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Chapter Text

Keith opened his eyes, only to find himself in something blue. There was a weird turquoise liquid surrounding him, and he couldn't breathe- it hurt, he can't breathe, and it's hurting him. The pod is too small for Keith, and he tries desperately to get out, but it won't budge. Nothing's working. He can't breathe, and the walls are going to squish him to death, and-

The pod opened, depositing Keith onto the ground. Or, what Keith thought was the ground. His eyes were shut. His feet hit the floor, but something caught him before he faceplanted. Keith grabbed the object that was holding him, and opened his eyes, only to realize that Shiro was holding his weight. His eyes widened in fear at the Galran arm, and he tried to push himself off, but Shiro wouldn't let that happen. He only frowned as Keith struggled in his weakened state.

"Keith," he said, as Keith was lowered to the ground. Keith looked over at Shiro, then turned back to stare ahead of him. "Keith," he tried again, going to rub his back. Keith flinched away when Shiro moved his arm. He sighed and let his arm fall to his side once more.

The memories from the other night came to Keith, and he slowly curled into himself. He pulled at his hair, trying to make the memories leave. They put him into a pod, and didn't take him out. He couldn't go back in there. He couldn't trust them.

Stop it.

He was thinking irrationally. Of course he could trust them! They probably hadn't heard him when he had a panic attack inside of the pod. Lance hadn't- Oh God, Lance. He probably scared the shit out of Lance. He looked around, hoping to see Lance in the room. No one but Shiro was there, but it was still light, so it must've been daytime for the Castle-Ship. "I need to see Lance," he croaked, voice dry.

"Keith, I really don't think that's a good idea right now. You need-" Shiro said, voice strained. Keith looked at Shiro, and took in his tired state. There were bags under his eyes, and his hair was a mess. He looked tired.

"To see Lance." He finished for Shiro. "Please,"

Shiro sighed, then nodded his head and helped Keith up. He was about to help Keith walk, but Keith flinched and pushed away from Shiro, claiming "I can walk fine."

He knew Shiro didn't believe him, but didn't care. He needed to talk to Lance. Not only that, he needed to express everything he'd ever felt for him. He needed too. He wasn't sure if he'd get to again. Shiro waked beside him to make sure he got to the dining hall fine. He said Lance would be in there, most likely alone. Once they got into the room, Keith was sweating and nauseous, but was not going to let Shiro know that. Lance perked up when Keith and Shiro had entered the room. He placed the bowl of goo on the table and walked towards them. "Oh, Shiro, I wanted to ask you something."

"Not now, sorry Lance. Allura wanted to discuss something with me." Shiro (probably) lied, so Keith could talk too him. Keith rubbed his arm, which wasn't bare skin like Keith expected. Instead, it was the white healing suit. He wasn't sure when that got on him. Shiro smiled at them both before he left the room, leaving Keith alone and cold in the doorway. How he wished he had his jacket. He looked back up to see Lance frown slightly before perking up once more.

"What's up?" He asked, smiling as he walked towards Keith. He helped him to the chairs. Keith tried to protest when he realized what Lance was doing, but Lance quickly shut him down. "No buts. You're eating."

Keith sighed and sank into his chair. Lance sat across from him, pushing the goo towards him. After several minutes of Keith sinking into himself, not touching the food, Lance huffed and crossed his arms. "Eat," he commanded.

"Oh, um, I wanted to talk to you." Keith said, pushing the goo to the side. He sat up a little straighter when Lance cocked an eyebrow.

Now or never.

Keith really hoped he read this situation right.

Keith breathed deeply through his nose, and spat it all out at once, and very fast. He told him how he loved the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled, that cocky smile, everything. He spilled his heart out. " Yea, so, uh, in total, since the whole shit fest with Lotor, you started acting different, and I really hope I read this right, and that you feel the same way, but I really like you Lance. And I probably sound really corny and shit but I just needed to get this out because I was probably going to explode with all of this, and I kind of just figured this out now and-" Keith breathed in again, remembering how. He felt the heat in cheeks and was surprised he wasn't on fire. Keith removed his eyes from his hands, which were in his lap, and dared a look up. Lance's cheeks were bright red, and his eyes looked regretful. He was looking at his hands, which were fidgeting with each other on the table. "Lance?"

Lance blinked but didn't look up. "I- um, I'm flattered and all but, um, I have to go, sorry-" Lance said suddenly, and got up from the chair. He practically flew out of the room he was walking that fast. Keith felt tears pricking the corner of his eyes, but refused to let them out. Lance had just rejected him, after he told him every detail that he loved about Lance. He said that he loved Lance. And Lance had left. He slammed his eyes shut, and forced himself to breathe. Lance would not make him feel this way. He would not. His throat hurt from holding back the tears that threatened to escape. He felt a tear slide down his cheek and he rubbed at his eyes furiously. He would not cry. He would not- Shit. He was crying. Keith rubbed his eyes and cheeks, pushed himself from the table, and left the room, hoping the tears would stop.

Hopefully, Voltron could work with this screwed up relationship he and Lance had.

Hopefully.

He was really hoping not to bump into anyone on his way to his room, but with his kind of luck, the Castle's walls could suddenly explode and he could be sucked out and into space. Walking to his room, he almost walked straight into Shiro. He hadn't seen him, so he just kept walking. Luckily, Shiro stepped out of the way then placed a hand on his shoulder. He had stopped crying a few minutes ago, but his  cheeks were still wet, and he doubted he looked like he hadn't been crying 3 minutes ago.

"Hey," Shiro said softly, taking in Keith's state. "Are you okay?"

Keith nodded, and looked away from Shiro's eyes and became interested in the white on the wall.

"Do you want to talk about what happened? I'm not too sure what it was, but I'm sure I could help you in some way." Keith looked back at Shiro's face. His eyes were sad but he was smiling, so Keith figured he wasn't lying. He still shook his head.

Shiro sighed and removed his shoulder from his hand. "Look, talk to me when you need too, okay? You can't keep emotions bottle up- You'll just explode at someone. And it'll probably be Lance." He chuckled slightly at the end, but stopped when he saw Keith's face harden. "Keith?"

Keith shook his head and practically ran the rest of the distance to his room.

By the time he reached his room, he was wheezing for breath and his legs felt like they'd snap any second. He quickly tore the healing suit off and put on his own clothes. Keith was mad, yet sad at the same time. He needed to scream, but he needed to cry. Keith settled on screaming. He really hoped these walls were as soundproof as Coran said. He screamed his throat raw and whipped his knife into the wall across from him. He slid down the wall he was leaning on, afraid he would collapse, and broke into sobs. His throat was aching, but he didn't care. He wanted to punch Lance in his stupid face- but he wanted to hug him. Feelings suck.

A knock came at his door and he quickly quieted down. It took a few seconds for the sobs to end, but they stopped. That was the good thing. "Yea?" He said, voice raw from screaming and crying. He hoped it didn't sound as raspy as it was.

"Hey, um, Keith? Allura wanted us for some training thing," Of course it was Lance. The universe was cruel enough to make Lance reject him, and now it was taunting him? Fuck you, universe. "She said to be down in ten dobashes, which I assume is ten minutes, but yea. She-"

"Fuck off, Lance!" Keith yelled. He didn't care if he sounded like some whining teenager, he wanted Lance gone. And if Lance didn't leave himself, Keith would make him leave.

Keith heard a sigh from the other side of the door, but heard no footsteps. Lance must've stayed there. Keith huffed out a breath. He was clearly not going to leave. "Keith, I know you're mad, but Allura needs you to be there-"

"Can you fuck off?" Keith asked, voice filled with venom.

"Keith-"

"Go fuck yourself."

Lance sighed, but he heard footsteps echoing down the hall. Once they were distant, Keith got up, and walked to the door. But not before he scrubbed at his cheeks and prayed his eyes weren't red and puffy.

He pressed his hand on the pad and the door opened automatically. He was still looking down when he left the doorway. He probably should've looked up, because he walked right into someone. Someone tall and tan with gorgeous blue eyes.

He glared at Lance. "I said go fuck yourself." He hissed, stepping back into the room.

"And I need to talk to you."

"Like I did with you? No thanks." Keith snarled, trying to step past Lance. Lance didn't budge, and Keith wasn't going to force his way out. Yet.

"Keith, please. I need to talk to you." Lance pleaded. Seeing as Lance was not going to move, Keith made the best decision he would ever think of.

He punched Lance in the face.

Anger was rolling off of Keith in waves when he shoved past Lance. He was vaguely aware of Lance cupping his nose and some blood on the ground, but Keith didn't care. Lance could burn in a fire for all he cared.

"What the fuck, Keith?!" Lance yelled, but it was too distant for Keith to hear. It was better this way.

He stormed into the training deck, and sat down beside Pidge. Thankfully, no one questioned his sour mood. If they did, he would only snap at them, and he didn't want that right now. Pidge handed him a headset, and he accepted it with a forced smile. 

