Archive of Our Own ^beta

When he finally passed through the door of their dorm, Yoongi intended on ignoring the blank face and ruffled hair on which were reflecting the glistening blues and purples of their goodbye stage playing on a laptop and going straight for his bed. His dry eyes had been burning for the last two hours and they must have looked like nothing more than two slits by now, if the reflection he had caught a glimpse of when he had turned off his computer was anything to go by. He had already removed all of his earrings and turned off his phone to save as much time as possible before he could hit the sheets, that’s how tired he was. Jimin seemed to possess more manners than him however, and a greater desire for social interaction as well, as he looked away from the screen and greeted him.

“Oh hyung, there you are. Were you at the studio until now?”

Yoongi made a drowsy, low sound in his throat and deemed it a good enough reply at this time of night. Jimin’s sleepy eyes went back to the screen. The colored light was casting harsh shadows on his face, making his eyebags seem puffier than usual.

“I’m helping Hoseokie Hyung monitor Music Bank,” he mumbled rather pointlessly.

Yoongi knew what Jimin was doing all right: trying to bury the verdict that the doctor had delivered to him two days before under piles of occupational work, probably so he didn’t feel like such a worthless drag anymore. Yoongi knew the feeling and was also well aware that no amount of reassurance would fix it so, once again, he didn’t make any comment. Until Jimin was allowed to participate in activities again, they would have to bear with the monitoring, the lyricing, the choreographing and the everything that could be achieved from their dorm couch. Usually, at this hour, Jimin would have been rehearsing his dance moves into perfection at the company’s practice room and Yoongi would have been able to beeline to his shared bedroom without any interruption.

“There, Seokjin hyung skips a beat and finishes the move faster than the rest of us, ah... now the formation is off,” Jimin deplored as he paused the video to take notes.

Yoongi watched him distractedly from the entrance where he was still removing his shoes and coat in what seemed like slow motion to him, head too fuzzy with sleepiness to make swifter moves. He didn’t easily take pity on people but Jimin was hunched over the coffee table, alone in the black and blue living room, his injured leg laying flat on the floor in what must have been an uncomfortable position and... now he was looking at him again.

All right, Yoongi would spare him two minutes because he knew that they were exceptionally able to wake up after the sun was up tomorrow. He let himself fall into the sofa in what he had hoped was going to be a big, satisfying flopping sound but ended up as a discreet rustle of fabric because he was short and skinny and damn it. His mood turned a bit sour. His bangs had fallen into his eyes, only irritating them further, but he was too lazy to whip them away. Jimin didn’t say anything for a while, which was rather uncharacteristic of him, and unknowingly gave Yoongi enough time to recover from his bitter thoughts.

“Wanna snack ?” he finally asked in a gritty voice that hinted at a long recording session.

Might as well eat his resentment away while he was at it. Jimin hummed for a second then agreed to no more than a piece of Yoongi’s own pick. Since his weight loss, Jimin had been more about dieting and exercising than snacks so Yoongi wasn’t phased but he hadn’t been planning on sharing his food.

“Dream on, leech.”

Okay, that hadn't been the most tactful choice of words when Jimin was rendered near useless to the group against his will, but Yoongi was too sleepy and cranky to bring himself to care. He heard Jimin huff good-naturedly, the forgiving bastard, as he went to the kitchen and came back with a kid sized bag of bacon flavored chips. He sunk back into the couch and placed the open bag so it sat proudly on his lap, out of Jimin’s reach. They both flashed deep red and cyan as the younger boy started a new video, something he had stored on his ‘watch later’ Youtube playlist. Taking some dance cues from professionals, Yoongi assumed. Once again, he did so in silence.

Two videos and some notes later, Yoongi gave up and stood up to become one with his beloved mattress. Jimin looked at him from his spot on the floor for the first time since Yoongi had taken place in the sofa.

“Thanks for keeping me company,” he smiled almost too sweet.

Yoongi was quite certain that he had said it one quarter sincerely and three quarters just to annoy him.

“Go to sleep,” Yoongi groaned back, already heading for his bedroom.

He tossed the empty bag of crisps at Jimin, missing his target entirely and having it land next to his hand on the coffee table instead, which made Jimin chuckle inside because that was Bangtan’s basketball star player for you. He grabbed the crumpled bag with half a mind of throwing it back but its suspicious weight made him peek inside first and he realised that the bag was not completely empty and that Yoongi hadn’t missed the shot at all.

Jimin tried to thank Yoongi but the soft click of the door closing outpaced him.

...

“No can do,” the driver cut in. “It’s too complicated and dangerous to move him around.”

Standing next to the middle-aged man, Yoongi internally winced. They were talking about Jimin as if he were not present when he was right next to them. Had he been sitting on the floor with Jimin, Yoongi couldn’t say that he wouldn’t have been tempted to sneak a hand to his back and rest it there in comfort because the blank face that he was sporting was all but ordinary. In Jimin’s case, a lack of facial expression was more alarming than a pout or a frown.

“The venue is not adapted for this and he wouldn’t be able to rest his leg anywhere when sitting at the signing table,” their manager said in a kinder voice. “It’s okay, there will be other fansigns,” he added, turning away from Namjoon to address Jimin directly.

Jimin nodded with a mellow “sure, no problem” and asked for some help to move onto the sofa. Since he was not leaving, he might as well make himself comfortable. Since he had injured himself a week ago, the old couch was slowly becoming his main lieu of residence. Nobody was happy about it but there was nothing they could do about it.

As the conversation had implicitly been declared over, they all started gathering their belongings for a trip to the hair salon before heading to the fansign. Yoongi was not interested in spending energy to dress himself particularly well today so he was waiting in the living room, already ready to leave, numbly observing the others. Among the preparations and the usual “where’s my Supreme cap” and “anybody seen my blue scarf”, there was a sudden flourish of zebra printed fluff and bright blue fabric. Taehyung had finally made his appearance from their shared closet and was prancing around in his outfit of choice. Feeling particularly extra today, he did a final turn, sock-clad feet slipping a bit, and stroke a Power Ranger pose in the middle of the living room. He looked halfway between an cruelty-free Cruella De Vil and a confused art student, and Hoseok and Namjoon immediately hollered in mock-amazement at their dongsaeng’s astute sense of style. Jungkook was already all smiles and round eyes near the entrance door, anticipating the sure-to-come escalation.

“Yeah, Mister V is in the place!” Namjoon howled in English, earning himself a dumb laugh from Taehyung who had only understood his stage name and the word “mister” but that seemed to be enough to content him.

“I underestimated his fashion sense... maybe I should take some cues from him,” Seokjin said to their manager, looking highly amused.

“Please don’t,” Yoongi cut in.

“Oh my god,” Jimin choked from the sofa, craning his neck to better check Taehyung’s outfit out. “Are you really going to wear that?”

Jimin’s question was drowned in the fusing comments and laughs Taehyung’s impromptu catwalk had elicited. Hoseok was slapping his butt now, for god only knew what reason, and amidst the banter a loud “call!” resonated as they high-fived, agreeing on whatever antic they had planned to coordinate during the fansign. Their manager didn’t even try to stop them and patiently waited for the commotion to die down on its own. He had been with them long enough to know that they could reign themselves in just fine when the time came.

Jimin listened and watched with interest from his spot, smiling even, his arms taunt on the sofa’s cushions in an effort to get a better view. Yoongi caught the sight, and him softening with age was the only explanation he could come up with to explain the feeling of pity that surged through him again. Jimin, who obviously wanted to join in on the fun but was stuck with his leg propped up on an armrest, looked like a caged puppy that hadn’t received attention for days and was sitting two meters away from a cuddle party. Yoongi briefly thought that if Jimin had had a tail, it would have been wagging fervently in envy and excitement right now.

Yoongi used the ongoing commotion to discreetly slide to the side of the sofa where Jimin's upper body was latching on the backrest. He casually put both hands on his shoulders, like he was simply joining him to watch the spectacle unfolding before them and he felt like resting on something. Jimin lifted his head to look up, mildly surprised. His bangs fell away from his face and he smiled in recognition. Or maybe not, Yoongi wasn't watching. Jimin angled his body in an obviously uncomfortable position and rested the back of his head against Yoongi's stomach. Yoongi brooded about sneaky bastards who took an arm when you gave them a finger and tried not to think about how out of place and forced the whole situation felt. If he had forgotten the reason why he almost never did non-genuine skinship, in or out of cameras’ sight, he was remembered of it now.

As predicted by their manager, the chaos naturally realigned into order and they were now exiting the dorm one by one, “everybody has their phone or ipad, everybody has a scarf it’s cold outside, nobody needs a bathroom trip, yes, yes, no, all right, let’s go”. Before leaving, Jungkook threw one last look at Jimin, who was still observing them.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of your fans”, he smiled.

“Jeon Jungkook, you brat!”

Jimin couldn’t run to him to hit him in the chest or shoulder like he usually would have so he settled for throwing a cushion at him. He lamely missed, to Jungkook’s utmost satisfaction. Their manager picked the projectile up, put it back in its place and followed the noise coming from the elevator outside. The long beep of their digital lock was the last thing Jimin heard before silence fell upon the dorm.

...

This time, Jimin’s rejection came when they were all gathered on the floor around the living room’s big coffee table, eating breakfast and slowly waking up from their short night of sleep after yesterday’s late practice session. Their bare face was making them all look younger but, in Yoongi’s opinion, healthier as well; golden skin and cheek color on display as it rarely was these days. Jimin's cheeks were especially tinted but that may have been because he was currently the center of attention and seemed naturally predisposed to blushing.

“Sorry, management decided it’s best that you stay at home. Staying still as much as possible and all that.”

“I can’t even come to see? Stay backstage or something? The doctor said it was healing well,” Jimin pleaded, but the lack of conviction in his voice betrayed his resignation to another day alone in the dorm. Those had been relaxing at first but Jimin had gotten tired of it pretty quickly.

“Nope. But you can watch the showcase live on stream tonight.”

The conversation was sounding awfully familiar to Yoongi, almost to an annoying point. He had unknowingly started to pick at his food, much to Namjoon’s silent perplexity, and was waiting for the upteenth moment where they would leave as Jimin watched from the sofa with a smile on his lips and a kicked puppy look in his eyes.

“But how are we going to manage without our eternal center?” Hoseok mock lamented.

He did not even try to make his remark sound remotely concerned. They were two weeks in Jimin's complete immobilization and they were becoming less and less cautious with his their words. Previous jokes had been well received, after all, and they might as well laugh about the situation they were stuck in. Indeed, a few subdued laughs followed Hoseok's words, everybody well-aware of Jimin's natural tendency to steal the spotlight. Yoongi almost interrupted them to remark that he recently had toned down the attention-grabbing behavior quite a bit but Namjoon’s aloud wondering came faster.

