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“I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy," they say to me,
"Away from all of reality."
The sign above the little café only read “Hook’s”. Nothing else. Just: “Hook’s”. It was cold outside. The rain was pattering softly and the night was growing dark. Joshua shuffled inside to chase away the cold and escape the dark shadows coming after him.
Inside the warm, empty café, he felt like he was somewhere else.
A beautiful boy stood behind the counter, silhouetted against the warm glow of the kitchen lights. He looked up when Joshua came in, smiling easily. “Hello. Welcome to Hook’s. Peter Pan, that’s what they call me.”
Joshua raised a brow. “Peter Pan?”
“Well, at least until my shift is over.” The boy laughed and Joshua spotted sweet little baby vampire teeth peeking out from under his upper lip. Joshua couldn’t help but smile, mood somehow instantly lifting. “Well if you’re Peter Pan, where’s Tinkerbell?”
“I’m Tinkerbell,” a mousy girl replied, coming out from the kitchen. She crossed her arms, looking annoyed at the barista, “Well, aren’t you going to offer the poor guy a seat? Business isn’t exactly booming at the counter you know.”
“Oh right!” the boy moved around the counter, ushering Joshua to a table near the front windows.
“Oh no, really it’s no problem–”
“It’s the Neverland welcome,” he grinned, “You are a lost boy and I am your guide.”
Joshua giggled. “Which one am I?”
“Wendy.”
Joshua scrunched up his nose at that. He didn’t know it, but the other boy found it absolutely endearing. “Wendy’s not a lost boy.”
“Sure she is.” The boy’s smile sent flutters through his stomach and Joshua found it hard to argue. “You’ll be my Wendy.”
Peter Pan bent down to look at him and from this angle Joshua could see that his irises were a soft brown, framed within perfectly shaped almond eyes. “Stay here Wendy. I’ll get you the best in the house.”
“Wait,” Joshua grabbed his retreating hand. He had no idea where this boldness was coming from but he welcomed it anyway. “What’s your name?”
The boy grinned. “Mingyu. Kim Mingyu.”
He came back with plates stacked with food and thick, creamy chocolate, still steaming hot in the mugs. The sweet smelling pancakes instantly made Joshua hungry and the crispy-edged sunny side-ups had his mouth watering. “Oh man, Mingyu I don’t think I finish this all on my own.”
“You don’t have to. I’m eating with you.”
“You’re… What?”
He shrugged. “Look around. There isn’t exactly anyone to serve and I haven’t eaten dinner yet.” He started to tuck in before glancing up worriedly at Joshua. “You don’t mind, right?”
He looked so cute with the eggs halfway to his mouth. Joshua chuckled, “No not at all. Let’s eat.”
Joshua drank the warm chocolate slowly and watched as Mingyu scarfed down his food faster than humanly possibly. At some point Joshua was afraid the other would choke but laughed when he almost did. “Yah, Kim Mingyu, did you not eat for three days of what?”
“Nope, just dinner.”
“You’re barbaric.”
“Please, I’m the most handsome guy you’ve ever met.” He tried to come across as confident but Mingyu was making puppy eyes - that, as Joshua had learnt, only a few select few could pull off right - and his lower lip jutted out in a pout, secretly asking for Joshua to agree with him. Joshua laughed, playing along.
“Of course, you’re a visual dream tree.”
Mingyu grinned brightly, clapping his hands together, before going back to his food.
They ate in a comfortable silence for a while but Joshua soon felt eyes on him. He looked up to find Mingyu watching him curiously, arms folded on the table in front of him.
“Yes?” Joshua asked.
Mingyu leaned forward, happy to be given attention. “You know, I never caught your name.”
“Jisoo,” he replied quickly. “And I’m pretty sure I’m older than you. Use honorifics.”
Mingyu pouted. “I’m a junior in high school.”
“I’m in my first year of college,” Joshua replied triumphantly.