He shoved on his head a little harder than necessary, but hey, at least it was on. A few ticks after Keith had put his on, Lance had stomped into the room, slumped down in between Hunk and Shiro, and shoved a head rest on. His nose was bleeding, but not a lot. He glared at Keith whenever Keith saw him. It was very hard not to punch him. Again.

"Alright Paladins!" Corans peppy voice chirped from the observation deck, completely oblivious to Lance and Keith's rude gestures to each other. "In this simulation, you will be sharing memories of your choosing to your fellow Paladins! If you think of it, it will show, so choose wisely! You may share as many as you want, but it must be more than one! When you wish to stop, just click that orange button! The moustache shaped one!" Coran sounded pleased with his handiwork when they looked down at the buttons. "We will begin with Shiro!"

Shiro deflated a little, but shared his memory anyways. It was the one where he and Keith met.

Shiro was sitting in the kitchen, talking with his mother about this new brother that was coming into their family. Apparently, he had been in the system since he was four. Several families had taken advantage of him, abused him, and did even worse things. His father had dropped him off at the orphanage, too ill to take care of him. The boy had arrived after their little talk, and Shiro had greeted him with a pleasant smile. The boy only looked away. His mother and father had led him to the living room. Shiro took Keith's form in. He had several bruises on his body where he could see, and a scar snaking up his leg. It wasn't big, but it was still noticeable. He winced in sympathy for the boy. He had white shorts on, with a black shirt and an overly sized red and yellow jacket. It must've belonged to his mother or father. He had black hair cut rather short, and violet eyes. Shiro wasn't sure how that was possible, but it was, apparently. He looked around seven, and had too many injuries. He was only a kid.

They sat him down on the couch, and explained that he'd be staying here and would become apart of their family. The kid looked sad, but smiled and nodded anyways. He shook his head when they offered him food or drinks. Eventually, his dad had to go cook dinner and his mom had to work, so the kid was left to his own devices. All he had with him was a small blue backpack.

Shiro watched from the doorframe as he opened it. He pulled a photo from it then closed it again. He placed it on the ground then laid down on the couch, holding the photo tight against his chest. Shiro watched the kid cry quietly until he fell asleep, the photo falling from his grasp. Shiro pushed himself off of the doorway and walked towards the couch. He crouched in front of the kid, satisfied when he leads his legs crack, grabbed the photo and placed it on the table. He looked at the photo before leaving. It was a picture of the kid, his dad and his mom. He looked to be around three then, and his parents looked like they were in their thirties. The older man, who Shiro assumed was his dad, had a bit of tan skin with short brown hair. He was wearing a blue jacket and a black shirt. He had a small mustache and blue eyes. He was holding one of the boys hands. The woman, who he assumed was his mother, had long black hair and violet eyes. She was wearing the jacket Keith had on now, but it was cropped on her. She has a black shirt with an image of a Blue Lion on it. She was holding the other hand of the smiling boy with black hair. 

Shiro sighed when he examined the picture. It must've been hard for the kid to learn his dad was dying. He doubted the kid knew his mom anymore.

The sigh managed to wake the boy up, who stirred slowly. He blinked a few times, then startled when he realized his picture was missing. His eyes were panicked and he was on the verge of tears. He looked around for it, thinking it might have fallen to the ground. Shiro only smiled and pointed to the table. He sat down in a chair opposite from the boy.

"Hey there." He said, watching the boy grab the photo and put it in his pocket. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He placed his chin on his knees and looked at Shiro.

"Hi," he answered with a small boy. 

"What's your name?" Shiro asked, realizing he'd been thinking of him as 'boy' or 'kid'.

"Keet." He responded. Shiro figured it was Keith, and Keith couldn't pronounce the th. He chuckled lightly when he said that.

"Mine's Shiro. I'm your brother now," he said, smiling the whole time. 

Keith nodded, holding himself a little tighter. "I know," He looked down at his feet, intense on watching his toes move.

"Do you wanna see Rover?" Shiro asked, after a few seconds of silence. 

Keith blinked and looked back at Shiro. "Who's Rover?" He asked, eyes curious.

"It's our dog," Shiro answered, standing up from his chair. Keith brightened up at that, and got up from the couch, following Shiro into the backyard. He smiled when he saw the dog, and laughed when she licked him and jumped on him.

Shiro thought that had been the first time in years Keith had laughed.

Shiro found that memory funny, no matter how sad it may have been. His dog had been named Rover, and Pidge's robots name had been Rover as well. The lion on the mothers shirt- Shiro doubted that was a coincidence. He hadn't realized then, but they were all linked to things here. Interesting. He pressed the orange button, not wanting to share any memories from his time with the Galra.

Before Pidge gave her memory, they all talked a little bit.

"Was that the Blue Lion on her shirt?" Hunk asked, wanting to make sure.

Keith looked at the floor and nodded.

"And your dogs name was Rover?" Pidge asked Shiro.

Shiro nodded, giving her a crooked grin. Keith kept his gaze on the floor, wanting to get on with this. He didn't like talking about his past in any way. 

"Holy shit." Lance breathed. Everyone looked up at Lance, and he looked like Keith when his mind was blown.

"What?" Shiro asked.

"His mom was Galra, right? And on her shirt, there was a picture of a blue lion. Does that mean-"

"Stop."

Lance stopped talking and looked at Keith. He was glaring at Lance. Keith didn't want them talking about his mother. He didn't want it to be brought up again.

"Okay," Pidge said, breaking the silent tension. She pressed the blue button beside the orange one and shared her memories. 

One was of when she left for the Garrison, and the other memory was from a few days ago. It was when she and Hunk drew on Lance's face while he slept.

She finally caved in and pressed the orange button. They didn't talk before switching memories this time. Lance only made unsophisticated squawks about how they ruined his perfect face.

"But- my face, Pidge!"

Pidge and Hunk snickered before Hunk shared his memories.

Hunk shared a memory of when he was cooking with both of his moms. His baby sister was nearby, laughing and throwing cheerios at them. The next memory he shared was when he met Lance.

Hunk pressed the orange button and it was finally Keith's turn. He didn't like sharing things about himself. Keith took a shaky breath and looked up. Shiro's whole face screamed Don't do it if you don't want to. Keith gave him a half smile then shared his memories.

It was hard to share memories that didn't include when he got abused. They were everywhere in his mind. 

Keith finally settled on one of his old foster families.

"Keith! Get down here!" His foster mom, Janie, yelled. Keith didn't know what he did, but when she was mad, things didn't turn out well. This was his second family, and he still hadn't learned what 'Abuse' meant yet.

He walked down the stairs hesitantly. Once he reached the last step, his foster dad, Rick, snatched his wrist and dragged him to the kitchen.

"Hey- Leggo! You're hurting me!" Keith yelled, trying to pry his wrist from the man's strong grip. Rick ignored him and threw him into the kitchen. His back slammed into the counter, and Keith had to do everything to keep himself from crying.

"You've been a bad boy," Janie purred, a smile covering her face. Keith froze with fear. She was holding a knife, and was crouching down to grip his leg. She raised the knife-

Nope. Not that one. Keith cut off the memory and instead showed the first one that came to mind. He didn't care about the scared, angry and sad looks coming his way. He was going to share one more then stop. 

Or, try at least.

Keith laughed. He continued laughing even when he was starting to cry. It was fun, and happy, and he never wanted it to end.

"Keith, your mother and I are going out, okay?" His dad asked. He stopped tickling him so he could talk to Keith.

"Can I come wit?" Keith asked. He still didn't have his front teeth, so he couldn't pronounce the 'th' in with.

His father laughed. "Sorry, Keith, but no, not this time. We'll leave you with the neighbours, okay? We'll only be gone a few hours, and you can play with their daughter."

Keith frowned but nodded anyways. His dad put his small blue backpack onto Keith's back, and led him to their neighbours house. Once he was inside and safe, his father walked back to the car where his mom was waiting. She waved goodbye before entering the car. Keith watched from the window when they drove away. Keith continued watching when a car, going way past the limit, took a sharp turn from the end of the street, crashing straight into his fathers-

Wow. Keith has a lot of depressing memories. He quickly pressed the orange button before more could be shared. Everyone stared at Keith in shock. He returned his gaze to the floor and rubbed his palms harshly against his eyes. He could feel the tears starting to form from the memory. Lance quickly shared his memories so they didn't have to watch Keith cry anymore. It would probably make him feel better.

"No, no, Lance, not like that." His mother laughed at his attempts. She grabbed his waist and helped him stay afloat in the water. Lance loved the water. Lance laughed with her. "Keep your head up!" she yelled when he pushed his head underwater. He came back up smiling. "Now, kick your feet like this- Yes! Perfect!"

His mother didn't know any spanish, so she spoke to him in english, but she did have a spanish accent.

