Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been 8 months since her Fuel Spirit plan blew up spectacularly in her face. 8 months since she first was entered into the Solis Facility as punishment. 8 months since she threw herself into research on curing Wagandea Sickness as penance. 8 months since she last saw Chariot in person.

It wasn’t for lack of trying on Chariot’s part. She had contacted Croix every now and again with short letters and quick calls. Croix bitterly noted it was the most she could do. The Solis Magic Correctional Facility was located on a Ley Line, which Chariot no longer could access without the ability to fly. Which was, of course, Croix’s fault. In their infrequent and impersonal conversations, Chariot entertained the idea of forgiving Croix. She spoke of how Croix could redeem herself and how Croix was a good person at heart.

Ludicrous. She always had been too kind for her own good. Croix had not even come close to earning forgiveness yet. Had the positions been reversed, had Croix been the one with her abilities ripped away from her, she knows she would never have forgiven Chariot. So how could Chariot expect her to simply pretend like things could be better when she wasn’t even able to fly out to Solis and say it to Croix in person?

No, the best either of them could hopeful would be to put things as close to how they were before she had attempted to unlock the Triskellion. Back to when they had not seen each other in ten years and thought of the other as a relic of their pasts. Only this time when everything was done, Croix wouldn’t be coming back to bother Chariot ever again. They would be on even footing once more, and the only way Croix could hope for that to become reality would be to cure Chariot’s Wagandea Sickness. In her time since she had promised to cure her, Croix had begged and pleaded with everyone she could at the Solis Facility to gain access to anything she could to help her research, getting second-hand books on hexes and outdated volumes of medical encyclopedias. She had been satisfied with that for a while, but none of the information she could get would net her any progress into making things right. It was too old and too little to make any headway on developing a cure. She knew she needed more than what she could get at Solis. After months of sucking up and good behavior she had been granted a special chance; she had been given a week’s access to the library of Luna Nova.

As the most prestigious magical academy in the European continent, the library was an invaluable hub of magical knowledge, possibly one of the biggest resources in the western world. To say this would be a boon to her research would be an understatement. The archives at Luna Nova would grant her access to all the latest and most accurate information she could hope for, and if she hoped to do anything to help Chariot one last time before they parted forever, it would be done here.

Of course, given that she had attacked the school, threatened the life of a freshman, attempted to incite an international conflict, been convicted and locked away, and had also been fired, Croix wasn’t exactly allowed to just stroll up to campus free as a bird. There was one major stipulation of Solis granting her a short research excursion onto campus. Croix would have to be escorted and monitored at all times.

She had been assigned a probation officer would watch her every move for her to put but a toe out of line, where upon she would lose access to this library, as well as just about any magical campus in the world, for good, and with that, her only hope of helping Chariot. The officer was a wizard, highly trained and exceptionally skilled. He specialized in containing and neutralizing magic users, would dictate where Croix was allowed and not allowed to go on campus, and would give the final word that she would return to Solis permanently if he thought Croix was endangering a single person at Luna Nova.

His name was Keith. Croix didn’t like him or his name.

She had been cleared for her probation and finally, after all this time, she left the Solis Facility for the week, joining Keith on his specialized broom as they made their way back to the school. They had exited the Ley Line, and for the first time since she launched the missile, Croix set foot on the grounds of Luna Nova Academy. She and her escort would be staying a short flight away from the school, and would generally be restricted exclusively to the library without explicit permission. Which suited Croix just fine, as she had no intention of doing anything apart from researching here. Anything else was a waste of what little time she had.

Upon getting one last security clearance from Headmistress Holbrooke, and one last assurance that Croix did not have any wands, rings, or any magical artifacts on her person, Keith finally escorted Croix to the library. It was surreal to walk these hallways once more. Students gave them odd looks on the way there, some of them seemingly recognizing Croix from last school year’s debacle, some just surprised to see her escort at the all-girl academy. Croix simply ignored them and opened the double doors to the library. As her eyes passed over the large bookshelves that stretched to the ceiling and the students at desks and tables quietly reading, a strange wave of nostalgia overcame Croix.

She never actually went in here during her brief tenure as a teacher. Hadn’t been much reason to. She thought she had all the knowledge she needed for her plan to succeed. In hindsight, there were pretty massive holes she overlooked, but it was too late for that now. Coming back, with the intention of pouring herself into a long study session…how long had it been since she had done this? How many days and nights had she spent in here with Chari-

She shook the thought from her head. There was no point to thinking of that. She didn’t come here to reminisce about happy memories, she came because she had a sentence to pay.

It didn’t take her long to find a few thick textbooks to begin her research. The layout hadn’t changed much in a decade, and the type of books Croix would need were highly unlikely to be touched by anyone but those in highly specialized classes. Quite a few of these shelves were almost exclusively accessed by alumni. She picked out an especially heavy doorstopper of a book. Of Magic and Biology: A Comprehensive Study on the Effects of Magic Flow on the Human Body. Croix would start with the basics. It wouldn’t be a whole lot she didn’t know, but if she didn’t understand completely how magic coursed through a witch’s body, restoring that flow would be all but impossible. She stuffed the book under her arm along with her notebook, filled with what meager notes she had been able to get from the books at Solis.

“Ready to begin, Meridies?” Keith asked her as they sat down at a small table tucked into the corner of the room. She didn’t look up at him.

“At least now I can make things right.” She glanced through the lengthy table of contents for a starting point. If she only had a week, she could not afford to waste a second with anything other than research. There was no telling if she’d ever get another chance at this.

“And curing Professor Du Nord is the only way you can do right?” He looked at her blankly, waiting for answer to dissect. She wanted to snap at him, but thought better of it. She had too much to lose and not much leeway and she didn’t want to sit here and be psychoanalyzed again. Ignoring the officer, she focused solely on the text in front of her. This was the only thing that mattered now. She could rot forever in Solis, but as long she could get this right, Chariot would be better off. Croix thought Keith looked disappointed he wasn’t going to get to write yet another comprehensive report on her personality flaws, or at least she hoped he was. Eventually, he pulled out his own paperwork and the two worked in silence, with not a sound from either of them but the scratching of pen on paper or the turning of pages.

They continued like this for the better part of two hours. Croix didn’t truly learn much, but this was giving her a good baseline to work from. A small refresher would help her help Chariot. She was concentrating on an explanation for how magic could grow with age and practice when suddenly-

KRR-CHUNK!

They both whipped around at the sudden mechanical noise. Despite being in the corner of the library, it inexplicably had come from behind them. Even more inexplicably, however, was the fact that the source of the noise appeared to be the fact that a section of the wall had opened up to reveal a hidden passageway. From out of the new hole in the wall stepped a short blue-haired girl carrying a literal armful of electronics. It took Croix a moment, but she knew who this girl was. A student who had attended her class back when she had masqueraded as a professor. She would be a sophomore now. Constanze Albrechtsburger.

She had other surnames, but god, who could remember them all?

As the hidden door closed behind her, Constanze had turned and suddenly realized she had been seen. Frozen in place, she quickly glanced back at the secret entrance behind her, and stared unblinking at the two of them.

“Uh.” Croix was at a loss for words. “Hello?”

Keith raised a brow. Dryly, he said, “I see you’re not the only one with an evil lair, Meridies.”

Constanze didn’t say anything back, but then, she never really did. She was still rooted at the spot, beads of sweat starting to form on her forehead. Croix was confused by the reaction for a moment, but soon realized what the matter was. “…You know, I’m not a professor here anymore. I’m not going to tell anyone about your secret hole there.”

Constanze let out the breath she was holding, relieved that her secret passageway might remain so. From the corner of her eye, Croix saw that Keith didn’t exactly look approving of this exchange, but it didn’t actually break any of the rules he had set, so thankfully he didn’t speak up.

“So…” Croix figured she’d better make conversation here, because it’s not like the kid was going to do it. “…You don’t have a bag to carry that junk in?”

Constanze bristled at the word junk, and spitefully placed the things she was carrying right on top of Croix’s textbook before planting her gloved hands on her hips. Looking down at the offending machinery that now obscured her work, Croix realized the parts all seemed to be part of a single device, one that she had seen with the girl before.

“Oh, hey. This sort of looks like one of those little robots you have.” Her…Stanbots, was it? From a glance, Croix could see that this appeared to be some sort of upgraded model to Constanze’s old design. It was obviously unfinished, especially given that it was currently in several pieces, but with her own expertise on inventing, it would be smaller and sleeker than its prototype, and it wasn’t far from completion at this point. The design seemed quite brilliant, especially for a student’s budget. Notably, there was odd scoring on the battery compartment. It looked like the regulator had been overloaded and fried the whole circuit.

She picked up the machine and inspected the circuitry closer. “Huh…This is magic powered, right?” Constanze nodded. “Looks like you put too juice into the regulator. If you’re going to use straight magic on something this size, you’re going to need some better resistors, otherwise you have too much magic current. Otherwise, what you could do is use a lighter spell to power it, but the battery won’t hold the charge as long.”