Mingyu’s pout only deepened but somehow it remained adorable as the younger lowered his face to hide inside his arms.
“Fine. I’m sorry, Jisoo-hyung.”
The older boy laugh, reaching out to ruffle his hair instinctively. “Don’t be mad. I was just teasing.”
Mingyu suddenly froze up and Joshua wondered why, until he realized the younger was looking at his hand (or more accurately, the arm attached to the hand) that was still in his hair and now slowly petting down the mussed up strands.
Joshua quickly sat back, only just realizing how close they had been.
“Uh uhm, so Mingyu,” Joshua coughed awkwardly. “Which school do you go to?”
“Seoul Broadcasting High School. But I’m training to be an idol.”
“Oh!” Joshua found that didn’t really surprise him. Mingyu certainly had the charms for that line of work. “That’s cool.”
His grinned returned. “It really is. It’s super tiring but I know it’s going to be worth it. It’s so fun too! Oh man, just yesterday Jihoon-hyung - that’s another trainee by the way - he showed us this really cool dance move…”
He started talking about his trainee life then and Joshua could practically see the passion rolling off of him in waves. He really wanted this. This was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. There was a glint in his eyes and his whole body reverberated with energy as he spoke about it.
That’s his Neverland, Joshua realized. That’s where his heart was.
Joshua wished he could be as passionate about anything as Mingyu was about this.
“You should come to my show sometime,” Mingyu was saying. “We have year-end concerts so our fans can come see our progress.”
“You already have fans?”
“Hyung! Don’t sound so surprised.” Mingyu pouted again and Joshua laughed at how cute he was. “Come. Tell me how you like it.”
Looking at that smile Joshua couldn’t say no. “Okay. I’ll try to make it.”
When Joshua left the café that night he had Mingyu’s number and the date and time of his next concert.
Mingyu was fantastic on stage. Joshua already had a feeling he would be. He clapped loudly when it was Mingyu’s turn and in return the younger boy would should him subtle winks from time to time. Mingyu wasn’t very good at winking, however, and his failed attempts only made Joshua laugh.
Mingyu was adorable and Joshua felt his heart tripping.
After the concert Mingyu texted him to meet behind the building and Joshua waited in the cold, rubbing his hands together. There were many shadows here. Joshua remembered similar situations like this, waiting for people who would never come. Of dark days and real life. Joshua pushed them away. For some reason Joshua knew Mingyu would not do the same to him.
“Hey!” A door squeak opened to his left and Joshua kicked off the wall, waiting as Mingyu jogged over to him. “Sorry I’m late.”
The younger was panting but his toothy grin lit up his whole face. Joshua found himself smiling back. “It’s okay. I haven’t been waiting long.”
Mingyu had changed out of his stage clothes and was wearing a long pullover over loose pants. Unexpectedly he pulled the older into a hug. Joshua found he didn’t mind it much.
“Don’t you have to stay and do some sort of team debrief or whatever?” Joshua asked, once they had pulled away.
“Nah, I’ll just get scolded for it tomorrow.” Mingyu grinned mischievously. “I wanna bring you somewhere.”
“W-what?”
“Come on, before they come after me!”
“WHAT!”
He grabbed Joshua’s hand and pulled him forward, running off into the night. When they were far away enough Mingyu threw his hands up in glee, whooping loudly into the wind. He ran forward harder. “Come on hyung! Faster!”
“You forget my legs are probably three times shorter than yours!”
Mingyu only laughed.
He ran through some trees and Joshua had no choice but to follow. Joshua was never one for running or any hard physical activity really, but what filled his lungs was not oxygen, what spurred him on was not adrenaline. It was something else. Something only Mingyu could make him feel.
It felt like something from Neverland.
Eventually Mingyu stopped in the middle of a small clearing, spinning around and around before finally falling breathlessly to the ground.
“You’re crazy Kim Mingyu,” Joshua gasped, bent over and panting heavily.
“Come here.” Mingyu said instead, patting the spot beside him. “Watch the clouds with me.”
