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The story starts, you think, in first grade. That's when you both met, you're pretty sure. It was a long time ago, but you still remember the first time you saw her face.
It's really hot outside—hot enough to tell everyone that it's summer and it's time to crank up the air conditioner and start up the ice cream trucks. You aren't really sure why it gets so hot out in the summer. The girl who used to sit next to you at lunch with blond hair and long eyelashes said that it's super warm because the earth is closer to the sun. She used to tell you all kinds of things that she read about in books and you sort of listened, but mostly you got distracted. You have problems focusing. She's gone now—moved to New York—because her mom got a new job and it was really important. Her mom used to call her Rosie, but she would roll her eyes and smile and say “Mommy, it's Rose, not Rosie.” She gave you a bracelet before she left and you're not sure why but you wear it. You really miss her. She was your only friend.
It's recess and you sit against the stone of the school. You got in trouble again and you aren't allowed to play. You aren't supposed to talk either but there's a girl with a short, dark braid about a foot away from you and she's crying. You wonder why. Why is she crying? You glance to make sure the teacher's not looking and reach out to lightly pat her arm.
“Girl, why are you crying?” you ask and it sounds silly coming out of your mouth. She looks up at you and wipes at her eyes under her glasses. She shakes her head and pushes a strand of midnight-colored hair out of her face. “I'm not crying. I don't know what you're talking about.” She lies and you narrow your eyes.
“Why did you get in trouble?” you ask her.
“I brought my pet to school.” she replies.
“Your pet? You brought a dog or hamster?” you raise an eyebrow because that's weird.
“No, my pet frog. He wanted to come today.” she sniffles. “But they thought I brought it in from inside and let it out the door. Now he's gone forever.”
“Well...maybe you can find him.” you suggest. Her emerald eyes brighten a bit and she smiles.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I mean, once I got lost in a store and my bro found me. So you can probably find him, too.”
“That doesn't make sense.” Jade rolls her eyes at you.
“Well...well...I mean maybe I can ask my bro to help look for him. He can do anything.” you smile back at her.
“Anything?” she questions and you nod. “Even fly?”
“Probably. He's teaching me how to sword fight.”
“Like Peter Pan and Captain Hook?” her voice was enthusiastic and she put a hand on your leg eagerly.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Are you Peter Pan, then?” she tilts her head to the side. “Cause I can't be friends with a pirate.”
“No, I'm cooler than Peter Pan. I'm not a pirate either.” you pause because she mentioned the word 'friends'. “I would rather be a knight.”
“So you can slay dragons and save princesses?” the girl purses her lips as though she were pondering what she said. “I think you'd make a good knight. You're cute.”
You blush and shrug. “Um, you'd make a good princess then.”
She grins. “Really!?”
You nod. She grabs your hand and shakes it violently.
“I'm Jade!”
“I-I'm Dave.” you are a little surprised at the sudden handshake.
“Let's be friends, okay? You can be my knight and protect me from the mean older kids and I can be your princess that gives you Oreos everyday. You have to call me Princess Jade, though, alright?” Jade giggles and it's soft and you realize you wouldn't mind getting Oreos everyday so you go with it.
“Alright, Princess Jade.” you offer a grin and from then on the two of you spent the next few years playing Knight and Princess and going on quests that Jade dragged you on. Sometimes you would insist that they should pause to eat the sandwiches that Jade made for them to eat but she would only shake her head and kiss your cheek. You realized you didn't mind that either. You liked being the Knight. You found her another frog eventually.
The summer before fifth grade was an eventful one with lots of adventures. For Jade's birthday you had gotten her a set of books about outer space because she always asked you questions about the planets and stars that you didn't know the answers to. She had gone through them really fast, growing curiouser and curiouser with each page and she only had more and more questions that you couldn't answer.
It is ten o' clock at night. Jade and you sit by a stream that runs through her backyard and she is laying back looking at the indigo sky like she always does. Her grandpa had gotten her a small telescope and it is next to her. She isn't using it right now though.
“Hey, Dave.” her voice carries over to where you lay next to her.
