Work Text:
If anyone asked Regulus Black whom he hated most; the answer would definitely be his brother.
Regulus was well aware how much of an idiot his older brother was. He knew a Gryffindor when he saw one: arrogant, thoughtless, and foolhardy. Sirius Black was everything a typical Gryffindor would be and his train of thought was nothing Regulus wanted to comprehend unless it was necessary. Still, Regulus had never thought he would be this suicidal.
Perhaps it was his fault to underestimate Sirius’s level of recklessness, and Regulus wanted to scream.
He couldn’t, unfortunately. The Black brothers had pretended they had nothing to do with each other ever since Regulus began his second year at Hogwarts. Nobody was supposed to know why the Slytherin boy was this exasperated with Sirius’s decision. He couldn’t show anyone that he cared. Sirius could have guessed, though; they hadn’t survived 12 Grimmauld Place together for over ten years for nothing. They weren’t allowed to talk freely at home; therefore they had learned to communicate with each other wordlessly since forever. Sirius could have guessed why Regulus was so bloody exasperated with him right now; he was trying to get himself killed.
Regulus blamed James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin -- especially Lupin, to be honest -- for luring his brother into the path of no return. Initially he assumed it was Potter who stole Sirius’s last amount of self-preservation away. Everybody would have thought the same, but oh, how wrong he could be. Potter didn’t hold such power over Sirius; Lupin did.
Now, most people might think that the quiet, harmless, exhausted-looking prefect was the only good influence of the Marauders, but Regulus begged to differ. In fact, Lupin might be the worst of them all, considering the Marauders’ overprotectiveness of the scrawny boy. He affected them too much in a strange way nobody could understand. He affected Sirius too much.
Regulus didn’t like Lupin. That bastard was going to be the death of Sirius, and he was the main reason Regulus was so pissed off. His stupid brother should have known better. They were the Blacks; they had been associated with danger since they were toddlers. How Sirius couldn’t detect all those warning signs from the tawny-haired boy was beyond him.
Lupin was going to kill Sirius.
It all began a couple of days ago when Regulus sneaked out to the Astronomy Tower after curfew. It wasn’t anything deliberate. He needed fresh air and a peaceful moment alone every once in a while. It wasn’t like he’d expected Sirius and Lupin to be there and ruin his plan. Irritated, he hid in the shadow and wondered what kind of prank they were planning together this time. To his surprise, they weren’t. Lupin was just sitting there with his knees to his chest, staring blankly at the starry sky, while Sirius sat quietly beside him. Sirius was never quiet, and the way his face softened as he studied Lupin’s face scared Regulus. Sirius seemed so calm and content; Regulus had no idea his rebellious brother could be like that. No Black smiled or even looked at someone like that.
Regulus couldn’t take his eyes of them. At one point, Sirius moved closer to the skinny boy and rested his head on Lupin’s shoulder. His nose was nuzzling against Lupin’s neck and Regulus was utterly shocked. A Black wasn’t supposed to possess such gentleness. It scared Regulus to death of what Lupin had done to his brother. Even Potter couldn’t do this; Regulus didn’t think Sirius would lay his guard down this completely before Potter’s eyes.
“Stop that already,” Lupin murmured as he pushed the Black heir off slightly a while later. Sirius pouted at him, clearly refusing to back away. He grabbed Lupin’s hand and pressed his lips over the palm lazily, suggestively, almost stubbornly; then trailed them down to the wrist in a torturously slow movement. Lupin blushed furiously under the pale moonlight. Then Sirius leaned forward and locked their lips together.
Regulus stood rooted on his feet, dumbstruck.
He wanted to scream, “What in the name of Salazar do you think you are doing!?” but his throat was too dry to form a word. Lupin was a half-blood and, more importantly, a bloke. He was everything the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black would never approve. Hadn’t it ever occurred to Sirius how dead he was for kissing Lupin, of all people? Was his brain too damaged to feel fear? What if their parents found out? What would Sirius do then? How would he get away with it? Had he forgotten Father’s Cruciatus curse, Mother’s attic, and a horse whip they let Kreacher hold on to?
Regulus swallowed back tears of fright as he tried his best to collect himself. He was not yet fifteen; too old to cry over every little thing he came across with, too young to know what to do. All those feelings Sirius was pouring out in front of that Lupin boy were too beautiful to belong to a Black, and Regulus hated him for it -- for being able to feel that much.
Sirius might hate him for the fact that he couldn’t do the same.
Bugger.
