Chapter Text
Sam’s siting on the hood of your car parked just outside of your hotel room in Milwaukee waiting for you and Dean to finish dishing it out after the three of you returned from your latest hunt. He can hear everything from outside, and thankfully you were the only ones checked into this back roads motel.
“FUCK DEAN, COULD YOU BE MORE RECKLESS?” you shout slamming the room door behind you entering after Dean.
“I didn’t realize that ‘RECKLESS’ was saving your ass!” He yelled back pointing to you.
“I didn’t need saving Dean, we had a plan!”
“Ya well I didn’t like it. Things started going south so I stepped in” Dean argues back taking a seat on the bed, facing you holding a towel to his right shoulder.
“So you decided to stare down the barrel of a gun and get shot, when you knew the plan full well was for me to be bait?” You ask incredulously, crossing your arms and leaning against the door.
“I’m livin’ on borrowed time anyway” he says wincing at the sting of the bullet wound “it’s better this way.”
“Ya for you maybe, but not for me or Sam that’s for fuck’n sure! You were pulled out of hell, given a second chance and what do you do? Try to waste yourself any chance you get!” Dean doesn't say anything. Minutes pass and they feel like hours as you stare at him, your eyes like daggers and your breath staggered with rage. You let out an exasperated groan and grab your duffle from the closet and start packing your belongings into it. You’ve decided this was the end of the road for you and Dean. The last few months of your relationship, Dean acted like he didn’t want to live, and that it would be easier if you lost him than if he lost you. He was ballsy and rash on hunts, no deliberate thought went into his actions and he acted like living was a chore. You knew he carried a weight on his shoulders from the guilt of his actions in hell, but this was it.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he asks you from beneath furrowed brows.
You throw the duffle over your right shoulder, “I’m done Dean.” you say stopping at the door to turn and face Dean for the last time.
“Nice…throw it all away over one fight!” he says shaking his head, refusing to meet your eyes.
“One? Everyday I have to listen to you try to sacrifice yourself for Sam and me, making botched plans just to try and save us so that you don’t have to lose us. I won’t lose you either Dean you stubborn bastard! I’m choosing to leave you because ‘its better this way’” you say angrily with air quotes. “I refuse to be your excuse Dean!” you shout, tears starting to stream down your face. “I can’t worry about you anymore, it’s too much for my heart to be with someone who tries to break it every chance he gets!”
Dean is speechless staring at you. “Y/N,” he starts, getting off the bed in an attempt to shorten the distance between the two of you, but you put your hand up “Save your breath Dean, nothing you say is going to stop me.”
He gets closer, just mere inches from your face, “I love you,” pain etched into his features. He realized he hurt you, and can’t bear to lose you.
“If you did… you wouldn’t put me through this” you say before kissing him on the cheek and opening the door.
“Stop!” Dean says grabbing your wrist in a last attempt to get you to stay, “I need you.” You can tell Dean is scared he’ll never see you again.
You look back and frown at his desperation before saying, “Bye Dean.” and walking out the door to see Sam stand up from his sitting position on the hood of your car. You hug Sam before he asks you what’s going on. “Your idiot of a brother needs patching up, and I’m gone… for real this time Sam. He’s acting like he has a death wish, I won’t put up with that anymore.”
Sam sighs “Don’t leave Y/N. You’ll both be messes if you do this.”
“Yea, but at least we’ll all be alive. You and I both know he’ll stop at nothing to protect us Sam. I won’t have his death on my hands, especially not how he’s been lately, he isn’t the Dean I fell in love with! I promise to keep in touch with you Sam, and you do the same. Call me for anything and everything promise?” you say, hopeful that Sam will do that for you, keeping you posted on how they’ll be even if it kills you to hear how hard Dean is taking the breakup.
“Always. And same for you ok? Please promise me you’ll be alright. I know you’re a badass hunter but be careful.”
“Ya of course. And you’ll watch out for Dean?”
“Always do” he says smiling and hugging you tight one last time. “I’m gunna miss you, you know that?”
“This is one of the hardest things I could ever do, and I don’t want to do it but I have to.” You say cringing at the thought of never seeing Dean again.
Sam just nods at you and you toss your duffel in the back seat of the car and drive off.
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You don’t even make it 20minutes out of town when your phone rings. Fumbling to get it, your heart jumps when you see the caller ID. You debate not answering it for another three rings, but finally decide to answer. “Don’t make this harder than it already is…” you say sighing into the phone.
