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It was hard, but he was living, breathing, and that's what kept him going.
Freshly eighteen, Yoongi was kicked out of home.
He was kicked out for several reasons. For getting into fights at school, bad grades, not wanting to pursue business or whatever suit and tie job his parents wanted him to get. For loving music and wanting to spend as many minutes of his life as he could creating it. For not being able to marry someone's daughter.
For being unwanted.
It stung, it always did. The feeling of being unloved and rejected by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, that feeling will never fail to stay buried in the depths of Yoongi's heart, his mind.
That feeling was nothing more than a dull ache at this point, but it was still there, it always will be.
Yoongi didn't cry when he was kicked out, he didn't scream or protest. He gathered what little possessions he cared for and bought a ticket to Seoul with all the money he had in his pocket.
Yoongi always dreamed of Seoul, the bright lights, the tall buildings, the opportunities. He spent countless nights lying awake on his lumpy mattress in Daegu, thinking about what it would be like to live in Seoul, to work for a entertainment company and make music like he always wanted.
But that didn't happen when he finally got there.
Yoongi got off the train after a couple hours. He had slept the whole trip, to avoid being left alone with his thoughts. However, as he stood on the platform, tattered backpack slung over his shoulder, shivering from the cold that his old coat couldn't protect him from, Yoongi was forced to confront those thoughts.
He sat against a pillar on the platform, holding his knees to his chest in hopes of regaining some warmth. The boy felt numb and the freezing weather was not to blame.
He had no where to go, no money and no one to talk to. These things only fully hit him when the train station closes, no one in sight and the security leaving him there in pity.
Yoongi looks around the dimly lit station, the dark was taunting and the weather was cruel. A pathetic noise leaves the eighteen year old, eventually a tear falls from his eye and soon enough he's sobbing. Sobs so heart wrenching it would bring a tear to anyones eye.
He felt sad.
Rejected.
Lonely.
When Yoongi's sobs die down, leaving him with damp cheeks and pitiful sniffles, he feels something else.
Hope.
Barely there hope, but it was still there. He was free, no more disapproving looks, no more screaming and shouting and smacks when he didn't do as his parents pleased. It's a little too hopeful to say he could do anything, but he could try.
Yoongi pulls his notebook from his backpack. half filled with lyrics of sadness, dreams, his first love. His first love happened when he was twelve. Twelve seems a bit young but Yoongi remembers the feeling so well, it was something he'd never felt before. It was so warm and comforting, Yoongi wished he could feel it forever.
The boy's name was Hoseok, he was a few years older and they hadn't known each other long, Hoseoks parents pulling him to a different city a year later because of business. The time Yoongi did know Hoseok however, was probably the happiest he's ever been.
Yoongi's cheeks would hurt from smiling so much because of the boy. Yoongi wrote about him a lot.
That was five years ago now, they didn't have any contact after that so Yoongi barely remembers what the boy looks like, sadly. But he could never forget the way Hoseok made Yoongi feel, he wouldn't let himself forget.
The thoughts of Hoseok added gasoline to small ember of hope Yoongi was feeling. He began writing, the words pouring out of him like a river.
Hoseok gave him hope, he always did.
One year later, Yoongi was still at the train station. Not graduating from school and having no college degree, it was impossible to get a job, especially in this city. Thoughts of selling himself for money crossed his mind every now and then, Yoongi never does it, he doesn't think he could handle the shame If he did.
The security guard lets Yoongi sleep in his office on particularly cold nights, having got to know the boy a bit. The man even gave Yoongi a new coat, it had gotten to small for the guard. it was a yellowish brown colour and it kept the cold out.
Yoongi got by by rapping. Rapping the lyrics he spends his sleepless nights writing. He'll lay his beanie on the ground and rap for money. Busking without a permit was illegal but he did it anyway and no one stopped him.
Sometimes he'd garner an audience, who will clap for him when he's finished and throw him a couple won. Sometimes no one listens, people will pass him on not even sparing a glance the boy's way. Sometimes he'd make a decent amount of money. Sometimes he barely made anything.
But he had hope, he always did.
Yoongi spends the money he makes on food, in the laundrette to wash his clothes, and notebooks to write his lyrics in. He'd go without food for days in favour of clean clothes and something he requires to make money in the first place.
