Work Text:
"It's so romantic, isn't it?" Phoenix says, looking at the bride and the groom in the distance.
"I guess it is" Miles answers, a glass of wine near his lips.
"Wait, how would you know? You're not interested in marriage."
"I don't want to get married, but I can recognize a happy couple when I see one."
"Well, what if you fell in love?" Phoenix takes a sip of his drink. "I mean, you don't have to get married, but... do you like someone?"
Miles doesn't answer, his eyes looks down at his glass.
"W-wait, so there is someone! Edgeworth, tell me! Do I know them?"
He crosses his arms. "You... know him."
"Him?! A man?" Phoenix meets Miles' eyes. "Oh, no, don't worry, it's okay. I like a man too!"
"You what?!" Now it's Miles's turn to be surprised. "You had a girlfriend, so I've always thought..."
"I'm bi."
"Oh."
"Aaand I probably shouldn't tell you about my huge crush, but I guess I drank too much glasses of this definitely-not-grape-juice." Phoenix chuckles, rubbing the back of his head.
"That wouldn't be fair. Now you know about my... romantic interest, so I should know about yours."
"OBJECTION! I don't know anything about your crush for now, you should tell me something. Who is that man?"
"That man... well..." Miles looks at his glass, uncomfortable. "What about yours? Do I know him?"
"Ah! Oh, well, yeah..."
"Tell me it's not Larry."
"It's not Larry!"
"Thank goodness."
"Why are you so relieved?" Phoenix laughs again. "Don't tell me Larry is your crush!"
"He's not!" Miles says with a piercing glare. "A man like Larry Butz is completely out of the question."
"Hmm, yeah, I suppose you have some standards." Phoenix takes another glass of wine. "Sorry I asked, I should have known that your love interest is a refined high-class gentleman with a limousine."
"Stop it, Wright. It's not like that."
Phoenix looks into his friend's eyes again. "Oh, I offended you." He blinks. "I'm sorry. Perhaps I also offended your crush, in a sense. Sorry."
Miles keeps drinking. "Do you really think I am the kind of man who values wealth more than personality?"
"No, you're right. Really. Sorry, Edgeworth, it's just... wait, do you like Gumshoe?"
"What? No! What about you, Wright?"
"Me? No! He's a good person, but he's not the kind of man I like in that sense."
"I feel the same."
The bride and the groom start dancing in the large room. The guests look at them and some couples join the dance.
"Is it Prosecutor Blackquill?" Miles asks over the music.
"Oh? Where?" Phoenix has a look of confusion on his face.
"Your romantic interest, Wright."
"Oh, right. No, he isn't."
"And he isn't mine either."
"Wow, your crush is such a mystery" Phoenix says. "How about Klavier?"
"No. Is he yours?"
"No."
"Prosecutor Sahdmadhi?" Miles asks.
"No. Do you like him?"
"No, not in that way."
"Geez. Apollo?"
"No."
"He's like a family member to me. Datz?"
"I said he's not Butz."
"Datz, not Butz! Whatever... A bailiff?"
"No."
Phoenix chuckles. "The judge?"
"You really should stop drinking, Wright."
The defense attorney smiles. "Oookay, I guess he's too old. How old is he?"
"The judge? I don't know, his file is always incomplete."
"Not him, I mean your crush."
"Oh. Thirty-five."
"HOLD IT! I am thirty-five!" Phoenix shouts.
"... Yes, you are."
"That means... that means..." Phoenix points a finger at his friend. "He's my age!"
Miles remains silent.
"You know, that's funny" Phoenix says. "My crush is my age too."
"That's also my age."
"Yeah, right!"
Miles furrows his brow. "That's odd. I can't guess who he is. Perhaps I should stop drinking too."
Phoenix smiles again. "Trust me, it's pretty easy. Tomorrow you'll wake up in your bed shouting EUREKA! And then I'll be screwed."
"Why?"
"Well..." Phoenix lowers his eyes. "Because I don't really want you to find out. You would be mad at me. This person is already in love with another man."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and I don't even know who he is. That's bad."
Miles takes a breath. "Actually... I'm in an identical situation."
"Ah. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's not you fault, Wright."
"Hmm, just a moment." Phoenix takes a new bottle of wine and fills both glasses. "Let's have the last drink together."
Miles accepts the offer in silence.
"Edgeworth, don't give up. I'm sure that man will notice you. I'll help you."
"You're too kind, Wright. That's why I'm sure the person you like has already noticed you."
Phoenix laughs. "Now I'm sure you're definitely drunk."
Miles smiles. "Look who's talking."