She briefly thought about taking the kid’s wand and showing her how to do it, but she was pretty sure Keith would tackle her if she even touched it. Looking back up from the robot, she noticed both Constanze and Keith looking at her oddly. Honestly, she felt a little insulted.

“What? Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten that I’m an engineer. I invented magitronics, and those were a lot smaller than this thing.”

“Magitronics?” Keith raised an unapproving brow. “As in, what your missile you shot was made out of?’

“Ah…” Croix looked abashed for a moment. Leave it to Keith to go and make this more awkward than it needed to be. She laughed nervously. “…that’d be the one.”

“And you’re using this to give advice to a child?”

“…Well…”

“In front of a probation officer?”

“Wh-I wasn’t telling her to go build a nuke! I was giving her basic circuitry advice!”

Keith didn’t look approving, and briefly Croix feared that she had crossed a line and Keith would change his mind and escort her from the building. But he didn’t make a move or voice anything more than a silent reprimand, so for now, Croix’s work was safe. Relieved, she turned back to Constanze and noticed the concern stitched onto her face.

It was always a puzzle to figure out what was on the girl’s mind, what with the fact that she never talked, but judging from her eye line flashing between the pieces of the robot in front of them and Croix sitting across from her, it wasn’t hard to guess. Back when she had been acting as a professor, she had actually found herself sympathizing with the young witch, to whatever degree she could sympathize with anyone. Just like Croix, she was mixing magic and technology, and just like Croix, everyone was too enamored with traditions and their own fear of change to see it as anything other than heresy. She doubted the little German girl hadn’t noticed the sideways looks and subtle scorn in people’s voices as she dabbled in their blasphemy. She too, probably spent sleepless nights wondering if she even should continue her work, before deciding to tune out all the hate and prove the naysayers wrong.

The problem then, was Croix would’ve just proved them right. Her Noir Rod had mixed immeasurably old magic with 21st century technology, and she had used it to endanger thousands of people. People would be pointing to her for years as the prime argument for why things should never change, because when someone tried to do things differently, she ended up being an awful person who tried to kill a teenager. Indirectly, Croix had just spat on Constanze’s life work. They were going to look at the innocent girl’s inventions and see Croix and all the problems she caused in them.

Constanze looked between the gadgets in her arm and Croix as a choice between giving up her dreams, her love, her talents and succumbing to centuries of tradition, or somehow choosing to continue and enduring being in the same league as someone like her.

God, she wasn’t even the kid whose life she was trying to ruin, and Croix managed to do it anyway. Luna Nova’s hiring staff must’ve been absolutely braindead.

“You think if you build your robot, you’re going turn out like me.” Croix didn’t bother to phrase it as a question.

Constanze blinked in surprise for a moment. She seemed to deliberate how to respond, but after a moment, she gave a slow hesitant nod of her head. She then looked away suddenly, apologetic about having admitted such a thing. Croix just snorted. She’d need an insult a lot worse than that to get under her skin.

Picking up the pieces of the robot from her book, she knelt down to Constanze’s eye level and handed the work back to its owner. Constanze accepted it with some confusion, and seemed even more bewildered when Croix placed a hand on her shoulder. From behind them, Keith tensed, preparing to move in a moment’s notice.

“Look, kid.” Croix said to the sophomore. “Sorcery and magitronics aren’t bad. Neither is your little robot. I’m bad. There’s not…technology isn’t good or evil. It just is. There’s good people and evil people who use it. Same deal with magic. There are witches who use it to do good things, and then there’s people like me.” Constanze was taken back, and Croix let out a long, guilty sigh.

“I…probably ruined a lot of things for you with my technology. People are going to think like you did, and they’re going to see all your inventions as evil and blasphemous or whatever.” The younger girl seemed sullen at the confirmation, but Croix squeezed her shoulder. “But they’re not, alright?”

“Your robots and devices and…whatever aren’t going to be bad unless you’re making them bad. My magitronics weren’t the problem. The Noir Rod didn’t just become evil out of nowhere. It happened because I was using them to hurt people. You just…you just need to be a good person. Don’t listen to anyone who cries about how technology is evil. You just keep on inventing stuff to help people, and soon everyone’s going to forget about me and what I did, because all they’re going to be thinking about is you.”

Unseen by the two witches, Keith’s shoulders relaxed, but he continued to watch the exchange intently, with the intention of keeping both parties safe, but also with some fascination. In her stay at the Solis Correctional Facility, Croix rarely interacted more than she strictly had to. She had spent every second of her free time researching, and was never one to seek out social interaction. She claimed to hate it. This was one of the only times she had spoken to a non-staff member since she had been entered, and that was both good, and very concerning. He made a mental note of the conversation, and would definitely write it down and analyze it later. For now, he watched Croix interact with the young girl with muted interest.

Croix gave Constanze the closest thing she knew to a reassuring smile. “Who knows, maybe one day, you could take the science behind my Sorcery Units and Fuel Spirit devices and actually redeem them. Show the world that technology and magic can do some good together. I’d like to see that, someone using my stuff to make someone’s life better for a change. You don’t have to, or anything. But don’t give up just because I made life harder for you.”

Constanze seemed to think over this idea. Ever silently, she weighed her thoughts, and looked to the pieces of the Stanbot resting in her arms. She picked up a small panel, and clicked it back into its casing on the machine’s exterior. She had made her choice. Constanze was going to finish building this Stanbot, and every other project she was working on. She would let people say what they wanted to say. She didn’t need words to follow her heart. Satisfied with the progress she had made on the device, she decided to thank Croix before she went about her business.

If the kid’s expression wasn’t neutral, it was grimacing. She wasn’t the kind of person who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when Constanze smiled, she absolutely beamed. It was shining and genuine, the way that only a smile so rare could be. Croix couldn’t explain the emotion overcoming her as Constanze bright face impacted her. She could barely bring herself to smile back, because how could she ever hope to match such a brilliant expression?

“Y-you’re welcome, kid.” Croix felt overwhelmed. “Good luck with your work.”

Constanze left pretty quickly, renting a book on her way out, presumably what she had come to do in the first place. Croix’s eyes followed her as the kid left the building with renewed vigor, her Stanbot hanging from her arms almost like a beloved teddy bear. With a small content huff, Croix stood up and returned to her desk, taking a moment to brush off the pages of the book. As she picked up where she left off, she didn’t notice Keith staring at her, barely registering the parole officer until he eventually spoke up.

“She seems like a good kid. I hope you didn’t just talk her into supervillainy.”

“Shut up, Keith…Wait, don’t write that down, I didn’t mean it!”

Chapter Text

When Chariot blindly refused to take the responsibility of wielding the Claiomh Solais seriously, when she had taken to calling it the “Shiny Rod” and wasted it in ridiculous magic shows, when she had been chosen by it and seemed content to simply ignore her destiny in favor of following up on the selfish dreams of a child, Croix left. She abandoned her, filled with a poisonous vengeance for the destiny she had so badly wanted, so deeply wished for that had been stolen from her by someone who claimed to care for her. Whatever she and Chariot had together, it was dead. For ten long years, she convinced herself she hated Chariot, hated Ursula, hated whatever she chose to call herself. Croix spent a decade with nothing but the shattered remains of her dreams, and the intoxicating desire to do the same to Chariot’s. She would take whatever hope Chariot had and she would smash it in front of her. She would make Chariot watch as she destroyed her dreams. She would make Chariot hate her back, and when Chariot stood broken over her failed life, cursing her name for destroying her last chance at happiness, Croix would revel in her victory.

That vision of her once dear friend had drove her for so long. She saw the image of a defeated Chariot, as empty and purposeless as she had been, when she poured her life into unlocking the Triskellion. For over a decade, the thought of ripping away any warmth in Chariot’s heart and smothering it as Croix stole her destiny from under her feet had been ingrained into her mind, and she convinced herself it was what she wanted, what they both deserved, and what should rightfully happen.

It hadn’t happened. Croix tried, harder than she had ever done before, to hate Chariot. Even after everything she, and Woodward, and Luna Nova and everyone else had done to her, she couldn’t fully commit to hating her, but she still didn’t stop. Croix enacted her plan anyway, hurting Chariot’s new little apprentice at every turn and in every way she could stomach. She used the new wielder of the Claiomh Solais to hurt the old one, and vise-versa. She lied to their faces and told the ugly truths when it would pain them the most just so she could make Chariot feel the same despair she had in hopes of finding purpose in her broken tears. And even after all that, Chariot didn’t hate Croix back.

Ten years, Croix had wanted to hate her. And eight months later, she could no longer deny she couldn’t. Croix missed her. She missed the feeling of her skin and the shape of her face. She sat alone in her guilt thinking of how much she wanted to see her, to talk as they once had. But when the chance actually presented itself, she wasn’t ready for it.

“Croix?”

“C-Chariot?”