The rest of Lance's day was spent in the pool where his mother taught Lance how to swim.

Lance smiled at the memory, and moved on. This one slipped out before he could stop it.

"Hey, Shiro, can I talk to you?" He asked, jogging to where Shiro was sitting alone in the common room. Shiro smiled and patted the seat next to him. Lance took the offered seat and sat down sideways to look at him.

"What's up?" He asked. 

"Well, um, I was wondering, and I know I didn't know you before this, and stuff, but I wanted to tell you something, and-" Lance breathed and started fidgeting with the cushion. "I really like you," he mumbled out, hoping Shiro heard it. He didn't want to repeat it. He felt blush creep up his neck, and wondered if this was how Keith felt when-

Lance stopped the memory by slamming the orange button three times. Keith stared at him for a few seconds. When Lance started wondering what he did, it hit Keith. He had done this right after Keith had confessed. Keith glared at Lance, anger shaking off of him. Literally. He was shaking with anger. He tore the headset off and whipped it at Lance's face. He pushed himself off of the ground and stormed out of the room. He didn't care if it hit Lance or not. He was leaving.

"Keith, wait!" Lance yelled, jogging to him through the castle halls.

"Fuck off, asshole!" Keith screamed back. His hands were clenched into tight fists at his side, and if Lance came anywhere near him, he-

"Keith, I need to explain that!" He yelled back, coming to a stop beside Keith. Keith turned, actually noticing Lance was beside him. Keith threw out his fist without thinking. Luckily, Lance had fast reflexes or that hit would have broken something. God, how Keith wanted that. 

"Just- Fuck off, Lance!" He yelled, aiming another fist for Lance. Lance dodged that one as well. 

"Keith, please, I need you to listen to me. It isn't what you think-"

"It's exactly what I think, Lance! Fuck off!" 

"Keith-" Lance was interrupted by the alarm. Keith eyes went wide and his fists hung limply at his side.

"Paladins! Get to the control deck!" Allura's voice echoed down the corridor.

"We're talking about this later," Lance decided, rushing to the control room. They were already in their uniforms because of the training simulation-thing. When they got to the control deck, they were right behind Shiro. Shiro didn't say anything, and waited for Allura to explain. Pidge and Hunk arrived shortly after.

"Paladins, you're all in uniform! Good job! But, I do hope you're all ready. The Galra are attacking a nearby planet. It's called Jujoplia, and it's inhabitants can hold their own, but they will not be able to hold out for long! Please hurry! Coran and I will be up here to provide backup." Allura stated, trying to shoo them to their Lions.

"Uh, Princess, are you sure that's a good idea? I know it's been about a week since we got back, but do you think we need more time?" Shiro asked, the unspoken 'Keith needs more time ' visible in the air.

"Coran and I discussed that, and I think it should be okay, as long as Keith wants to go fight. Is this okay, Keith?" She asked bluntly.

"Yes," he snapped, still pissed at Lance.

"Alright then! Get to your Lions, Paladins!" Allura exclaimed, clapping her hands together with a smile. She turned around and put them closer to the planet as the Paladins got into their Lions.

Keith was the third one to get out, behind Shiro and Pidge. He loved being inside of Red again. She sent waves and waves of happiness, concern, and anger into his mind all at once. He hadn't seen her in so long...

"I know, Red, I know. I missed you too," he chuckled, rubbing her control panel. He swore he felt the robot purr. He looked through the window, and saw a few fighters and a Galran ship. 

"Are we going to need Voltron?" Hunk asked, shooting down some fighter ships. 

"For the bigger ship," Shiro grunted out, using his jawblade to try and slice the bigger ship, "probably. The weapons aren't doing anything. Keith's sword might be able to get through it's armor, though."

Once all of the fighter ships were gone, they all waited for Shiro's command to form Voltron. Lance had been unusually quiet during the whole thing. "Alright team, form Voltron!" Shiro said, once all of the ships had stopped firing. Coran had assured them that it only took a half of a militick to form Voltron, but it felt like minutes when they formed Voltron. The connection felt strange. Unstable, even.

"Is anyone else feeling off?" Lance asked, moving the foot slightly. It felt slow.

"Yea," Pidge agreed. She tried moving the arm. "Green's really slow and hesitant. Is something going on?"

"Probably, but we need to take down that ship before we figure out what's going on. It's getting it's ion cannon ready!" Hunk yelled.

"Keith, form the sword!" Shiro stated.

Keith did as told, but it took too long. They had just avoided being hit by the ion cannon. Keith grumbled, but the sword was formed. They sliced the ship in half, just before they sped away.

"That was-" Keith was about to finish his sentence, but it felt like his head was splitting in two. He screamed out of pain, unable to stop himself. A bright light filled his Lion's cockpit before he felt the connection to Voltron seperated. His head was still pounding, but it was okay enough to actually hear. He blinked his eyes open to see all of the lions, but Blue, looking at him. 

"Keith? Keith, are you okay?" Shiro asked, voice filled with desperation.

"Um, yea?" Keith asked, unsure if he was. He had no idea what just happened. Did Red force Voltron apart? "What the hell just happened?"

"We think the Red Lion has forced Voltron apart," Allura announced. "This has only happened once before."

"Why did Red force us apart?" Pidge asked. Keith felt Red starting to move, but his hands were still on the armrests, nowhere near the handles.

"Uh, guys? Red is moving on her own? What's going on?" Keith asked, trying to pull the sticks back. It wasn't working. Red was acting on her own. She started up her fire cannon. Keith only had seconds to realize that it was directed at Lance's Lion before he screamed. "Lance! Move!" he screamed, the fire already shot. Blue moved right on time, seeing as the fire hit open space.

"What the hell, Keith?!" Lance screamed back. The Red Lion was attacking the Blue Lion now. 

"I don't know! I can't control her!" He yelled. "Allura, what's going on?!" he asked, trying anything to get her to stop.

"The last time this happened, it was the Blue Lion. It seems her Paladin was furious and upset with another Paladin, so her Lion took action. The only way you can stop this is if the Red Lion goes unresponsive."

"What?!" They all shouted in unison. Red wouldn't just go unresponsive for the hell of it. Someone had to take her down. More specifically, hurt Keith. None of them wanted to do that.

"Um, sorry to worry you guys, but Blue's alarms are going off!" Lance yelled. 

"Shiro," Keith shouted over the noise. The Green and Yellow Lion were trying to hold his down. The Black Lion was trying to pull Lance away from Keith's Lion. "Shiro," he repeated.

"Keith-"

"Take Red down." Keith said. He couldn't keep hurting the Blue Lion. He couldn't keep hurting Lance, no matter how pissed he was at Lance.

"Keith, no. I'm not hurting you." Shiro stated. He continued pulling the Blue Lion from Red's claws.

"No!" Lance yelled, unable to move his Lion anymore. "Keith, we aren't-"

"Take Red down!" Keith yelled. "I can't control her, and Lance could die! The Blue Lion could break unless someone takes her down!"

He heard Shiro sigh over the comms, but he let go of Blue. "I'm sorry, Keith," he sighed. "This is going to hurt. She wants me to use my bayard."

"Your bayard? When did you get your bayard?" Pidge shouted/asked.

"I'll explain later, but Pidge and Hunk, move away from Keith and move Lance away as well." He said. Pidge and Hunk did as ordered, grabbed Lance's unmoving Lion and flew away from the Red Lion, who was trying to follow. Trying being the key word.

Shiro had wrapped his Lion around Red's making it unable for Red to move. "I'm sorry," he said once more. Red roared before being shot with the electricity that ran through the pilot's seat and into Keith.  

"Shiro, stop! You're hurting him!" Lance yelled. "Shiro! Stop!" Keith watched through watery eyes as Blue tried to get out of their grip, but she was still too weak and broken because of Red. Keith was vaguely aware of his screams going through the comms. He couldn't think straight at the moment. The Red Lion went limp minutes after, but Keith didn't pass out. He stayed conscious, but wasn't really coherent.

"Kei... oka...? I'm... cut... Lion..." someone said. Keith was slumped forwards in his chair, and couldn't hear much. He caught words from what sounded like Shiro, but he couldn't make out was he was actually saying. He tried to sit up, but a scream left his throat and he sank back down. shutting his eyes as if that would take the pain away. He wasn't aware of much, but he saw Red's hatch fall open, and felt someone grab him and lift him up. Probably Shiro. "Keith?" he asked, and Keith could actually make it out this time.

His eyes fluttered open and Keith saw Shiro's worried face when he turned his head. One of his arms was draped across Shiro's shoulders, and his other was hanging loosely at his side. Shiro's arm was holding Keith's wrist, and his waist tightly so he wouldn't fall. Keith hummed in response, too tired to actually speak. 