Yoongi would sneak into a gym a few blocks down to shower. One night he was caught, the trainer had threatened to call the police before Yoongi broke down, crying that he was sorry and wouldn't come back anymore and that he couldn't go to jail. The trainer eventually figured out that Yoongi was homeless and just needed somewhere to shower. The trainers name was Seokjin and he'd given Yoongi access to the showers after that just as long as Seokjin was notified. Yoongi was and will forever be eternally grateful to Seokjin.
The last few days had been rough. Yoongi wasn't making much money and the hunger was starting to get to him. The kind security guard who let him sleep in his office was no longer working at the station so Yoongi was forced to sleep in the harsh winter cold. Seokjin was out of town for a while so Yoongi hadn't showered in a few days.
But he kept going, kept hoping.
He spewed his lyrics with passion that almost forced people to give him their attention. It was a Tuesday and Yoongi earned enough money for a sandwich and some cheap coffee. It wasn't much but for Yoongi, it was a five star meal.
Yoongi finished his coffee and stood up, ready to perform a few more songs before the station closed.
He rapped one of his favourites, a recent one, about how grateful he was for still being able to breathe and how people should appreciate what they have. Being grateful and thinking about the small few good things in his life kept Yoongi from breaking down like he usually did the first couple weeks he was at the station.
Yoongi performed with passion like he always did and when he finished, Yoongi opened his closed eyes to the sound of clapping. Standing there was a single man, dressed in an expensive suit, coat and scarf along with a face mask covering the lower half of his face.
Yoongi could tell from the way the mans eyes curved upwards that he was smiling at him. Yoongi smiled back timidly, giving a small bow in return for the mans attention.
The man walked closer to Yoongi, putting a hand on his shoulder. Yoongi jolted at the action, no one has touched him in forever.
Joyful eyes looked into Yoongi's and Yoongi felt his heart tug a little.
"You're extremely talented, what are you doing in a place like this?"
Yoongi was a bit baffled. No one ever stopped to talk to him, ever. The mans voice was a soothing, one Yoongi wouldn't mind listening to for hours on end.
"I, um- I sleep here?" Yoongi replies shyly, not really knowing what to say to the other male.
The man looked a bit shocked from the way his eyebrows raised and eyes widened comically.
"That's sad to hear, someone of your caliber should have their voice heard all over the world" the man exclaims enthusiastically. They stand staring at each other for a couple of seconds, Yoongi unable to speak, no has ever complimented his lyrics, not verbally at least.
"T-thank you"
The man appears to smile again before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet.
"We can't let such talent go to waste" the man says before he pulls five million won out of his wallet. Yoongi gapes like a fish at the sight of all the money and his hands shake as he's handed the money.
"W-what?" His voice is shaky, absolutely not believing this man was giving him so much money.
"I want you to go buy yourself some food and get a hotel room for a couple nights, I work for BigHit entertainment and we're doing recruitments on Thursday, we'll be thrilled to have you audition"
Yoongi mouth opens and closes, trying to accumulate words but failing miserably. A single tear falls from the homeless boys eye before he drops into a perfect ninety-degree bow.
"T-thank you s-sir, thank you so much" Yoongi stutters from his position, tears now hitting the dirty pavement below him.
"It's my pleasure" the man says, Yoongi stands straight again and and flashes the man a teary-eyed, gummy smile. It's probably the most genuine smile Yoongi's given in months, years even.
The mans eyes widen at the smile, like he'd just realised something before quickly changing to a happy fond look.
Yoongi grabs his bag and beanie from the ground, then running off towards the entrance of the station. He turns back to the man who was still standing in the same spot and shouts "thank you again sir!"
"I'll see you Thursday!" He shouts back at Yoongi. When the boy is out of sight, the man pulls down his scarf and mask and sighs shakily then smiles.
It's been years, he'd forgotten what he looked like, but he could never mistake that smile.
"I'll see you Thursday... Yoongi"
Just then a voice calls from behind the man.
"Hoseok! There you are!" Another man calls. "I was worried when you suddenly disappeared, don't wonder off like that again!" The other man scolds.
"I'm sorry Jimin, come on, we've got a meeting in an hour can't be late"
Hoseok and Jimin walk out of the train station, just in time for Hoseok to see Yoongi get into a taxi.
Hoseok smiles, he can't wait to meet Yoongi properly again.
To be his hope again.
Little did Hoseok know, he always was.