“How do you survive? Fancafe comments?”

“No need, the fans send him tons of get-well letters. You're doing fine, huh Jiminie? Or should we organise you a mini solo concert on the couch?” Hoseok smiled while poking at Jimin's ribs.

“Of course not”, Jimin huffed in response, grabbing Hoseok's teasing hand to stop him, a bit embarrassed.

“Give it a rest, he's not even in the center much these days.”

Jimin threw an almost-too-quick-to-catch side glance at Yoongi, his still embarrassed face making it hard to read the true emotion behind the look. Yoongi was going to argue further in his favor, adding that he was the least flashy of them during skits, among other things, and fuck if he knew why he was suddenly so invested. Fortunately, Jungkook changed the topic by suddenly bragging about landing Jimin's dance solo stage and being at least as good as him with the moves, doing a small demonstration to prove his point with his chopsticks still in his hand. He showed his slightly bunny-like smile to Jimin at the end of the show, proud of himself.

“I might even be better than you, what do you think?”

“In your dreams,” Jimin grumbled as he pushed the youngest member’s annoyingly broad shoulder, smiling nonetheless.

Always smiling, Yoongi thought. But he could tell, and some of the other members as well, maybe, that Jimin was getting less and less lively as his convalescence went on. Him being bitter about missing so many stages and recordings was starting to show in more ways than the occasional whine and the furious attempts at making himself as busy and useful as possible. The heartfelt laughs and giggles that they had grown accustomed to were getting sparse and Yoongi wasn't sure if he was imagining the tension in Jimin’s shoulders or not. Yoongi took pride in avoiding to play armchair psychologist as much as possible but, if he had to give his opinion, he would say that the positive reinforcement from their fans, their crew, their idol friends and everybody in between was an important element in Jimin's life, of which he was currently deprived and that couldn't possibly be good.

Jimin’s passion for dancing took over and he was now tipping Jungkook on how to hit the point moves with more impact. Yoongi straightened up in his spot and tried to observe the scene without getting caught, seemingly as focused on his food as Seokjin was on a pre-comeback diet day. Jimin's voice was soft and he fumbled over a few words. He was also hesitating a lot, touching his hair too often. His back was slumped but his shoulders were tense. Yoongi knew for a fact that it was impossible but he still felt like two weeks of not dancing or going to the gym had already taken its toll on Jimin's frame.

Suddenly it hit him. He knew the person he was watching from the corner of his eyes. He had met him a few years ago but hadn't caught a glimpse of him in a long time. Jimin was reverting into his near-debut, tweeting-about-flaws, refusing-to-show-any-body-part insecure self.

Yoongi mentally shook his head and went back to eating. For someone who hated armchair psychology, he was getting awfully ahead of himself. He reigned in his dramatic thoughts but decided to keep an eye out nonetheless. For what, he wasn't sure. But, you know, just in case.

When they left for on-site rehearsal half an hour later, Yoongi almost gave a quick side-hug to Jimin but decided against it at the last moment because he was quite sure that that would have made him more miserable, if nothing else. He settled for a ruffle of his hair on his way to the door instead. Jimin must have appreciated the gesture because Yoongi spied a sincere smile directed his way before he turned into the hallway and Seokjin closed the door behind them. No sad puppy look this time, he thought, congratulating himself for a hyung's job well done.

...

It was forty-five minutes into the showcase. The medium-sized venue was packed and Jungkook had just finished his solo stage. The skit they had filmed a month ago was playing on screen and they could hear their own distorted voices and the public's clamor all the way to the backstage. They were all covered in hastily wiped off sweat and it was their second makeup retouching session of the night. The next stage was Boys with Fun - a song from an older album but always a hit during concerts - and this time they had decided not to follow any choreography in order to just enjoy and interact with the crowd as much as possible. The tension had gone a bit down as nobody had to go over dance moves to check that everything was memorized in the right order but they still had to hurry and change in their next stage outfit. It was a black hoodie that had the name and logo of their latest album on the back and their name in bold white letters on the front. It was available for purchase and a good number of the fans present tonight were wearing their favorite member's.

Taehyung was getting way too excited already, running around with absorbing tissues stuck under his bangs and a duck-shaped bubble gun that he had picked up on stage earlier. A member of their staff was trying her best to follow him with a camera without tripping on the chairs and bags scattered around the room. Soon, Seokjin and Hoseok were done with their makeup and joined Taehyung in his tension-relieving dance for what was probably going to become a bangtan bomb after a bit of editing.

It seemed like any backstage they had experienced so far, the same old antics. However, Yoongi, who was patiently waiting for the hairstylist to finish air blowing and curling his bangs back into an acceptable shape, couldn't help but think how scary it was that they were doing so well without Jimin. They were supposed to be an inseparable team, things shouldn't have been able to continue as if nothing was amiss except from a bit of dance formation and line distribution adjustments. Had it been the same when he had had to take a short break because of his own injury? Nobody had even mentioned Jimin since their apology for his absence during the showcase opening. Yoongi couldn't be mad - they were almost too busy to even stop for a bathroom break after all - but he sincerely hoped that he was not the only one weirded out by the situation. He probably wasn't, he reasoned. Everybody liked and relied on Jimin a lot. Fatigue and stress were just making him a bit paranoid.

His black hair back into its curly side part, Yoongi was released from his seat in front of the mirrored wall and moved on to the costume racks. He brushed past a struggling Jungkook, who apparently couldn’t get into a hoodie without the help of at least two stylists, and reached for his own piece of promotional garment. He was about to ask who had forgotten to change but he caught himself as he realised that the last remaining black sweater hanging in front of him was Jimin's.

Amidst the chaos of Jungkook’s head finally emerging from fabric with a war cry, the stylists hurrying to fix his ruined hair and makeup again, Taehyung bubbling up the entire room and the stage manager telling them to get a move on, Yoongi made up his mind.

When he came out of the backstage, last in order at his own request, the cheers exploded loudly above the music as it did for the other members before him. However, in his case, it gradually morphed into a big endeared whine. The rest of the group haphazardly turned around and threw quick glances at him with various degree of concern, thinking he could have tripped on his way to the front of the stage or something equally ridiculous. They found him all well and good, swaggering his way to them while rapping his part of the song, and confusion soon showed on their faces. Except for Taehyung, who had been watching Yoongi’s close-up on the huge screen above them with focused eyes and a toothy smile and was able to realise what had caused the crowd's reaction before anyone else.

Yoongi joined the line the others had already formed and finished his rap like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Soon enough, everybody caught up and it became harder for Yoongi to pretend that wearing Jimin's sweater on stage was not worth all that fuss. It was quite fortunate that they had opted out of choreography this time, because Yoongi wasn't sure that he would have been able to execute it without tripping once or twice in his efforts to avoid the other members’ smug looks.

They carried out the song jumping around and strolling on the path that divided the pit in half, throwing the falling golden confettis at each other and the crowd before they hit the ground, playing with whatever absurdities had been thrown on the stage and applauding Hoseok's surprise dance break. By the end of the last note, Seokjin had a gold streamer tied around his head like an easter egg bow and Taehyung and Jungkook had at least a dozen hanging on each ear, making them look like a couple of shiny English cocker spaniels.

Once the song was over, they gathered in the center instead of heading back off of the stage. Yoongi must have not thought this one out one hundred percent because he had forgotten that they had one last talk session after Boys with Fun and now he was stuck in Jimin's sweater for an extra ten minutes. Namjoon did a quick microphone check and got the audience fired up with a few typical “what's up army?” and “you guys having fun tonight?”. He then went on about how they were happy that so many fans showed up and, along with Seokjin, they recalled some anecdotes about their debut showcase. Yoongi tuned out for a second, looking at the crowd without really seeing it. He snapped back to reality when Namjoon spoke his name.

“But this …” Namjoon smiled, tilting his upper body forward to look past Seokjin and Jungkook and directly at Yoongi at the extremity of the line they formed, “This isn’t something I was expecting to see tonight.”

The crowd reacted to his hinting at Yoongi's choice of hoodie with a short but loud cheer. Yoongi had no idea what Namjoon had compared it to nor did he care. He chose to continue to look at the back of the crowd, hands casually holding his microphone behind his back, ignoring Namjoon's amplified voice.

“Ah, but our Yoongi is sweeter than he appears. He even cooks for us sometimes,” Hoseok added, eyes full of mirth, getting another cheer from the crowd.

“Tsundere, tsundere!” Taehyung chirped from the other end of the line.

“Hyung, you look like you have something to say.”

Yoongi thought that yes, he did, and it sounded dangerously close to “fuck off, Jung Hoseok” but, as 'wild and free’ as their image supposedly was, he couldn't possibly say that out loud on live streaming. Yoongi briefly looked at his feet then went back to looking far ahead in front of him, tongue poking the inside of his cheek in irritation.

He gazed into the abyss of the crowd and the abyss stared back at him.

Fuck it, screwed as he already was, he might as well go all the way. He raised his microphone to his lips and locked eyes with the live transmitting camera. With an almost comically blank expression that didn't match the cute peace sign that framed his left eye, his deep voice resonated in the venue:

“Jiminie, are you watching?”

The fans lost it. Yoongi would probably not live this one down before a few months. Hell, he was pretty sure that Jimin's sweater already had his own twitter account and the bio probably said something about loving being worn by Yoongi.

...

They all entered the dorm in single file, trickling one by one in the living room, and soon it was a mess of shouts, Seokjin’s self-praising comments and Namjoon’s rendition of Run’s high notes. In the middle of it all, Yoongi was wondering why he had gone through with the sweater idea because, now that he was about to face Jimin, he suddenly realised that he would prefer for him not to say anything - other members present to make fun of them or not.

He put his thoughts aside long enough to follow Namjoon in his dramatic interpretation of Run along with Hoseok and Jimin’s light voice got drowned in the concert’s residue of adrenaline. He hadn't said anything to Yoongi, barely looked at him even, and, yeah, it was better that way.

It was not that Yoongi was ashamed of what he had done. He had performed way worse fanservice than wearing someone else’s piece of clothing, thank you very much. It was just that he didn’t do gestures for recognition. Especially this one, which had simply been a slightly cringy but thoughtful initiative that he had carried out even though it was not really his style because, all things considered, it had been a clever idea. And if he was completely sincere, he had been slightly pissed off by the fact that nobody had mentioned Jimin during the first three quarters of the showcase so he had had to take the matter into his own hands. No, really, Yoongi was fine with looking like a fool from time to time, he wouldn’t be standing there playing idol if he weren’t. And his brief ridicule potentially making a suffering friend laugh a little sounded like good karma points to him.