"Yeah?” you reply. You really hope she doesn't ask you where some constellation is or how far away the moon is from the earth again.
“Do you wanna know one of my dreams?” she doesn't turn her head to look at you.
“Is it to become Rapunzel or something?” you question. You have noticed that she has started growing out her hair and it's already half-way to her waist. How does she comb it?
“Noooo,” she giggles and nudges you with her foot. “I want to go to space.”
“Why?”
She finally looks at you, her eyes are bright. “I want to hold the earth in my hands.”
“You're crazy.” you respond.
“I know.” Jade laughs. “It's just so...magical up there. I feel like I'm meant to go up there and hold the earth in my hands and cup the stars in my palms and touch the moon.”
“Maybe you can, but you'll have to study a bunch.”
Jade nods. “Then I'll work harder!”
You think you can see the stars in her eyes and in her hair. You imagine her like that. With stars in her hair and in her eyes as she holds the earth in her hands. It was weird, but pretty in an odd way. Jade lifts her arms up and pretends that she's touching the sky. “I'm gonna go to space you watch, Dave Strider.”
You smile at her like you always do and that's what you continued to do even in eighth grade. Now Jade's family friend has moved in with her and her grandfather because his father was killed in a freak accident and now he doesn't talk much. When he does it's mostly about horrible movies that he has posters about all over his room. Jade worried about him sometimes and she told you that she loves him but you aren't sure what she means by that, but you would smile anyway. You don't call her Princess Jade anymore and you don't really go on quests anymore (you're too old for all that stuff), but you still like to think that you're her knight—just in a more...realistic way.
The three of you are at the ice rink for some middle school mixer thing that Jade pulled you and John along to. You don't really mind, but you suck at ice skating, but you notice that you all do.
Jade is in the middle, gripping your hand and John's hand tightly to not fall.
Eventually, the three of you all fall together and you all laugh and you don't care about the other kids who snicker at you because they don't matter. The only ones who matter are Jade and John.
John suggests taking a break because he hurt his elbow when he fell on the ice so Jade's protective-mode suddenly kicks in and she grabs his waist and helps him skate off with you trailing closely behind. Jade sits him down at a table and starts unzipping his jacket and checking out his elbow while you get hot chocolate. You're not really sure what to think about how she acts towards him. It's a bit awkward and sparks some jealousy, but it's okay because you're all only in eighth grade so you are pretty sure her feelings will go away before they get between you and her.
You bring the hot chocolate back to the table Jade had claimed and you observe that they are holding hands under it. Trying not to frown, you distribute the hot chocolate and sit down across from them. You're not sure why, but you think you feel a tad jealous. Jade's really pretty and you've been friends with her longer than John has. But you don't say anything ever and you just smile at them and they smile back.
“This is fun!” Jade says. There are strands of hair that have fallen loose from her bun. You found it surprising that she is wearing a bun today. Usually she wears it down. It is longer now. It has reached her waist and it often gets tangled in things.
“Yeah!” John grins at you and you nod.
“It would be better if they were actually playing good music,” you gesture towards the DJ stand in the corner and you wish you could tell the guy to move aside cause jesus you could lay out sweet jams way better than that guy could.
Jade shrugs and takes a sip of hot chocolate. “Hey, Dave, guess what?”
“What?”
“Grandpa is letting me to a space camp this summer!” she exclaims. Dave knows she still has that dream of holding the earth in her hands and that she has been working really hard to keep her grades up. She definitely deserves space camp.
“How long is it?” you smile only slightly and adjust your shades. John had given them to you as a present a while ago.
“A month.” she pauses. “It's supposed to be really really great!”
“A month...?” you suppress a frown. You process that and figure out that a month feels like a long time not to see her. “Will you send us letters and all that?”
Jade nods and hesitates. You know she's not telling you everything. You raise an eyebrow at her.
“John's coming, too. Grandpa thinks it'll be better if he comes along...,” she trails off. A whole month without Jade or John? You swallow and push away the thought of being left out. You wouldn't be able to go anyway—it's too expensive and bro can hardly afford to pay for the air conditioning.