Her heart seemed to stop in her chest. She and Keith had just been on their way to the library once more when Chariot had spotted them. She looked like a strange amalgamation between her two identities, the drab and unflattering uniform of Luna Nova professor contrasting with the blazing red hair and striking red eyes Croix carved into her memories. She couldn’t bring herself to do more than look. Croix definitely couldn’t bring herself to actually speak.

What the hell would she even say at this point? What words could possibly justify all that happened between them? What could clean their irradiated slate?

Chariot broke the silence first, clearly finding this as awkward as she did. “I…I had heard you were coming back to Luna Nova for research?” It wasn’t a question, not really, but Chariot phrased it as such in hopes of making small talk. Croix saw it as a trap.

“I…yeah. I am. I was…I was heading to the library for the day.”

“You’re still trying to cure Wagandea Sickness, then?” Croix couldn’t answer that. It felt almost patronizing, the way Chariot spoke to her so casually. That she could walk up and act as though things could ever go back to how they had once been between the two of them was condescending. Chariot waited for Croix to respond, to admit her faults once more, but when faced with silence, she relented and carried the conversation herself.

“I have classes I have to attend to today,” Chariot told her, “but maybe when I’m finished, I could come join you, if you’d like?” Chariot extended her hand as an offer, and God knows that Croix wanted to take it, to pretend like they could even be friends again, to imagine that one day she could gaze into Chariot’s eyes and not feel like she was being stabbed through the heart. It would be so easy, to simply reach out and touch her hand, like she had so many years ago.

“I…don’t want you to do that.” Croix wasn’t that naïve anymore. “I’m sorry. No offense.”

“O-Oh. I…I understand. Please don’t worry.” The disappointment was clear on her face, and as her chest clenched, Croix wondered how it ever could’ve been victory. “It was nice to see you anyway, Croix.”

“Yeah. It was nice to run into you.” Croix couldn’t tell if she was lying to herself, to Chariot, or if she was lying at all. She didn’t want to wait to find out. She hastily walked away, retreating to the haven of the library, leaving Keith stunned behind her.

She briefly wondered if he would yell at her for not waiting for him. She almost wished he would. Instead, he sped up to walk at her side, the worry etched onto his face serving another cruel reminder she didn’t need.

“Are you okay?” Keith asked her. His hand hovered above her shoulder, as though he had suddenly remembered how much she hated being touched. She hated all the gestures and words of comfort and the encouragement everyone spent on her.

“Fine.” She practically spat the word. “I wanna get some work done.”

He didn’t press the issue, and they continued to the library in silence. She grabbed the book she wanted, and made her way to the table where they sat yesterday without even a single look at her escort. She opened the textbook, and spent five minutes staring blankly at the text before her mind could even organize the letters and characters into coherent sentences.

Keith watched Croix sink deeper and deeper. In truth, this exact situation had been his main argument against allowing Croix back at Luna Nova. It would do her mental health no good to be so close to where everything had gone wrong, and it was obvious to any who assessed Meridies that Chariot Du Nord was a sensitive topic for her. Meridies had spent the last fifteen minutes looking down at her book without even touching the page or her notes, and he suspected she wasn’t able to read it, too content to simply slip back and be swallowed by her guilt once more. He debated trying again to convince Holbrooke to allow them to take the books off campus for a short while, to at least allow Croix this reprieve she had asked for without putting her in this volatile environment. If nothing else, he needed to remove her from campus before she became completely unresponsive, or anything else happened.

“Oh, so you are here.” As if on cue, a dry voice had drawled its way into their corner of the building. Looking up, it was another girl he recognized from Meridies’ inciting incident almost a year prior. She had pink hair and a long cloak on, moving like a shadow with a bored expression on her face.

“Sucy.” Meridies addressed her. Keith hadn’t actually expected her to react to the girl’s presence, especially so soon after her encounter. He needed to keep a close eye on this, in case Meridies’ emotional state took a turn for the worse. “What do you want?”

The girl, Sucy, didn’t seem at all taken aback by Croix’s rude introduction. “Heard you were here. Thought I’d come talk to you.” Croix rolled her entire head, not hiding her distaste for this conversation at all. Keith felt himself tense. He really wanted to give Meridies the benefit of the doubt, but he couldn’t risk the student’s safety. Fortunately, Croix didn’t move from her seat.

“Why do you all even want to associate with me?” She bitterly asked the younger girl. “Did you forget that I, I don’t know, tried to maim your friend?”

Sucy simply shrugged. “So? You didn’t actually manage to do it, so why should it bother me?” Croix seemed surprised at that answer, and Keith had to admit she wasn’t alone.

“You aren’t at all bothered by the fact that I tried to kill Akko?”

“I try to poison Akko every other week. Join the club.”

“I have…several concerns about this conversation.” Keith interjected. Both parties ignored him, continuing in their discussion as though he, an officer of the law, was not present and listening to them.

“Every other week, huh?” Croix snorted. “That’s persistence.”

“Akko’s pretty hard to kill.”

Croix just scoffed. “Don’t I know it…”

“Please stop talking about killing Miss Kagari.” Keith cut in again.

“Hey,” Sucy turned to him, finally acknowledging that he was here. “It’s something she and I have in common.”

“Well I don’t do that anymore.” Croix waved her hand. “So don’t lump me in with you.” Keith did his best to continue to be professional and hide his growing irritation.

“You know I write all these interactions down in my reports, right? I don’t want my boss to have to question us on why you talked with a student about child murder.”

Sucy shrugged. Again. “You think about it too much. Akko’s my roommate.” From her tone, it seemed like she believed this to be an obvious explanation for her behavior.

“That’s not…” He honestly couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not. Not once had her face faltered from a detached blankness. He didn’t have it in him to argue the ethical implications of murdering roommates with a minor. “Look, did you want something?”

From within her cloak, Sucy produced a short stack of handwritten papers. “I came to ask Croix about my essay.” Keith could do little to hide his shock.

“You came up to Croix and her probation officer” he emphasized, “for homework help?”

“It’s an independent report.” Sucy drawled. “We’re not allowed to ask teachers or other students for help.”

Croix sat up straight, confusion evident on her face. “You’re using me…to cheat?”

Sucy shrugged. Again. “It’s not cheating. You got fired, so you’re exempt from the rule.”

Keith was far from comfortable with Croix helping a student fake her academic work, but if it kept the conversation away from Croix’s previous habits of causing harm to Atsuko Kagari, he supposed he would have to tolerate it. And he needed to ensure Croix didn’t bottle everything up and shut down again, otherwise there could be no telling how she’d react. If this could keep Croix from being despondent, he’d tolerate this, but he wouldn’t like it. He bit back a sigh. Today’s report was not going to look good on his record.

Croix snatched the papers from Sucy and began reading over them. Disinterested at first, as she flipped through the pages her eyes began to light up. “…I remember this. This is for Professor Badcock’s class on horoscopes, isn’t it?”

Sucy blinked at that. The closest her expression ever came to surprise. “How’d you know?”

“This looks like the exact same report she made us do. You know she was here when I was a student? Hated her class. I only really remember it because I got in trouble for letting Chariot copy off of me.” She had taken the course not long after she and Chariot first started searching for the Words. While the scientist in her always cocked her head at horoscopes, after seeing her best friend take on the destiny Croix spent her life believing to be her birthright, spending an entire semester hearing someone rag on and on about the stars and how witches can use them to determine their fate felt like pouring salt on a bleeding wound.

Sucy smirked. “You did good in her class, or was Chariot just lazy?”

Croix scratched her chin as she considered her answer. After a couple seconds, she looked up at the student and smiled. “You wanna know my trick, Sucy? She never tells anyone because she’s the Numerology teacher, but Badcock is a Gemini. If you’re subtle about it that she doesn’t notice, you can butter her up by talking about how great the horoscope for her sign is. She always rounds those papers’ grades up.”

Sucy blinked again. “Would that really work?”

“I passed this course with an A. It’s not hard to be the teacher’s favorite if you just tell her what she wants to hear.”

“You have a pretty low opinion of her. You really think Badcock is that shallow?”

Croix just chuckled. “Oh yeah, back in the day, there was another professor, a Capricorn, that Badcock hated. In this same report, I threw in a few examples of horoscopes where bad things were set to happen to Capricorns. She actually read one of them aloud to the class as a good example of numerology writing.”

Keith was increasingly concerned over Luna Nova’s hiring standards. Again though, neither witch paid him much mind. Despite his reservations though, he watched with interest as Croix continued to explain to the girl how to brownnose her professor.

“Find someone she doesn’t like, figure out when they were born, and then badmouth their sign. If you’re not obvious about what you’re doing, she’ll eat it up.”

Croix handed the papers back to their owner as the young student pondered the suggestion. “…I can think of a few people she doesn’t like. Any other tips to cheat through this class?”

Croix shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not even really cheating. It’s just…a helpful tip. It’s like learning your teacher’s political views. If your homework just happens to fit their viewpoint, and they just happen to like it more, that’s their own fault for being biased. You’re not even doing anything wrong, really.”

