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It wasn’t that Noctis absolutely hated vegetables or anything, don’t let anyone – like Ignis – tell you that. It was just that he didn’t like the texture (any of them). Or the taste (they all tasted like grass to him, and that one time he tried grass when he was five was enough). Or the way they looked (he definitely wasn’t convinced that something that green, or red, or orange was supposed to be edible). But that was entirely it. Texture, taste, appearance. That was his story, and he was sticking to it.
“Okay, but he’ll eat fries,” Prompto offered, gesturing towards a stand selling a wide array of potatoes. “I’ve seen him down those like they’re made of nothing. Can’t you work some magic with these?”
“Not all of us can subsist on an entire meal of potatoes.” Ignis adjusted his glasses and sighed. “We have a long day of chocobo riding ahead of us tomorrow, and we’ll need sufficient proteins and a more thorough nutritional profile to carry us through it.”
Prompto paused a step. “You mean Gladio will kill us if this is all we feed him.”
“Yes, well. Gladio being the only one to recognize when a meal isn’t balanced is not an excuse for you or Noct to forgo healthy eating.”
Ignis sighed again. He’d been circling the market of Lestallum for what felt like hours already, Prompto at his heels, looking for a suitable spread of vegetables that Noctis would actually eat. Nothing leafy, nothing brightly-coloured, and absolutely nothing even mildly resembling a carrot. Or beans. They’d passed the potato stand three times already, and Ignis was seriously considering all the different ways he could boil them, mash them, or stick them in a stew…
“D’you think Gentiana was just pulling our leg?” Prompto asked, after another round of the market. “I mean, does the Fulgarian really care if we eat meat or not? How’s he even going to notice, unless we’ve got bits of it stuck in our teeth?”
“…It’s safer not to risk it.” Ignis did, in fact, think Gentiana was messing with them, but he wasn’t about to question a spirit messenger, especially when said spirit messenger managed to convince Noctis to eat some much-needed vegetables. Now, the problem was just finding vegetables for Noctis to eat…
Which meant they were back to square one.
“How about some cauliflower? I mean, they’re not green or leafy…”
“…Or available.” Ignis was about ready to give up. Potatoes. He supposed he could fry them with some onions, and. Well. That was it, out of ideas.
“Yo! You guys still here?”
Ignis blinked in surprise at the voice – and the man standing behind him. “Gladio? What are you doing here?”
Gladio grinned. “You guys were taking so long, the princess got worried and sent me to fetch you.”
“We didn’t take that… long…” Long, certainly. Long enough to worry Noctis? Ignis didn’t think so.
“Well, okay, more like he got hungry.” Gladio shrugged before bursting out laughing. “Hotel’s serving dinner and the smell’s driving the poor kid crazy. Says he’ll eat whatever the hell you make, just give him food. He’s even started eyeing the greens we’re keeping for the chocobos.”
“That makes matters a lot simpler.” Ignis felt like grinning himself. “That’s it! I’ve come up with a new recipe.”
~*~
Noctis wouldn’t say it was the worst meal he’d ever been given – there was that thing with the beans that one time, after all – but it was most absolutely, definitely, certainly not going in his mouth. For one, it was bright green, like slime floating on a garden pond, so it couldn’t possibly, possibly be safe to eat. He didn’t really think Ignis would be the type to try and poison him, but, well, he was pretty sure even his mostly-infallible advisor could make mistakes, and the sludge in his bowl definitely looked like it was a mistake. Granted, the rest of his friends had already eaten some, and they hadn’t died yet, but maybe it just took time.
“Hey, this is actually pretty good!” Prompto said around a mouthful of green.
Gladio emptied his bowl into his mouth. “Hey, Ignis made it, whaddya expect? When’s his cooking ever been not good?”
“Yeah, yeah, compliments to the chef and all that.”
Noctis frowned. If they were trying to fool him into eating the green slime with their terrible acting, it wasn’t going to work. But the food didn’t smell bad, and his stomach was grumbling, and he did say earlier that he’d eat whatever Ignis made, except that was before he saw how dangerously, radioactively, fluorescent green it was.
“Are you not going to have any?” Ignis took a seat next to him, his own food done and neatly put away.
Noctis opened his mouth to answer, and his stomach gave another loud rumbling. Well, there went the “I’m not hungry” excuse. Noctis could only give a weak grin. “Aw, c’mon, Specs, this is so healthy it’s gonna kill me.”
“It will do no such thing.” Ignis nudged his shoulder lightly, and Noctis leaned in closer. “Come on, Noct. You’ll need your strength for tomorrow. It’s not so bad, I promise.”
“Yeah?” Okay, a promise was a promise, and Ignis never broke them, but Noctis would have less trouble believing Ignis if he’d said he was going to march into Gralea that night and carry back the Crystal before morning. “Is it gonna taste like grass and shit?”
“Not at all.”
Now, that was a lie if he’d ever heard one. But he was so hungry, and Ignis looked so sincere and reassuring…
Noctis glanced at his soup, then to his friends and back. Gladio and Prompto seemed engaged in a riveting game of King’s Knight at the other end of their suite, and absolutely not paying any attention to them.
“Hey, Ignis.” Noctis grinned.
Ignis arched a brow in answer.
“Feed me.”
There was a pause, broken only by the faint beeping of phones.
Noctis could hear the response in his head already, about how he wasn’t a child anymore, he should eat on his own, this food was good for him, it wasn’t that grassy okay, he was the one who agreed to—
He vaguely registered Ignis saying, “All right,” and a spoonful of green soup flying towards his face, and he’d swear up and down that the only reason he opened his mouth was from sheer shock.
The first mouthful was… not as bad as he thought. Definitely more grassy than Ignis said, but, well, that was basically his only complaint.
Noctis didn't notice the spoon still in his mouth until Ignis pulled it away, expression halfway between triumphant and concerned. “And His Highness's royal verdict?”
“Grassy.” Noctis made a face before breaking out into a smile. “...But passable. Royal Chef Ignis Scientia, you have permission to continue feeding your prince. Just... don't ever make whatever this is again.”