“Oh. I hope you have fun.” is all you say and Jade can tell that you're disappointed because she can always somehow see right through you just like you can see through her.
That summer was pretty boring for you and it was the first summer since kindergarten that you weren't able to see Jade everyday and it was the first summer since kindergarten that you weren't able to sit by the stream in her backyard and stare at the stars. But you would pull the screen out of your window and lean out of it and look up at the sky and wonder if Jade was looking at those same stars. You kept getting letters from Houston, Texas that continuously ended with “love, jade!!!! <3 :D” and you stuffed the letters in your pillow case so you could read them when you felt lonely. You knew she was going to touch the stars someday and hold the earth in her hands. You really missed her. She is your best friend.
A month later she and John are back and then a year later you're in high school and you've noticed that you really really really love Jade and your heart hurts when you see Jade kissing John by the soda machine at the back of the cafeteria. You still have her letters and you read them when your heart feels heavy. It hurts the most when you see the stars in the sky. That's what you're looking at right now. The stars in the sky. Jade is sitting on your bed next to John and you're all gathered around the window because it's too cold outside to sit by Jade's stream. Jade's hair has gotten a few inches longer and you wonder how long she's going to let it grow. Jade often doesn't wear glasses anymore—she has started wearing contacts. She looks different without her oversized glasses, but she is just as beautiful as she has always been.
She is spouting different facts about the stars and the luminous moon that shines on all of your faces and creates dark shadows in the corners of your room. Whenever she gazes at the stars, there's a sort of dreaminess in her eyes and you know what she's thinking of and so does John.
“Gemini is right there,” she points and points. “Pollux and Castor shine brighter than the others can you see?” She looks at you and smiles sweetly. You make sure that you don't blush. “Did you know that it was first observed by Ptolemy?”
You don't know who the hell Ptolemy is, but you assume he's some important science-y person. John grins—he has braces and it's funny how he has a sort of lisp, which you try not to laugh at—and adds, “Castor is 52 light years from earth, and Pollux is 34 light years from earth!”
“That's pretty far. I can always trust my loyal science nerds for space and movie facts can't I?” you smirk and shake your head. John shrugs and Jade kisses his cheek.
You advert your eyes and look down at your wrist, tugging on the bracelet that you still wear from Rose. You wonder if you'll ever see her again.
John gives her lips a light kiss and you wish that it was you kissing her instead of him. Their relationship has gone on longer than you thought it would and you are starting to doubt your previous predictions. It is scary to think that your strong admiration for Jade would go on with no fair resolution. You almost hope that Jade's grandfather would send him away--he was old enough to fend for himself. Nevertheless, you don't want that to happen. John's your best friend, too.
Which is why you never said anything even though it lasted until you all were in your senior year and you had turned down a lot of girls because you knew there was only one for you. It was discouraging seeing John and Jade together, but you kept yourself together with your music and your ever-growing interest in history. You had scraped up the money to buy some history textbooks and every night when you felt your heart grow heavy you would close the blinds to hide the Jade's beloved stars and indulge into the books. You felt like you were there—in the bitter, freezing cold of winter in the same boat as George Washington and the other soldiers during the Revolutionary War and in the steaminess of summer in the front lines of battle in the Civil War. You started getting these feelings that you were supposed to go there—in history which was crazy. You realized that it was just like Jade—except she could actually travel to space. You couldn't go back in time to the signing of the Declaration of Independence, but this was how you coped until graduation day when you found Jade crying against the wall of the high school.
Her robe is grass-stained and you're surprised that she's crying because she never cries. She's always happy and cheerful. You don't see John and you sit by her and touch her arm lightly.
“Jade, why are you crying?” you ask.
“I-I...!!” she throws her arms around your neck and buries her face in your chest. “W-we—John and I...”
You hold her quietly while she gathers her words. “B-broke up!” are the only words you can catch. Your heart skips a beat. Where is John?
“What happened?” you pat her back. “Where's John?”