Sucy took another long moment to ponder this new information before she looked back up to Croix, the corners of her lips upturning in a devilish smirk. “You really are evil, aren’t you?”

Croix just jerked her thump at the probation officer beside her. “That’s why he’s here.”

Sucy took the papers back and hid them back under her cloak, preparing to leave now that she had gotten what she wanted out of the conversation. “You’re not so bad sometimes, Croix. Glad you’re not crazy anymore.”

Croix just snorted. “Let’s not go overboard, Sucy.” Sucy stopped and turned back, and the smirk on her lips parted ways to release a small, genuine snicker at Croix’s assessment. Sucy’s laugh was a raspy cackle befitting of a true witch, and it proved infectious as Croix let out a silent chuckle as she shook her head.

She gave a half-wave goodbye to the young witch, and as she disappeared from the library, Croix returned to her book, feeling lighter than she had in a while. She attributed it to getting petty revenge. Maybe she should read more horoscopes, get a quick look at how things are looking for Geminis.

No, she’d let Sucy have her fun with Badcock. Croix still had too much to do. She studiously copied everything relevant she could from her books, compiling page after page of extensive notes on biology and magic flow. With any luck, it would allow her to finally pay her pound of flesh. No one else approached her table in the library, and the only interruption she suffered through was Keith forcing her to take a break to eat something.

The library closed at night, and Croix and her escort were made to vacate the premises once more. A part of her felt bitter that these distractions kept piling up to keep her from her work. She would only have 5 days left now. The other part of her thought of making Constanze smile and hearing Sucy laugh and felt…something. It would be irrelevant in the long run, so there was no need to define it. They were just two strange detours from what actually mattered. They made their way to the campus’s Ley Line station, and Croix took a moment to reflect on what work she managed to do today. There was a lot of information here, but it wouldn’t be enough. Not yet.

Flipping through her notebook, all Croix could see were the massive gaps in her research. She knew she wouldn’t be able to build a cure without a foundation, but learning trivia about magic wasn’t getting her closer to the cure, or her redemption. She wasn’t sure if she regretted talking to Sucy and Constanze, but would she be able to do anything of worth in the time remaining if she kept getting distracted? If she couldn’t set things right with Chariot, what was the point of any of it?

Croix was only snapped out of her train of thought when Keith addressed her, adjusting his broom for the impending flight. He looked her in the eyes and said, “I would like to say I’m impressed with your progress today. Given your previous record, I was worried that after talking with Professor Du Nord you would shut down again, but you remained responsive with your conversation with that Sucy girl. You held a long and civil conversation, and I believe you did a good job in this regard.” He looked very serious for a moment. “That said, I ask that you not talk about those kind of topics in front of me, please. It doesn’t look good for either of us.”

Croix winced at the reprimand. “…Yeah. Sorry about that. She asked me for help, couldn’t just say no.” Keith turned and studied her, hoping he was hiding his shock at her answer.

“Hmm. You couldn’t?”

“What does that…?” She noticed Keith preparing to leave. “…Are you going somewhere?”

“I have a quick errand to run. I’m going to trust you to remain in this exact spot for fifteen minutes, because you know what you’ll lose if you step out of line.” His tone left no room for argument, and fortunately, Croix didn’t try.

