Work Text:
PROMISES
You sat on the bathroom floor, clutching the test result which showed a clear positive. You shake the tester again, hoping for the plus to change into a minus, but of course you have no such luck.
Maybe if I try it again?
You shook your head and cleared your thoughts. This was already your fifth test and all of them told you that you were pregnant.
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That night you lay awake in bed, unable to fall asleep. How were you going to tell Dean that you were pregnant with his child?
You had been hunting with the Winchester brothers for over ten years now. Sam Winchester was the first brother that you met. You had literally run into him when both of you were chasing down the same lead - a nest of vampires in Ohio. Sam and you had bonded very quickly. Over the years you've even come to call him your best friend. But Dean was harder to get close to. He welcomed the idea of you joining the boys in hunting but it took you years to get him to open up to you. And when you got to know Dean Winchester, you couldn't help but fall in love with the broken man who tried too hard to do the right thing. It had taken a few more years till you had the courage to admit your feelings to him but when you did, you were surprised to find that he reciprocated those feelings too.
Tonight Sam and Dean were in a nearby city, tracking down a rogue werewolf. You had opted to stay behind in the bunker and the boys had not asked you any questions. Dean had kissed you goodbye and promised to come home soon. And all of a sudden you couldn't hold in the tears. You felt nervous and scared. Dean was a wonderful person and you knew that he cared a lot for you but you had no idea on how he would react to the prospect of having a baby. A hunter's life was not a place for a child and Dean would probably not want to burden himself with parenthood. He might even ask you to leave the bunker that you had started to call home.
Calm down Y/N. Dean would never do that
You tried to convince yourself but to no use. That nagging annoying voice remained at the back of your head. Finally, you realised what you needed to do. The answer was simple. You had to leave and never look back.
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You sat on the bed with your legs folded under you. You tore a sheet of paper from your journal and started writing
Dean,
You've probably realised that I've taken my things and left the bunker. I did it for a reason. A reason which I can't share, Dean. And stop. Before you blame yourself, know that it wasn't your fault that I left. Yes I'm still in love with you, but no I can't stay here any more. Things have changed Dean and now something's come up and I can't live the hunter life anymore. I don't want to live the hunter life anymore. I'm so sorry Dean. I know that this is extremely selfish of me to do this to not only you, but to Sam too. You have every right to hate me now but.... but maybe one day you'll understand. Maybe one day you'll understand why I did this and who knows? Maybe you'll be relieved too.
I need to ask you just one more thing Winchester. Please don't look for me. Don't come searching for me. I know that one day is a very short and cruel time to lose somebody you've known and come to love for many years, but I'm struggling to do this too. I'm sorry. I really am. I love you Dean.
-Y/N
You looked at the paper in your hand. Your handwriting was shabby as you had been shaking as you had written the letter. But it was readable. There were a couple of tear stains on the paper too but they hadn't blurred out any words. you got up and left the letter in the desk of your drawer. You knew that Dean wouldn't leave a single place unturned. Grabbing your backpack you looked at your room one final time before stepping into the night.
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"Dude you can't just sit and sulk here forever man. It's been six months till Y/N left and you know that she's good at running and hiding. There's no way you can find her."
"I have to try Sammy," Dean looked at his younger brother in annoyance. "Don't you want to know why she left too?"
"Yes I do Dean," Sam sat down next to his brother. "But you're obsessing over finding her Dean. Take a break."
Dean just shook his head and pulled his laptop towards him and went to work on finding Y/N again. He might have missed something when he had checked the local security cameras the first time.
"Dean just listen to me." Sam closed Dean's laptop which earned him a glare from the older Winchester. "Take the Impala out for a ride Dean. She's gathering dust."
At the mention of the Impala, Dean's mood shifted slightly. He hadn't taken Baby out since forever and he knew that he needed to fill up her tank with petrol.
"Fine," Dean said, giving in. "I'll go fill up Baby, but that's the only thing that I'm doing."
"Something's better than nothing." Sam flashed his brother a triumphant smile.
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"That'll be 10 dollars and 50 cents ma'am."
You smiled a practiced smile at the customer who gathered her things before leaving the Gas n' Sip. You'd been employed - for the past three months - at this convenience store which connected to a petrol station. In this place you could finally collect your thoughts. You missed the hunter life. You missed Sam. But above all, you missed Dean. You thought of him everyday. Sometimes at night, you would stay awake yearning to see him again. But going back was never an option. But before you could let your thoughts stray further, you were interrupted.
"Y/N?"
You looked up with a jolt. You would recognise that voice anywhere. You looked up to see Dean Winchester looking at you. His face was a mix of various emotions - none of which you could place.
"Dean? How did you find me?"
"I - I don't know," Dean's eyes never left yours. "I was supposed to fill the Impala's tank but I decided to go for a long drive to clear my head and finally stopped here to fill her."
"Dean- " You started to say.
"Why?"
That was it. All it took was one word from Dean Winchester to break you. You felt tears forming and your vision was starting to blur.
"I'm so sorry Dean," You blurted out. "I had no choice."
"No choice? What are you talking about?"