"We're gonna put you in a pod, oka- What the fuck is that?" Shiro hissed, placing Keith on the ground. Keith let himself fall to the floor in an ungraceful heap of pale skin and red armor. It was almost funny that Shiro cursed. He never cursed. Keith would have laughed if Shiro didn't sound so serious.

He heard that noise again.

Keith froze in fear where he was. The creature never came when he was with people. "Keith, stay here, okay? I need to do something."

Like he was getting up. He was hurting too much, and he was sort of scared out of his mind. His breathing became shallow.

Keith heard Shiro grunt and yell something, but he couldn't make out much. He felt something as thick as ketchup splatter onto his leg, but couldn't open his eyes to figure out what. He wasn't sure when he had closed them, but he refused to move anything until that noise was gone. But, he wasn't going to open his eyes for a while. Keith was slowly drifting into unconsciousness-

And something screamed. Something that sounded a lot like that creature. Something fell to the ground just as the noise disappeared. Shiro was back at his side, so he cracked his eyes open. His cheek was bleeding, and he seemed out of breath, but other than that he looked okay.

"You okay?" Shiro asked, and Keith nodded weakly, hoping it was visible enough. "I'm going to pick you up, okay?"

Keith felt himself be lifted from the ground before passing out.

Chapter Text

Healing pods sucked. Keith wanted to die. He was useless, after all. He couldn't even control his own Lion. But, no. The stupid universe wanted to make him suffer through his personal hell. Which, in case you were wondering, is his life.

Lance didn't love him. He couldn't control his own emotions. And because of that, Voltron couldn't be formed.

The healing pod opened and Keith was met with an overly bright room. He was groggy and disoriented, so his jelly legs couldn't hold his own weight when he stumbled out of the pod. He collapsed to the ground, no one there to catch him.

Pathetic.

Blinking away the pain, (and tears), Keith pushed himself up, slowly. Once sitting up, he rubbed at his sore forehead and looked around. The Castle-Ship's time cycle was near noon, so where was everybody?

Maybe they realized he wasn't worth waiting for. They were probably going about their normal day, not caring if he broke his nose coming out or not.

Sighing, Keith stood up on wobbly legs. After a few minutes of standing there to get his legs working again, Keith walked towards the door. He was limping slightly, but he got there. He wasn't really sure why he was limping, though. He'd have to ask Coran about that, if Coran even cared to answer him.

He stumbled out of the med-bay, becoming unsteady on his legs again, only to be stopped for a second by the loud grumble Keith heard. He didn't notice how hungry he was before. He'd just have to make a quick detour to the kitchen.

Once in the hallway, Keith was starting to lose balance completely. He placed a hand on the wall for support, and- what the hell? Why was his hand so red? 

He understood why he was wearing a white sleeve, but when did his hand get so red? 

He removed his hand from the wall to inspect it closer, but regretted it instantly. Right after he took his hand off of the wall, his knees gave out an he crumbled to the floor.

Pathetic.

Keith clutched at his head, wanting the voice in his head to stop. He knew it was his own, but it didn't make it better.

He choked down a sob, then forced himself upright again. He watched water fall to the ground right before realizing tears were sliding down his cheeks. Placing one hand on the floor to balance himself, again, Keith rubbed at his cheeks, then his eyes. He would not cry. 

Pathetic.

He sniffed loudly before getting up once more. He figured his legs were steady enough to hold him if he had a hand braced on the wall. He wasn't sure why, but when he heard quiet voices close by, he stiffened and when still.

"...by now. It's been about a day, right?" Someone who he guessed was Lance. 

"Yes, my boy! He should be out in a few dobashes, if not, less!" Coran's peppy and recognizable voice came closer.

Keith shut his eyes and braced himself. He'd either be yelled at or hit for getting out of the pod on his own-

"Would he- Keith?" Lance asked. Keith hadn't realize how close they would be to him. "What- When did you get out?! Why is your hand bleeding?" Keith closed his eyes tighter and curled into himself slightly.

"Are you okay, number four?" Coran asked. Keith felt a hand placed onto his shoulder. He flinched back harshly.

Pathetic.

"Sorry.." he mumbled, opening his eyes. His bangs were hanging over his face, making it hard to see. He could see part of Lance's concerned face, but that was about it. He was about to look up when a tear fell off of his chin. If Lance and Coran noticed, they didn't say anything. "'m gunna go..." Keith said quietly, walking slowly down the hallway. His hand was still on the wall for support. Keith decided to skip eating and head straight for his room.

Inside of his room, Keith sank onto the bed, his thoughts racing. Maybe he could just end it all, right here, right now. He had a knife in his room. Keith felt under the pillow to make sure his knife was still there. Luckily, it was. He pulled it out and inspected the edges.

Maybe... maybe it would be better if I weren't here...

Keith tilted the dagger until the point was towards his heart, and- a knock came at the door.

"Keith, you good in there?" Lance asked. Oh, right. Lance. Keith froze, realizing he hadn't locked the door and Lance was opening it. He didn't want to look at Lance. Lance could burn in hell, and now, here he was, walking in on Keith who was about to kill himself. Keith quickly shoved the knife under his pillow and made it look like he was sleeping by closing his eyes and turning onto his side. Sadly, the blanket was on the ground and Keith didn't have time to grab it because the door had opened.

"I know you're avoiding me and all, but I need to talk to you, and so does S-" Lance said when he opened the door. He cut off when he noticed Keith's still figure on the bed. The last time this had happened, Keith had passed out due to hyperventilating from a dream. He doubted Keith remembered that 'bonding moment'. Point is, Keith never slept during the day. So he was faking it, had passed out, or he was really tired.

Lance went with the first option.

It was Lance's turn to be an ass.

Lance tiptoed into his bathroom, grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the Altean Equivalent of a sink. (It was really just a hovering round bowl with a hovering nozzle that activated by hand movement. Much better than those Walmart ones.)

He walked silently back to Keith's bed, and dumped the glass onto Keith's head. When the first drop of water hit Keith's head, Lance realized what he had done. Keith was Aquaphobic. Keith's eyes were clenched shut and his breathing had stopped. His hands had a tight grip on the mattress. 

"Oh- Shit! Sorry!" Lance screamed, pulling the glass back. He had dumped about three quarters before pulling away. When the water stopped, Keith relaxed his grip the slightest bit, but didn't let go. He was shaking from head to toe. "I- Keith?"

"G-get out," Keith said. It was clear he was trying to be intimidating, or yell, but it wasn't working. He was terrified and pissed at Lance for more than this.

"Keith, I'm reall-"

"Fuck off! Leave! Do something useful for once!" He screamed. He still hadn't opened his eyes or removed his hands, but he was still shaking. Keith brought his knees closer to him in attempt to stop the shaking.

"'Do something useful for once' he says." Lance scoffed and sat on the bed. Keith tensed beside him but didn't move. "Do you know what my past week has been like, Keith? I spent it with you. I was keeping you calm. I was helping you sleep. I helped you shower, for fucks sake! And what I've done- you don't think that's useful?" Lance shouted. He grabbed the blanket and placed it over Keith who was shivering- he started to rub Keith's back in a calming matter. "When you got back, you flinched every fucking second! You hardly flinch anymore! When you came back, you couldn't fucking shower without passing out, Keith! At least now you can fucking drink it without being terrified! And what am I doing now?!" Lance yelled back, rubbing his back like he had been a few seconds ago. Keith opened his eyes slowly. His hands were still trying to kill the mattress, but Lance was making progress. He just seemed to notice the blanket on him and the hand on his back. He relaxed slightly. "You're saying this isn't useful?" he spat, but none of the venom was there. Then he seemed to realize that it was Lance. Lance pulled him into a hug against his protests.

"No! Let go! I don't- No! Lance!" Keith squirmed under his grip, but Lance was not letting go.

"Keith, I need to explain that memory." Lance stated. His voice was calm and steady despite his nervousness.

Keith went still at that. "No- no, it's fine- you don't have too, I'm fine with it, Lance."

Keith was clearly not fine with it. It sounded like he was holding back his tears.

"Too bad. I'm explaining." Lance said, tightening his grip on Keith when the stifled sob came out. He rubbed his back and pulled the blanket over him again. "The memory- It happened just after I left the dining room." Keith stiffened, but didn't interrupt. (Unlike the Author.) "Since he's your brother and all, I didn't think it'd be right to tell you the same thing without getting his permission first, y'know?" He asked/explained. When Keith relaxed again, he continued. "When I was wondering if this was how Keith felt, I meant Keith Sinyera. He asked for my permission to ask out my sister."

By the time Lance had finished, Keith was full out sobbing. He made no attempt to stifle them, but they were slightly muffled by the fabric of Lance's shirt. His arms were wrapped around Lance's waist. 

Lance waited for a response, but received none. He only got soft vibrations from Keith. Lance looked down to see Keith's eyes closed. His arms had gone limp around Lance's waist, and he was slumped against Lance's chest. Lance sighed, hoping Keith had been awake long enough to hear the explanation.