“…Yes, sir. Where exactly are you going?”

~~~

Keith knocked on the door to the professor’s office, and after a moment, the occupant inside opened the door to greet him.

“Professor Finneran? I’d like to ask you a question about one your students, Akko Kagari?”

The professor just let out a groan. “I don’t know who you are, but I have quite enough to deal with without Kagari’s nonsense. Is she causing havoc right this second?”

“What? No, she isn’t, but-.” The door was suddenly shut in his face. Keith stood there, dumbfounded. It took him a second to regain his senses. He needed to head back to Croix before something happened, but he made a mental note to look into who handled the hiring at Luna Nova. Because one person being callous about the child’s safety was concerning enough, but three?

Today’s report would not look good at all.

Chapter Text

There were quite a number of people Croix could do without ever seeing again. In all honesty, the list of people she never wanted to interact with anymore far outnumbered those she did. Many of the people she wished she could avoid for the rest of her natural life attended this very school. Sitting in the number 2 spot on that list was Chariot.

It wasn’t out of maliciousness, at least not anymore. Croix was no longer deluding herself into thinking she didn’t still care for her old friend. She thought of her almost every day at her stay at the Solis Magic Correctional Facility. She found comfort in her old memories of before everything went wrong. Today, she was once again visiting a scene from their youth.

It was about a year before Chariot ever found the damned rod that ripped apart their lives. Before, they were two young girls who thought things could last forever. It was a brisk October afternoon, and they had spent the day stealing looks and quick touches, the most they could dare to get around so many people. When classes were over and they were finally away from all the prying eyes of their classmates and teachers, their hands joined almost instantly, hoping to make up for lost time.

Croix was a gifted student, the top of her classes. Chariot was a mess, who ended up at the bottom. Neither was sure if Croix was lifting her up or if Chariot was dragging her down, but to the two young hearts it didn’t matter. They spent enough time apart already, and there was no reason to waste more pondering such questions, not when they could finally show affection together after spending the day denying it existed. Chariot was pulling her cloak tighter around herself against the chill of the autumn wind, and Croix seemed to find enough warmth just having Chariot’s hand in hers. When they met up in secret last night, Chariot had wanted to have a picnic, just the two of them. That was the plan for today. They had quickly snatched the brooms from their rooms and stole away to the edge of campus, to fly to somewhere where they could be unseen and uninterrupted.

There was nothing terribly exciting about flying. Witches learned to fly at a young age, and perhaps in their prepubescent years the weightlessness and the feeling of the wind against the face was thrilling, but years of flights slowly diminished the luster until it was nothing more than a means of transportation, like walking or driving. That was what always struck her about her flights with Chariot. It felt so much more. The fear in the back of her heart, the excitement shivering throughout her bones, it was intoxicating. Croix could think of so few moments in her life that were as heart-pounding and exhilarating as the feeling of Chariot’s holding her hand as their brooms glided through the sky to their secret retreat. For weeks afterwards, she could still feel the delightful phantom pains of when Chariot squeezed her hand a little too tight, could still recall the short precious seconds during the flight where they tore their eyes from their path just to gaze at each other. When she flew with Chariot, after school on that October day, it felt like she was learning to fly for the first time all over again.

But therein lied why Croix wanted to avoid Chariot in the present, no matter how much her heart yearned for her. It couldn’t be like that ever again. Right now, it was physically impossible. In her misguided effort to hurt Chariot by hurting her apprentice, she had given Chariot Wagandea Sickness. Even if they could turn back the clock and ignorantly pretend like Croix hadn’t been as vicious as she was, the fact remained as a cruel slap in the face. Chariot would never fly again. Even if everything else hadn’t happened and Croix hadn’t gone so bad, they still could never relive that October night.

Croix enjoyed the memories a few seconds longer before banishing them from her mind. What was important now was to set things right. Despite previous…she’ll call them distractions, she had made pretty good progress on her research. She had filled about two-thirds of a fairly thick lined notebook with every detail that could have any relevance to the cure. She had moved from her biology into direct medicine, reading over an edition of The Medical Dictionary of Curses, Hexes, and Magical Ailments. As the one way to contract Wagandea Sickness was from the pollen of the Wagandea Tree, of which there only existed one in the world, it was a very seldom studied disease. The book had but a single paragraph on it. It explained how one contracted it, what the symptoms were, and a sentence that merely read that it was “incurable.”

Croix obviously didn’t agree. She wasn’t surprised at the brief, unhelpful, entry anyway. She had known beforehand there wouldn’t be good information on Wagandea Sickness, otherwise she would’ve just been content to rot away in Solis forever and let someone more competent clean up her disaster. But Wagandea Sickness was far from the only disease that affected magic flow, and while none of them affected it to quite the same degree the tree’s pollen could, many of those ailments had cures, and if a lesser degree could be healed, then surely there must be a way to do it on a larger scale.

She spent the morning cross-referencing from hex to another, comparing the cures from one curse to the next. If Magisiosis could render a witch magicless for weeks, but could be cured by boiling the root of a mandrake, it would make sense if the key to returning magic flow permanently lied within the biology of mandrakes. If Luluco Syndrome could affect the flow of magic into the bristles of a broom while one suffered under it, then perhaps it was worth investigating that more if she wished to get closer to the answer she wanted. Ragyo Disease held promise. As did Makokemia, and Nova’s Disease and about fourteen other ailments that affected magic flow in some form similar to Wagandea Sickness.

Croix did her best not to feel frustrated. There was a lot of angles to check, and a lot of theories she would have to test. This could take years, and the possibility of another decade passing before she found anything felt very real. She couldn’t let it stop her yet. She studiously copied everything down, writing all she could. She’d have plenty of time to analyze once her probation ended. Maybe if she could contact a real magic doctor, she could compare her own notes to theirs. Maybe they would even have a lab and resources to do real research instead of the meager arrangements she earned at Solis. It would still take too long, but surely the answer was just beyond her reach. She just needed to keep working, keep herself going until she reached it. She could do nothing else until what was stolen from Chariot was restored.

Keith had decided not to bother her this morning. He didn’t attempt to make small talk on the way over and he hasn’t yet asked how she felt today like he seemed to love to do. Perhaps getting the same answers over and over had tired him out. That worked just fine for her. Had she not known she was stuck interacting with him until she was released from the Solis Facility’s care, Keith would’ve replaced Woodward on the number 3 spot on her list of people she could’ve avoided for the rest of her life. Croix was perfectly content to spend her morning with anyone trying to make discu-

“Excuse me, Croix?”

Oh, of course.

She looked up to the stout girl who had approached her table in the corner. Her long hair was tied in twin braids and she had a contented smile plastered on her face. Her hands were held innocently behind her back.

Croix hesitated a moment before speaking, trying to recall the girl. “…Jasminka, right? What do you need?”

Jasminka made a strange, little, happy noise. “I’m glad you remembered me! I came by because Constanze told me you helped her.”

“Did she actually tell you that?” Keith interjected dryly. Croix just rolled her eyes as Jasminka giggled girlishly.

“I just wanted to say thank you for that! Constanze was in a really good mood! Oh, and not just her, even Sucy seemed a little happier too.”

There was a swell of something in Croix’s heart in that. She had wished the girls the best, but in truth, the idea that they’d actually be happier after talking with her just seemed foreign. In fact, the entire exchange, no matter how much pride it might fill her with, felt wrong. Croix had nothing to feel pride for. There was no reason any of these kids should be spending time with her, or seeking her out. Croix was not their mother, nor was she even a good person.

“I honestly don’t get you kids. We barely interacted, and all I’ve done to any of you is hurt your friends. What…makes you not hate me?”

“I don’t hate anyone, Croix.” There was barely any hesitation in her answer, and Croix felt like she had been blindsided. Croix racked her brain to think of an argument back, to prove to the girl that she was being too naïve and was going to get herself hurt.

“Some people deserve it.”

“Maybe. But I think life’s too short to stay angry at people.” She couldn’t think of a good rebuttal to that. She disagreed with her immensely, but there wasn’t much sense in debating with a teenager. Perhaps if the kid was lucky, she’d get to keep that idealism alive.

“…So you just came by to thank me? I didn’t do anything but talk to them, it’s not like it’s a big deal.”

Jasminka kept an arm behind her back, but used a free hand to sheepishly scratch her cheek. “Weeellll, there is one other thing.” She finally revealed just what was in her other hand. A small paper plate with a cutesy design of a black cat on it, and on the plate rested several pieces of, ostensibly, food.

It was some sort of weird…cookie thing. It looked like if a cookie and a brownie and some sort of custard pie were mashed together to make some freakish Frankenstein dessert. It was the unwanted love child of an entire pastry store shelf. “We all had a party the other night.” Jasminka explained while Croix eyed the amalgamation of calories in front of her. “I made these for everyone, but I ended up making too many, and no one else wants to take any more.”

“…I can’t imagine why.” Jasminka didn’t catch that, but Keith gave her a dirty look.

“They’re pretty good, so I wanted you to try one! You both can, if you want.”

Croix didn’t want that thing near her mouth. “I’m…not allowed to eat in the library.”

“Now we follow the school rules.” Keith said unhelpfully.

“Please? Just try one. I’d feel bad if I had to waste food that someone could’ve enjoyed.”

She was giving her puppy-dog eyes, which was ridiculous. Croix was a grown woman, not to mention the whole fact that she was admitted into Solis. She was not someone who would be swayed by a pathetic look, and it didn’t matter how long the girl stood there eyeing her, looking so down-trodden.

…If it would get the kid off her back, Croix figured there was no choice but to choke down whatever this thing was. This was for the sake of her research, and maybe if she ate this, Keith wouldn’t force her to take a lunch break today and she’d have even longer to work. Delicately, she picked it up, almost unsure of which way to hold it, and brought it closer and closer to her mouth where she forced herself to take a bite into the chocolate abomination. She chewed slowly and thoroughly, wincing as the treat hit her taste buds.

…huh. It was…actually…not that bad. In actuality, this was good. Super good. Maybe Croix was the wrong person to ask because all she ate was packaged ramen, but this weird cookie thing actually tasted amazing. The chocolate seemed to melt on her tongue, and there was a delightful peanut after-flavor that permeated throughout her mouth. And Croix couldn’t claim to know what the dough was made of, but it was to die for. This was the kind of thing people served in restaurants. How did a kid make this while on a student budget? This tasted like something she would’ve paid to eat, and this girl was just giving them away. She must’ve been working off some fancy French recipe or something.

“Here, you can try one too!” Jasminka offered to Keith, who happily took one of her strange delicious cookie monstrosities and popped it into his mouth. He’s always making Croix stop to eat, and now he’s stealing some of her food as soon as she ate something that wasn’t microwaved noodles. Hypocrite. The kid didn’t mind, at least, looking happy to have shared her creation.

“These are really good. How’d you make these anyway?” Croix asked, snatching another before Keith could grab it. “I could never make something like these. I have no talent for cooking whatsoever.” Jasminka blushed at the compliment and laughed.

“It’s not hard to learn!” She explained, her face beaming. “I keep telling Constanze that cooking is a lot like inventing. You, um…” She tapped her finger thoughtfully on her chin. “Cooking is like art and science if you mixed them into one. You need the right parts and you need to know how they fit together, but it’s also about taking those parts and thinking of new ways to use them to build something amazing.”

Croix couldn’t really disagree, considering she had used similar logic to explain why she, an engineer, could possibly pursue something like the cure to a biological disease. The human immune system wasn’t entirely unlike a machine, so ironing out a few glitches here and there was hardly a stretch for her own expertise.

“Um…Can I ask you something, Croix?” Croix looked up, and noticed the innocent smile had faltered on the sophomore’s face. “Why did you think I hated you?”

Croix just scoffed. What a silly question. “C’mon. You’re not that innocent. You didn’t forget that my machines attacked your roommate during Wild Hunt last year.”

“I didn’t. But it’s just…you said it funny. You don’t…want people to hate you, do you?”

“…That’s...” Obviously she didn’t want people to hate her. That was ludicrous. But everyone insisted on making the situation more complicated than it really was. Croix was the bad guy. There was no gray area. She hurt Chariot, she hurt Akko, she hurt God knows how many nameless innocent people in the crossfire of her schemes. It just…didn’t make sense. Solis wanted to rehabilitate her, Chariot said she was just misguided, but no one seemed to consider that she just might not be worth their time. Good people deserved that sympathy. Good people did not do what she had done.

