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Even hadn’t been doing so well recently.
While he hadn’t had a manic episode in quite a while, he had ended up in particularly long depressive episodes a couple of times in the last three months. The one he was in right now had really been weighing on Isak. He wanted to care for his boyfriend and give him everything he could to make Even feel better, but he found the depressive episodes harder to handle than the manic ones.
At least when Even was manic, Isak knew exactly what he had to do: keep Even physically safe and try and stop him from doing anything particularly dangerous or out there. When Even was depressed, there was no clear thing Isak could do to help the situation. If he prodded too much, Even would get mad at him and shut him out. If he was too caring, Even felt like a burden and his mood would get even worse. If he left Even to his own devices, Even would feel neglected and unloved. There was nothing Isak could do that didn’t have a possibility of ending badly.
It was on his way home from school after skipping last period, too anxious to leave Even alone for too long to stay for the entire school day, that he got an idea. He took the long way home so that he could stop to pick up something for Even and got home about an hour later than he had promised.
It was silent when Isak came home, and if he didn’t know any better, he would have raced into their bedroom to make sure Even was safe. Instead, he gently set down the box he was carrying on their poor excuse for a dining room table and took off his shoes and jacket, “Even?” he called out, “I’m home,”
There was no response, but Isak didn’t think much of that. When Even was depressed, all he wanted to do was sleep. On the off chance that Even was awake, he probably wouldn’t have responded anyway. Isak picked up the box again and made his way to the bedroom to see the state his boyfriend was currently in.
When he opened the door, he was only slightly surprised to see that Even was actually awake. Even had wrapped himself up in their comforter and had tucked his hand under his chin, but his eyes remained open as he stared at nothing, “Hey,” Isak said. Even only responded with a small grunt, but Isak had to admit that it was one of his better possible responses. At least he was acknowledging that Isak was there, “I brought you something,” he said.
He saw Even sigh and close his eyes for a moment. He knew Even was feeling guilty, thinking that Isak had gone out of his way to get something to bring Even out of his depression. While it was true that Isak went out of his way to make Even feel better, it wasn’t much compared to the fact that Isak would have gone to the end of the earth to make his boyfriend feel even the slightest bit better.
“You didn’t have to,” Even whispered quietly, not even making eye contact with his boyfriend who had now walked up to the end of their bed and had placed the box he was carrying on the end.
“I know,” Isak said. He knew that despite what Even said, there would still be a small part of him that was thankful for any kind of gift or sign that Isak cared that he brought him, “but I thought I could do something nice for either you, me, or someone else,”
Even looked at Isak in confusion and raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t noticed the box until now, but when he did, he stared at it intensely, wondering what Isak could have possibly brought him, “Did I ever tell you about Lea?” Isak asked. Even shook his head, so his boyfriend continued, “Lea was our family pet that we had growing up,” he began, “Whenever I was sad or something bad was happening with my mom, Lea was always there, even if she didn’t understand what was happening,”
Even sat up slightly at this point and supported himself on his elbows, “Isak, what have you done?” he asked. Before Isak could properly respond, a not so soft meow came from the box Isak had been carrying. Even’s eyes went wide and for a moment, Isak wondered if he could have just made everything a lot worse. But when his doubt came up, he remembered Lea and how nice it was to have some living being love him unconditionally.
Isak reached down and opened up the box so that a small black face could poke out of the top and look around, “We can name her something else, but the shelter called her Cleo,” Isak said softly. Isak didn’t think it was possible, but Even’s eyes went even wider as he saw the small cat tentatively put her paw at the edge of her box and seemingly start contemplating leaving her safe space.
Neither Even nor Isak spoke for a couple minutes as they watched Cleo slowly place a paw on the bed and pull herself out of the box. She wasn’t a big cat, but she wasn’t small either. She was long and slim, and a little bit clumsy, Isak noted as she managed to trip getting out of the box. Isak also didn’t miss the small chuckle he heard escape Even’s lips.