“He's moving.” she wipes her nose on her wrist and your eyebrows furrow. “He's moving to E-Europe. I can't deal with that!”
You feel relieved since he is still here, but you feel bad for Jade. Your chest is tight with worry for her and it pains you to see her crying.
“I-I feel alone now.” she shakes her head.
“But I'm right here.” you tell her quietly. “You're not alone.”
“That's not what I mean, Dave.” Jade looks up at you, looking you in the eye even though you are wearing your sunglasses. “I mean—”
“I know what you mean.” You answer because you do. You understand how it feels to have a heavy heart.
“H-how?” Jade asks more questions that you're not sure how to answer. Your heart rate picks up.
“I...”
Jade watches your face, her lip trembling.
“Because.”
“Because?” she raises an eyebrow.
“Yes, because.”
“You're being vague as usual.”
You sigh because you know she's right.
“I love you, Jade.”
Her eyes widen. “Since when?”
“Since forever.” you answer and you feel vulnerable.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“You were happy with John,” it actually feels nice to finally tell her that.
She sniffles and kisses you and it's not like the kisses she gave you when you both were little—it feels real and sweet and you feel the weight lift off your heart. It feels right and you can tell that Jade feels the same as you—she thinks it's right, too. You can see it in her eyes. You can almost see the stars in her eyes, though there are none in the sky. She kisses you again and you kiss back.
“I love you a lot, too, Dave.”
That's when you realize that the stars are inside her. She is made of her beloved stars. She already does hold the earth in her hands because she is the stars and the stars already hold and surround the earth. But Jade doesn't notice that.
Years and years went by and Jade and John and you still hang out when he would visit. Rose has also moved back from New York and she hangs out with you and Jade and has met John, too. You and Jade had started going out a few days after you graduated from high school and you recently proposed to her and she had said yes and you both were really happy. Rose had taken interest in John and all his European adventures so it had all worked out well that way. Jade was now studying astronomy and chemistry in college and you were studying music. John was studying to become a director and Rose wanted to be a therapist. You were trying to become a musician and Jade of course was trying to become an astronaut so she can touch the stars. She still hasn't noticed what you noticed that day she kissed you, but she will find out herself maybe.
You hope that Jade can go to space sometime soon. It is a small chance but she deserves it.
More years went by and Jade became an astronaut just like she had always dreamed. She got her chance to go to space. She was so close to declining it—she didn't want to leave you alone for a long time. But you told her it would be alright and that you loved her a lot and that you wanted her to hold the earth in her hands like she had always wanted. You told her that you would throw a really sweet party when she got back. So you and John and Rose all said good bye to her and said you'd see her soon. You worried about her going to space because it was dangerous, but you couldn't hold her back. You kissed her and hugged her tightly and let her go.
Months went by and everything was going fine so far with the space mission and you hoped Jade was up there holding the earth in her hands and cupping the stars in her palms and touching the moon. You all watched her on television. She says everyone is made of stars and will always return to them. You are glad she figured it out. You missed her a lot. She is your starry sky.
A few weeks later you regrettably get news that the mission failed.
There are no survivors.
Your hearts hurts. It hurts a lot. A lot. A lot. You cry a lot, too. So does John and Rose. They rush back from their chalet in Switzerland and you all hug each other tightly and sob.
You hold her funeral—just a small private one with the three of you and her grandfather a couple days later. It's raining and there's no body to bury. So you buried a picture of her instead. You bury her in the spot by the stream where you and Jade used to sit and watch the stars. Where Jade told you her dream.
Her gravestone reads: “Jade Harley, Who Held the Earth in her Hands, the Girl of the Stars Who Died with the Stars, December 1st, 1995-November 25, 2034.”
You sit by her grave that night with John and Rose. You watch the stars and glance up and you locate Gemini exactly where she showed you years ago. You observe that the stars are shining especially bright tonight. And then you realize that she wasn't scared when she died up there. She wasn't scared because she was only returning to the stars. That's all we are—you realize—stars and when we die we shine brightly in the sky.
You miss her a lot. But she belongs to the stars now.