Maybe ten years ago, when she had become so embittered about Chariot being chosen over her, she could’ve used the assurance. Had it been then, the gestures of kindness might not have been wasted, and maybe the young and naïve Croix Meridies could’ve strayed from her path. But now? After she already did all those things? What was the point? She looked to her research and called it redemption, but it wasn’t really. It was compensation for the damage she had inflicted out of her own free will.

“Look. Don’t worry about it, kid. It’s not important.” Fine. She was a teenager, a little girl in high school who didn’t see things could be that black and white. Maybe she would get lucky and wouldn’t have to see that idealism destroyed. Jasminka didn’t look very reassured, but she took a small deliberate step closer to Croix’s table.

“I just think, you’re not really that bad. You helped everyone see Akko and Diana and everyone save the day, so that everyone could believe in magic again. We had a really big freshman class this year, did you know that? There’s so many new people in every class! If it wasn’t for you, they wouldn’t have seen real magic, and they wouldn’t be as inspired to come to our school!”

It was a cold comfort, if anything. She might’ve helped the world see, but what the world saw was someone cleaning up her mess. “Well, if it wasn’t for me, you all wouldn’t have been up there in the first place.”

Jasminka just gave another hopeful smile that too many people seemed content to give her recently. “I guess even good things can come out of mistakes sometimes.”

“…Sure, Jasminka. I guess that happens sometimes.” Mistakes really didn’t feel like the right word. These kids were way too willing to look past everything. It was both admirable and nerve-wracking to imagine what their futures might hold.

“I’m sorry if you’re feeling sad, Croix. Thanks again for helping Constanze and Sucy feel better, though!” She held out her arms, in expectation of a hug. A hug. From her. Croix made no effort to move from her seat, and there was a brief, but noticeable, flash of disappointment on the girl’s face.

“I…yeah, thank you for the chocolate…thing. It really did taste great.” Again, Jasminka’s face flushed at the praise.

“Hee hee! Thank you! Maybe the next time we have a party you can come too, so you can get all the food when it’s fresh!”

Croix physically convulsed as she imagined the awkwardness of the scenario. “I think I’m…a bit too old for that sort of thing. It’d be strange for you all to be hanging around an older woman like that.”

The girl opened her mouth to say something but was instead interrupted by cranky old librarian, who was prowling not far from the table. “Is that you, Jasminka? You better not be sneaking anything into my library again!” The witch paled, and shot a worried look to Croix and her escort as she prepared to escape.

“O-oh shoot! Um, sorry, but I think I gotta go before she gets the wrong idea again!”

“Yeah, yeah. See you around.” To Croix’s surprise, instead of walking out towards the doors to the building, Jasminka instead strode over to the wall behind the table and pressed an inconspicuous wooden panel, opening the secret passage Constanze had come through a few days ago. Jasminka turned and gave a cute wave before the wall shut and she disappeared from sight. Must be nice to have a roommate build private tunnels for you.

Croix again returned to her books, and again found herself having difficulty concentrating, only instead of her now characteristic mix of regret and loathing, her mind was instead filled with another thought. A student just gave her food. No one had ever given her anything during her brief stint as a teacher. Which, granted, was probably for the best considering she was attempting to harness negative emotions by starting a war and that behavior wasn’t rewarded with desserts, but the gesture still struck her all the same. And it’s not like it was a huge deal, considering it was either going to go to her or the garbage, but still. When was the last time someone gave her food just for the sake of it?

“It warms my heart the way you interact with these kids.” Croix just about jumped out of her skin. Snapping back up from her book, her vision was filled with the sight of Chariot standing politely where Jasminka had just stood earlier.

“O-Oh. Chariot. Did you…hear a lot of that, or…?”

“I just got here. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard you and her talking about your famous broadcast. I think it’s nice that you’re able to get along with the girls.”

“It’s…not like I’m doing anything. They’re coming to me. I’m just…trying to work.”

Chariot looked undeterred, the smile growing on her face. “It’s still nice. You connect with them better than you think you do. I bet if things were different, you would’ve made a wonderful teacher here at Luna Nova.”

“I, uh, I don’t really think I’m cut out for that…Don’t really have the disposition…” Deciding she already spends enough time thinking of how things could’ve been, Croix chose to deflect the conversation from herself. “W-what are doing here anyway, Chariot?”

Chariot shuffled on her feet. “I know you didn’t want me to sit with you when you’re working yesterday, but um…I was wondering if you wanted to come by my office and have tea?” She turned to Keith. “I-if that’s okay with you, of course.”

“If Croix believes she can handle it, I have no problem with it.” They both turned to her, awaiting her answer.

She should say no. She knows she should say no. She doesn’t deserve Chariot’s company, and definitely doesn’t deserve her sympathy. It did not matter how warm Chariot’s hand felt on that cold October afternoon so many years ago, nor did it matter how many feelings still lingered and begged Croix to step forward and accept. She should still say no. This was a wound that needed to stay closed, no matter how nice it felt to bleed.

Croix had work to do. She didn’t come here to make friends, or help kids with stupid problems or even to get better like Solis deluded themselves into thinking she could. She came here to pay her penance to her once-friend and nothing more. Croix’s feelings, her health, her wants and her needs were unimportant. She had long lost the right to feel as though the world owed her a thing. She lost her chance to enjoy this, she lost her chance to ever see Chariot again, she lost and lost and lost. She should say no. She needed to say no before she lost even more.

“Y-yeah…I’d like that.”

Chapter Text

Croix sat on the fine leather of Chariot’s couch. She had been Ursula’s office, once or twice, but never on amicable terms. This would be the first time she had been welcomed in. Croix’s eyes wandered over the room, and looked for the little signs of the person she had grown with. The room was very clean and organized, but looking at the mess of papers on her desk and the books randomly strewn about the bookshelf called back memories of stepping around Chariot’s messes as Croix met in her room in secret so long ago. Ursula had a large presence in this office, but Chariot’s touch was everywhere, if one knew where to look.

Ursula. Gah. Croix must’ve not been the only one with serious self-loathing for her to go from a pretty name like ‘Chariot’ to ‘Ursula.’

Chariot had poured them two cups of tea. It almost seemed funny to Croix, how quaint it all was. Had someone told her ten years ago that the ever excitable Chariot would simply be sitting in a posh office enjoying tea, Croix might’ve laughed. But now, the subdued atmosphere was welcoming, if a bit foreign. A part of Croix still wanted to lie and act as though she didn’t care, because she still feared talking to Chariot after everything that happened. But somehow, her mood had lifted since their awkward introduction yesterday, and Croix couldn’t explain what prompted her to agree. But her heart still sung praises for her decision. Ever since Chariot’s last show where Croix had left her side, this felt like an impossibility, but here they were. Croix and Chariot sitting across from each other, the latter thanking the former for coming and the former assuring the latter it was fine. Two one-time friends together again, enjoying a warm drink and each other’s company.

It might’ve been nice, if it wasn’t for Keith, who leaned against the wall having somehow acquired his own cup of tea. Both Croix and Chariot knew what they wanted to talk about, but Chariot was too shy to speak so openly in front of a stranger and Croix wished Keith would go suck an egg. Chariot bashfully turned to the officer with a polite request. “…I d-don’t suppose I can ask for some privacy?”

Keith just shrugged and sipped his drink. “My sister’s bisexual. I’m not going to judge.”

“T-that’s not really…!” Chariot let out a sigh. This wasn’t an argument she was going to win. “Never mind. I suppose it’s fine.”

A few years ago, Croix might’ve blushed at the exchange. It felt too juvenile to be anything other than annoyed at it now. Chariot’s cheeks still seemed to match her hair, despite the same amount of time passing for her. Croix chose not to think too deeply on it.

“Why become a teacher anyway?” Croix asked her. She wasn’t sure where the question came from, but felt the need to ask it all the same. Chariot blinked in surprise, and fondly gazed down into her tea, a tender expression forming on her face.

“When I was Shiny Chariot, I liked making children smile. As a professor, I still get to do that, but now it’s not just anonymous fans. I can put faces and names to the children I helped. It’s less exciting than performing, but I think it’s more rewarding. I feel like I can make a real difference in these girls’ lives.”

A part of Croix still found that to be much too childish a dream, but then again, she had found a strange fondness for the bunch of kids approaching her as of late. “You do have an odd collection of kids here. They’re…” She searched for the right word. “…very forgiving. You all are. I just…don’t get it really.”

She smiled at her, the same genuine smile she had loved all those years ago. “You’re not as bad as you think you are, Croix.”

Croix doubted that immensely. “But…how can you look past everything I did?”

“Well…I can’t forgive everything, Croix. I can look past all the things you did to me, all the things you said, but I can’t forgive you for hurting Akko. I think you need to talk to her yourself.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because Akko’s just a little girl. She doesn’t deserve to be caught up in-“

“Nonono, not that.” Croix cut her off. “Why can you look past everything I did to you?”

Chariot looked stricken, as her gaze fell. “…We were friends once, Croix. More than friends. I haven’t forgotten.”

“I…I haven’t forgotten either." Croix admitted. "But...We can’t go back to that. You have to know that.”

An uncomfortable silence weighed over the room, leaving Croix alone with her guilt once more. It seemed so much more palpable now, that Chariot was in front of her. It hurt to think of what they had been to each other. It hurt so much to think of how pure they had been and how tainted the water had become. To think that so long ago, they had loved one another in secret. It was easier to keep things locked up and hidden. If no one knew how you really felt, no one could judge you for the emotions you couldn’t help but feel.

But when her destiny she had been looking towards her whole life, her grand destiny to be the witch who opened the Triskellion and ushered in a new age of magic, had been stolen by Chariot, there was no one Croix could turn to. They long believed they could get by with no one but each other, but when one of them became a problem, there was no one who could’ve guided them or offered comfort, not without exposing themselves. Chariot apologized, in tears, for being chosen over Croix, but it sounded hollow to Croix’s ears. No matter how much she bawled, she was still holding the Claiomh Solais, and Croix still could not touch it. Croix lost her faith in Chariot that day, and she was left alone with her dark impulses, until they festered and multiplied until they consumed her mind entirely.

Chariot broke the silence first. “…Do you remember, what it was like before I found the Shiny Rod? It all seemed so simple then. I remember we were so worried about what people would think if we got caught together.”

A memory sprung up the deep recesses of Croix’s mind. “Didn’t I once shove you into a broom closet because someone was coming when we were holding hands or something?”

Chariot’s smile spread ear to ear. “So you do remember!”

Croix couldn’t help but smile back, fondly recalling their past. “You hit me with a wet mop at me as soon as I opened the door. I didn’t forget.”

Chariot giggled, setting down her tea so it wouldn’t spill. “You didn’t even warn me, you just saw someone coming and panicked. I remember I made you buy me ice cream as an apology.”

Croix felt herself laugh, and how long it had been since she had laughed so sincerely. “Oh yeah, that’s right! I was going to buy you ice cream anyway, because you were always asking.”

“Ha! So you didn’t even learn your lesson, then!”

“I used to learn, but you kept distracting me from my studies!”

“Please! You were the one who kept asking me out!”

They laughed and laughed as their tea grew colder. For a moment, they didn’t have a care in the world as they reveled in their awkward years. It felt good to laugh again, to remember those happier times, even if they had been so utterly embarrassing as only a teenage crush can be. Eventually their mirth faded from laughter to soft giggles to silence as they caught their breaths. And eventually, the silence remained, as they collectively realized how long ago it had really been.

“…What happened to us, Croix?”

Croix didn’t need long to respond. She had spent so many sleepless nights asking herself the same question. So much had happened. Too much. As she spent long agonizing hours alone, regretting so many emotions, there had been so much she wanted to say. Too much. In the end, there was only one answer that seemed satisfying enough. “I guess we just grew up a bit too fast. Too much has changed.”

“…Maybe so.” Chariot reached over, and gently laid her hand atop of Croix’s. A shiver ran down her spine. “But…that doesn’t mean everything has to change. Even if it’s not the same, things can still get better. I still believe in you, Croix.”

How many nights had Croix dreamed of her touch? It had been too long since she felt Chariot’s hand on hers. Had Croix truly been too hard on herself? Chariot was one of the kindest and most genuine people she had ever known, and if she believed she could change, then...

No, Croix decided, pulling her hand away. It hadn’t been nearly long enough. “I…I have to go.” Croix stood quickly, and began making her way to the door. From behind her, Keith scrambled to put down his cup and catch up with her. “I’ve spent too much time already.”

Chariot looked as though she’d been struck, and Croix tried not to let it bother her. “Oh. I see. Then…I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Goodbye, Chariot.” Croix let herself out of the door and Chariot’s life once more.

