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Rough battle worn fingers entwined in her own as she wiped tears from her cheeks. Thrayda knew that today was going to be difficult. Far more difficult than anything else she had ever experienced in her life. Her adopted uncle Dwalin wrapped the arm that wasn't currently holding her hand around her shoulders and squeezing her tightly to his side.
The great hall was filled to bursting with people of every race in Middle Earth; men, elves, dwarves, hobbit's and men alike. All here to pay their respects to the royal family and say farewell to the great hobbit Bilbo Baggins. Eriyan and Brodyn were sandwiched between Fili and Fawna while they clutched at each other's hands; desperately trying to keep their brave faces on while tears threatened to spill over their lashes. Frodo sat beside Kili and Jocelyn, tears falling freely, and her father sat at the very front of the room beside their cousin Dain. The king's eyes were swollen and red from the tears that had been shed freely for the past three days, and not a soul in the room thought him weak for it.
Three days prior all of their friends and family had gathered in her parents bed chambers to cherish their last moments with her da in this world. They knew the time would come when he would have to pass, but it had not made it any easier. Thrayda had watched her Da grow old swiftly, his health decreasing, until he could no longer leave his bed. Her father had been 115, quite a long life for a hobbit, before he passed. Though he was old in years he had never lost the sparkle in his eyes, nor his mischievous nature or flirtatious love for his beloved husband. He was as kind, happy and cheerful as he had always been....all the way to the end.
She had watched as her papa held her da in his arms, the smaller man's breath shallow and rattling; a knowledge of what was coming haunting her from her memory of her da slipping from her as a child, only to be brought back by King Thranduil, ripped her heart in two. With shining eyes and a brilliant smile her da had brought a shaking hands to her papa's face, softly caressing the long plaited silver streaked beard. The hobbit's thumbs wiping away the tears that had streamed down the great dwarf kings face, and softly said, "...I think I'm ready...for another...adventure..." before his eyes drifted closed and his body stilled. The whole room was silent save for the quiet weeping of everyone in the room as they watched the king gently ease his life long love to rest completely on the bed and kissed the eyes of his beloved that would never open again; tears dripping from his face down into the lifeless body beneath him.
"Watch over us my love. Watch over us until we can be together again."
Slowly everyone had filed out of the room to give their little family an opportunity to mourn together. Frodo had been the first to approach their papa first, taking his adopted father into his arms and clutching tightly to his chest and allowed the older man to sob into his chest as he himself cried. Eriyan and Brodyn had stood beside the bed holding each other as they wrote the loss of their father while Thrayda had climbed up onto the bed and laid herself down beside her father. Angry tears had fallen from her cheeks as she rested her head on her now still father's body, the unfairness of the whole situation making her furious. Her da was supposed to grow old yes, but she wanted him here still. Wanted him to see her one day marry, to see her have children of her own, to be there when she needed him. But now he was gone.
She had laid there beside her father’s lifeless body for hours, not allowing even her Papa to remove her from her Da’s side, before she allowed herself to speak to her lifelong friend. The dwarf warrior gently placed his hands on her back as he sat on the edge of the bed and spoke softly to her, “Thrayda, princess, they must take his body away now love. They must prepare him for the burial dear.”
She clutched her father’s body tighter as fresh tears spilled from her eyes while her Papa watched her with heartbreak in his eyes from the doorway. “I can't leave him alone Mister Dwalin. I cant. Please don't let them take him away. I cant make it without him….I cant.”
Her warrior friend’s arms were quickly replaced by her Papa’s who sat behind her, wrapping his arms around her gently and resting his softly bearded face along her own lightly bearded one, as he took in a shaky breath.
“My sweetest and dearest little girl. I know this hurts, believe me I know. But do you know what your Da told me? He told me years ago, when you were just a wee thing, that he dreaded when this day would come. Not because he feared death, but because he dreaded leaving you and your siblings behind. But he knew this day would come, as we all did, and he wanted you to live your life and be so happy. He wanted you to grow and thrive and become the brilliant Princess and woman that you could be. He is not gone from you my love. He is with you right now, he is in this room with us and he is watching over us always. He will always be in your heart.” Her father’s fingers gently pet her hair as she wept before she allowed herself to release her Da’s body and buried her face in her Papa’s chest and she shook while she wept.
She had spent the next two days in silence in her room; refusing meals and visitors. She simply sat on her bed and clutched the bear that her father had made her all those years ago when she was a babe, and running her fingers reverently over the many little notes and silly drawings she had saved over the years in a box until her fingers landed on a sealed envelope that had not been in the pile in the last time she had opened the box before her father passed. On the front of the envelope was her name written in her Da’s handwriting. Hot tears filled her eyes as she carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the parchment that was held within as she read the words on it:
“My dearest sweet Thrayda,
If you are reading this than I have passed from this world and into the next. Please don’t be sad my darling. I know that this loss is difficult for you, but know that I am in Yavanna’s arms and watching over you every second. I would never leave you alone in this world my love. Though I am not with you in body I am with you in spirit and will always be in your heart. Should you ever feel alone or sick with grief I want you to do something for me. It is something that Kili had taught Frodo when he was young and I had done throughout my time when I missed my own parents. When the sadness and loneliness becomes too much of a burden to bear I want you to wrap your arms around yourself tightly and feel me with you. Feel my arms around you, feel the love that I have, and always will have for your enveloping your heart and know that I am with you...always. I love you with all my heart and always will no matter if we are worlds apart from one another. I will be with you always. Stay strong, grow, thrive, be the beautiful and magnificent being I have raised you to be. But most of all take care of your father, he needs you, your brothers need you. Be strong and know that I will always love you and that you have made me proud of you every day that you breathe. Farewell my darling daughter until we meet again.
My love for you always and forever,
Your Daddy.”