As he gave up on Namjoon and Hoseok, who were now revisiting the Run choreography with the same exaggerated acting, he told himself that he honestly was not mad that Jimin was not showing any acknowledgement of the gesture. Even though he obviously had watched the live show since Yoongi could hear him half-teasing half-praising jungkook for the takeover of his own lines during their latest song.

The living room gradually emptied as the members fled to the bathroom and their respective beds, exhaustion finally taking over. Yoongi was cleaning his coffee mug in the kitchen sink, maybe staying behind on purpose, expecting he didn’t know what. He didn't need recognition but right now it felt like he was pining for a pat on the head and he hated it. He was the one who gave out the pats. Other people yearned for his freaking pats, god dammit. Not the other way around.

“Unbelievable.”

Jimin hadn't been looking at him so when his voice resonated Yoongi was actually surprised. He whipped his head as fast as his tired body let him and saw that the younger was trying to contain his smile, expression shy but pleased, eyes squished into lines by his round cheeks. Yoongi couldn’t help but notice Jimin's ever-so-slightly crooked front tooth peeking out of his lips as he was trying to keep a straight face. He thought it was cute, as always when he caught it, and was a bit jealous of how effortlessly charming Jimin could be.

“First you steal Jungkook’s underwear and now my sweater,” he said.

It was his high boyish voice, the one that came out when he was feeling excited or mischievous. The one that Yoongi hadn’t been hearing much of during the past two weeks.

“I couldn’t find mine and yours was right there, so, you know,” he replied with a smile.

Seriously, Yoongi knew that he didn’t care about recognition so it must have been Jimin’s smile that was too contagious not to mimic. Never mind the tension leaving his jaw, that had nothing to do with anything.

“Such a corny hyung,” Jimin said, giving up pretense and letting out a small chuckle.

Yoongi’s pride could only take so much. He joined Jimin on the couch to mock-strangle him with his arms.

“Careful! My leg!” Jimin was in giggles now, holding onto Yoongi’s headlock with his small hands but not struggling against it.

“You’re lucky that I’m too tired to properly kill you,” Yoongi groaned, still smiling. Jimin’s happiness really was contagious tonight.

“Why are you being so nice, hyung?”

Jimin’s teasing tone had gained an aftertaste of seriousness that Yoongi didn’t miss. His smile faded a little. He let himself rest against the back of the sofa. One of his arm was still around Jimin's neck. It didn't feel out of place so he left it there.

“You just said it, I’m your hyung.”

“You’re not usually like this.” Jimin remarked as if he was not particularly interested in the subject.

“How am I, then?”

Jimin only hummed and smiled a little, not daring to answer. His expression and voice had gotten softer now that his giddiness had dissolved. They fell silent and Yoongi became aware of the fact that they still hadn’t looked each other in the eye.

It also struck him that the silence that they were sharing was not a comfortable one like they sometimes experienced because, well, he had noticed it. He was mindful of it and that was enough to be weirded out because that hadn’t happened since the first few days when he had gotten to know the other members. He didn’t know whether he was the only one to have noticed it and to feel like the air around them had gotten a bit prickly and the space between their two sitting forms almost solid. Maybe it just was another comfortable, quiet moment among many others for Jimin. Yoongi had no way to know, Jimin was just sitting still next to him. He didn’t dare to take a glance at him for a clue, preferring the safety of the muted television screen in front of him. Okay, now his arm was feeling awkward.

For some reason, Yoongi reveled in the uncertainty. The situation was still undefined and that meant that all possibilities were still up. The corners of his mouth rose imperceptibly as he thought that he must have been a weird one to ponder this kind of thoughts, but then again everybody thought that they were unique like that so he probably wasn’t.

“Anyway, I’m not on my deathbed so don’t push yourself, hyung.”

Yoongi almost flinched when Jimin whisper-talked, smile still in his voice but sounding off. He wondered if Jimin broke the silence because he had been uncomfortable as well. Or maybe Yoongi was just getting ideas, persuading himself that the other boy could also feel the tension. His head almost hurt as he wondered what good would Jimin being awkward around him bring. He really was having weird thoughts today. First his freakout backstage and now this. One of his fifteen-hour-long night of sleep was long overdue.

But before that, Yoongi wanted to look Jimin in the eye once because it was becoming strange that he still wasn’t. His gaze went from his own lap to Jimin’s chin but he found that he couldn't seem to find the courage to go higher. In his peripheral vision, he saw that Jimin was the same, barely looking at him, his eyes as downcast as possible, gaze resting somewhere near the collar of his black turtleneck.

Yoongi bewilderedly asked himself what the hell was going on. They had known each other, had worked with each other, hell, had lived practically on each other for years. Where was the awkwardness coming from?

His distraction during the last few minutes had caused his breathing to become slow and superficial, as if he had been asleep or about to be. Even though he felt fine like that, his lungs were giving the strange impression of having been underused for too long and that they were about to permanently lose in size if he didn't fully fill them once. So he did just that and heaved in a long breath.

Yoongi thought that this whole thing was becoming ridiculous and not like him at all so he decided to close this weird little parenthesis by taking his arm back, standing up and never thinking about it again. As he sneaked his arm out of Jimin's warmth, he braced his other hand on his thigh, torso bent forward to help himself move upright. That brought his face closer to Jimin’s for a second. His curiosity got the best of him and he took advantage of the proximity to steal a glance at Jimin’s expression before pushing on his hand and straightening his legs.

He didn't even have time to widen his eyes in surprise or feel a pang of adrenaline in his chest when Jimin’s lips softly covered the corner of his mouth because he must have realised that Yoongi hadn’t been leaning forward to kiss him but to leave and recoiled immediately.

Frozen in his position, Yoongi understood what had just happened and there , there came the pang. Jimin looked absolutely horrified, his usually very horizontal eyes were wide open in a way that Yoongi didn’t witness often but couldn’t really enjoy in his current state of shock.

“I was going for your cheek and missed!” Jimin half-shouted, like that was any better. “Sorry hyung, sorry, really, I swear, I'm sorry!”

He was fumbling with his words, lisp stronger than Yoongi could remember ever having heard, and his bigger than usual eyes were finally connecting with Yoongi’s in an obvious attempt to back the veracity of his words and the honesty of his apology.

Even without all that over the top display, Yoongi would have known that Jimin was lying. Because, were that true, had he really meant to kiss him on the cheek for some mystical reason, Jimin would be saying the exact same words but he would be struggling with laughter and embarrassment. Not with the dread and panic Yoongi could see, hear and feel without even trying.

Yoongi’s mind had caught up by now and was thinking hard and fast. Jimin looked mortified, his usually healthily colored face seemed to go paler by the second, contrasting more and more with his newly-dyed dirty blond hair. His surrendering hand gestures and rushed justification gave enough time to Yoongi to figure out which course of action would be wiser in this situation he never had thought he would have to face in his life. In three seconds his choice was made.

“Hey, Park Jimin,” he said sternly. “You’re gross, keep the skinship for the cameras.”

His original intent had been to sound playful but he was already glad to manage a blank face and a steady tone of voice.

“I’m sorry, so sorry, I'm so sorry,” Jimin was whispering like he was stuck on repeat.

If he was relieved that Yoongi had bought his lie, he was concealing it well. It was looking more like he was about to be sick right on the living room floor, actually. Yoongi couldn't stand to sit there and watch any more of it so he stood up, in a manner that, he hoped, didn’t seem like he was running for the hills but just continuing the motion he had started before being interrupted.

By Jimin.

Who had kissed him.

Or at least had tried to and then had lied about it.

Right.

Yoongi walked down the hallway in a daze, closed the door of the bedroom he shared with Seokjin carefully, sat on his own bed and tried to process what had just happened and what it could mean for Jimin, for his friendship with him and for Bangtan as a whole. As he played and replayed the scene in his head, he wondered when he had given any form of signal that he could ever be fine with… that happening. He hadn’t given any signal, hadn’t he? Had he? No, he hadn’t, not voluntarily at least.

In the midst of reviewing his past behaviour, Yoongi realised that he may have very well given Jimin’s self-esteem its coup de grace a few minutes ago. If Jimin was, as Yoongi now suspected, not entirely of the straight persuasion, “you’re gross”, even jokingly said, weren't the best words of choice. This time, it was a little bit more serious than calling him a leech and he couldn't just leave it at that.

Yoongi stood up quietly and started pacing in the darkness of the small bedroom without realising what he was doing. He had always been one of the most level-headed and mature member of their little band. He advocated a live and let live type of life, was honest regarding his opinions and faced his problems head on, depressive episode included. If he could be responsible, cool-headed and confident for all the shit he had to deal with daily, he could be for this as well.

After all, he was always urging people not to care about what others thought of them, right up until in his lyrics, so he couldn’t react lamely like that now that he was facing a very real, serious situation. On top of that, he was a hyung. It was his job to take care of the younger members and act for the wellbeing of the group. He had seen worse in his life, too.

Yeah, Yoongi thought, stopping his aimless wandering and padding towards the door, he could do this. He could pull it off. He could definitely do this.

Yoongi and his newfound resolve went back to the dimly lit living room and found Jimin still sitting where he had left him, his blond head buried in his hands. Yoongi feared for an instant that Jimin was crying. He really hoped that he wasn’t because he could only deal with so much at once and this day had proven to be a day of strange thoughts and feelings and he was not sure what would happen if he witnessed such a scene.

Yoongi cleared his throat, making Jimin raise his head at the noise and barely peek above the back of the sofa. He still looked nauseous and distressed but he was not crying. Yoongi stayed frozen by the three person bedroom door.

“I’m sorry, you’re not gross,” he whispered, a bit too emotionless to his taste but he was doing it, he was confronting the awkwardness and, if he could have, he would have given himself the biggest hand clasp and pat on the back right now.

“I wasn’t- I’m not-”

Yoongi must actually have been on a good day, despite everything that had happened, because he got it immediately: Jimin knew that his lie hadn’t been bought and was in full panic mode.

Yoongi still wanted to go with his plan of pretending that nothing of importance had happened. It was a great plan. It protected their unity as a group, protected Jimin from potential judgement and rumors and it allowed Yoongi not to torture his already busy mind with the issue any further. Because he felt like he had gotten access to information he should never have, at least not in that manner. Them both being aware of the truth or not, he wanted to stick to that plan. He believed he was a good actor enough. He just didn’t want to hurt or burden Jimin along the way.

“Don't worry about it, okay?”

“It’s not- it’s not- hyung… ” Jimin pleaded. He couldn’t even form a sentence.

