Work Text:
july 17, 2017
Wonwoo reckons that birthdays should be filled with happiness; though Wonwoo hasn't experienced that emotion in a long while. For him, birthdays should be the epitome of wonder, complete with surprise parties and sugary sweet cakes. He appreciates the fan's presents for him, he really does. However, it still doesn't make the hole in his heart disappear. It's too gaping- nothing can fix him anymore.
Despite this, he still wears his bright, and terribly fake, smile. He pretends that there aren't tears welling up in his eyes as he blows out the candles, clapping and putting on his facade for thousands of them. The stage lights are too bright. The flashes of their phones are too bright. It's too much. There's too much goddamn light, while all he wants to do is cower in the darkness. The only light he can handle at this point is the sun- and how much he loves the sun. It's his last sliver of hope.
So after the concert ends, he hides. He hides under the illusion that everything is fine once more. Nobody bothers to ask him how he's doing, and he wouldn't tell them the truth if they did decide to care about him. The tears fall moments after he buries his face in the duvet, staining the light material in patches of muddy eyeliner and thick tears. The room feels tight again, the demons that hide in the crevices of the pristine white ceiling closing down on him and taunting him with their worst words. Sobs wrack through his ribs as he grips onto the cotton tighter, willing his head to leave him alone. You'renotgoodenough, you'renotgoodenough flows through his ears like a mantra, distorted and malicious.
It's so loud that he doesn't hear the door open, doesn't see Mingyu's gangly legs rushing towards the foot of his bed. He doesn't see Mingyu's face twist into one of concern, and he definitely doesn't see him reach out his arms to pull Wonwoo out of his personal hell.
Tears are still rolling in waves down Wonwoo's cheeks when he lifts his head, result of the younger shaking him out of his thoughts. His eyes widen before he scoots back on the mattress, wiping furiously at the wet redness on his face. It doesn't work at all, feelings pouring out of his eyes like a waterfall. He doesn't want it to happen like this. Mingyu was never supposed to find out about this. He doesn't get very far before he's pulled into Mingyu's embrace, the taller pressing his forehead against Wonwoo's cheek. He rocks them back and forth, whispering sugary words into Wonwoo's ear in an attempt to calm him down.
Eventually Mingyu pulls away, expression falling at the sight of Wonwoo's face. "Hey," he murmurs, running a hand through the older's hair. "You told me you weren't sad anymore, Wonwoo."
It's then when Wonwoo really cracks, letting out a broken sigh before bursting into tears again. He topples over and lays his head in Mingyu's lap, chest heaving and arms shaking with effort. His head spins with pain, a rippling headache pressing into his skull. "I- I just, you know.. it hurts, Mingyu." Wonwoo's eyes close, eyelashes clumping with tears as he tries to pour his heart out. "It hurts to be alive. I don't know what to do. I've wanted.. wanted to jump off the top of this stupid building for so long. And maybe I should just do it, yeah? Maybe I should."
The younger shakes his head furiously, shushing him and taking Wonwoo's face into his palms. Mingyu's own tears start to fall as he presses kisses to the shorter's forehead, apologizing over and over again. "Please don't think about that. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm so s-sorry."
"Why are you sorry, Mingyu? It's my fault. Mine."
Mingyu sniffles before he wholeheartedly wipes away Wonwoo's tears, pulling him up and cradling him in his chest with a quivering frown.
"Jeon Wonwoo. I've got you. None of this is your fault, I promise. I've got you now, and I'm not going to let you go this time. I'll be here for you, always."
"Always."