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Shiro sighed into the dark, dry air of his room, eyes closed. He'd been laying on his bed for what felt like vargas, but sleep refused to come to him, nerves winning out over exhaustion every time. He tried his morning exercise routine a little while ago to tire him out, but it didn't seem to be working.
Just as he thought he might drift off to sleep, the flicker of a dark image flashed in his mind. Sendak grinned maliciously at him from inside the cryopod. “Do you really think a monster like you could be a Voltron paladin?”
Shiro shot up in bed, a short cry escaping his throat. He panted as his body remembered where it was, and he sighed into his hands. His body curled up, chest resting on his knees and hands running through short, choppy hair. It was clear he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. Shiro slid out of the covers and put on his shoes, hands shaking. He tried to ignore the growing nausea in his gut as he slipped out of the room for an early breakfast.
Allura cautiously set Platt back down on her pillow, grabbing her night robe as she carefully tiptoed to her bedroom door in the pitch-black darkness. She looked back at the mice as she stepped forward, and- WHAM! Allura collapsed on the floor, a slight throbbing in her head as she heard the surprised chitters of mice. They leaped off the bed and surrounded her with big, worried eyes. Allura sighed. "I can't leave you guys alone for one second, can I?" Chuchule crossed their arms indignantly, raising an eyebrow as if to say the same rhetoric back to their princess. "Oh, you're very sweet. But don't worry yourselves. I’m just going to get a glass of water.”
Chulatt pouted and made a show of hitting their own head and falling on the ground with an exaggerated spin, tongue hanging out. The other mice pointed emphatically at their fallen comrade. Allura chuckled. "I don't think I'll have any fatal head injuries tonight, but you're welcome to come with if you wish..." The mice squealed happily and gathered in Allura's fluffy silver hair, still perfect despite her tossing and turning. She giggled. "As long as you're quiet! We don't want to wake the other paladins."
The convoy of princess and mice made their way down to the dining hall, where a dim light had been turned on. Allura tentatively peered in, concerned for both whoever could not sleep and also partially unwilling to show any of the other paladins how distraught she was after their crazy day in the castle. Shiro sat at the table in a purple shirt, staring at a bowl of Coran's focusing food with discomfort. Eventually he reserved to pushing the bowl away and getting up from the table. As he came closer, Allura got a better look at his face. She saw exhaustion, frustration, but most worrying, despair. "Shiro?" the princess whispered, coming out from her hiding spot behind the wall. Shiro jumped, surprise and fear running through his eyes as his arm instinctively burst in a purple glow that illuminated the space between them.
"Oh, Princess, it's just you." He lowered his arm and the glow fell, leaving them in semi-darkness again. Shiro put on a soft smile (partially ingenuine, Allura noted) as he stepped closer. "What are you doing up this late?"
Allura crossed her arms and gave him a sophisticated pout as only a princess could. "I'd ask you the same." Shiro chuckled and glanced down at his feet.
"I guess you got me there."
They said nothing, both too stubborn to admit they were having trouble sleeping. Allura rubbed her arms, lips pursed in thought.
"Are you alright?" she finally said, looking up at him with worried eyes.
Shiro stiffened, unable to look directly at her. "I'm fine," he said, his throat tight.
Allura scoffed. "Right, and I'm a duflax."
"A du- what?"
"Shiro, please. You have to tell me what's going on. Whatever it is, it's important. To Voltron." Her next words were quieter, but just as meaningful. "To me."
Shiro sighed. "I'm just a bit too jittery to get any sleep. Don't worry, I'll just have some chai tea from stuff Hunk foraged and then-"
Allura was in no mood for excuses and was already dragging him by the arm back into the kitchen.
"Allura, what-"
"Mice, could you please go and test all the floors for maximum slipperiness?" The critters - that Shiro had failed to notice earlier - gave a few confused squeaks, but skittered down the hall anyway. "That should give us at least a half a varga alone."
Shiro blushed. He blinked to make sure Allura was still there, or that she had even been there in the first place. "Uh, wh-"
Allura took out a wonky looking bottle with a thick purple-ish liquid. "We need to relax, and a bit of nunvill never hurt anyone."
Shiro doubted that was true. "What! Allura we can't, we have to-" She handed him the bottle and he took it despite his objections. Allura had a way of making him do things, whether or not he thought he wanted to.
She grabbed two small glasses from the cupboard and took the nunvill back from him. She poured some and offered a glass to him. "We've all been on edge since you arrived on Arus. As leaders, we have to be the strongest for our team, but in order to stay the strongest, we need to take a break before we break down."
