Work Text:
-I'm sorry.
Magnus had stopped on his tracks when Alec spoke up again.
-I should have told you about the soul sword.
The warlock slowly turned towards him. Alec's heart was racing, Magnus was staring right at him, the pressure building more and more each second as his mind rushed to find the right words to say.
-I made a mistake.But you and me, we always seem to find our ways back to each other. -Alec risked and held Magnus's hands, with his eyes fixed on Magnus's. -Magnus.I love you.
Magnus shifts and slowly cups his hand on Alec's cheek, gently stroking his thumb as the shadowhunter closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of the other's hand in his face.
-I love you too. -Magnus answers.
For a moment Alec is relived to hear the words come out of the warlock's mouth, but he can tell there's something more and his heart can't seem to rest as it keeps beating painfully in his chest.
-But as a leader, there are difficult decissions I have to make to unsure the survival of my people. -he slowly takes his hand away from Alec's face.
Alec's heart drops to his stomach,his expression changes drastically as he hears and feels every word that Magnus utter pierce trough his skin, millions of thoughs ruining a mile a second in his head, beging him to make Magnus stay.
-And the only thing holding me back from doing that... Is you.
-No, no. -Alec tries to say, but the words come out almost like a whisper.
-I can't have both.
-Yes, you can. -Alec replies in desperation, his throat closing, his heart racing,a whole forming on its place. -We can.
Magnus shakes his head in denial. The warlock feeling just as broken as his shadowhunter; he watches his expression and voice break right in front of him, all because of the stupid war that was about to befall them all.
-We... -Alec breaks, once again his thoughts taking over as he pleads. -Magnus... We can figure this out.
Magnus averted his eyes to the ground, unable to look at how he was breaking his lovely Alexander. He needed to do this, but his heart was aching just as much to his own words as he mentally cursed himself for doing this to Alec.
-You once asked me what I was afraid of. -he said, shyly looking at Alec once again. -Is this. -he answered with conviction.
There was nothing. Alec's was had fallen apart at Magnus's last statement. What else could he say? How could he make Magnus stay? Was there even a way to fix this? The questions kept coming to his mind as Magnus sighed, turned away and walked to the elevator.
Alec couldn't bring himself to chase him, there was nothing he could do to convince him to change his mind. He felt as his throat closed, his eyes started to burn as tears begged to be let out, he felt like he could just fall to the ground as his knees weakened and gravity pressured him, watching Magnus slowly desapear behind the elevator doors.
The warlock fought every inch of his being as he forced himself into the elevator without looking back until he needed to. And that was his mistake.
The last glance he had of his Alec broke him completely. The shadowhunter looked so small, so frail and lost as he just stared at Magnus one last time. The warlock couldn't bare to just walk at his loft as he passed by those other shadow hunters and risk to bump into Clary. Not now.
When he reached the bottom, he made a portal and crossed it to his loft, finally breathing. His heart painfully pounding in his chest as he screamed and lashed out on everything around him, tears falling from his eyes that burned his cheeks.
He stop as he fell to his knees, trying to catch his breath, tired of using so much magic after trashing his living room completely. Pieces of furniture everywhere, small flames of blue and red on his carpet and smashed glass all over.
He stayed on the ground, holding tight to his heart as he let out the tears fall. He hated what he had done, but what other choice did he had? All those memories that had come to him trough the day haunting him. All the happy moments he passed with Alec assaulting him like knives as he cried out in his loft,alone.
Alec was no better. He stood at the same spot until Izzy came to him and called out to him 3 times with no response until she taped him on the shoulder.
-Alec? -she repeated concerned. -What happened?
When he had finally looked at his sister, ready to lie to her, ready to pretend everything was ok, tears started to fall from his eyes even before he said anything. He gasped for air as he cried and stumbled backwards and feel on a chair with Izzy holding his head to her stomach as she hugged him and hid from anyone who passed trough.
Alec cried in silence as he gasped for air, feeling the warmth and comfort Izzy was giving him, but even so... The whole in his chest was too big. All the pieces of his heart had fallen far away and taken from him when he saw Magnus walk away.
He said nothing, held tight to his sister and cried.
Alec was heartbroken. Magnus,was heartbroken. But even though they both felt like there was piece of them missing, they had to pick themselves up and start to prepare for battle.