“Hey! I could’ve died you know–”
With a tug Mingyu brought him crashing to the ground, pulling the elder into his side. “Shut up and just watch the sky with me.”
“Hey-”
He covered his mouth with his hand. “Look. Please.”
Joshua turned his head and finally looked at the sky. He gasped. It was beautiful. The clouds streaked across the deep orange sky, like an arrow pointing in some unknown direction. They looked like waves on a tumultuous sea. Then far off, to the left, hints of the night to come, the sky there bruised with light blues and darker purples, slowly catching up to the fading light.
“It’s my favourite time of day,” Mingyu murmured softly. “The in-between period. Where anything could happen.”
“What do you think will happen today?” Joshua whispered just as softly, still amazed. It was then that Mingyu slowly took his hand, their fingers fitting perfectly in the spaces of each other’s. Then the younger pulled their clasped hands to his heart.
“I don’t know hyung,” Mingyu said finally. His breathing was slow but Joshua could feel it quicken beneath his fingers. “But I think… It will be something great.”
“I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we’re bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
“Run, run, lost boy,” they say to me,
“Away from all of reality.”
Joshua wasn’t exactly sure how it happened. One night Mingyu was calling him goodnight and the next day they were going to amusement parks, to the beach, snuggling in for movie nights... Together. He loved him. He knew. And maybe Mingyu loved him too. That, Joshua wasn’t sure of.
Mingyu brought him to the practice room sometimes and introduced him to the other trainees. They all treated him well, like Joshua was one of their own, and for a while Joshua believed he could live like this too, if he tried.
They joked that Mingyu would be the first idol to debut while attached.
“The fans would be so disappointed,” they teased. “Ah, our visual already taken, what a shame.”
As their debut got closer, Mingyu got more and more jittery. He didn’t smile as much and was always tired. Joshua couldn’t blame him of course. He wouldn’t pretend to know what the younger was going through but he knew they practiced late into the night and into the mornings so Joshua tried not to think about it much when Mingyu called less and less.
At some point, however, he stopped calling at all.
“Hello?”
“Hello?” Mingyu was breathless on the other end. “Jisoo-hyung? Is that you?”
“Y-yeah.”
“Oh." There was some shuffling and a door closing. The music faded away. “Uhm hyung, what do you need?”
“I… I just want to talk to you.”
“Oh.” Joshua twisted the edge of his blanket tightly, praying he didn’t say what he almost knew he would–
“I’m sorry hyung, can I call you back?” The blanket unwound. “I’m just really busy right now, the boys are waiting for me to practice-”
“I understand,” Joshua said softly.
“Thanks hyung. I knew you would understand. I’ll call you later.” Then, almost as an afterthought, he said, “I love you.”
The line goes dead.
Joshua tried, he really did. He would visit their practice room and bring them all food, but Mingyu would just grab some sandwiches, say a rushed thank you then return to practising. Joshua would stay for a little while and sometimes, when Mingyu had time to spare, he would lay his head on the elder’s lap and it would be just like old times again. He would hum a soft tune as Mingyu closed his eyes and caught his breath, and Joshua would be reminded of all the reasons to stay. But with each passing day Mingyu was slowly fading away. Peter Pan no longer had time to play with his Wendy. He became even more like a fairytale – a being too enchanted, too caught up in his adventures, too far-away, for a simple boy like Joshua.
Joshua was walking that same path he did a year ago when he was running away from the shadows. They were still there, just a little out of reach. He had slowly realized over the months that those shadows were nothing to be afraid off – they were a part of life, just like how growing up was a part of life, just like how, he knew, sadly, painfully, deep down, that soon he would have to leave Neverland.
The dream was ending.
It would soon be time to wake up.
The bell over the door tinkled.
The both of them had hung out here often after they first met, but ever since Mingyu got busy with his training, they hadn’t been back for a few months now.
Hook’s.
Just the same as how they left it.
