practically feel his rapid heart beat all the way up to this throat, it was loud and distracting.
"You don't have to use them! You could give them away if you don't like them, it won't bother me, Haruka-semp-"
"Thank you." Haru cut Rei off, his heart was still thumping loudly but the weight of shock not holding him down anymore. Haru smiled. "Thank you, Rei."
"Y-you're welcome." Rei said, still calming down from his almost-freak out.
If Haru had to guess when he started to fall for Rei, it would be the night of the fourth sunday he walked to the station with Rei.