He laid down in the bed, pulling Keith down with him. He draped the blanket over them, and kissed Keith's forehead, pulling him close.

"Goodnight, Keith." he sighed, squeezing Keith a bit.

"mm...night..." Keith mumbled sleepily. Lance froze for a few seconds, leaving no chance for Lance to respond. Keith was snoring softly again.

Even though he intended to sleep, he didn't. He couldn't. He knew the nightmares that would come if he did. So, instead, he held Keith close as he slept, making sure he stayed warm and comfortable. Keith hadn't moved much during the time he was asleep, minus the times he changed his head position. Right now, Keith's head was situated on top of Lance's chest; his head moving up and down with the rhythm of Lance's breathing.

Everything had been quiet for the last hour. There weren't many intrusions, (except for when Pidge came in telling Lance Shiro wanted them- then saw what was going on and took a picture. Who knew space had cameras?), and Keith didn't make much noise as he slept. Just as Lance started to drift off into slumber, he heard something.

"...no..." The word was so quiet Lance wasn't sure if it was just his imagination or- "..please..."

Definitley real life.

Lance looked down at Keith's sleeping form. His forehead had a sheen of sweat, that wasn't there before, and his eyes were squished together. He started gripping Lance tighter.

"Keith..?" He shook Keith a little bit, attempting to wake him up without scaring him further. Keith's breath was coming in faster now.

"No, no, please- Stop- Let him- No!" Lance swore he saw tears going down Keith's cheeks. 

"Keith, buddy, wake up-"

Keith bolt into a sitting position, breathing heavily. "No!" 

"Keith, buddy, it was just a dream-" Lance explained, rubbing circles into his back as he sat up. Keith flinched away, falling off the bed in the process. "Keith!"

Keith's breathing was erratic, and his eyes kept darting around the room. Lance slowly got off the bed and into a crouching position beside Keith. "Keith, it was just a dream. You're fine now. Everything's okay." He soothed, pulling Keith into a hug. Keith stiffened under him, but made no move to leave. 

"L-lance," Keith said suddenly, pulling away. "I- my hand," 

"What?" Lance looked at Keith's hand. It was still light in the room, because someone was 'sleeping', so Lance could see it find. It looked dry. "Why is- Oh. That's Shiro's blood. It's what he wanted to talk to you about. There was this creature-thing and it scratched him? I'm letting him explain everything else, but he's waiting in the common room. Are you okay to go?"

Keith nodded, but didn't get up. Lance stood up and offered a hand. Keith shook his head, "Can you go ahead of me? I can meet you there," he said in a small voice. He sounded so sad and young, reminding Lance how old they all really were.

Lance smiled and nodded, leaving the room. 

Walking down the hall, Lance knew he would be teased from the photograph. It didn't stop him from walking, though. If Keith were happy even though Lance was being teased for loving his so-called rival, then so be it. Lance would go through hell and back if it kept Keith happy.

Three minutes had passed during the time Lance thought about what he would die for this socially awkward, beautiful, talented boy and Lance realized he forgot his jacket in Keith's room. Even though he was close to the common room, he turned around and went back to Keith's room. He could probably help him to the common room this way, too.

He opened the door, walked in and said an apology before going to grab his jacket. "Ey, sorry I just forgot my ja-" Lance looked around the room. Keith was no where in sight. "Keith?" When he got no reply, Lance just assumed he had already left. But if that were the case, why didn't he see Keith coming back? 

There are a jillion hallways that lead to the common room. Maybe he just took another one?

Scanning the bed for his jacket, Lance saw Keith's knife. And his jacket. The knife was laying on top of the neatly folded jacket, a layer of red coating it. Panic quickly consumed him.

"Keith?" He called out again, confusion and panic evident in his voice. "Keith, where are- Keith!"

If the room weren't so small, Lance would've ran to the boy he loved. Instead, he took a long stride, (a lunge, if you may) and sank to his knees, turning the crumpled heap over. Just like he guessed, it was Keith. What he didn't guess? A bunch of stab marks in his chest, still gushing out blood. What was even worse was the fact that Keith was unconscious.

"Shiro!" Lance screamed, cradling the boy in his arms. He didn't want to carry him, in fear that he would hurt Keith further. All of his previous intentions of not carrying Keith died when Keith tried to breathe, only to cough up blood. "Shiro!" He yelled again, picking Keith up bridal-style.

"Someone, help!"

The second Lance left, Keith pulled out the knife again. What Lance had said- It must've been a lie. If it weren't a lie, then- No. Nobody loved him, and nobody could ever love him. He was stupid, useless and pathetic. Lance had only said that so they could form Voltron without trouble, not giving a fuck about Keith's feelings for once. He walked over to his bed, grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down a quick note. Luckily, Lance had forgotten his jacket, so he shoved the note into the pocket, folded it, and placed it on the  bed. He walked to the edge of the bed, and stabbed himself in the chest, not regretting it. It hurt like hell, but Keith didn't care. He did it over and over again, then placed the knife on top of the jacket before falling to the ground. 

The door opened with a hiss as Keith shut his eyes from the light. He thought he would be left alone. He hoped whoever had come in wouldn't see his pathetic form on the ground, not like they would care.

"Ey, sorry I ju..." was all Keith managed to catch Lance say before passing out.

Chapter Text

It felt like forever before they got Keith into a pod. He was still breathing, but wasn't conscious. His breathing was shallow, and hopefully, the pods could shove the oxygen into his body. Halfway down the hall, he nearly ran into Coran and Shiro who were rushing to where Lance was. Once they put Keith into the pod, they asked what happened.

Lance didn't know.

Was it suicide? Did someone try to kill him?

Lance put his hand on Keith's pod, and whispered "I'm sorry," before leaving the room. He couldn't watch Keith in the pod, pale and unmoving. The suit they put him in was already starting to soak through with blood. He was going to come back, but he needed to calm down and rest first. It wouldn't help Keith in the slightest if he woke up to find Lance starving and sleep deprived.

When he woke up.

Not if.

Lance walked into Keith's room and grabbed his jacket. After a split second decision, he grabbed Keith's knife as well, still slick with blood. He went inside of his own  bathroom and washed the blood off of Keith's knife in the Altean sink. He walked back into his bedroom and placed it on top of the weird Altean dresser (Which was also a closet?) and paced the room. During his pacing, Lance became cold so he put his jacket on. He shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling- Feeling a piece of paper? Lance took the folded piece of paper out of his pocket, and opened it.

He recognized that messy handwriting anywhere.

Keith wrote this note.

Lance wasted no time reading it.

Hey guys,

It's Keith, obviously. As you can see by this handwriting, I had no actual surface to write on- sorry if you can't read it. By the time you find me, I'll probably be dead. I sent Lance ahead so I could do this- I just, I can't keep going on like this. All of these lies and shit, I can't do it. You guys say it's fine that I'm still healing, but it's not. I'd be useless when we're in battle. Not to mention, I'm seeing things. There's this weird creature that keeps trying to kill me when I'm alone- and I know it's fake, but it hurts me somehow, and I thought I was going crazy- maybe I wasn't, but that doesn't matter anymore. I kinda wrote this to let you guys know what you meant to me, even if you guys hate me for being this pathetic little part Galra.

I know this is a shitty way of telling you all this, but yea. Ever since the Blade made Shiro and I come- I've known since then. Shiro knew too, and kept urging me to tell you guys, but I just couldn't. I didn't want you to hate me- I love you all too much. I couldn't face rejection again.

So, maybe all of those foster parents were right. Maybe I am a faggot. Maybe I am stupid. Insecure? Fuck yes (Don't follow my language Pidge). Did that stop me from becoming apart of this space family? No, and it should've. Why? Because this happened.

I'm sorry that I had to leave you all, but I know you won't care. I wouldn't give a fuck if you threw this note out of the airlock. Just know that I'm sorry for leaving you, okay?

Pidge,

You're like the little sister I've never had. You have such determination, I've never seen anything like it. Don't stop searching.

Hunk,

You amazing person, don't let people push you around. You're like a giant teddy bear, and if anyone tries to hurt you, I will come back to life and kick their asses.

Allura,

I know I've kinda just met you, like a year ago, but you're amazing. To be honest, when I first met you, I thought you'd be one of those damsel in distresses, but you are so much more. (I know you've got the hots for my brother, just saying.)

Coran,

Don't stop being you.

Shiro,

Shit- I'm running out of ink, okay, yea, um, you're amazing, and I'm glad you guys adopted me. Also, start dating Allura you sissy.

Lance,

um. I already told you all of this shit. I don't care if you love me back, because you obviously don't, and I hardly remember what you said last night, but just know I won't stop loving you, yea?

I'm really sorry I left you guys. Yes, I did commit suicide. I shouldn't have been born in the first place. So, yea. I know you guys actually hate me and hide it, but I love you all. 