Cleo meowed again. It was louder than any cat Isak had ever heard before and he wondered if Cleo would always be this loud. The two boys watched as Cleo made her way across the bed with each paw step taking a couple seconds as if Cleo wasn’t sure if the soft bedding would support her weight. When she had finally reached Even, she leaned in to sniff him, then gave another loud meow as if to say hello.
Isak’s heart warmed as he saw Even give a small smile, the first he had given in over a week at how Cleo was checking him out. It didn’t take long at all for Cleo to decide she was safe next to Even as she soon curled up in a ball next to where he slept.
“You got a cat?” Even finally broke the silence.
Isak had been so enthralled with how cute Cleo was, that he hadn’t even bothered to think about whether Even would actually want a cat or not. He had just assumed the animal would be good for him.
“Yeah,” Isak whispered, “I guess I did,”
Even looked at Isak then back down at the cat who had tucked her nose under the tip of her tail, “You got a black cat?” Even continued, “Don’t you know those are supposed to be bad luck?”
Isak shrugged, sensing that Even wouldn’t be saying something like that if he was vehemently opposed to the creature, “I read somewhere that because people think that, black cats are the most euthanized cat,” That was true: that Isak had read that somewhere and that black cats were often put down because no one would adopt them, but that hadn’t been why Isak had picked Cleo out.
He had done it because every time Isak turned to a different cat in the room full of free roaming felines at the shelter, Cleo had come up to him and meowed as if she was demanding attention. Isak had settled on a different cat at first, who had then bitten him when he tried to pick her up, but Cleo had been there the entire time, smiling at him in the best way a cat possibly could. Isak couldn’t have imagined actually taking home any other animal than her.
“I thought she deserved a chance,” he finally said. Then his smile softened and he felt himself transported to his life as a second year student when he had first met Even, “Like the chance you gave me,”
If it hadn’t been for Even, Isak didn’t think he would have ever managed to be completely comfortable in his sexuality. If it wasn’t for Even, Isak didn’t even want to think of the kind of person he could have become.
There was another long silence and Even had stopped looking at Isak, and instead focused on the cat who was comfortably settled next to him. He reached out slowly and placed his hand on her to which he was greeted with a soft meow and a small purr that began and gave no hint of stopping any time soon, “Hi, Cleo,” Even whispered. There was another moment in which Even dragged his hand across Cleo’s back, possibly feeling the softness Isak had already managed to fall in love with. A small smile creeped up on his face as Cleo stretched and settled herself closer into him than before, “Welcome home,”
Isak couldn’t help but smile himself as he heard his boyfriend accept the tiny animal. As if she could understand, Cleo gave out another soft meow and Isak found his smile growing even bigger, “So you like her?” Isak found himself asking, “We can keep her?”
Even turned back to his boyfriend with his eyebrows raised, “Isak,” he said softly, “You can’t bring an animal into this house and expect me to not want her,” he looked back down at the cat and Isak found his heart so full that he could almost cry. Even, at least for now, was happy, and that was all Isak could have hoped for.
Isak made Even something to eat and did his homework in the kitchen to let Even continue his sleep with Cleo curled up by him. It was late at night when Isak finally made it back into his bed where he found Even fast asleep, his arm rested over Cleo, pulling her in closer.
Isak just smiled at the little black cat. The people at the shelter had said her birthday was next month and despite her size, she wasn’t even a full year old. Isak leaned in so his face was less than an inch away from the cat and reached out ever so slightly to kiss the top of her head, “Thank you,” he whispered. Cleo gave a small noise that resembled one of Even’s grunts.
“No,” Isak heard from the boy who he thought was already asleep. Even took his arm off Cleo despite her small meow in protest and used his hand to cup Isak’s cheek, “Thank you, Isak,”
Isak looked up into Even’s sleepy eyes and gave his best attempt at a smile, “I love you,” Even whispered.
Even smiled and pulled Isak closer to him so that Cleo was effectively squished between the two of them before he gently pulled Isak into a soft kiss. It wasn't a particularly long kiss, but it had been the most intimate they had shared since Even became depressed and it meant the world to Isak. When Even finally pulled away, Isak could see the intense love Even had for him. Isak laughed to himself, thinking how Even could never love him as much as he loved Even, “I love you more,”