~~~

That had been another mistake in an ever growing list of her mistakes. Hadn’t Croix already decided it was better to avoid her? Why subject herself to that? Croix let out a frustrated growl as she made her way back to the library, Keith trailing behind her, offering her empty words she didn’t even listen to. It made little difference now. Croix needed to finish this and get out of Chariot’s life. For good. It was only the third day of her probation, and already Croix couldn’t help but feel a rising desire to be locked back up in Solis, where no one would bother her. It was easier that way, and much simpler. Croix wilted away in solitude for her deeds as she deserved, Chariot and her kids lived the happy lives they deserved. Everyone gets their comeuppance.

But no, as appealing as it seemed, it was not an option yet. She still needed to find the cure. The cure was everything. It was the singular most important thing in her life, and she couldn’t abandon it. It was Croix’s only chance to…do what, exactly? Was there even life for her after she found the cure?

What was left? Depression was easy. Grief was an old friend. It was familiar and safe. But everyone believed there was more for her to experience. Croix couldn’t keep Jasminka’s words from her mind.

“You don’t…want people to hate you, do you?”

Obviously Croix deserved it, considering all she had done. But no one seemed to agree with her, which was just confusing. If she wasn’t just an evil, cruel, and vengeful woman, then Croix didn’t know where to go. She spent a decade stewing in her hate, so how could she just…drop it?

What happens after she cures Chariot? Was that her redemption? Was redemption even allowed to her? Croix wasn’t sure, and she couldn’t let herself want to be redeemed until she was sure. She spent too long wanting things that were held beyond her grasp. She wanted to hold Chariot close, but was afraid of what people would think of two high school girls in love. She wanted to be chosen, but her destiny was given to someone else. She wanted revenge, but watched as her plans unraveled before her. She wanted to prove herself but could do nothing but let someone clean up her disaster. She didn’t want to be redeemed. She couldn’t want it.

God damn it all, she needed to be right about something, and this was something she could control. Chariot and her favorite little students were wrong about her, and they’d see that soon enough. Croix had enough to analyze without trying to clean the mess of her own psyche. She was an engineer, not a miracle worker. She’d cure Chariot, and then she was out of her life forever. Plain and simple.

Burying her thoughts, she made her way to the private corner where she and Keith always sat. The section of the library Croix used was fairly secluded, as far as public libraries can really get. Given how advanced the books were over in this section, it had very low traffic. Which is probably why, not far from their little corner, a student was pacing back and forth, muttering something to herself. Croix recognized a pattern when it laid out in front of her, and frankly this was one she could do without. Once again, near her corner of the library prowled one of the kids that had gotten involved with Croix’s scheme eight months ago. It wasn’t the one she wanted to avoid, but if the trend continued, it was only a matter of time before Croix crossed paths with her again.

Lotte had bright hair and freckles, and wore large glasses and a stressed look on her face. Croix felt something at seeing how frazzled the girl was, but she dismissed it quickly. She didn’t need to get involved, not this time. She’d just sit down and ignore her. Croix knew how to be a bad person. She was good at being bad. Ignoring the petty problems of a teenage girl would be easy.

Lotte continued to pace unaware as Croix sat down with her textbook. Here was Croix, as callous and indifferent to others as she always was. Croix wasn’t even listening to Lotte’s mumbling, and she definitely didn’t hear her saying things under breath along the lines of “No, that’d never work” and “No, don’t be stupid, I can’t do that.” And if she did hear her beating herself up, then whatever. It wasn’t like Lotte was her kid. Lotte probably hated her, and Croix probably deserved it. So Croix definitely did not see her and definitely did not hear her.

…C’mon, couldn’t she just be a supervillain or a depressed egomaniac or something? When the hell did she start caring about this sort of thing?

Whatever. For the sake of her research. If she helped Lotte, then Croix would regain her privacy. That was the important thing. She couldn’t just work with this kid working grooves into the floorboards ten feet from her. It was distracting and she needed to concentrate. Burying the thoughts that sprung up to point out to her that, yeah, this was a very bad idea, Croix instead turned to the younger girl and spoke. “Hey. Lotte.”

“AAGH!” Lotte shrieked, snapped out of her thoughts. Her eyes were wide as saucers as she stammered out, “P-P-Professor Croix! I d-d-didn’t see…!”

“I’m not a professor, Lotte.” Croix cut off her confused rambling. “I was fired, remember?”

“Y-yeah! I remember! I just…! I, um…! D-did you call my name, or…?” This was another prime opportunity to just say no, and go back to her own devices. Play it off as a greeting. She didn’t want to help Lotte, because Croix wasn’t even someone who could help herself.

“Any reason you’re all wigged out over there?”

Lotte looked unsure if she should answer, and some part of Croix felt relieved that at least someone had enough of a head on them to not trust her implicitly. “…why do you want to know that, Pr- Croix?”

Wasn’t that the question of her life? She already accepted she cared about Chariot’s opinion of her, and now spent a very large amount of her free time agonizing over it. Why should she multiply that by allowing these girls into her life? “…I’m just here for a week to do research. I figured if you’re gonna pace there, I should at least ask.”

“…Do you actually want to help me Prof- sorry, I mean Croix? I can’t get used to this.” She shook her head, and turned back to Croix. “B-but if you’re serious about helping me…you could probably keep a secret better than Akko…” She took a deep breath. Evidently, she was not heeding the warning of not trusting Croix. “O-okay. Um! So there’s…there’s a girl.”

Oh boy. It was going to be one of those things. From how stressed out she seemed and how utterly red her cheeks were, Croix ventured to guess this was Lotte’s first crush. Which honestly?

Was just adorable. “Ah.” Croix smiled. “Is she cute?”

“Wh-! Profes-I mean! Croix!” Lotte squeaked out. “D-don’t just…! I d-do think she’s…um…c-cute, but I can’t just say that!” Lotte’s cheeks were already red, but somehow they became even more so. Had things been this awkward for her when she had dated Chariot?

“Why exactly can’t you?” Croix felt her smile growing.

“B-because it’s embarrassing! I can’t just w-walk into the room and call her cute to her f-face! I’ll definitely die!”

This was another instance of Croix proving herself to be a bad person. Here she was, flustering a teenage girl about her first crush because Croix found it amusing. It was like watching a kitten get stuck in a cardboard box. “Well that’s no good, then, unless she’s into necrophilia. How do you plan to confess to your little girlfriend then?”

Lotte flinched at the word girlfriend, but hid it behind a shy smile. “I…had a plan, actually! So…um! Talking to her w-would be really embarrassing. But I…um…you know Night Fall? The romance books about Belle and Edgar?” She definitely didn’t, but let Lotte ramble unimpeded. “I...I thought maybe I could use that for advice! Edgar always seemed so confident, and I’m…not. So I thought if I used his lines, I could talk to her!”

Lotte pulled out a small black book and handed it to Croix. The novel, Night Fall, was filled with post-it notes marking pages and paragraphs. The young girl pointed out one particular note that read ‘Cool line???’ and Croix opened to the page and began reading the passage it pointed to.

‘Edgar pinned Belle to the wall. ”Being away from you kills me” he said, his eyes filled with lust, the sweat glistening off his bare chest. “When I’m apart from you, I feel like I’m dying. But being near you hurts me so much too. You’re killing me because I love you too much. When I’m with you, I want to throw myself off a cliff and die.” Belle gasped out loud. It was the most romantic thing that anyone had ever said to her.’

What in the world?