Closing the letter, now stained with her tears she placed it gently on her bed and wrapped her arms around herself; closing her eyes tight and felt the sweet spirit of her father around her. She sat in silence feeling the tightness of grief loosening on her heart as she held herself just as her father had instructed her before opening her eyes, taking a deep breathe and began to dress herself in the black mourning dress and robes that her Papa had placed in her room while she had slept the night before. Taking her time she buttoned the delicate buttons before going to her dressing table and took out the family beads that her Da had designed, and her Papa had made; carefully plaiting her hair and beard and placing the silver clasps on the ends before emerging from her room to see her brothers and father sitting on the chairs and sofa of their family sitting room.
Swiftly she made her way to where her father was sitting with his head in his hands, his crown heavy on his head and wrapped her arms around him tightly drawing him to her chest and hugging him fiercely. “I love you Papa….so much. I am sorry….I am so sorry.”
As he lifted his head her father placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her forehead gently before the door opened and her Aunt Dis stepped into the room. “It is time now brother, everyone is in place.” Thrayda walked hand in hand with her father into the great hall before she had to break from his arm and take her ever brilliant warrior, Mister Dwalin’s arm. Thrayda watched as her father stood and the entire room fell silent as he walked up to the front of the room began to speak.
“Today we are here to acknowledge and honor a very important member of this kingdom. My consort, my husband, the love of my life, the bearer of my children, and the best thing to happen to this kingdom and myself. Bilbo Baggins was the bravest soul I had ever met. He stood against trolls, a dragon, and most importantly me. He saved this kingdom, he risked his life to return it to the dwarves and helped to rebuild it. Because of Bilbo Baggins we have been able to rebuild our relationships with the elves, and men and develope a wonderful relationship with the race of hobbits. He was intelligent, kind, and loving. This kingdom has suffered a great loss from his death….I have suffered a great loss from his death. Bilbo Baggins made me a better ruler, a better dwarf, a better father. A part of my heart has left this world with him. But today we will honor his memory of all the good he has done for us all. Today we raise our glasses to the greatest consort to the king that this mountain has ever seen. But this is not goodbye. Until we can be together again my love, my life.”
As the king finished speaking Dwalin kissed Thrayda’s hands before standing up, along with Fili, Kili, Bofur, Nori, to join her father and Dain beside her Da’s body that was laid out on a stone platform, dressed in his royal robes, braids in his hair, and a flower crown resting on his head; his consort crown resting gently on his chest under his fingertips. A lump grew in her throat as Thrayda watch the strongest men she knew with tears pouring from their eyes, effortlessly lift stone platform that held her Da’s body and walk in time with one another to carry him from the great hall. In a split second Thrayda’s hand was clasped in her adopted brother’s hand. The young hobbit helping to guide her and their twin brothers out to follow the procession of the royal family to follow their father’s body to the tombs in the mountain; the heavy footsteps of all echoing through the silent polished halls of Erebor until they reached the tombs of the great kings and royalty that had served the mountain before.
Silence fell over the tombs as the great dwarves who helped raise her and care for her carefully lowered her father’s body gingerly into the tomb that had the words “Bilbo Baggins: Consort, Father, Friend, Husband” written in both common tongue and Khuzdul. As they carefully placed the lid to the tomb over the top grief clenchened once again at the princess’ chest; the finality of the action ripping her heart in two while her Aunt began to speak the adrûthigulûb, The dwarven words of mourning,while Kili translated into common tongue.
“Umhûdizu tadaizd ku’ adrûthîzd, Mahal , murukhîzd udu charach bakhuzizu ra udnîn izd ana ghiluz nur.”
“Bless those who mourn, creator, shield them from the pain with your hammer and guide them to a new day…..farewell Bilbo Baggins of the Shire and Erebor.”
As Kili and her Aunt Dis finished speaking the Dwarven Prayer of Mourning the rest of the group filed out of the tombs to leave the royal family alone to mourn together, each of her siblings, cousins, aunt and adopted uncles came to her and hugged her tight until the only two that were left in the tombs were herself and her father; Frodo and the twins too heart broken to stay any longer. But like her father, Thrayda could not bring herself to leave tombs quite yet.
“You remind me of your Da so much did you know that?” Her Papa’s voice broke the silence of the room causing her to start. “You have his same rosey cheeks, pointed ears, the same bright laughter. You will be the joy in $my days my dear.” Strong arms wrapped around her as tears filled her eyes.
“I miss his so much Papa.”
“I know my love.”
“Will this pain ever go away?”
“I dont yet know. But having you and your brothers with me is helping my pain. To know that together your Da and I created such wonderful and perfect creatures and raised our beloved Frodo as well brings joy to my heart and helps to ease the hurt that clenches at my heart when the sadness begins to be too much. Hold on to the happy memories my sweet. They help to take away the sting of the loss.”
With a final kiss on her cheek her father left her to sit with her thoughts til the hour grew late and she returned to the still and silent living quarters of their family. Stripping off her mourning robes she slipped into her nightgown and under her covers, unable to stop crying again. She sobbed into her pillow until she could take it no longer and gathered up her cherished bear and quietly padded her way through the sitting room to her fathers’ bed chambers and silently opened the door; feeling as if she were five years old again. She was met with the sight of all three of her brothers huddled together asleep in bed with their father who was lying with his eyes wide open, red and filled with tears still. As soon as Thorin’s eyes landed on her he smiled at her and pat the covers beside him on the bed. She quickly made her way over to the bed and climbed on top of the covers, pulling her Da’s blanket from the edge of the bed and laid her head on her father’s chest and breathed in the fading scent of her Da. Tears renewed she buried her face in her her Papa’s chest as he placed a soft kiss to her wild curls and whispered in her hair. “We will make it through this my dear. I promise you we will.”