Chapter Text
I wake up as my chambers are fully flooded with sunlight, something that I still haven’t gotten used to even after all the years I have lived in Ithilien. I frown, for this means it is well past dawn, and it is the third day in a row that it has happened. Most days I am awakened just before dawn by the sound of my lad moving about his chambers preparing for the day, usually softly humming or even not so softly if he wishes for my company and hopes to awaken me. That I have not heard him this morning means one of two things: either he is still asleep, which is worrisome, or he never slept at all last night, which is no longer allowed. Along with the help of others, I have done very well in the last few years keeping the worst episodes of the Sea Longing at bay, but only by watching him very closely and requiring a strict routine for rest, eating and carefully monitored exercise. Oh he does have days where I have to help him with personal things more than he would like, or remind him to care for them himself, but for the most part we have managed quite well. On his best days it is almost as if he has never even been exposed to the sea. The last several days have been quite difficult though, and no wonder. They have been difficult for me as well and for everyone in the land in fact. All will sorely miss Gondor’s late king.
Of course we knew Aragorn’s health was failing, for the last time we saw him when he had decided to pass the scepter to his son, he had become quite frail, not surprising for someone of his great age. Even considering his heritage, 210 years was beyond ripe old age. Still the message that he had passed had somehow come as a shock, especially to my elfling, who has never gotten used to the idea of his mortal friends dying. The lad has not been the same since, and I have seen signs that he is starting to succumb to the Sea Longing again, and this time I fear there will be no true recovery.
But perhaps that is for the best, for now that Aragorn is gone, the lad’s oath has been fulfilled and maybe he can sail with a clear conscience. I have been trying to discuss this with him in the last few days, but so far I have been unsuccessful. He clearly does not wish to speak of it and I have not wanted to push him too much, but I also must not let him fade away right before my eyes. The time has come to make concrete plans, and I will speak of it today, no matter how he tries to avoid the topic.
After I prepare for the day, I find my way to Legolas’ chambers, where he is still sleeping sounding with his eyes tightly closed. I am not surprised by that, for he has not been perfectly well for a very long time so these days it is easier to count the days when he sleeps with them open as was usual in the past. I hesitate for a moment, wondering if it is best to let him sleep himself out, but just as I have decided to do so, he must sense me standing there. His eyes flutter open, and he blinks several times as if trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind. Even when he sees me it seems to take a moment for him to recognize me. My heart twists a little at this sign that he may be more out of sorts than I believed at first, but I try to help him focus by speaking as I normally would, trying to sound cheerful.
“Good morning laddie, do ye intend to sleep the day away or will ye be joining me for break of fast?”
Rather than answer, he only rubs at his eyes and shakes his head as if trying to clear his mind. He is obviously still very groggy. Concerned I sit on the edge of the bed, and smooth his hair back from his face.
“Are ye feeling unwell, lamb?”
“I am well enough,” he tells me in a gravelly voice. He then clears his throat and explains, “I just didn’t sleep very well and so overslept this morning.”
“I see. Well I canna think of a reason why ye shouldna have a good long lie in today if it pleases ye. It would do ye good in my opinion for ye haven’t slept will since…”
“I will be fine,” he snaps, interrupting me, but then he softens his tone, “I only need to splash some cold water on my face and then I will meet you downstairs, Elvellon.”
“If that is what ye wish, Lamb, but I want ye to listen to your body and rest if ye feel tired,” I warn, “and keep in mind that I am watching.”
“As if I could forget that,” he grumbles, rising rather unsteadily. I reach out a hand to steady him, but he does not seem to appreciate the help, even though without it he might have ended up sitting down hard on the floor. Dizzy spells are a sure sign of impending illness, but he repeats, “I will be fine. I will meet you downstairs in a few minutes.”
“I believe I will wait,” I tell him, for this is one of those days where I do not like the idea of him attempting the stairs on his own. He may not like it, but bruised pride is better than a broken bone, so I merely sit back down to wait until he is ready.
“Suit yourself,” he tells me, and manages to make it to the bathing chamber without further incident. When he returns I am even more concerned for he has left his hair loose, which means that his hands were too shaky to braid it, another sign that a bad episode is looming. I open my mouth to offer to braid it for him, but surprise myself by saying something else.
“Legolas, I really need to talk to ye. About the future…”
“Perhaps later. I have plans for the day already” he claims, trying to pass by me to reach the door, but I reach out to grab his arm.
“Your plans can be put aside, elfling. Ye canna go on as ye are forever…”
“Gimli please!”
“Aragorn is gone, child. Your oath has been fulfilled!”
He closes his eyes as if he can blot out the truth by doing so.
“I do not want to talk about it, right now!”
“I know ye don’t, lambkin, “I say gently, using Mam’s pet name for him. “But the time has come. Not right this minute, but very soon.”
“Tomorrow perhaps,” he suggests.
“Not tomorrow, lad. Today. We have put it off far too long already.”
He shudders at the thought, and I can see he is on the verge of panicking, so I sit on the edge of the bed and pull him down next to me.
“But I am not ready…I…”
I put an arm around his shoulders, noticing how thin he has become again in spite of my best efforts. I pull him close and speak in what I hope is a soothing manner.
“Take a deep breath, child. Ye are not leaving today, for there is still much to be done first. Today we are only talking, that’s all. We will take this one step at a time.”
“ It isn’t necessary because I am fine,” he insists, in spite of the fact that he is now trembling like a leaf, “I do not wish to talk about it. Please, Gimli, don’t make me. At least not today.”
His plaintive plea breaks my heart, but I know I must remain firm this time, for time is now running out. This conversation must not be put off another day.
“I am sorry, my lamb, but this is not optional.”