Jimin’s distress broke Yoongi’s heart. He decided to be firmer, for both their sake. If this is what it took, then so be it.

“Jimin, nothing happened. I already forgot about it. It's all forgotten.”

Jimin hung his head, defeated and frustrated. Despite the half-light that enveloped the room, Yoongi could distinguish his pained expression, eyebrows furrowed and lips twitching - whether because he wanted to say something or because he was about to cry, Yoongi was not sure. The urge to comfort his fellow member and close dongsaeng was strong, but not strong enough to overpower the uneasiness that was paralyzing him as well as the hunch that Jimin wouldn't welcome him with open arms. There was nothing left to say anyway, and Jimin seemed to think so as well since his lips remained shut. Yoongi silently left, without Jimin noticing probably. He couldn't remember ever closing the door of his bedroom so delicately.

Not having the heart to change into the cotton tracksuit bottoms and the old t-shirt that were his pyjamas, Yoongi slipped under his comforter fully clothed, feeling restless and strangely empty even though his head was full of thoughts and worries.

The vast majority of said thoughts were focused on the realisation that Jimin was probably into men, along with the afterthought that he had never pinned the younger boy as… like that. Yoongi was seeing, clear as day in his memories, the countless times Jimin had attempted to be manly, sexy and smooth, flirting with the endless crowd of their almost exclusively female fans… like any of them would. Dancing powerfully, making sultry faces at the cameras… before shyly chuckling and looking back at the members like he was searching for some escape from the attention he had managed to catch. He was seeing Jimin tumbling around with Jungkook around their dorm and bickering over stupid things, like ordinary teenagers. He was seeing him laughing with his head thrown back at Namjoon and Seokjin’s jokes, something that had almost stopped since his injury. He was seeing him hugging his hyungs as he doubled over with laughter. He was seeing him hugging Taehyung even when he was not falling off his chair laughing. Napping with Seokjin. Petting Jungkook's hair. Teasing Hoseok.

Yoongi got lost in going over and over Jimin’s smallest interactions with the members with a growing annoyance that he couldn't explain. Jimin had never let anything show and probably hadn't told anyone. Not even his hyungs, who had always been there for him and whom he was supposed to trust. Did management even know? He more than likely planned on keeping it a secret as long as possible, given the possible repercussions.

But Yoongi had screwed that up. No, wait. Jimin had screwed that up himself because he had thought that Yoongi wanted to kiss him. He had thrown his secret out the window because he had somehow understood that Yoongi was into him.

Yoongi was wearing a turtleneck sweater under the comforter but he was still on the verge of shivering.

“Ugh, this is bullshit,” he groaned under his breath, rubbing his tired face with both hands, unknowingly smearing the remainders of his makeup.

He scolded himself into following the almost order he had given to Jimin a few minutes ago: stop thinking about it, nothing happened.

It was going to be awkward between them for a while but Jimin probably just had gone with the flow of the moment - what fucking flow? - and he was going to quickly forget about it as well. It was better for him, it was better for the group, it was better for everybody including Yoongi’s sanity.

Yoongi fell asleep almost an hour later, still feeling quivery.

...

Among Bangtan, and maybe even among idols as a whole at this point, Yoongi was known for being hard to wake up, for requiring a lot of convincing when it came to physical activities and for being an all-around lazy fuck. But the heinous amount of determination it had taken him to wake up that morning was unprecedented. If Seokjin hadn't dragged him out from under the cover by his feet, he would have slept into the following week without any doubt - and it was only Tuesday - because sleeping meant not thinking and that was all Yoongi was asking for at the moment.

“Did you- did you sleep wearing that? Woah, you don't look too good... You okay?” Seokjin had said in what had felt like a solid ninety decibels to Yoongi.

Yoongi had replied - at least he was pretty sure that he had - and had gone straight for the hyungs’ bathroom. Although he knew he shouldn't have, he had stressed a bit about getting a glimpse of Jimin on the way to the end of the hallway. He was confident that he could keep a straight expression should it happen but he didn’t want to face him just yet, not this early. Making sure to act naturally and not to observe and over think Jimin's every move was going to drain him, he already knew it.

Fortunately, luck was on his side and the long shower - which equalled to ten minutes by idol standards - he treated himself to was starting to better his disposition. It helped not to be caked in makeup and dried sweat anymore. How could Jimin have even wanted to kiss him in the gross state he was in last night was beyond him.

Wait, what?

“The fuck?”

Under the hard falling water, eyes squinted and black hair pushed back, Yoongi was concentrating to determine how his train of thought could have derailed so quickly and if that was his disposition going down the drain with the water.

His luck only lasted until he joined the others in the living room for breakfast and the last free spot at the table was right next to Jimin. As Yoongi bypassed the sofa to sit down he realised that he had left Jimin right there last night. Which meant that the boy had had to drag himself to bed without any help. Or that he had been unable to even do that much and had had to spent the night in the living room without a blanket. Cold and uncomfortable on top of being hurt.

“Again with the dramatics,” Yoongi thought in self-resentment as he took a portion of rice. Jimin had softly greeted him along with the others but now he was doing a stellar job at avoiding looking at him, touching him or having to talk to him. Yoongi didn't know if he should have been grateful or pissed off. He wasn't the one who had gone and tried to kiss someone, why was Jimin acting like he was the one at fault now? It was subtle enough that nobody picked up on it, at least. But that wouldn't do. Yoongi hadn't suffered through last night for this. He wanted them to pretend like nothing had happened, not like the other had ceased to exist.

“Jimin-ah.” he said in a rough voice that was not loud enough to cover Jungkook and Seokjin's back and forth but still attracted Taehyung’s and Namjoon’s attention. “You fine? Did something happen?”

That was all he had managed to come up with and he was quite satisfied with the results of his efforts, thank you very much. Jimin's head snapped and he looked at Yoongi in horror. If he hadn't already witnessed Jimin's crisis last night, Yoongi would have been impressed by the amount of panic in his eyes. He didn't reply immediately, gauging Yoongi’s impassible face with a look that betrayed a lot of rapid thinking.

“I’m fine, just a bit tired.”

Jimin's puffy eyes turned pleading under his messy middle part. Was he silently asking Yoongi not to talk to him? Yoongi almost took offense - after all, he was not responsible for this mess - but stopped himself in his tracks because Jimin was still fixed on him while his attention should have been directed back to his food a long time ago. The intensity in his look was as clear as if he was screaming the words:  “Don't say anything more. Don't say it. Please .” It dawned on Yoongi that his choice of words had, once again, been quite poor and that Jimin was actually scared of being teased about what had happened or even outed in front of the group, right then and there, in the middle of breakfast.

This time, Yoongi took offense.

“All right,” he gritted, both in response to Jimin's words and to his silent message.

He didn’t think one could fall from kissing material to presumed heartless dick overnight, and yet there he was.

Jimin exhaled and started eating again. Neither of them dared to check Taehyung and Namjoon's faces for signs of suspicion. Instead, Yoongi kept an eye on Jimin's slouched form, still not believing he had lost so much of his trust over something he wasn't even the instigator of. If you asked him, he had done his damn best, given the situation. He had done as much damage control as he could but Jimin still looked like he had just hurt his other leg. Yoongi obviously had had his beloved hyung privileges revoked so consoling Jimin was not an option at the moment. It wouldn't sit well with his nothing happened plan either. Hell, he wasn't even convinced that it would be a constructive thing to do to begin with, what with him being judge and party.

That got him to wonder for a second. Almost all the members confided in Jimin but to whom did Jimin confide in? The realisation that he didn't know the answer to that question made Yoongi sadder than it should have and damn this unnecessarily emotional shit. He was not starting again. Jimin was almost obnoxiously close with Taehyung, of course he had someone to talk to.

Yoongi’s black eyes suddenly looked up and straight across the table at Taehyung, who was loading food into his mouth at a relentless pace, not even taking the time to swallow in between inputs, blissfully unaware of… everything.

The solution had been right in front of him.

...

They had just gotten back from their schedule and were barely all inside their apartment when Yoongi intercepted Taehyung. They had featured in a dance tv show this time and Jimin had had a hard time smiling his usual smile and retort to Jungkook’s teasing when they had left. It was only mid-afternoon and they had nothing planned before their practice at six so Yoongi had a wonderful nap slot to fill and a tiring day to forget. Before that, he managed to grab the Taehyung and drag him to an empty corner of the living room.

“Taehyungie…”

Taehyung immediately started to panic when he heard the unfamiliar nickname.

“What did I do? What do you want from me?”

“Calm down,” Yoongi grumbled, “I just want you to speak with Jimin a bit.”

“Why me?” he replied in true petulant dongsaeng fashion.

“Because I said so.”

Truth be told, Yoongi’s choice simply relied on the facts that Taehyung was the closest to Jimin among Bangtan and he trusted him to be open-minded enough not to judge his friend should he spill the beans.

“What am I supposed to talk to him about?” Taehyung asked. “Can't you just say what you have to say yourself?”

“I'm asking you this as a favor, please don't be difficult. Just ask him if everything's all right, okay?”

Normally Yoongi would have swatted his head and reminded him of respecting “your poor hyung who's always buying you ice cream and looking out for you and letting you play around with his mixing instruments, you ungrateful bastard” instead of resorting to asking favors. Taehyung seemed to notice because he was suddenly agreeing without any further complaint.

“Will I get a favor in return, then?”

“Sure, whatever.”

“Mission accepted!” he smiled, way too hard, military salute perfectly executed.

Yoongi scrunched his right eye shut in pain as the loud shout vrilled his ears. He watched Taehyung retreat to the laundry room where he had been headed and felt compelled to add:

“And for the love of god, try to be subtle about it!”

When Taehyung came back from his trip and barged through the door with a basket full of fresh laundry in his hands, Jimin hadn't moved from his spot on his bed, still absorbed in reviewing lyrics. Taehyung sat next to him on the floor and poured down the basket of clean clothes, which were probably going to quickly get mixed with the dirty ones scattered around. As he started folding, they discussed about the next game they were going to buy for their Xbox. They agreed to rally against Jungkook and his love of Fifa to instead finally get the latest Call of Duty. Then Taehyung had to concentrate because he needed to pair socks and some of them were really, really similar.

“Chimchim,” Taehyung solemnly said after he had dropped the last pair of matched socks on the pile, his straight face not matching the cute nickname.

Jimin made a bored noise in his throat to let him know that he was listening.

“Everything all right?”

“Huh… sure, why?” Jimin replied, not looking up from his lyric sheets.

“Nothing bothering you?”

“Err, no, not that I know of. Are you all right, though?”

