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2AM
Jesse wakes up sweating and gasping at some hellish hour of the night. His room is dark and he closes his eyes tight. He is painfully aware at the lack of another human being in his room. He takes deep breaths and looks at the neon red colored numbers on the alarm clock on his dresser. He spends almost half hour trying to go back to sleep, and when he can’t but has calmed down just enough to stop shaking and gasping for air he gets out of bed and shrugs on a hoodie and a pair of jeans. He shoves his half charged phone and his keys into his pockets before he heads out. He puts on a pair of old beat up track sneakers and is out of the house. Everyone else sleeping unaware of him.
2:45AM
He’s just going on a walk to clear his head he says. He lets his feet take him wherever. The streets are almost completely vacant besides the odd person here and there and he’s thankful for that. He stops when he notices just where he is. He’s in a park. The same park that Jack and Gabe use to take him too when he was smaller. It’s vacant but not many people bring their children to the park at almost 3AM. He makes his way to the swings and sits there for awhile before he fishes his phone out of his pocket. His fingers move across the screen almost automatically, till they come to a pause over a contact number. He takes a deep breath he doesn't want to call him but he has too, because as much as he dosen’t want to admit it he can’t handle these thoughts by himself. He needs someone to ground him. He needs Hanzo to ground him. So he presses call, and brings the phone up to his ear with a soft exhale.
3AM
“Hello” The voice on the other side is soft ,tired and filled with sleep.
“H-Hi Hanzo” He mentally curses himself for stuttering
“Jesse? Are you okay?” Jesse makes sure to note the hint of worry and fear and endge of panic in the others voice.
“Yeah I’m fine. I’m sorry if I woke you darlin’ ” He notes the sigh that comes from the other side of the call. It isn’t upset, it’s relieved.
“No don’t worry about it , I’m always up at 3 in the morning. What’s wrong?” He can hear Hanzo shift in his bed. Probably to sit up.
“Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice.” I want to see you Jesse thinks to himself. But keeps his mouth closed and those thoughts to himself.
“It’s not nothing, you wouldn’t be calling me at 3am if it was nothing.” Jesse hates that Hanzo can read him so well , even on the phone.
“Just can’t sleep that’s all.” I want to see you. I want to feel you. I want you to hold me. His thoughts scream but keeps his mouth shut still. He can hear the cars pass by on the street next to the park.
“Jesse where exactly are you?” Hanzo ask and Jesse wonders if he ask because of the car or just because.
“The park why?” Are you coming to get me? He thinks. No he hopes.
“I want to see you. I’ll be there in a bit” It’s the moments like this when Jesse loves how well Hanzo knows him.
“What no you should go back to bed.” yes please. I don’t know if I can hold it together much longer without you .
“I want to see you. I’ll be there.” He can hear Hanzo getting dressed and hear the opening and closing of a door. Soon followed by Hanzo’s breathing. “I’ll be there Jesse so don’t move.”
“Okay” is all he can manage to say before Hanzo hangs up the phone. He feels guilty for pulling Hanzo out of bed, but is relieved that he doesn't have to face his thoughts alone.
3:20AM
Hanzo arrives at the park pretty quickly and takes a seat on the swing Next to Jesse. Hanzo hands him a pack of cigarettes, marlboro it isn't his usual cigars but they’ll do. He opens the package and pulls one out and places it between his lips. He fishes a lighter out of his pocket and lights up the smoke. He hands the pack back to hanzo and watches him light one too. They stay like that for a moment. Just sitting on the swings smoking in silence. He watches as Hanzo takes a long drag from the cigarette and lets out the smoke as a deep sigh.
“Another nightmare?” Hanzo ask looking a Jesse
Jesse takes to looking at the rubber mats padding the swing area like the most interesting thing ever to be created on the face of planet earth. He lets out a puff of smoke and nods. To hanzo he was an open book so there was no use to lie.
“You should have just told me. How long have you been awake now?” Hanzo said taking another deep drag before dropping the cigarette butt and stubbing it out under his boots.
He looks down at the time on his phone.
3:35AM
“Lil over an hour and a half.” he says glancing over at Hanzo
“Wanna talk about it?” Hanzo says. He doesn't say it so his voice is soft. As if the words might just up and break him ,Jesse is forever grateful about that.
“Nah , not yet at least” He says taking a deep breath and stubbing out the Cigarette in his hand.They stay like that in a comfortable silence for some while , and when Jesse stands up Hanzo soon follows. They walk in the same silence all the way back to Jesse’s house. It’s comfortable and easy. But for Jesse everything seemed comfortable and easy with Hanzo around. They make their way inside and up to Jesse's room.
Hanzo sits on the bed with his back against the headboard. Jesse makes his way on the bed and lies in between Hanzo’s legs. His head against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat , steady and strong. Just like Hanzo. He can feel Hanzo playing with his hair. He lets his thoughts come to a stop, it takes a while. But they do.
4AM
“It was the one with you in it.” Jesse finally says after their time in absolute silence.”I’ve been having that one more often and it just shakes me up. I can’t do it, whenever I wake up from it and you're not here I can’t help but think bad things.” He finally finishes.
“But I’m right here. I’ll always be right here, and you know that it’ll be a cold day in hell before I leave you alone.” Hanzo says back and there is just something about talking to a person at 4am that makes it feel raw.Jesse just takes a deep breath. “I know but, I just can’t stop thinking that you might not be okay till I see you.”He says his face flushing slightly. “Well I’m okay. So don’t worry.” Hanzo says softly. His hand still playing with Jesse’s hair.
Jesse can feel himself drifting off and mutters words that will be lost to the night in the morning “Aishiteru”. But he’s awake to hear more words soon to be lost to the night “Te Amo”. It’s not soon after that Jesse falls victim to lady sleep and soon after that Hanzo falls victim to her too.
5AM