Taken aback that she had told him exactly what he'd been unwilling to admit to himself, Shiro smiled a defeat and took the glass. "Thank you," he said. They stood in the kitchen for a while, leaning against the counter and swirling the liquid in their glasses. Shiro felt himself loosen a little, the nunvill gently guiding him out of the mental uniform he wore constantly, even when he wasn't donning the paladin armor. He let himself breathe a little, his chest no longer constricted by anxiety, the knot in his stomach loosening.
"Something your father told you?" Shiro asked quietly.
Allura smiled sadly down at her nunvill. "Yes," she whispered, so quietly he almost didn't hear. "Father was an incredible leader. He always knew what was best - for our people and for me."
Shiro put a hand on Allura's shoulder. "He'd be so proud of you, Allura. You've gotten us through so much. I think Coran would agree when I say that there's no one better to steer this ship and lead Voltron against Zarkon. And I bet a lot of Alfor still exists in you, in your leadership. In your heart." He sipped the last of his nunvill and stared at a distant spot in the floor. "You've got such a good heart." Allura looked up at him and smiled. She leaned closer to the black paladin, silently thanking him.
"You never told me why you couldn't fall asleep," Allura said, setting her empty glass on the counter.
Shiro inhaled sharply. "I did, I said I was just a little worked up."
"No, I mean the actual reason."
Shiro smiled to himself. Relentless. "Well," he said, unsure how to start. His head was a jumble of mixed anxieties and fears that even he couldn't make sense of. He wasn't sure he wanted to upset her further after the emotional day she’d had, either.
"Shiro."
One look at the princess' determined expression, and he knew he had to talk.
"I just..." he shut his eyes and slid down to sit on the cold floor. Allura followed suit, waiting patiently for Shiro to open up. "It's hard enough worrying about all the paladins, and you and Coran, and the responsibility of saving the whole universe on all our shoulders. But then there's Sendak, and the Galra, who...who..." Shiro hadn't realized his arm was glowing until Allura put a hand on his shoulder.
"It's alright. I understand. You're here, now, and we're not going to let them take you again." The glow slowly faded, but Shiro's breath was uncontrollable as he tried to keep his vision focused on his feet in front of him, on the floor beneath them, on anything that would help ground him.
"Slowly, now. Breathe in...1...2...3...4...5...6...out...You're here, Shiro, in the Castle of Lions, and I'm Allura, I'm right next to you...Breathe in...1...2... ..."
After several quintents, Allura had helped Shiro calm down enough to breathe at a normal rate. "I'm sorry about that-"
"You've nothing to be sorry about, Shiro. All of us have to break a little sometimes, or we wouldn't be Altean - or, I suppose in your case, Human. And I'm more than happy to be there for you whenever you need me." Allura took his hand as they stared deeply into each other's eyes, Shiro's arm (which honestly should not be glowing anymore) bathing them in a soft purple glow. "We are a good team," Allura said.
Shiro smiled at her just enough to reveal the crinkles in the edges of his eyes. She smiled back at him and stood up, then offered a hand to help him off the cold floor.
"C'mon," she said, putting away the nunvill and leading Shiro out of the kitchen. "I have an idea to help us get our minds off things."
Shiro thought it was silly, at first. But Allura's reckless smile - free of pain or bittersweetness - reminded him of his cadet days at the Garrison with Matt, when nothing seemed to matter but making Iverson pissed as hell. He grinned, remembering Matt's mischievous smirk and contagious goofy chatter.
Allura pulled him out of his reverie by grabbing his wrist and pulling him down the hall. "Kick off your shoes, the mice say this is a good one." On the side of the hall, the mice waved tiny flags and chittered excitedly. Allura stretched as if she were a professional runner, bare socks on the cold castle floor. "On your marks, get set, go!"
They sprinted down the hall and traveled across the slick floor in a satisfying slide, laughing as Shiro almost fell over.
"Are you alright, Shiro?" Allura asked between giggles. She helped him up and he almost fell again. Allura did, her socks too slippery to withstand the frictionless surface. There was a short silence before the two leaders burst into a fit of giggles, both of them ending up on the floor. Turns out, all it took was a small fall to turn Shiro back into a worry-free cadet.
When their laughs fell to simple nervous energy, Allura exclaimed, "Let's go again!"
"Race you!" Shiro shouted like a child, getting up quickly and running down the hall.
Allura called after him with a wide grin, quick on her feet. "Shiro! Not fair!" They sprinted through the castle's long corridors, only stopping when Allura ran into Shiro, toppling them onto the ground in a pile of giggles. "You win," they panted at the same time.
They helped each other up and joined hands. "One...two...three!" they shouted in unison, running down the hall again as their boundless laughter echoed throughout the castle. Both leaders got the best 3-varga sleep they'd had in a long time.