Bellatrix and Malfoy had attempted to turn Regulus against Sirius before they graduated. Little did they know that the Black brothers had hated each other long before they even started Hogwarts. Sirius always hated Regulus for being their parents’ good boy; Regulus always hated his brother for being so rebellious. Sirius hated how Regulus fell in line and let their parents take away his freedom; Regulus hated how Sirius would never knew what it felt like to be weak and frightened. Sirius hated Regulus for being a bloody crybaby; Regulus hated Sirius for getting punished for him every damn time. They hated each other so much it hurt, and right now, Regulus just hated his big brother for being able to fall in love.
They grew up believing that love was only an illusion, a waste of time, as their Mother once said. Yet again, it was Sirius who could crush every belief held in the House of Black into smithereens, spread out his wings, and simply fly away.
Regulus turned his head away as Sirius deepened the kiss. They had learned to communicate with each other wordlessly since forever. Of course Regulus could perfectly read what lied beneath Sirius’s little gestures towards the other Gryffindor boy.
Lupin was going to kill his brother.
Sirius was well aware of it.
“What were you thinking?”
“Honestly? Nothing.”
Regulus suppressed the urge to bang his head against the stone wall. He changed his question instead, “What would you do if someone else found out?”
“Like who?”
“Anyone. Rosier, Goyle, Flint--- I don’t know. Anyone,” Regulus answered. He glanced around the empty classroom they used to hold their secret meeting once a month and sighed in exasperation. “What would you do if Mother and Father found out?”
Sirius snickered. There was something in his tone that got on Regulus’s nerves. He hated it. Adults always used that tone with little children and Sirius was not an adult. He was only late sixteen -- an immature, reckless sixteen-year-old who couldn’t even take care of himself, for Merlin’s sake.
“Is that you being worried about me, Reggie?” Sirius smirked. “I’m flattered.”
“Don’t Reggie me.”
“Look, Reggie,” Sirius said, completely ignoring the younger boy’s protest, “Do you really think I’m going to spend all summer locked up in our lovely house?”
Stunned, Regulus blinked at him helplessly.
“You’re kidding me.”
“Do I look like I am?”
“Everything is a joke to you,” Regulus pointed out with a matter-of-fact tone. Sirius grimaced.
“You little bugger,” he muttered. “Come on. Do you really think Father will still keep me as an heir after what happened last Christmas? Not likely.”
Regulus chewed his bottom lip at the memory. He mumbled, “…I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Mother always has her way to get the truth out of you. Besides, if you’ve never mentioned about my motorbike, Father wouldn’t have done what he did, and Remus might---” Sirius shook his head. “---Remus might never talk to me again.”
Regulus scoffed, “As if Lupin could ever hate you.”
“Oh, he hates me. With feelings.” Sirius snorted and added, “You don’t know what I’ve done to him, Reg. He hates me, a Black in me, every mess I’ve created--- just… everything. I’m not worth his forgiveness and he has every right to hate me, so he does. You know I was admitted to St Mungo’s after you owled James about me, right? Thanks to you I wasn’t found dead in the attic when you and our dear parents left home for France. Remus visited me as soon as he got the news. Do you know what was the first thing he did?”
“Er, no.”
“He punched me in the face, and to top that, right in front of the healers.”
Regulus couldn’t help smiling a little. “Are you sure I didn’t bribe him to do that?”
“Well, I have my suspicion--- Wait, you didn’t do that, did you?” Sirius looked at him with skeptical eyes but didn’t wait for an answer as he continued, “But yes, Remus hates me. More than anything in the world. It’s just another fact, like the one that says I’m not likely to survive this summer after that mess. Mother said so in her howler, remember? I can’t go home.”
Regulus huffed. “She thought you broke out on your own. She’d be more furious if she knew it was Potter.”
Sirius nodded. Something bitter flickered within his grey eyes as he said, “If she lets Father punish me again, I’ll be dead. He’ll do everything to make sure I won’t show up at St Mungo’s again and disgrace the family name any further, even though the Ministry will be happy to turn a blind eye to us.” Sirius snorted at his own words, shaking his head. “Those giant ponces.”
Regulus frowned. “It’ll be worse if they know about you and Lupin---”
“I know. I need to escape before I physically can’t---”
“---I can’t help you get away with that---”
“---and if I end up at St Mungo’s again,” Sirius cut him off evenly, “Send my trunk to the Potter’s, okay? I won’t unpack it when we get back, just in case.”
Regulus pondered over the request. Sirius made everything sound so easy and painless. How on earth could something like that be painless anyway? Regulus wondered. How could he not fear? Had he ever thought about the consequences?
“Just… don’t owl me, okay?” Regulus murmured eventually, defeated. “If you run away, Mother won’t let a stranger’s owl anywhere near my window. I’ll find a way to contact you later.”
Sirius barked out a laugh -- a booming sound that echoed across the empty classroom and made Regulus want to smile back at him and hit him at the same time. He glanced over the door and hoped prefects or Filch hadn’t heard the noise and followed it here.