Jimin had diverted his attention away from the papers laid in front of him on his comforter and he looked almost genuinely confused and slightly suspicious. If Taehyung hadn't known him for so long, he would probably have been fooled. Too bad that he had had more than enough time to get familiar with Park Jimin's mediocre acting skills.

“You can tell me, you know. I won't repeat. I'm that great of a friend,” Taehyung insisted with big, round and, hopefully, convincing eyes.

This time Jimin snorted, a bit embarrassed by the insistence.

“You're weird,” he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

He seemed to grow a bit jumpy as well, fidgeting with the lyric sheets and his phone. Now Taehyung understood why Yoongi would be as worried as to ask him to play spy. Jimin refusing to talk to him and getting nervous like that was not normal. They shared everything, as far as Taehyung knew, so this must have been more serious than he had thought. Usually he would have bothered Jimin until he obtained an answer but something was telling him that, this time, it was better not to. Yoongi would have to do the work himself.

“You're weirder,” Taehyung settled for, affectionately resting his head on Jimin's dangling leg and looking up at the underside of his jaw and the inside of his nostrils.

“In what dimension?” Jimin scoffed.

The voice already sounded more relaxed to Taehyung’s ears. Jimin might not wish to share what was bothering him right now, or ever, but that wouldn't stop Taehyung from sneakily cheering his friend up.

“All of them,” he smiled bright.

...

This was already Jimin's fourth session of physical therapy. A doctor had been appointed to visit their dorm and help him gain back control over his leg with slow exercises, careful manipulation and electrical muscle stimulation. Yoongi was busying himself with eating his lunch and watching Jimin’s leg appear and disappear from his field of vision as he pushed against the doctor’s hands. They were free until their meeting with Big Hit’s CEO in two hours, which would take place in their living room to accommodate Jimin, so he was taking his time and letting his mind wander wherever it wanted to. Apparently it wanted to ruminate over how Jimin had kept avoiding him during the last few days. And how he couldn’t comfort him anymore when he was deprived of attention or left behind. And how stupid it was that Jimin was doing that to himself. Well, to them. Whatever. He was at the point of wondering if pretending that nothing had happened really was the best course of action when Taehyung interrupted his thoughts by letting himself fall onto the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

“I’m not sure what I was supposed ask about but Jimin says everything is fine so, yeah,” Taehyung whispered before fixing himself a serving of fried rice.

“That’s all right, thanks for trying,” Yoongi answered kindly because he was sure that Taehyung had tried, judging by his concerned expression.

There was a pause during which they both observed Jimin do his exercises and inadvertently whine a bit too cutely for the doctor's comfort, then Taehyung asked:

“Hyung, did you have a fight?”

Yoongi almost scoffed. Taehyung probably had imagined various scenarios of him mistreating his precious friend, because he was bound to be the one at fault in this situation. He was not blaming Taehyung, though. Who could imagine mellow Jimin purposely hurting anyone? Well, against all imaginary odds, he had done nothing wrong and Taehyung could suck on that.

“Nah, nothing like that.”

“Really? Because I think you’re right, something’s bothering him.”

“Mmh.” Yoongi was starting to regret involving the most curious and stubborn person after Hoseok in this mess. “Don’t worry about it. I can manage.”

“Your really didn’t fight? I mean, it kinda looks like you did, no offense.”

“I said don’t worry so don’t worry, mmh?” Yoongi repeated.

Taehyung didn’t look entirely convinced but he dropped the subject anyway, as the obedient dongsaeng that he sometimes could be.

It is then that Yoongi confirmed with himself that, all things considered, his plan of acting as if nothing had happened indeed sucked balls. It sucked because he wanted to talk to Jimin, he wanted to go back to how they were before and stop feeling like the biggest asshole on earth every time they left Jimin alone for a schedule or an outing. And, hell, a part of him - probably the one that hosted his morbid curiosity, his will to watch the world burn and various other ugly shit - wanted to lay everything down and get answers to the questions he barely dared to even form in his mind. But he didn’t really have a plan B ready, never mind one that could potentially work.

“Well, I’ll be on my way.”

Yoongi and Taehyung turned their heads to the old doctor standing next to them. The session must have ended sometime during their short conversation.

“Jimin is recovering quite quickly, I think that it is safe to have him tag along for most things.”

Jimin’s beaming head poked out from the kitchen for a second then he schooled his expression and quickly disappeared. Taehyung whooped with a mouth full of rice.

“I strongly discourage any type of strenuous physical activity, however. No running, dancing, jumping and so on,” the doctor added.

“Jiminie, you’re cured!” Taehyung shouted, ignoring the doctor’s last words.

“Cured? I wasn’t sick, come on,” Jimin snorted back as he limped his way to them.

Jimin was straight-faced but his sparkling eyes were betraying him. Yoongi could tell that he was over the moon and it was really hard not to smile at the boy’s happiness so he did, a little. Taehyung stood up to walk the doctor to the entrance of the apartment. Yoongi used the opportunity to slip a few words of congratulations to Jimin.

“Welcome back to the game,” he said, low and warm.

Jimin eyes flickered in his direction for a fraction of a second and his head might have flinched in a minute nod but he offered no other reaction. Yoongi was about to finally snap and ask him if he was mad at him but, seeing Jimin anxiously look at Taehyung as if praying for his prompt return, he realised that Jimin wasn’t angry, rather scared. Yoongi was a snarky one, sure, but nothing to really be afraid of. At least he thought so. It unsettled him a little but, more than that, it pained him that Jimin could be scared of him. It was like the cute animal he used to watch over and pet every day now shied away from him with its tail between his legs.

Taehyung came back and Jimin immediately latched onto him. Yoongi laid down his chopsticks, not hungry anymore. They started chatting about organising a party to celebrate Jimin’s recovery and Yoongi made an effort to participate in the conversation but when they got to game suggestions and Jimin fell into Taehyung’s lap with laughter, he decided that it was time for a tête-à-tête with the quiet of his room.

It continued on during their meeting with Bang Shi Hyuk, the dinner they all shared together and the following impromptu recovering party. Yoongi soldiered on through Jimin’s avoidance and ignoring of his person and watched, helpless, as the younger boy scurried away relatively discreetly every time they were close to finding themselves alone together. The party wasn’t as crazy as Taehyung and Jimin had projected it to be because they had early plans on the following day but it did allow them to let off some steam. At around eleven, Seokjin started to push Hoseok towards the shower room with his foot and that signaled the kick off - quite literally - of the getting-ready-for-bed process for everyone.

From the corner of his eye, Yoongi saw Jimin headed towards the spare room that had been transformed into a walk-in closet and if that wasn’t the perfect occasion to have a talk with him and cancel his shitty plan, his dog’s name wasn’t Holly. He needed a talk with Jimin alone without making the others suspicious - Taehyung was already enough as it was - and this was his chance delivered on a silver platter. So he dropped the stack of plastic cups he had been collecting from the floor and slipped into the spare room as well.

Jimin didn’t run away when he heard him entering and Yoongi had never imagined that he would one day be grateful for such an ordinary fact. Determined to go straight to the point in order not to give himself any room to back down, Yoongi spoke as soon as he was done shutting the door behind him.

“Jimin.”

“Yes,” Jimin replied, not yet at the stage of being openly disrespectful to his hyung.

He was clearly apprehensive, his tone of voice alone gave it away and so were his shoulders, looking tense under the loose white t-shirt that he had borrowed from Hoseok. Yoongi hesitated a bit because Jimin had never been closed up like this before and he honestly didn’t know how to handle him anymore.

It didn’t help that he was currently talking to the back of a head. He wanted to get mad and order said head to turn around and look at him when he was speaking but he at least knew that that would always be a no-go. It was obvious, perhaps to too many people, that Jimin responded to praise and attention, not scoldings. He was not going to beat around the bush either, though.

“I don’t give a shit about your preferences.”

Jimin didn’t turn, didn’t flinch, didn’t breathe.

“What are you talking about?”

Yoongi was sure that it was the most emotionless Jimin’s voice had ever sounded, but that wouldn't be enough to deter him.

“And if you want to talk, I’m here.”

Jimin turned his head around this time, unstyled sandy blond hair shifting, and looked at Yoongi like he had just asked him to set himself on fire. He grabbed a t-shirt of his own and made to leave the room as fast as his injured leg let him, socked feet gliding silently on the floor.

“I understand if you’d prefer someone else,” Yoongi rushed when Jimin passed by him to reach the door, “But, just so you know... I’m here and you can talk to me whenever.”

He caught a small falter in Jimin’s steps, as if he was rethinking his decision to leave for a second, but he didn’t change his mind and Yoongi was left alone in the middle of clothe racks and hat shelves, unable to say that he was pleased with the result of his burst of courage. He stayed in the quiet room for a short moment then grabbed one of his beanies, wrapped a face mask around his jaw and headed out of their apartment with a single text to Namjoon saying that he would be back on time for their schedule tomorrow morning. His fingers were flexing nervously and his whole body was feeling strangely angsty when he should have been starting to think about slipping under the covers. He knew what that meant.

When Yoongi was troubled, when nothing went as he wished or when he didn’t know how to solve a problem, there was only one thing that helped. Doing what he did best in this kind of situation. Turning the negative thoughts in productive energy and making the best out of his misery. In other words, putting his feeling on paper and turning it into music. He was well aware that it was the cheesiest thing but it had worked for him so far and the cathartic sensation it gave to him was too addictive to stop.

He arrived at the company building unnoticed in the darkness of the evening. It was safe to assume that he was alone tonight since he had to turn all the lights on as he made his way to his small, private mixing studio. He passed by a mirror and was stricken by his own ugliness. His face was tense, tired and even paler than usual. He winced and strode faster towards his destination.

He ended up spending most of the night writing and producing a short rap. In a spur that did not decrease as the hours passed, he slipped in the empty studio as well and recorded the two-minute long song. He roughly edited the parts together, not caring about details, just needing to create something whole that would give a concrete form to his feelings. It was a slow, intermittent, whispery rap with a building tension in the tune. It was not good nor bad, quality was not the purpose. The file was hidden away in a nameless folder buried in another folder, itself buried in another folder.

Yoongi reclined the desk chair and breathed out, eyes closing on their own. He had already set an alarm to join the others at the dorm three hours later so he let himself drift to sleep with the song on repeat.

...

Now that Jimin was allowed to participate in some of their schedules - case in point, the radio show they were guesting at right now - the instances of Yoongi’s heart breaking at the sight of  couchridden Jimin had noticeably diminished. In fact, Jimin seemed to be on his way back to his old self and everything was going to be right in the world again, except for his blatant fear of being in the immediate vicinity of Yoongi. Which was starting to get on the latter’s nerves quite a bit.