This was it. You had to tell Dean. You took a deep breath and stepped from behind the counter. Dean's eyes widened when he saw your baby bump.
"Wait is that-?" he stammered. "Are you...?"
"Yes Dean, I'm pregnant."
It felt good to finally let it out. You looked hesitantly at Dean. This was it.
"And the baby's mine?"
Dean's face held an expression you couldn't place. Hope? Joy? Fear? Maybe all.
You just nodded your head and bit you lip in concern as you regarded Dean.
"Is this why you left?" Dean asked you.
You nodded again. Dean took a step towards you and before you could process what was happening your face was buried in his chest.
"I was really worried Y/N," Dean muttered into your hair. "I thought that I did something wrong."
"It wasn't your fault Dean. It was mine. I panicked and I reacted in the most stupid way possible."
"But why did you react that way?"
"I - I thought that you may not want to bring a child into this life and I was scared that you might ask me to leave," You whispered, cringing at how stupid your words sounded.
"You thought that I would ask you to leave?" Dean sounded incredulous. "Y/N, this is the happiest I've been in a while. My own father was an abusive bastard and that makes me want to be a much better father figure. And now I have the opportunity to experience that with the girl I've loved and always will love."
You couldn't take it anymore. You went on your toes and pulled Dean closer to you and kissed him hard. Dean kissed you back without any hesitation. Your lips moved together and you kissed each other with hunger, need and passion. You were six months apart after all. Dean tasted familiar and you never truly realised how much you had missed him.
"Why did you think that I would not want to have kids?" Dean asked you once you pulled apart.
"Well," you started with a small smile, "remember when we were waiting in the hospital room one day while checking out a case in Michigan and there was this baby who would never stop crying and you got a bit annoyed with him?"
"Oh come on! I was not annoyed at him." Dean said, scratching the back of his neck.
"You started to bribe the baby with cash to get him to shut up." You couldn't help but smile as you remembered that day. "That day I thought that you probably don't like kids all that much."
Dean just shook his head with a small smile. He held your hands in his,
"Y/n I would love nothing more than to raise our kid with you. Sure they can be annoying but in the end I've always loved kids."
"But you don't want me to tell that to Sammy, do you?" You asked Dean with a smirk.
"Oh God no," Dean looked horrified. "I've got a reputation to maintain."
You burst out laughing at that and you saw Dean looking at you with a clear expression. You had no doubts this time. He was looking at you with love.
"Y/N promise me one thing," Dean's green eyes locked to yours. "Promise never to leave me again."
"I promise Dean." You meant it. You're never going to leave him again. "Let's go home."
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It had been over a month since you had returned to the bunker. You had apologised to Sam for leaving him too without any explanation. Sam was hurt but when he noticed the baby he pulled you into one of his bear hugs and the big guy looked like he was going to cry too. Ever since then the Winchester boys pampered you and took care of you. You didn't mind them looking after you but it did annoy you at times. Dean never allowed you to eat any junk food and fed you only veggies. It wasn't fair that you had to eat salads while the boys ate greasy diner food. Dean once caught you sneaking in a midnight snack and to put it in a simple way, he wasn't happy:
"Y/N! What are you doing?"
You flinched as you heard Dean's voice.
"Um checking if the food is still here?" You offered with a meek smile with your mouth filled with cake.
Dean sighed and walked over to you and took the cake from your hands. You pouted and tried to grab the cake back from his arms, but he just held it higher - out of your reach.
"Y/N I promise to throw you a feast and take you out to fast food diners everyday after our baby's born. It's just two months sweetheart, hold on until then."
You huffed and crossed your arms and refused to look at Dean. But Dean suddenly stooped down and placed a huge kiss on your lips which left you red and flustered. Damn... you had been dating this idiot for more than five years and he still left you a mess. God you loved him. Dean smiled as if he knew exactly what you were thinking and his expression told you that he loved you too.
"Come on sweetheart. Let's get back to bed and get some sleep."
Dean had also started reading books on parenting. Him and Sam started getting the nursery ready for the baby. You didn't know if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. You had decided not to find out beforehand.
"It's definitely gonna be a girl," Dean said. "I'm going to have another baby girl."
"Another?" You raised your eyebrows at him.
"You're my baby girl too aren't you?" Dean said with a wink.
You burst out laughing at how cheesy he sounded and the fact that Sam was gagging behind Dean did not reduce your laughter.
"I think it's a boy Dean," You said placing a hand over your swollen belly.
"Have you guys decided on baby names yet?" Sam called out.
You shook your head. "Not yet Sammy. We haven't agreed on one yet."
"She wants to name the kid Jensen if it's a boy!" Dean told Sam with a horrified expression. "I mean, who names their kid Jensen? It's so old school."
"Hey!" You protested. "I think Jensen's cute."
"So this is why you guys haven't come up with baby names yet," Sam said with a chuckle and a shake of his head.
"I want to name the baby Danneel." Dean was smiling.
You vaguely flailed your arms at Dean and rolled your eyes as you looked at Sam with an 'I told you that this guy is hopeless at baby names' look, but you secretly loved the name. You thought that the names Jensen and Danneel had a cute ring to it. But of course, you were never gonna admit this to Dean.