“You don’t hate me enough, Reg,” Sirius said with a wide grin, half-amused, half-bitter. “Hate me more and you’ll be safe, trust me.”
“As if I hadn’t known that already, stupid Gryffindor.”
“That’s cute. Try again.”
Regulus flushed a little. “Shut up, you blood-traitor!”
“You forgot ‘filthy’.”
The younger boy groaned, “Really, just shut up.”
Sirius laughed louder, his eyes glinting so bright like the sun itself. Regulus scowled in return but it came out more like a laughter; he couldn’t help it. The boy hoped that nobody knew what effect Sirius’s smile had on him and that his poker face wouldn’t fall off this easily in front of others. No one could know that the Black brothers were still on good terms. Sirius claimed that he’d never told his friends about their secret meetings; however, Regulus was almost certain that Potter and Lupin were smart enough to connect the dots.
“Why Lupin?” the boy asked before he could stop himself. Sirius blinked at him.
“He annoys me,” he answered slowly after a long pause. “Have you ever seen him? He always pretends that everything’s all right even though he’s about to faint, like, faint-faint. Three-days-in-the-Hospital-Wing-faint. I hate to see him keep everything to himself and think that I don’t even care. That he’s not worth my time or something. It’s annoying.”
Regulus knotted his brows. “Let me guess, he never agrees with any of your ideas.”
“He can be a killjoy sometimes.”
“But he doesn’t dare stop you from getting into trouble, does he?”
Sirius winked at him meaningfully. Regulus rolled his eyes--- so that was why Sirius found Lupin outstanding. Years of protecting his little brother affected Sirius in too many ways Regulus didn’t even want to understand.
“It’s not like he needs my protection,” Sirius said offensively as though he could read the boy’s mind. “He’s… I don’t know. He’s a better person than I am. He hates for me. He fears for me. He feels for everything I’m not capable of and I just…” he trailed off, letting out a soft chuckle. “He’s stronger than me, Reg, and he doesn’t even know it.”
That sounded absurd, thought Regulus. He wasn’t sure he could grasp the whole picture of what Sirius was trying to explain, but he knew for one thing: there was no turning back for Sirius. The Gryffindor was wearing the same expression Regulus had witnessed on top of the Astronomy Tower; the one that made Regulus’s subconscious scream frantically. “Do something!” it wailed. “He’s trying to get himself killed! Stop him! Stop him now!”
The boy shook his head. Since when had he dared stop Sirius anyway?
“Lupin’s going to kill you someday,” Regulus mumbled.
Sirius smiled. “Figured.”
“…I don’t get you.”
“You don’t have to. I really can’t blame you for not being able to match my level of intelligence.”
“And arrogance.”
“Well, that too.”
Regulus grumbled, “I bloody hate you.”
“And I, you, my dear brother. Don’t get me started.”
Two grey eyes met; one gleamed with mischief, one narrowed warily. Sirius leaned back a bit as he watched the younger boy’s lips pressing together into a thin line. Regulus glared back at him; torn between hexing the other boy to the next world or laughing like a madman, just the way they always did behind their parents’ back when they were younger.
Then Sirius broke into a smile, and Regulus knew exactly what he was going to do.
He laughed.
“What did Regulus say?”
Sirius jumped slightly; his head snapped back to the vague shape of his roommate as he didn’t expect anyone to be up at this ungodly hour. He sighed and walked clumsily through the darkness until his knees touched Remus’s bed and almost stumbled forward onto the mattress.
“Why, Moony? I didn’t---”
“What in the world makes you think you’d fool me with that?”
Sirius opened his mouth but couldn’t find the right word to fire back. Mildly frustrated, he closed the curtain and climbed into the bed without even asking for permission. Remus didn’t seem to mind as he hummed in appreciation and snuggled close to the warmth body next to him.
“Well, big news,” Sirius whispered dryly, “We still hate each other.”
“Hmm. Like the way I still hate you?”
“Not that way. I don’t think our poor little Reggie wants to see what I have in my pants.”
Remus choked on his saliva and Sirius bet he was blushing so hard his neck and chest were all red. Laughing, Sirius crawled over the scrawny boy and held him in place. Remus let out a soft, “Hey!” and squirmed halfheartedly as Sirius pressed kisses blindly all over his face.
James growled something unintelligible from the other side of the room, causing Sirius to laugh even harder. The Black heir searched for his wand and cast a silencing charm over their bed nevertheless. James didn’t need to hear what kind of sound he was going to draw out of their favourite werewolf.
Remus was a path of no return; Sirius didn’t regret him for a second.
(If anyone asked Regulus Black again whom he hated most; the answer would still be his brother.
Only this time, letting Lupin kill that bloody idiot might be a good idea.)