Yoongi was watching the parts of Jimin that could still be seen behind the big microphone of the broadcasting room and thinking about a way of getting into his favors again instead of listening to the conversation they were having with the hosts. He had to find a solution fast because the others were bound to notice and speak up at some point. Taehyung had been eyeing him strangely but had surprisingly kept his mouth shut so far, however that couldn’t last long. And a collective confrontation would only make matters worse, he was sure of it.

Jimin jumped into Jungkook’s anecdote to clarify something having to do with insoles and the hosts’ attention was captured with a mere three words and a shy smile. They appeared to immediately forget about their youngest member’s version of the story and made marvelling sounds at Jimin’s instead. Yoongi remained blank-faced as Jimin’s form, drowned in an oversized sweater and bulky headphones, squirmed under the attention he had yet requested himself. It was then that Yoongi realised that he actually was not jealous of Jimin’s charm anymore - and probably had never been, he didn’t even aim to be charming - but rather of other people witnessing it. Well, no, that would be a bit extreme. Rather... falling for it? Jimin using his charms on other people, yeah. Or something. In any case, he would have to update the lyrics of his rap.

The radio show came to an end faster than they expected. After a quick trip to the bathroom, they all boarded into the waiting van in the underground parking of the broadcasting station. Yoongi had been rather quiet during the recording and the spare energy that left him with allowed him to react swiftly and steal Seokjin’s spot at the back of the car. A spot that just happened to be next to Jimin’s.

If Jimin was surprised by the change in seating arrangements, he didn’t let it show. He sat down, buckled up and immediately slotted his earphones in his ears. Yoongi waited for the majority of the members to fall asleep or start paying attention to their phone before he made to whisper Jimin’s name. The younger boy’s body, turned away and facing the window, didn’t show any sign of acknowledgement and just continued to shake with the car’s movements. Yoongi wasn’t sure if he was ignoring him or simply asleep. He hoped it was the latter, because every time Jimin ignored him brought him closer to complete dejection. Jimin always forgave Jungkook’s teasing, Hoseok’s hyperactivity and even Yoongi’s own mood swings. Jimin was nice to everybody and everything. It hurt to be the only one being given the cold shoulder to.

Yoongi looked at Jimin’s curled up legs for the remainder of the trip because staring at his face would have been too obvious. He used the last bits of energy he had left to fight the urge to explode in frustration, call Jimin’s name or shake some reason into him. He was itching to grab Jimin’s hand, link arms, talk to him, share earphones, anything. Anything but this killing silence he hadn’t done anything to deserve.

...

Four days later and Yoongi was downright fed up with the situation. During that lapse of time, he had kept on watching Jimin weasel away from him countless times and barely acknowledge his words. To be ignored in such an overt way when Yoongi’s permanent urge to grab Jimin by the shoulders and shake him was slowly growing stronger was driving his mood straight into a pit of fire. At this point, the fact that the members were still staying out of it verged on the miraculous. He didn’t even need to look far to prove his point: they were having another album sales boosting fansign and Jimin was currently trying to get out of sitting next to him without raising suspicions, arguing that if he was next to the two other youngest members the whole thing would get much funnier.

As irritated and tired of it all Yoongi was, he had grown equal part dying with inappropriate curiosity that he would never admit he possessed. Questions like whether Jimin really was into men and if he had told anyone were begging him to be asked. The ‘whether he had dated a guy yet’ one was particularly insistent. It was all honestly becoming too much to think about and the worry was suffocating his creativity, which made his mood just that much worse.  None of his non-threatening approaches and tentative offers of support to Jimin had borne fruit so far but, as he had been laying in bed listening to Seokjin’s snoring  that morning, he had thought of something that could be ridiculous enough to work.

Before leaving the office and heading to the auditorium Big Hit had rented for the afternoon, Yoongi had snatched Jimin’s promotional sweater again and, not without a slight giddy feeling that undercover agents surely experienced on the daily, was wearing it under his long black coat. He could reveal it whenever he wanted to, provided that the situation seemed favourable, or not reveal it at all would there be signs telling him not to. Or, well, if he were to chicken out.

Eventually, Jimin won his case and sat between Taehyung and Jungkook at the signing table. It was their latest release’s turn to play on the speakers of the auditorium and, as always when a song was still fresh in their repertoire, they got more easily fired up. This time, they even improvised a little showcase for the fans, doing some lip sync, dancing around the signing table and laughing at Jungkook’s high-pitched adlibs. They almost got into perfect formation for the chorus’ moves and Yoongi thought that, since the mood was right, this was as good a moment as any other. He removed his coat as if he were getting too hot and casually dropped it on the table before joining the others again. He was expecting some kind of reaction from their audience but the sudden shouts and the cameras flashing twice as much still caught him a bit by surprise. The other members all turned his way when they realised that their very tame playing around couldn't be the cause of such a ruckus.

When Jimin looked at him as well, Yoongi stopped in his track, opened his arms wide as he closed his feets together in a small jump and waited for Jimin to come to him in that sickeningly cute pose. Jimin seemed embarrassed but he was also laughing at Yoongi with his head thrown back it so must have not been entirely too bad. For an instant, it seemed to Yoongi that the old Jimin was back - for the cameras at least. Truth be told, Yoongi was feeling a bit guilty for trapping Jimin in a place where he couldn't exactly react any other way to his peace offering but, hey, the end justified the means.

Jimin was not only laughing, he was also making his way to Yoongi with his arms halfway spread out to hug him and Yoongi’s heart could only swell in surprise and happiness. They collided awkwardly and Jimin’s head was turned away and smiling at the crowd, hands limply patting Yoongi’s back like he wasn't sure how affectionate he should go, but it was more than enough for Yoongi. The crowd was cheering for them and, even though they didn’t know what was going on, it made the moment seem more important and moving than it really was.

Or maybe it really was that important. Yoongi wasn’t so sure anymore.

Or maybe it really was that moving because Jimin seemed to have tears in his eyes.

Right at that moment, Yoongi found Jimin so charming it almost scared him. He found him so unbearably cute, when he shouldn’t have because his own face was rounder and smaller, but somehow Jimin’s muscled body and strong jawline couldn’t stop him from looking like the softest, plushest person Yoongi had ever met. The hug became uncomfortably long, not that the fans seemed to mind, so they separated and continued with the usual antics fansigns entailed.

To say that Yoongi was feeling relieved would be an understatement. Things suddenly started looking bright again and if they didn’t, their importance somehow felt diminished enough not to care about it so much anymore. Yoongi almost had a skip in his step on the way out of the auditorium and even them entering their sixth hour without food couldn’t deter his mood. However, he was not going to push his luck so he remained at a polite distance from Jimin for the whole drive back to the company and, even though he had many questions to ask and things to say, he would leave the next initiative to him.

Talking about initiatives. Yoongi stopped self-praising his patience and understanding and almost came to a full halt in the middle of the recording studio hallway as he recalled Jimin’s attempt to kiss him.  Kind of in a daze, he belatedly realised that wearing Jimin’s hoodie again could very well make it seem like he was a-okay with the consequences that had followed last time he had borrowed it. After all, if the previous time got him a freaking kiss despite not giving out any signal, nothing was stopping Jimin from misinterpreting his intentions and come onto him again. Actually, they were scheduled to record with Hoseok in about three minutes and once his fellow rapper would enter the booth, it would be Jimin and him waiting around for their turn. In a mostly empty recording studio.

Yoongi had been plotting to find himself alone with Jimin for such a long time that dreading the moment when it was finally happening felt wrong. As he sat down on one of the seats facing the recording booth, he tried to reason himself that nothing would happen and that this was not worth starting to sweat over but his body was not having it. All he could do was prepare himself mentally for another kiss from Jimin and how to properly… reject him, he guessed with a grimace and a quick side-glance to the boy sitting a meter away from him. Jimin was installed in an armchair similar to his and fiddling with his phone, lips pursed and eyes focused. He had forgotten to remove the few small, multicolored stickers that fans had stuck on his cheekbones during the fansign and, apparently, nobody had thought that letting him know would be a good idea. The light coming from the screen was making them twinkle, along with his dark eyes.

Yoongi’s heartbeat wasn’t slowing down and it was a matter of minutes before he would need to go get some fresh air. What scared him even more was that he was not sure whether it was the effect of panic or anticipation. He tried to distract himself by taking one of the water bottles on the coffee table and slowly downing it. He was in need of all the hydration he could get, anyway. At the fifth gulp, he almost let a groan slip out. He really didn’t want to do this again. He really didn’t want to hurt Jimin again and go back to the avoiding game. Really really. No matter however he thought about it, he really didn’t want to be there, he really didn’t want everything to go to shit again and he really didn’t want to reject Jimin. No, wait. Yoongi redirected his own train of thought. He really didn’t want to have to reject Jimin. Yeah.

They ended up spending an hour sitting next to each other in the recording studio in the basement of the the Big Hit building. After that, they also sat next to each other at the back of the van for another forty minutes because of evening traffic. Once the group finished eating, they did the dishes and kitchen clean up together for almost half an hour. They even spent a couple of minutes brushing their teeth together before going to bed. If Yoongi believed in a higher power, he would have said that it was trolling him after the long period of not being able to get close to Jimin despite his very earnest attempts.

The next morning, they passed by each other as they took turns to shower. Then they sat across each other for lunch. When they got sent to buy snacks together at the convenience store, Yoongi was this close to flipping birds at the higher power. He stayed put, though. He was going to let Jimin come to him at his own pace. He was fine with waiting a bit longer now that things had started to look up.

What he wasn’t fine with was the unexpected feeling of disappointment that tugged at his chest when, despite those numerous instances of being alone with Jimin, no kiss came. Yoongi couldn’t wrap his head around it until, as he laid on his bed one evening, he found himself entertaining the idea of kissing Jimin himself just to see the look on his face.

It was then, with an awed expression - and a mental slap for good measure - that Yoongi finally caught on with what was going on.

He could only silently apologize to BigHit, Bangtan, his family, Jimin’s and to Jimin himself.

...

Everything didn’t abruptly go back to being perfect, far from it. Jimin still hadn’t addressed Yoongi directly, among other upsetting things. But he had slowly started to participate in conversations that also included Yoongi and Yoongi was pretty sure that Jimin had chuckled along with Seokjin at his joke about their manager’s secret love affair. The progress was slow but it was there, as with Jimin’s recovery and mood improvement. And every time Jimin was opening up a little bit more and morphing back into his normal self, Yoongi had the frightening urge to squeeze him in his arms. He would never do it, of course, for fear of scaring him away so soon after getting back in his good graces.