Dean ruffled your hair as Sam muttered something that sounded like 'idiots' under his breath. But all three of you were smiling. This baby was going to be the best thing to happen to all of you and you couldn't wait till he or she was born.
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Dean paced his room. He ran it through his head again. He then decided to practice his proposal to you once again in front of the mirror. He was going to ask you to marry him after you had the baby. Dean took a deep breath and faced himself in the mirror.
"Y/N, I've known you for ten years and I've loved you for almost the same amount of time. My time with you has been the most wonderful of my whole life. You make me laugh when I feel like crying. You've made me realise that there is good in this world after all. Damn Y/n/n, I love you so freaking much. The way you laugh and tease me... damn sweetheart you're gonna be the death of me. And when I thought things couldn't get any better, we're going to have a baby together. I don't care if it's a girl or a boy, I'll love them either-way cause it's gonna be our baby sweetheart. I'm finally going to have the family I've always wanted and I wanted to make it official. So Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N will you do me the honour of marrying me?"
Dean let out a breath as he smiled at himself in the mirror. Now all that he had to do was say those exact words to you instead of a mirror. He held the small but elegant diamond ring in his hand. Small and elegant like the girl he loved. Like the girl he was going to marry.
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It was around 11 pm when Dean got the call from you.
"Dean, it's me Y/N"
"Y/N? What happened? You sound out of breath." Dean sat up straight on his bed. Something was wrong.
"I was attacked Dean. Vampires. I took care of them but I got hurt really badly." your voice sounded strained and filled with pain.
Dean cursed himself as he shot out of his bed and grabbed the Impala keys. You had just gone out for a grocery shopping - much against Dean's wishes. But now you were hurt and it was his fault. He should have not let you go. Not even on a milk run.
"Y/N! Are you okay? Where are you? I'm coming to get you."
"I think the baby's coming too Dean. I'm going to the Justice Hospital near the Freeway. Come there as soon as you can Dean."
The line disconnected and Dean sucked in a sharp breath.
You were in labor.
You had been attacked.
Dean had to get to you.
He roughly shook Sam awake and soon the two of them were speeding towards the hospital. White noise screamed in Dean's head as he blocked out all other noise. When they reached the hospital, Dean dashed to the receptionist's desk.
"Excuse me but may I know where Y/N Y/L/N is?"
The receptionist gave him the room number. She was in room 221. Dean dashed up the stairs, taking two at a time, and Sam was close behind. But they were not allowed into the room. Dean got frustrated enough that he wanted to punch something. Anything. But Sam calmed him down. After what seemed like hours but was probably just thirty minutes, the doctor stepped out of the room. A nurse followed quickly behind him and she was carrying two small bundles. Sam and Dean quickly went over.
"Are you the father?" The doctor asked Sam.
"No I am." Dean spoke up.
"Congrats sir. You have twins. A boy and a girl." The nurse handed the two small bundles to him and for the first time in a long while, Dean smiled. His kids were sleeping and they looked so small and fragile. But they were beautiful and he was already in love. But something was wrong. One look at the doctor and Dean recognised his expression. It was the same expression that he held when talking to the close ones of the victim when he was working a case.
"Doctor what is it?" Dean felt choked. Terrible thoughts ran through his head. "Where is Y/N?"
"Sir you may want to sit down." The nurse made a move as to take the twins from his hand but Dean avoided her and held his babies closer to his chest.
"He asked you a question, doctor," Sam said, sending a pleading glance at the doctor.
"I'm sorry to say this," the doctor started, "But Y/N was suffering from extreme physical injuries and had lost a lot of blood."
No.... no this can't be happening
"I'm sorry but we were unable to save her."
Dean felt a choking lump in his throat and furiously blinked back tears.
You can't be dead. You had been smiling and laughing just yesterday. You couldn't be gone today.
Feeling numb, Dean handed the twins to his brother who looked like he was fighting back tears too. He pushed past the doctor and the nurse and walked into the hospital room. You were lying on the bed and the sheets were stained in blood. If it were not for the blood, you could have been sleeping. Dean sat on the bed next to your pale body and took your cold hands in his.
"Just one more miracle Y/N. Please." He begged.
He didn't bother holding back the tears this time. He let them flow freely and cried openly.
"You promised never to leave me again Y/N. Come back sweetheart. I love you so much and I can't let you go." Dean squeezed your lifeless hands.
"We were going to be the perfect family." Dean found it harder to get the words out. "I was going to ask you to marry me."
The ring inside his jeans pocket felt like dead weight now. It was going to be a reminder for failure. His failure to keep Y/N safe. His unsaid proposal looped meaninglessly in his head.
Dean had no idea how long he sat there, holding your hand but soon Sam was there by his side. A silent support. All through the night the Winchester boys grieved for the girl that they had come to consider family.
Dean finally got up and looked at Sam, "We're not going to cremate her. We'll just bury her."
"Dean... just promise that you won't do anything stupid." Sam pleaded with his brother.
"I can't afford to do anything now. I have two children Sammy." Dean smiled a small smile as he looked at the sleeping twins. "Jensen and Danneel. They are perfect."