“Baby turn around please” you heard desperation in his plea and it made you gulp hard, chocking back a cry.
“I can’t” is all you could manage
“At least tell me where the hell you’re going.” More sadness than anger is his voice
“I don’t know, but I’ll text you that I’m safe when I get there.”
“Y/N don’t do this”
“I have to go… ” you say closing the phone and pulling over to the side of the rode, tears blurring your vision. You sob for 15 minutes into your arms as they hug your steering wheel. You try to rationalize going back, going back to Dean, pretending it doesn't hurt you to see him act the way he does now. Willing yourself to be ok with it for a little bit longer. But you know that you can’t do that, you can’t watch as he spirals out of control, and you certainly wont be his co-pilot on that journey. You quickly disable your phone tracker, knowing Dean would high-tale it out of town if he knew you would be close by.
---------5 MONTHS LATER-----------
“Babe, you didn’t!” you say laughing, throwing your head back in your seat and squeezing the muscular arm of the storyteller next to you.
“It was a dare, I had to. I was a freshman, I was trying to fit in” he laughed back, taking a swig of his beer.
“I would’ve loved to see that. College Ty? You sounded like a riot!” You say snuggling up to your boyfriend Tyler at your booth at the local bar.
“My bare ass streaking? Yea I bet you would” he chuckled, lacing his free arm around you and pulling you into a kiss.
You pull back to ask him teasingly, “So how drunk do I have to get you to recreate that scene for me tonight?”
“I’d have to be obliterated” he says. You smile at him prompting him to eye you sceptically, “I don’t think I like the idea I just put into your head” he says teasingly.
“Alright, you continue nursing that beer and I’ll be back after I hit the ladies room with a few rounds of shots,” you say kissing him on the cheek, smiling back at Tyler chucking, as you scoot out of the booth.
Dean sees you at the bar with your new man. You are laughing and smiling wide, something he hasn’t seen you do in forever. You didn’t smile like that for Dean, he didn’t make you laugh nearly as much as you have been in the bar tonight. It feels like a punch in the gut, seeing you happier with someone else, someone who isn’t him. The thought of someone else holding you in their arms and brushing a strand of hair behind your ear before kissing you; it makes him sick to his stomach.
Dean decides to approach you, revelling in his thoughts the last couple of months about how you two left things. You were one of the most important people in Dean’s life in the last year, right up there with Sam and Bobby. He always thought he would marry you, but when you ended things so harshly and abrupt, he lost faith that you two would ever find your way back to eachother. There is no doubt there are is love between you two still, you ended it because of how much you love Dean and not because you fell out of love.
“Hey can I talk to you?” Dean says placing a hand at the small of your back, finding you leaning on the bar waiting to order those shots for you and Tyler.
You swallow hard, not prepared to be greeted with those green eyes you used to look into every day. It’s been 5 months since you broke up with Dean. It’s not so much something that you wanted to do as something you knew you had to. Dean still holds the biggest piece of your heart, but the life you two lead, being hunters, being around eachother and vulnerable, you just couldn’t take that risk anymore. Demons and angels alike knew Dean’s weakness was both you and Sammy, and you weren’t going to let him risk his life for you any more. The world is a much better place with Dean Winchester in it, so you refused to be the reason why that wouldn’t be. You wouldn't survive watching him die, witnessing Sam pick up the pieces and spiral out of control. Yes, it was selfish and you willingly admit it, that the reason you broke up with Dean was for that reason. You wanted easy, something safe and that wasn’t in the arms of Dean even though you so desperately wish to this day that it was. He was comfort and familiar but you were poison for him and he was too stubborn to admit that you were right in ending things. “Dean I’m here with someone” you say looking back at the booth where you left Tyler.
“15 minutes and I’m outta your hair” he says raising his hands innocently.
“Alright” you say and signal to Tyler that you’ll be right back. “Lets talk outside” you say to Dean as he follows you out of the bar. Tyler was a great guy, he was tall dark and handsome, well built, worked an office job and above everything he trusted you, wouldn't question you on where you went, he didn't ask much. He was genuine and took a liking to you, even though you weren’t around much because of work. Tyler doesn't know you're a hunter, he doesn’t know what evil lurks in the dark but you wanted it that way. You would protect him should something come for you and you would pretend to be a truck driver to explain why you were away for weeks on end and in different parts of the country. He bought it and you were content with a variation of normalcy for once in your life.