And, Lance, I don't want you to give people this note. Just read it out and skip your part. I'm giving you my knife. That's why it was on your jacket.

Find someone better to pilot Red. There's a whole universe out there. I'm sorry, guys.

-Keith.

By the end of that note, tears were dripping onto it. He stayed on his bed for hours, rereading the note. When he finished, four hours had passed, the note was dry again, and his suspicion was confirmed. Keith had commit suicide, all because he thought he was useless. Lance wanted to murder every God damn person that didn't treat Keith right. He let the note fall from his hand as he ran to the medical bay, hoping Keith was already healed. He needed to Keith to know he was loved, and if he ever tried to take his own life again, Lance would murder him. Which, actually defeated the purpose, but Keith would understand, despite how oblivious he was.

"Keith!" Lance yelled, dashing into the room. Keith had fallen out of the pod the second Lance ran in. However, Lance didn't need to catch the man he loved. Keith was standing up perfectly straight, unlike when Shiro and Lance had left the pod, or the times Keith was in a pod prior to now. Keith had half of a second to brace for impact before Lance barreled into him. Lance buried his neck into the crook of Keith's neck before letting go. "Don't you ever fucking do that again!" He yelled again, shaking Keith by the shoulders, as if that would get it into him. Lance and Keith were the only ones in the room, which Lance's thought was a good thing, but it really wasn't. His mind wandered back to the note. If they didn't show up soon, Keith would think they really didn't love him, and try this bullshit again.

"I-" Keith choked down a sob. Why was he so emotional lately? "I'm sorry. I just- I can't do this anymore, Lance! You're all just pretending to like me because you need me to form Voltron! The universe would be better off if I were dead! You can find so many better pilots, that aren't hotheaded or impulsive or stupid or useless or pathe-!"

Keith was cut off by Lance, who was pulling him closer by the waist, all while crashing into his lips with a gentleness Keith forgot Lance had. Just as Keith was starting to melt under Lance's touch, he pulled away. Keith craved more. 

"Keith, I know that you think you're useless and shit, and that we don't want you here, but that's fucking bullshit. You're amazing, and we don't want anyone but you to be piloting Red, Galra or not. Do you think if you were useless and pathetic, Red would have chosen you? Probably not, because then we wouldn't really be able to form Voltron, and-"

"We can't form Voltron! The last time we tried, you nearly died!" Keith yelled. He was about to state why he nearly died, but Lance beat him too it.

"You almost died too, Keith. The only reason we almost died, is because I was an asshole who decided to say 'I'm flattered and all'. You had every right to be pissed at me. Hey, Keith, look at me," Lance said, tilting his head up so Keith would stop staring st the floor, silent tears running down his cheeks. Lance brushed away his tears, staring into those beautiful, violet eyes. "I love you, Keith. Never think for a second that I don't. I love you, and I'll never stop loving you. When Lotor tried to kill you? I would've rammed Blue into him over and over just so he knew not to touch you again. Do you hear me, Keith? I love you."

Lance watched as his eyes became watery again. He pecked Keith's lips lightly before pulling away, taking a step towards the door. "Let's head to my room- I'm sure they know you're awake by now." Lance teased, looking back at Keith. Keith took a step forward, collapsing as his leg moved. Keith yelped, his arms flailing in the air for something to grab, which just so happened to be Lance. "Hey there, Pretty boy. Tell me how you had the energy to yell, but not to move your legs?" Lance smirked, helping him up. Keith smiled and shrugged, swaying slightly when Lance let go. He bent down, wordlessly offering Keith a piggy back ride. Keith accepted, jumping onto Lance's back, almost collapsing again. He wrapped his arms around Lance's neck, and placed kisses anywhere he could reach. "Stop that! I'm ticklish!" Lance yelled, laughing the entire time. They had already started walking to Lance's room.

"Oh, really? Do it more, then?" Keith asked, smiling warmly at Lance's open shock.

"Wha- Keith! No! That's not at all what I said! He- I said stop!" Lance laughed, feeling more light kisses placed against his back. Laughing uncontrollably, he nearly dropped Keith. "I will fucking drop you!"

Keith duck his head into the crook of Lance's neck, smiling the whole time. He hoped Lance could feel it.

After another minute of walking and talking, they had finally reached Lance's room. Keith started removing his hands from Lance's neck, only to be stopped.

"Stop that," Lance said, placing the hands back.

"What?" Keith asked, genuinely surprised. "I'm getting off-"

"Nope." Lance said, a smirk riding up his face. In a swift movement, he had managed to hold Keith in front of him, hands under his ass. Keith had his legs wrapped around Lance's waist, completely oblivious to what Lance was about to do.

"Lance, what are you-"

Lance kissed Keith, tongue grazing his mouth for permission to enter. Keith let an 'Oh' slip from his mouth, before wrapping his arms around Lance's neck, melting into the makeout session. 

The other Paladins could surely wait a little longer, right?

Right now, he just wanted to be with the man he loved and never let go.

And, for once in his life, he knew Lance felt the same way.

Keith had been prepared for their concerned faces, but not the anger that came with it. They seemed to have figured out he tried to commit suicide, and thankfully failed. He and Lance had recently started dating, (recently as in halfway during their makeout) so Lance practically clung to him like a koala.

Lance held his hand and walked into the dining room, whispering encouraging phrases that Keith had told Lance before this entire shit fest. Sadly enough, this shit fest of- of everything had caused Keith and Lance to realize their feelings for eachother. When he died, he would be sure to thank Lotor. But, for now, he needed to deal with his friends.

"Why the hell would you do that?!" Hunk yelled, showing a rare outburst of anger.

"I-I, um, felt- I-" Keith wasn't used to sharing his feelings. It was foreign concept to him, that he had started doing recently with Lance (Once again, recently being while they were making out). Lance gave him a reassuring squeeze, before sitting down at the table in his usual spot. Keith quickly followed suite, sitting down beside Lance, ignoring Shiro's furious expressions that had slight hints of concern, worry and panic plastered onto his scowl. "Useless," He finished, deciding that would explain it.

Hunk didn't seem to understand, but Pidge, blessed Pidge, did. Keith sucked at words, being a man of action and all. ("Which is why there's a hickey on my glorious skin, you ass!") "What?! Keith, you're not useless! If anything, you're emo!" She yelled, ignoring Keith's protests. 

"Babe, you're so fucking emo." Lance whispered into his ear, nipping at it before leaning away. Keith knew he was blushing. 

"Fuck you," he whispered back, immediately regretting it.

"Oh, baby, you know I'd love it, but not in front of the children," Lance moaned, gesturing to Pidge and Hunk. "The sweet, pure children!"

"Lance, if you could take this seriously, we need to understand why Keith did what he did." Shiro didn't sound the slightest bit fazed by the fact that Lance had just said he wanted to fuck Keith. Shiro looked back at Keith. "Would you mind explaining why?" 

Keith nodded hesitantly. He wasn't eager to explain, but he knew he owed them an explanation. Under the table, Lance placed his hand on Keith's knee.

"Ever since the whole Lotor thing, I've just been a burden to you guys. It took weeks for us to get into another mission, and I couldn't even freaking shower without someone being there with me for the first few days! We can'- couldn't even form Voltron! I was keeping us from forming Voltron, for some stupid reason-"

"Keith, baby, we already went over this. It wasn't stupid. You had every right to be mad," Lance said, resisting the urge to kiss him.

"No, I didn't! It was a stupid reason! You're allowed to like someone else, Lance. I couldn't control that," Keith sighed, looking down at his hands. "and you almost died because of it."

"It was just a few bruises, Keith," Lance took Keith's hand in his own. "You nearly died."

"After Red tried to fucking kill you!"

Ah, there it was. The words everyone had been avoiding. Keith was right. Red had tried to kill Lance. They nearly lost two Paladins that day. It didn't need to be brought up again.

"That's enough," Shiro warned, earning glares from each boy before grumbling their agreements. "Keith," He said, causing the other boy to look at him. "If you ever feel that way again,"

"I know, I know, come talk to you or whatever. Got it."

"Keith, I'm serious."

"I know!" Keith snapped. Lance missed Keith's old self, before all of this shit happened. He wished it could go back to the way it was, with this little dating bonus, but he knew it wouldn't. "You always say this, Shiro! Whenever we snap at you like that! It's always 'Keith, I'm serious.' or 'Keith, this isn't a joke.' You always act like we're joking around and useless, but we're not-!"