When he was not trying to stop himself from getting all sappy on Jimin, Yoongi wondered what Jimin liked about him and for how long he had liked him. Now that he understood the whole situation and his own feelings better, it was almost too easy to finally dare think about those things. In fact, Yoongi couldn’t stop thinking about it. That, and whether Jimin had already moved on, given his lack of reaction to the many opportunities Yoongi was trying to create for them to get close again.

When, a few days later, Namjoon looked at him in the eyes and told him that he was glad that he was feeling better, Yoongi almost grew teary-eyed. He thanked his friend and felt lucky to be so well looked after but, at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel a bit bitter because a whole lot of other problems had arisen now. Jimin and Hoseok, who had just finished getting ready for their imminent television show appearance, came out of nowhere and unknowingly interrupted the touching moment by sitting down with them and start on their packed dinner as well. Yoongi would have complained but Jimin had sat on his side of the table and he had to actively refrain himself from smiling like an idiot.

...

They still didn’t talk as much as before their falling out, but they did talk now. Nothing more than everyday exchanges during schedules, more often in front of a camera than not, but Yoongi would take what he could get. Once in their quarters, Jimin seemed more open to words and touches. The day before, he had even sweetly smiled at Yoongi when he had congratulated him on his recent featuring in an advertisement. The positive impact Jimin's spurr in popularity and remission was having on his mood was painfully obvious to anybody with half a working eye and, if it weren't for his newly developed reserved public character, fans would probably notice as well. The playful, laughing-at every-bad-pun, compliant Jimin was fully back and with him so was Hoseok’s dance teaching assistant and Jungkook favourite person to grab and throw around.

Yoongi could say that he was almost satisfied with how things played out, which was an achievement for his overly-critical self, but that was the thing. He just couldn’t do with ‘almost’.

Granted, the ignoring game was over - thankfully, it hadn’t lasted long enough for the others to start meddling in, although Yoongi could tell that Seokjin had been one more awkward silence away from intervening - but so many unanswered questions were still bugging him. It all boiled down to an utterly risky one that Yoongi had been on the verge of whispering to Jimin since their spring special fanmeet and the first time Jimin had instigated an interaction with him without being prompted to. (Jimin had removed a stray confetti stuck on his sweater. Yoongi had been so thrilled that he had nearly face-planted on the album awaiting his signature. Over a fucking brush of Jimin’s fingers on his shoulder.)

Losing the precarious bond that they had been and still were slowly rekindling was of course a worry deeply rooted in the back of Yoongi’s mind. However, now that they were close to being back to normal, he also knew that even if everything returned to how it was before, up until the tiniest detail, Jimin would feel too far away still. It just wasn't enough anymore.

Yoongi was having the hardest time when Jimin would tentatively be friendly with him or, more rarely, was feeling temporarily down for whatever reason. Those were the times when it wasn't enough the most. But they were always surrounded by their loud bandmates and friends, staff and cameras so he hadn't been able to lean in and ask the question. To obtain confirmation and use it as permission to take what was missing. Well, if he was completely honest with himself, he wasn't sure that he would dare to confront Jimin in such a blunt way even if the opportunity presented itself. But, you know. He could entertain the thought.

When he needed a break from these cyclic headgames, Yoongi turned to good old music writing. They were back into album preparation phase and he had been listening to a lot of new foreign and domestic songs for inspiration. He wanted to try composing a chill, sultry summer tune for Bangtan’s next album and he was getting close to finding the feel he wanted to go for. The song he was listening to right now was definitely going to his reference playlist.

It was fortunate that Yoongi was using his small earphones instead of the professional headphones he often brought back from the studio with him, otherwise he wouldn’t have heard the knock on his door and the soft call of his name. Normally, he would have pretended to be asleep and in the middle of the nap that was certainly expected of him at this hour of the day, but he thought he had recognized Jimin's voice through the music so he carefully removed an earbud and waited for his hunch to be confirmed.

“Hyung? I'm sorry but it's urgent…”

It was such a mundane sentence but Jimin always managed to make the most ordinary things strangely endearing. Yoongi was positive that he was not the only one to think so. He had not to be.

Wait a minute.

Yoongi ripped the second earbud off, straightened up on his bed and launched the fastest train of thought of his life. He had been alone in the dorm. Jungkook, Taehyung and Namjoon were recording until six. Seokjin was filming until late at night and Hoseok was probably out helping their choreographer. Jimin had just gotten back from the gym. That meant that the both of them were alone in the dorm.

In a split second, Yoongi was kneeling and fumbling through the mess on his bed, earphones thrown haphazardly behind him. His fingers made contact with the thick black fabric balled up under his blanket as Jimin soft voice called his name again.

“Yeah, come in,” Yoongi called back, clearing his throat after the words left it with a scratch he had not expected.

There was a two seconds long silence then the door slowly creaked open. Jimin seemed hesitant after it had taken some time for his hyung to reply. Yoongi thought with an internal smirk that he probably was afraid to walk in on him masturbating. Now that would have been some way to kickstart the conversation he wanted them to have…

Taking in Yoongi’s sitting - and fully clothed - form, Jimin's face lit up and he opened the door completely. However, his relief was short-lived and he immediately did a double-take and froze when he noticed that Yoongi was wearing his sweater again. Well, not his sweater, admittedly, but the one with his name embroidered on it.

“Fans gifted one to me. It would be rude to ignore their generosity,” Yoongi said, sounding like he really didn't give much of a fuck while he was already anticipating Jimin's reaction.

Jimin let a small derisive laugh slip past his lips, brushed his freshly washed and blowdried, fluffy hair back with his hand and quickly regained his composure. His eyes were periodically darting to the bold white letters spelling his name, though.

“I… actually, I lost my phone charger and I need to contact Hoseok to meet him. I'm all out,” he explained, holding up his black-screened phone. “Can I borrow yours?”

Thank god Yoongi knew exactly where his phone charger was today. He reached for its end, pulled harshly and unplugged it in a way that would have had Seokjin screech about safe handling of electrical devices. He hesitated for a second. If he simply gave the charger to Jimin, he would probably go back to his room to charge his phone and that would be the end of it. He didn't want that, especially not in such a rare moment of privacy. The sweater innuendo was definitely not working, so he had to come up with something else.

“Come get it,” Yoongi settled for, holding the charger out, not moving from his spot on the bed.

As if he was expecting the lazy move, Jimin simply rolled his eyes and crossed the space between them, hand already out. Even that was cute to Yoongi. He didn't know why, but it was. As Jimin came closer to him, Yoongi gradually retracted his outstretched arm until Jimin was trying to pry the device from him, catching Yoongi’s eyes with an interrogative glance. Yoongi soon had to resort to hiding the charger behind his back to escape Jimin’s grabby hands, who in turn looked down at him with an annoyed pout. Yoongi answered with a cat-like smile.

Now, Yoongi may have been too much of a coward to dead-on ask Jimin if he liked him and get it over with but he had just enough guts to offer him the perfect opening to get the words out by himself. With them being up close in each other’s space like this, almost on his bed and alone in the dorm, Yoongi was sure that there was no way Jimin wouldn’t understand the opportunity he was giving to him.  

But Jimin must have missed the signals - and Yoongi was finally deliberately giving out some, too - because he just whined and asked for the charger again. Yoongi didn’t back down and kept watching him with eyes as meaningful as he could make them.

When nothing came out of it, he raised his free hand and got a hold of Jimin’s. Surprised, Jimin had a full-body spasm as if he had wanted to react and had stopped himself just in time but the electrical impulse still had fired to his muscles. He looked at Yoongi in confusion, eyes growing larger.

Still nothing, then.

Not willing to see how long it would take before they would be able to share another opportune moment, Yoongi daringly brushed his thumb against the soft skin of Jimin’s hand and waited, praying this would be it.

This time, Jimin gaped.

“What are you-” he choked, eyes shifting rapidly everywhere on Yoongi’s face as if he was hoping to find some form of answer there.

Yoongi waited two more seconds. He told himself that it was to allow enough time for Jimin to finally come forward with his feelings - or take his hand back and run away - if he wanted to, but he was really just gathering courage.

“All right,” he finally said, voice soft as not to startle Jimin any further. “If you don’t then I will.”

He let go of the charger and took hold of Jimin’s nape, gently making him bow down and bringing their faces close together. Jimin seemed to understand what was about to come and visibly marveled, like he didn't believe what was happening or, rather, didn't dare to. Right after Yoongi caught a glimpse of Jimin’s hooded eyes closing and registered the clean smell of his body wash, their lips touched. It touched for the shortest time, barely longer than the last occurrence, but this time the aim was right and Yoongi was expecting it, senses focused as much as he could considering how nervous he was. It was a very short kiss, but it was sufficient for Yoongi to decide that it was a very pleasant thing to do, what with Jimin’s pillowy lips, warm neck and soapy scent.

He slowly released the pressure on Jimin’s neck and hand. As soon as he was freed, he dropped and sat on his heels, suddenly smaller and lower than Yoongi. He was hiding his face behind his hands, not saying anything. Yoongi panicked for a second, fearing that his worries turned out to be true and that Jimin wasn’t interested in him anymore. That he had imagined everything. Actually, looking at it objectively, he had never gotten any tangible proof of anything except for one failed kiss that maybe really had been meant to land on his cheek after all and oh shit, oh shit-

Yoongi reached out to console Jimin, apology already on his tongue. He held back his words when he got a better look of Jimin’s face. His short fingers couldn’t hide it completely and, upon looking closer, his expression looked as scared as it was elated.

“What,” Jimin started, voice so tiny that it almost went back to his teenage years’ higher-pitched tone. “I mean- what? You can’t be serious...”

Yoongi silently thanked all the deities people had come up with in this world and morphed his comforting hand on Jimin’s shoulder into a grab. He heaved the boy on his bed and forced him to lower his hands.

“I’m very serious.”

Jimin whined in embarrassment and disbelief, hands instantly flying back to his face.

“No way, there’s no way…” he started rambling.

Yoongi moved the hands away again and pecked Jimin once more, almost falling over him with how he had to stretch his body to reach him, but thankfully not. The side of Jimin’s small nose briefly brushed against his own and Yoongi thought that even that felt nice. This time Jimin turned blank-faced, which didn’t match with the pink on his cheeks.

“Holy shit.”

“Don’t swear,” Yoongi smirked, slowly starting to relax.

Jimin seemed to be at loss for words completely. Yoongi took that opportunity to lean in again, balancing his weight on his taut arms best as he could, loving the surprised hiccup Jimin gave before quickly closing his eyes. Yoongi retreated after another short peck because he could almost feel Jimin’s tense neck and pounding heart as if it were his. He still gave him another one after a few seconds because he was a believer of fighting fire with fire and because he couldn’t quite help himself.