Someone bustled out from the kitchen but stopped when she saw him. The girl smiled sadly. “Long time no see, Wendy.”
“Same to you, Tinkerbell.”
Joshua shuffled slowly to the counter, climbing onto the tall barstool. Neither of them said anything for a while.
“So, business is slow as per usual?” Joshua prompted eventually.
She huffed. “You two were my best customers. What do you think?”
“Slow then.”
“I… I’m shutting the store.” He looked up sharply. For once, Tinkerbell - Eunwoo - didn’t look like her usual loud, confident self and couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. “It’s not making any money and the rent’s too high.”
“But–”
“The dream’s ending, Jisoo dear.”
His gaze dropped to his feet as he continued to swivel around and around on the stool. Eunwoo disappeared inside and came out with two mugs of hot chocolate. She moved over to a tiny corner table and Joshua followed after her.
“So how’s Mingyu?” she took a sip of her drink.
He shrugged. “The same.”
“Still Peter?”
“More. He’s gotten these ideas in his head. They’re beautiful. But…”
Joshua didn’t want to say it out loud but he didn’t have to. Eunwoo knew. And Joshua knew that deep down, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, he knew it too - the words that follow after the ‘but’.
But… One day he will fly far away, and never even remember a Wendy.
The practice room was dark when Joshua got there, but music still flowed through the halls and thumped across the floor. Joshua had an idea of what would be waiting for him at the end but he didn’t want to believe it.
His heart ached just thinking about it. He took small steps, trying to prolong the moment, this moment right here where Mingyu was still his to call ‘mine’. Because there was no guarantee he would still be at by the end of that night.
“He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believe
Believe in him and believe in me
Together we will fly away in a cloud of green
To your beautiful destiny
As we soared above the town that never loved me
I realized I finally had a family
Soon enough we reached Neverland
Peacefully my feet hit the sand
And ever since that day…”
It didn’t sound like a song one could dance to. Joshua peeked into the room and there he was, leaning against the glass, eyes closed and lost to the music. He shuffled inside. Mingyu’s eyes shot open. When their eyes met, Joshua suddenly knew how this story would end.
He didn’t want it to end.
“Hello… Wendy.”
“Hello Peter.”
“Are you… You’re not, leaving, are you?”
Joshua felt tears gather in his eyes. “I don’t know. Am I?”
Mingyu got up frantically, pulling his arms around the elder. “Please don’t go. I don’t want you to go.”
Joshua didn’t say anything, letting the tears speak for themselves. Because what else could he say? What else could he do to keep them like this, together, as one, in the same world?
Mingyu held him at arm’s length, staring into his eyes, willing him not to give up. “I’ll- I’ll be better. I won’t forget to call you again. We’ll hang out, like we used to. We’ll go out on dates that we got too little of. I’m sorry hyung I’ve been too busy I should’ve tried harder–”
“It’s not your fault Mingyu.” Joshua gently pushed his hands away. “This… Is no one’s fault.”
“Hyung...” he sounded so broken, and hurt.
Joshua couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. Mingyu was the best few months he’s ever had. It was Mingyu who had pulled him out of his own pain. Mingyu who was there for him when no one else was. Mingyu who taught him how to trust the shadows again. But Mingyu is also the one with an entire fantastic life ahead of him. He had so much to give the world and Joshua wouldn’t be the one to hold him back. Nothing good ever came from skinny love. Mingyu didn’t know it yet, but it would be better this way.
Just like how Wendy left her Peter, Joshua would have to leave his Mingyu.
They led two different lives now.
Joshua gave a watery smile. “I wish you luck Mingyu.”
“Hyung,” he stepped back as the younger reached forward to catch him, “Please don’t do this.”
“It’s time for me to grow up Peter.” Joshua tried for another smile, and then – he couldn’t help it – he planted a soft kiss on the other boy's cheek. “Be the very best you can be.”
Then Joshua turned, and left.
“Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free”