Allura slammed her hands down on the table, causing Keith to flinch. The others didn't seem to see it, but Lance felt the hand holding his tighten. It didn't go loose again. Lance watched the panic flash in Keith's eyes before they widened all together. "Enough! You all need to stop bickering like Altean Childs! You're all teenagers or adults now! Stop arguing!" She yelled, mainly at Keith. Her eyes were burning holes into his head, but Keith paid no attention to the glare he was receiving. He seemed to caught up in his ow- In the past. Keith was having a flashback. No one else seemed to notice that Keith wasn't all there. He quickly bid goodbye to the others, then pracitcally dragged Lance into the nearest room- which just so happened to be the common room. He sat Keith down on the couch, rubbing circles into his hand, that was squeezing his hand painfully. If it were any other situation, Lance would have noticed the pain, but he couldn't focus on anything other than calming Keith down, and making out with him would not help. Probably. Maybe it would..? No. No, it wouldn't. 

"Hey, Keith, babe, it's just the past- It's all over, you're safe, you're fine, everything's okay," Lance soothed, pulling Keith into an embrace. He seemed to be out of the flashback, but the smaller boy was trembling beneath him. Keith's shirt had pulled upwards a little bit as Keith wrapped his arms around Lance's neck. Lance absentmindedly played with the hem of Keith's shirt, but soon moved his arms under Keith's shirt. Lance felt around before actually touching his skin. He flinched at how warm his skin was. He pulled away from Keith, holding him by the shoulders at arms length.

"Oh- Sorry, I just-"

"No, no, don't apologize. You didn't do anything. Y-"

"Oh. I get it, Lance. I'll go," Keith said, pulling his shoulders from Lance's grasp. Lance could hear the sadness in his voice. Lance grabbed his wrists and pulled him back down when he stood up.

"What?" Keith didn't respond, suddenly finding the floor very interesting. "Keith, babe, tell me what's wrong. You know I don't want anyone but you. Talk to me, babe."

Keith breathed in deeply, preparing himself for the oncoming emotional breakdown. "I just- I can't do this anymore, Lance! You all pretend to like me then I fuck something up and you can't hide it anymore! None of you were even there when I came out of the pod, Lance!" Keith took another shuddering breath, before continuing. "Lance, I can't do this anymore. It's why I tried to kill myself. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm just a useless-" Lance placed his hand over Keith's mouth, feeling the wetness of his cheeks as silent sobs wracked the boy's small frame.

"Keith,"

Keith looked at the floor again.

"Keith, look at me."

Keith hesitantly brought his eyes up to meet Lance. "I don't know all of the shit the Galra did to you, but none of that is true. Do you hear me? None of it. Don't believe any of that shit they put in your head for one God damned second. We all love you, some more than others," Lance wiggled his eyebrows a little bit, causing Keith to smile. "So, I don't want you thinking any other way, okay?"

Keith slowly nodded, shoving himself into Lance's waist, wrapping his arms around him.

"Wha- Do you want a hug?"

Keith nodded against him. Lance snorted.

"You could've just asked, pretty boy."

Keith shook his head against Lance, holding him tighter when Lance's arms tensed against him.

"Why not?"

Keith shrugged, causing Lance to snort again.

After a few minutes of the boys sitting there and embracing eachother, Lance spoke up. "We should probably go back to one of our rooms," He stated, looking down at Keith. His breathing was steady, and his eyes were closed. Come to think of it, his grip was a little loose. "Keith?" 

Keith stirred slightly but didn't open his eyes.

Yup, he's asleep.

Lance laughed at his own joke, knowing no one else could hear it. "Guess we're staying out here, then." Lance shifted himself until his back was against the armrest of the couch, then separated his legs and pulled Keith into his lap. Keith was snoring softly by the time he was done. Feeling warmer than usual, Lance took off his jacket and draped it over Keith, using it as a blanket for him. He couldn't feel if Keith was warm or cold, but he was shivering. Lance wrapped his hands around Keith's waist, and let himself relax against Keith, listening to his breathing like a lullaby.

It took two hundred and eight nine breaths for Lance to fall asleep- he counted.

If any other Paladins happened to walk in on the two sleeping boys, none commented.

Chapter Text

This wasn't supposed to be happening.

Keith was gone- They had rescued him.

He remembered it vividly. He nearly died- they all made that very clear, considering how much time he spent in the pod.

He shouldn't be back here. They rescued him! They.. they rescued him, right?

Unless... unless it was... another one of those dreams-

Something was torn off of his head. 

"No..." Keith breathed, trying to move his wrists. They were stuck under the restraints. Again. The thing they- Kuro pulled off of his head? It was that thing. The helmet that fed him illusions. Sometimes, he was rescued by them, only to be told they didn't need him. Others, he was left here to die while Shiro and Lance were saved. Then, there were the ones where he was rescued and told he was loved- but, it had happened only once before. "No!" Keith screamed slamming his head against the table he was stuck on.

"Aw, Kitten, did you miss me already?" Kuro cooed, dragging a claw down his cheek. 

"Don't- don't fucking touch me! Let me go!" Keith screamed, slamming his head against the table again. He didn't notice that he was crying until Kuro spoke up again.

"Isn't this pathetic? Crying because of a little cut?" Kuro said, dragging another claw down his cheek. He kept repeating this process. "They'll never come for you. They don't need you. You're useless and stupid, they would never want you. The only reason they needed you-"

"Shut up!" Keith screamed, continuing to slam his head against the table. He needed to get out of here- He can't stay here-

"Is because they didn't have anyone to pilot the Red Lion, and you just happened to be there," Kuro removed his claws from Keith's face. "Shall we try again?"

"Don't-" Kuro gripped his chin to keep it from hitting the table and placed the helmet over his head. "No!"

Keith woke up in a cold sweat, unsure where he was, or if this was another illusion-

"Keith?" Keith was unable to identify the person's voice, but it sounded like... Lance?

He felt something... soft? No, something soft and  firm underneath him. But.. it kept moving? Up and down, up and down, up and down, steadily. Was it Lance? Something placed itself on his forehead, and damn, was it cold. Keith felt like he was on fire. He leaned into the... hand(?) still not opening his eyes.

"Keith, buddy," Yea, that was Lance. Lance shifted underneath him. "Keith, wake up."

Keith groaned, but obeyed Lance. His eyelids felt heavy to open, but he managed. For a few seconds. He caught a glimpse of Lance's worried face before shutting them again. Everything was too bright.

"Keiiiith," Lance said, much too loud for his pounding head.

Why did he feel like shit today?

He was fine yesterday.

Unless- No, no, he was not sick. He'd never been sick before! He couldn't start now, while he was in space where colds couldn't get to him.

His nose said otherwise. After half of a millisecond of thinking that passed, Keith sneezed.

"First of all, bless you babe. Secondly, Jesus you do not sound good. Thirdly, you have a cold or something, and I'm not sure how you got one, but you're going to bed. Come on, let's go." Lance stated, pulling his hand away then lifting himself up. 

"'m tired..." Keith said, his voice sounded fifty shades of wrong. He groaned when his body was moved. "Don' wanna- Lance! Put me-" Keith did not get to finish his sentence, due to a horrendous coughing fit. Lance put him down on the couch, keeping one hand on his back to keep him upright, and using the other to pound on his back, forcing the coughs out.

Once the coughs subsided, Keith sunk backwards, straight into Lance. Lance let out a surprised 'oomph', but showed no signs of discomfort. "I'm going to carry you, okay?"

Keith nodded weakly against Lance, forcing himself not to flinch when Lance started moving.

It's just Lance, it's just Lance, it's just Lance- He doesn't love you.

Keith flinched at the voice in his head. Lance froze. "Sorry, did I- did I hurt you?"

Keith shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.

Lance stood up from the couch, holding Keith's legs.

"What-" Keith coughed, "What are you doing?"

"Wrap your arms around my neck, if you can. I'm giving you a piggy ride. No more of that bridal shit," Lance stated, bending down for him to reach. Keith snorted, which only caused him to cough again.

"You'll..." Keith stopped talking to remember what he was going to say.

"'You'll..?'" Lance asked.

"Oh. You'll get sick," Keith said, refusing to wrap his arms around Lance.

"I'll be fine, babe. Get on my back."

Keith huffed, wrapping his arms around Lance's neck. Lance stood up straight, and shifted Keith until he was on his back with no chance of falling. Unless, of course, Lance dropped him, which hopefully wouldn't happen. Lance wasn't that much of a dick, right?

Lance walked down the hallways, surprisingly not bumping into anyone, shifting Keith every few minutes so he didn't fall. Keith let his head rest on Lance's shoulder, closing his eyes.

He wasn't sure if he passed out or not, but the next thing he knew, Lance was taking his arm off of Keith's knee and- oh my god- he was going to drop him-

"Relax, babe. I can feel you tensing. I'm not going to drop you, I'm just putting my hand on the pad, okay?"

Keith nodded against his shoulder, relaxing again.

Wow, Keith was passing out a lot. Keith opened his eyes to watch Lance place a washcloth to his forehead- and God, it was so cold- wait, no. It was... it was getting warm. Why was it getting warm? Keith needed the cold- he was burning. No wonder he was the Pilot of the fire Lion.