But Jimin’s lips were so pleasantly lush that simple pecks wouldn’t suffice, Yoongi decided. He scooted closer and laid a hand on Jimin’s knee, alleviating the weight that he had put on it to lean in before. He captured Jimin’s lips in his own with a bit more fervor and from there on he couldn’t stop doing so again and again. Yoongi hadn't kissed anyone in a long time, and Jimin probably was in the same situation, but they went so slow and careful that it was impossible for any of them to mess up or miss the rapid rise of their body heat.

Just like when he performed, Jimin switched from cute to sexy eerily easily when he kissed. Yoongi had the pleasure to realise it when he moved his head back for an instant to gauge Jimin’s expression after a particularly insistent nip on his lips and found out that Jimin’s gaze had turned from shy and confused to dark and inviting. Yoongi’s chest gave a squeeze and he felt a new wave of warmth and excitement diffuse in his body. He raised a hand - they were probably sweaty but fuck it - to Jimin’s cheek, and caressed his way to his hair. How could hair that was so often bleached and dyed be so soft still? It simply couldn’t. Yoongi’s infatuation must have made him delusional.

Jimin rapidly grew shy and restless again under Yoongi’s stare. It was obvious that he wanted to get closer to Yoongi again, what with his small hands twitching into fists around the fabric of his hyung’s sweater and him sucking in his bottom lip to chew on it, but he wasn’t acting on it for some reason. Yoongi swore he couldn’t tell if Jimin knew perfectly well what he was doing and the effect he had on people or not. Whatever the correct answer was, Yoongi was living for pinning Jimin and, with a smile, he leaned forward again. Jimin closed most of the distance between them, bolting to reciprocate Yoongi’s earlier kisses.

Yoongi was thoroughly savoring Jimin's lips, looking especially full and pink without the concealer the makeup artists insisted on covering it with. He licked tentatively at them once or twice. He knew that he was going a bit too fast but he had thrown caution out of the window when he had made Jimin climb on his bed so what the hell. To his surprise, Jimin jumped at the action and got even more daring than him, immediately slipping his tongue past Yoongi’s lips as if he had only been waiting for a cue to do so.

Jimin turned out to be a good kisser, but he was first and foremost a dancer all right: he had somehow slowly managed to half-climb onto Yoongi’s lap and was now subtly body waving against him - probably not even noticing that he was. Yoongi got a hold of Jimin’s face, partly to calm his frenzy down and partly to feel more of him, and left his lips to get another look at him because fuck, if he didn’t imprint this moment in his memory he would regret it forever. Jimin’s mouth was hanging slightly open, letting a glimpse of his crooked tooth show, and his eyes were lazier than a pleased housecat's. Yoongi swallowed, not believing that it all was really happening and Jimin was really letting him witness  this side of him.

Yoongi came round and brought Jimin’s face close again, marvelling at how pliant he had rapidly become before licking his parted lips and admiring the shiny result. Jimin then seemed to find his touch with reality as well and dropped his gaze, trying stop the embarrassed smile growing on his glossy lips. Yoongi was about to praise him to high heavens and back when, suddenly, Jimin’s dark eyes grew wide.

“I told Taehyung.” he breathed out guiltily, as if he would feel bad about going any further without confessing first.

Yoongi was more happy about the fact that Jimin indeed had someone trustworthy to talk to than he was mad about the information leakage.

“S’all right, less people to break the news to,” he slurred and then he intertwined their fingers, already missing the pleasant feeling of touching Jimin.

Jimin looked taken aback but not necessarily in a bad way.

“Just kidding,” Yoongi still added for safety, worried about scaring him away after he finally got them to the place where he wanted them to be.

They looked at each other for a moment, Jimin from under his dirty blond bangs and Yoongi through his black ones. Neither of them were at their best but Jimin’s shadow of a mustache and puffy eyes were as endearing to Yoongi as any amount of eyeshadow and hairspray. The scrutiny became too much to bear for Jimin, who averted his eyes and softly poked Yoongi’s shin to distract him and dissipate his own embarrassment. Yoongi's resolve easily broke and he kissed Jimin again with a playful curse and a gummy smile.

Jimin immediately sprung up and wiggled closer to Yoongi’s chest. He then stayed put, until Yoongi slid a hand behind his neck and rested it on his warm nape as he was kissing him slowly. That spurred him on and he responded by sneaking both his arms around Yoongi’s skinny waist and hunched back. He was full on sitting on Yoongi’s lap now, not that Yoongi was complaining. Jimin was way more enthusiast and sensual than he had expected, but he was not going to complain about that either.

Yoongi licked Jimin's lips again and added a soft nibble. Jimin sighed and immediately trapped Yoongi’s bottom lip between his teeth before gently sucking on it. That was also something that Yoongi had not expected: Jimin obediently waiting for Yoongi’s move or word before doing anything. Every time Yoongi tentatively initiated something new, it seemed that Jimin dived in head first and returned it exponentially, like he had only been waiting for the signal to go. For some reason, it was making Yoongi feel hot all over. Well, even hotter than he already was.

In fact, it was getting too hot. Yoongi could feel that he was about to break a real sweat so he emerged from Jimin’s neck where he had started letting his nose brush against sensitive skin and made to remove his sweater.

“No, hum,” Jimin protested, covering Yoongi’s hands with his own to stop him.

“I’m not getting naked,” Yoongi snorted, resisting the urge to make fun of Jimin’s blushing face.

“I know,” Jimin smiled, ducking his head and lightly punching Yoongi’s chest. “But… just wait here for a sec. And don’t remove it.”

Jimin stood up, baggy basketball shorts falling back into place around his thick thighs, and Yoongi forgot to ask what he was supposed to wait for. His eyes automatically followed Jimin’s naked calves until they disappeared out of sight. The sudden break allowed his heart to calm down but without Jimin’s body heat close to his and his burning kisses and hot breath on his skin, it seemed like the temperature of the room had dropped a degree or two. The refreshing air from the hallway came brushing against the sheen of sweat on Yoongi’s neck and face and soon he was close to getting goosebumps. He wasn’t giddy because he was not a teenager anymore and low blood pressure was a recurrent problem in his family, but damn if he felt good right now. Better than he had in months, he was positive.

A sheepish Jimin appeared through the door again, this time making sure to close it behind him. Yoongi couldn’t help a gummy smile and a facepalm because Jimin, now clad in a black hoodie reading SUGA in bold white letters, was reaching unreal levels of adorableness. It should have been too corny, it really should have. But it was Jimin, so it was perfect instead.

“I also received it from a fan” Jimin explained, face scrunched up by his smile, not looking at Yoongi as he sat back down on the bed at a respectful distance. “Actually, I received like a dozen of them…”

Yoongi really didn't regret his choice. Jimin’s charm transcended genders and all that shit to him, waking a deeper feeling of wanting to keep him for himself and be there to witness every expression on his face and every word he said for as long as he would let him. Right now, it was his timid but happy smile that made his eyes almost disappear. Yoongi transformed the endeared words he wanted to let slip in the form of a more acceptable caress in Jimin’s fluffy, just washed and dried hair and Jimin let himself flop onto Yoongi’s side. Yoongi’s hand slid down from Jimin’s hair to his shoulder and he pressed his body a bit closer.

“You’re really something…”

“Huh?”

Yoongi raised his eyebrows, eyes comically remaining as hooded as usual despite the movement, “Oh come on, there's no way you don't know.”

Jimin giggled a bit, “Know what?”

“How cute you are. You must be doing it on purpose. You make me want to fucking coo sometimes, I swear.”

Jimins snorted and dismissed Yoongi’s words with a push against his shoulder.

“But don’t you dare ignoring me like that ever again, that was not cute,” Yoongi grumbled.

There was a short silence during which Yoongi had enough time to thoroughly regret his words.

“I thought that my being… what I am got you so disturbed that you wanted to pretend nothing had happened,” Jimin said softly. “And then you suddenly were all up in my space and asking that I talked to you about it, like, what the hell?” He added, voice growing clear again as he tried to turn the whole thing into something to laugh about.

“Obviously I’m not that disturbed,” Yoongi smiled, not really knowing what else to say without steering them into a serious conversation that he wouldn’t mind having but preferably later, when he would have calmed down and it wouldn’t ruin the mood.

“Obviously,” Jimin smiled back and he shrugged to signal Yoongi not to fret about it. Ever so forgiving Jimin.

“I’m serious, though,” Yoongi insisted, changing the subject. “You’re way too cute sometimes. And then you go and hump the stage, like…” he made an indefinite gesture with the hand that was resting on his lap, mock-annoyance in his voice. “You're really…” he briefly eyed Jimin. “... beautiful,” he finished lamely because he couldn't find the words to express himself properly. A bit of an inconvenience when you intended on making a living out of writing songs.

Jimin almost laughed, “What nonsense are you saying, hyung?”

“Oh no, you don't.” Yoongi said as he twisted his upper body towards Jimin. “You are beautiful and talented and too charming for your own good and don't you fucking dare deny it.”

At that moment, everything he had been refraining himself to say for a long time because it would have been overstepping regular friendship boundaries, he wanted to blurt. He wanted to make Jimin understand how he flipped him upside down just by rolling around on the living room’s floor in his pajamas, how he couldn't stop looking at his smiling face sometimes and how his playful voice made him shiver all over. But, for now, these few words would have to suffice. At worst, Yoongi had a song to fall back onto. After some more tweaking, it could become something he wouldn't entirely be ashamed to share with Jimin.

Jimin was grumbling some vague protestation and hiding his smile behind a hand. Yoongi sneaked his other arm around him.

“There you go again, being adorable and shit.”

“Hyung, please stop, it's weird…”

“You’re okay with making out on my bed but me complimenting you is weird? I’m offended.”

Jimin smiled and hit Yoongi’s arm with his free hand again. It didn’t register as more than a vague touch because Jimin seemed to have lost all strength - actually he was barely holding himself sitting up straight. He was clearly relishing the praise and it was making him slowly melt into Yoongi’s embrace. Jimin could hurt himself without any problem now, Yoongi thought, he would be there to provide him with all the attention he would need.

They put kisses and praises aside for a more subdued form of affection, namely comfortably hugging in the tangle of their large black sweaters. Yoongi was so comfortable that he could have fallen asleep sitting with Jimin in his arms. In fact, it sounded like a lovely idea. But he must have been a bit of a masochist because he murmured in the hood of Jimin’s sweater:

“Didn’t you need to plan something with Hoseok?”

“... Shit!”