Lance dipped the rag back into the bowl of cold water (When did he get that?) and placed it back on his forehead. It took a little longer to get cold, but it turned warm again.

Lance repeated the process a few times, cursing in spanish every time it warmed up. On his sixth attempt, Keith made a weak attempt to grab his wrist, and shook his head.

Lance sighed, placing the rag back into the bowl. "How am I supposed to cool you off, Keith? The medicine only helps you feel better."

"How... how long was I out for?" Keith asked, his voice incredibly hoarse.

"About two hours. I got some weird Altman medicine that should help. It won't poison Galrans or Humans. Hunk also made some soup, I'm not sure how, but bless his soul, and some type of smoothie, if you want. I've also got water, an ice pack, that melted, by the way, a few more pills, and, um, this? I'm not sure what it is, but Coran said it should tell you what your temperature is, so I guess it's a thermometer, but I don't know how it works," Lance said, holding a blue, square shaped cylinder (how is that possible?) with a purple liquid inside, numbers marking the outside of it.

"Do... pods not help?" Keith asked, already starting to sweat. He felt like he was about to pass out. Again.

"Coran said the pods are designed to fix physical injuries. It can't heal a cold."

Keith sighed, turning his head to face Lance. "I'm probably gonna pass out soon, and soon is, like, in two...seconds... so if you need to put me in water... so I cool off..." Keith breathed deeply, hoping he wouldn't forget this chat, "Go ahead."

"Are you-"

Keith passed out.

 "I'm probably gonna pass out soon, and soon is, like, in two... seconds..." Keith said, already starting to nod off. Lance nudged him a bit so he could keep going. "so if you need to put me in water... so I cool off..." Lance watched Keith take a deep breath, probably forcing the next words out. "Go ahead..."

"Are you sure?" Lance asked, watching his eyes close. Annnd, Keith was asleep. Lance smiled and shook his head. Keith was right. That took about two seconds.

He took the washcloth out of the bowl again, and placed it on Keith's forehead, hoping to make a difference. The second after he put it on, it turned warm. If anything, Keith had gotten warmer in the last two minutes. Something was definitely wrong.

Lance wet the cloth before placing it on Keith's forehead and getting up. He walked into the bathroom and turned on the water to the tub. Lance was, once again, surprised that they had such similar bathtubs to Earth's. This one just floated.

Lance walked back into the room, kneeling by Keith's bed. "Keith, buddy, can you wake up for a second?"

Keith didn't even stir at Lance's hushed voice. That sent Lance into a panic. He placed two fingers onto his neck, and- oh, thank God. There was a pulse. Come to think of it, he could hear Keith's ragged breathing. Why did he panic?

Lance picked Keith up (Yep, you guessed it,) bridal-style and went back into the bathroom. The tub was already full, somehow stopping on its own. Lance quickly stripped Keith of his clothes, except for his boxers, and placed him in the tub, filled with cold water. Lance hoped he wouldn't wake up, permission or not, because he would be terrified.

Ah, just his luck. Keith decided to take that exact moment to wake up. Lance's hands were against his back to hold him up, causing Keith to panic even further.

"What- No! Get me out of this!" Keith screamed, trying to pull away from his grip. Lance let go of Keith, which just made Keith fall backwards into the water. It was a big tub. Keith froze when his head went under, unable to push himself up. Just like Lance thought, he was terrified. 

Lance thought back to when Keith was stuck in that room, refusing to call for help-

A fist to his jaw cut him out of his thoughts.

Lance blinked and looked down, only to see something was holding him down.

To be more specific, some purple with three eyes and six fing-talons.

Keith was thrashing against the hand on his chest, arms flailing out of the water. His eyes were wide and he was trying not to open his mouth or breathe, but it all failed when Lance saw Keith start to cough. That broke Lance out of his shock. Lance pulled out his bayard, luckily stowed inside of his jacket, and shot the thing down. He didn't miss, exactly, but he didn't shoot where he wanted it to shoot, mostly because he was panicked that Keith was drowning right in front of him, again.

Luckily enough for Lance, there was already a gaping hole in his stomach, squirting out thick yellow blood. The creature dropped to the floor, it's weird paw thing releasing Keith.

Keith shot out of the water, coughing and gasping for air. Lance knelt there in shocked silence, blaster aimed at the still creature.

Once Keith had managed to get all of the water out of his system, he spoke up. "S-sorry," Keith said, placing a tentative hand to his throat.

"What?" Lance asked, putting his bayard back into his jacket. Oh, wait-

"I didn't mean to punch you.." Keith admitted, pulling himself out of the tub.

"Dude, it's fine. I should've been paying attention to you not drowning anyways," Lance said, helping him out. After getting Keith standing on his own feet, he went to leave the bathroom to grab his clothes.

"No!"

Lance stopped in his tracks, right in front of the door. "What's wrong?" he asked, turning to face Keith. Keith was walking towards him.

"That- that thing, whenever I'm alone- it just comes and tries to kill me-"

"How long has that been going on for?"

"Since I got locked in the room," Keith said sheepishly, reaching for Lance's hand. Lance pulled his hand away and stepped out into the room, looking Keith in the eye.

"You're meaning to tell me," Lance said, crossing his arms over his chest in a signature Keith move™, "that ever since you got locked in that room, you've been dealing with that- that thing?"

Keith nodded.

"Oh for fucks sake-" Lance sighed, dropping his head into his hand. "Keith, we've been over this so many times. You need to talk to us about this kind of stuff, Keith."

"I-I thought you'd think I was crazy, or, I don't know- I just couldn't tell you," Keith said, rubbing his arms.

Lance sighed again, looking up at Keith, who looked like he was fighting tears. Damn, this boy was getting pretty emotional lately. Which, is entirely a good thing. "Keith," Lance said, taking his hand. Keith looked up. "You're allowed to cry."

Keith shook his head, but didn't remove his hand from Lance's grasp.

"Why not?"

"I can't," Keith said, looking at his arm. His eyes widened in horror. He tore his arm out of Lance's grasp and bolted from the room.

"Wha- Keith!" Lance yelled, dashing after him. "Let me in, Keith!" He yelled, banging his hands on Keith's locked door.

"Go away!"

"I literally just said you need to talk about this stuff! What's going on?" Lance asked, making his voice more gentle. He knew yelling at Keith would only make it worse.

"I- I don't want to get you sick," Keith said, after a long and hesitant pause.

"Seriously? Now you're saying that? Dude, it doesn't matter," Lance would've called bullshit right there, but Keith would've told him to go away again. "Let me help you."

Another pause.

The door slid open, and Lance stepped in. He looked around the room, lights already on, not expecting to find Keith curled into a ball in the corner. He also did not expect for purple cat ears to be sticking out of his head, matching his new lavender skin colour. Even if he did look Galra now, Keith was fucking adorable in this position.

Slowly, Lance walked beside Keith and knelt down. "Hey," he said, placing a hand on Keith's arm. Keith looked up, yellow eyes filled with tears. Tear tracks stained his skin- fur. 

Querido Señor, si me tomas ahora, no me arrepentiré; este muchacho y sus miradas serán la muerte de mí.

"Aren't you scared?" Keith whispered, probably looking into Lance's eyes. He couldn't really tell with no pupils and all. Lance shook his head. "But- I'm one of them, I'm the enemy, Lance. I'm a mons-"

"You're still Keith," Lance said, pulling Keith into a hug whether or not he liked it. Cuddles now, kisses later. "Nothing is going to change that fact, not even adorable cat ears," Lance chirped, petting his boyfriends ears. Lance scratched the base of his ears and- "Oh my god, are you purring?" He laughed, continuing to scratch.

"No," Keith said, right after another purr session.

"I'm going to do a quick topic change- You don't seem to be sick anymore," Lance said, placing his hand on Keith's oh, so fuzzy forehead. Lance wasn't going to like this appearance change.

"I... don't?" Keith asked, then nodded. "I don't feel sick..."

"Maybe the Galraness helps out your immune system... or something?"

Keith nodded. "Can we... can we wait for tomorrow to tell them..?"

"'course, babe."

Keith placed his head on Lance's shoulder, finally accepting the hug, and the purring. "Even if I'm not sick, I'm going to sleep right here and right now."

"You. Are. A. Fucking. Space. Cat."

"No I'm not," Keith mumbled, nuzzling Lance's neck.

Then it dawned on Lance. "I have a space cat as a boyfriend." He whispered, then raised his voice. "I have a space cat as a boyfriend!" Lance yelled, earning a tired laugh from Keith.

Mission make Keith happy again; Completed.

"You aren't gonna write moody emo poems now, right?"

Keith hummed in response.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Keith?!"

"Mm, love you," Keith mumbled, closing his eyes.

"I will love you as long as you don't go emo on me, young space cat."

Keith snorted right before falling asleep.

They fell asleep in that position on the floor, not worrying about what the morning would throw at them. They'd get through it.

They always got through it.