“…Uh-huh.” Croix muttered as she finished the paragraph. Was this what kids read nowadays? This shirtless smut? Unbelievable. What happened to the romance novels they had when she was in school, where everyone had soulmates and spent the book pining for their forbidden loves? This new stuff was just weird. “That’d…certainly leave an impression.”

“I-it…! I know it’s not for everyone, but considering it’s Su-!” Lotte coughed. “Considering who I’m thinking of, I think she’d like it! S-she likes morbid things. I think she’d think it was a cool line!”

Croix wondered, briefly, if Lotte had forgotten that scribbled onto one the post-it notes was Sucy’s name, with a little heart next to it. This was too much. If she flipped through this and found another scribble with their initials written together, Croix would absolutely melt.

“So what?” Croix asked her, trying to keep a straight face. “You’re just going to seduce her with book lines?”

“Do…you not think it’s a good idea?” Lotte deflated. Croix didn’t say anything, as she flipped through the bizarre book, only catching the barest glimpses of the plot. The word ‘lust’ kept popping up as well as ‘nihilism’, and she was pretty sure they talked to Archduke Franz Ferdinand at one point. And something about werewolv- Oh god, no way! There actually was a note in here that said ’L J+S M’! Croix had to pretend to cough to keep from making an embarrassing noise. This was so stupidly precious.

“Heheh, i-it’s a bit…” Come on, don’t laugh at the teenage girl, that was cruel even for her. “…heavy for a confession, Lotte. Not to mention sort of weird.”

“O-oh.” She sighed, looking down at her feet. “B-but if I don’t confess like this, how am I supposed to do it?” Lotte argued. “I’m...people call me invisible. I don’t know how to do this, but Night Fall is a huge romance book. Edgar is always really brave and confident and everyone notices him. If I can just…pretend to be like someone like Edgar, she’ll definitely like me.”

Croix still wasn’t sure what inspired her to bother with these sort of problems, but in the end, there was no way she could let her leave to quote this weird crap to her crush. “Look, I’m certainly not the person to ask, but I can tell you you’ll regret it if you just keep dancing around how you feel. It’s so easy at first to just not have to deal with any of it. You can just play everything off or lie and never have to look back.” Croix let out a sigh through her nose.

“It doesn’t work. It never does. You like this girl? Go tell her. Don’t waste your time trying to pretend you feel one way or tricking her into feeling another.”

“B-but…it’s really embarrassing…I’m too shy to talk to her like that…what if it doesn’t work?”

“Things like this didn’t work out for me, and I can tell you, it’s better to have them know the real you instead of being in love with some idealized version of yourself.” Croix handed the book back to Lotte. “You understand?”

“…I guess. Y-yeah. That makes sense…but…“ Lotte’s face suddenly paled as she looked to the page the book was open at. “You…y-you didn’t read any of these notes, r-right?”

Croix could only smile wryly. “If it makes you feel any better, I already talked to Sucy, and I doubt she’s coming back to the library.”

“Oh god…” Lotte hid her face behind the book. “This is the most embarrassing day of my life…”

“Might as well go tell her now then, since you’re already pre-embarrassed.”

“I can’t just…!” Lotte squeaked. “I can’t just go tell Sucy now! I-if I said something like that to her face, I’ll die!”

God, it was like pretending to throw a tennis ball and watching as the puppy runs after it. It was mean, but it was a delight to see unfold. “I thought she liked morbid things.”

“T-that’s not…! Um!” Lotte looked at a loss for words. “She…I…um! I…m-maybe could try it…I just…” She suddenly buried her face into her book, sending several post-it notes fluttering to the ground.

“This is the worst…” She murmured. “…Do you think Sucy would really notice me if I was just…myself? I want her to like me, but…I don’t know how to do this.”

“No one knows how to do these things, Lotte. You’re always winging it. Think of it this way. If you’re brave enough to tell someone like me all this, you can tell this girl how you feel.”

Lotte looked unconvinced, but nodded her head anyway. With her face as crimson as could be, she retreated from the library to go about her task. Croix shook her head with a smile forming on her face. She hoped the girl figured things out with her crush. She seemed like a cute kid, and she deserved to get a better hand than Croix had been dealt. To be young, stupid, and in love again…

…Crap, she has wasted a lot of research time today. Muttering insults to herself, Croix opened the book and got to work. Resuming her earlier task of cross-referencing magical curses to one another, her notebook gradually filled with medical facts over the course of the hours. By the time the sun set and the librarians began to get ready to close, Croix bitterly noted she had not had any major breakthroughs today. She made progress, to be sure, but this was not the cure Chariot needed. It still lay just beyond her grasp. She would have to wait another twelve hours for the library to open in the morning again, so she could begin anew and find that which she was missing. She had to be close by now. Had to be.

~~~

It was dark out by the time Croix and Keith prepared to depart for the night once more. As Keith made his final preparations to his broom, he turned to ask his charge a question.

“Are you sure you’re qualified to give dating advice?”

“Do as I say, not as I do.” She quoted sagely, not looking up at him. “All I know is Lotte shouldn’t have to go through what I did.”

Keith studied her a long moment.
“…Hmm. That’s quite caring of you, Meridies.”

He watched as Croix absent-mindedly flipped through her notebook once more. Eight months, they had tried to break through to her in Solis. She had been prone to falling into brief but frequent depressive episodes. She could disassociate for hours at a time as she reveled in her guilt. Eight months they had done what they could when she had refused treatment. It was only yesterday she had done it again, put so close to her emotional triggers. Luna Nova was a dangerous environment for her. Just today, she had encountered Chariot once more, and was primed and ready to fall apart once more.

Eight months she did, when she thought of Chariot. Today she had not.

It was too early to get any hopes up, so Keith quashed the thoughts in his head. There was only so much paperwork he could do as he monitored Meridies’ case, but tomorrow, he’d have to really pay attention. Either for more signs of recovery, or an impending explosion.

Chapter Text

“Croix!” Hiding a sigh, Croix turned in the hallway to see Chariot marching over to her, illuminated by the morning light shining through the windows. This wasn’t something Croix wanted to get into. She needed to avoid Chariot before anything else happened. There was a reason she was near the top of her list of people not to speak with anymore.

“We need to talk about yesterday.” Chariot said.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Chariot.” Croix simply turned and began walking the other direction. She could take the long way to the library. A detour was preferable to this.

At least, that was the plan until Chariot had stepped directly in front of her, cutting off her escape route. “Don’t do this, Croix!” She pleaded. “Please don’t keep shutting me out like this.”

Croix felt the frustration rise within her, and struggled to keep it from her face. “I’m not shutting anyone out, there’s just nothing to talk about.”

Chariot just shook her head. “This is why things fell apart between us!” Croix winced. “Just talk to me, please.”

“Things fell apart-“ She said through gritted teeth, “-because I’m not a good person, Chariot. Don’t make this more than it is.”

“That’s not true, Croix.”

“Oh, honestly, Chari.” She growled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “How many times do I have to ruin your life before you get a clue?”

“C-Croix!” She gasped, scandalized. “How can you even say-!”

“Because it’s true!” Croix cut her off. “I’m a bad person. I’ve been cruel and selfish for a long time, and I can’t change that, and neither can you!”

“You’re wrong, Croix!” She argued right back, biting back the hurt that was clear on her face.
“You’re not a bad person, you just need time to heal.” Croix just growled, sick of hearing the same rebuttals.

“Just stop, Chariot!” She snapped. Keith was saying something, but neither woman payed attention to anything around them.

“You’re not well, and you need to heal, but that doesn’t make you evil!” She took a step closer to Croix. “I know you can get better.”

“Drop it!” Her words came out loud and hot, burning through her throat.

“No! I’m not going to just give up on you! I want to help you!” Chariot argued, undeterred and unafraid of the anger in Croix’s voice. Croix clenched her fists, sick of this pointless charade.

“Why?!” Keith’s hand was on her shoulder. It was a warning, one she might not get a second time, but she couldn’t listen to it. She was too frustrated to listen. Chariot took a deep, angry breath and let it out.

“Because I still love you, Croix!”

Croix stepped back, astonished and wide-eyed. Chariot strained to keep her face level as she fixed Croix with a determined look. Once the shock wore off, Croix merely narrowed her eyes at the woman in front of her. In a quiet, hoarse voice, the only one she could manage right now, she muttered. “…You shouldn’t.”

Chariot’s expression did not falter. “Maybe I shouldn’t.” She admitted. “But I know the Croix who loved me is still in there. You’re not irredeemable, Croix. You’re misguided, you’re not healthy, but you’re not this…evil woman you think you are.” Chariot still looked at her with her eyes full of conviction. She looked like she meant every word of that.

And Croix couldn’t stand looking back any longer. Her gaze fell as she spoke as emotionlessly as she could manage. “She is still in there. I do…I do still love you. I thought after everything that happened, I could move on, but…goddammit, I still love you.”

Croix spun on her heels away from her, shaking Keith’s hand from her shoulder. She refused to turn back and see the look in Chariot’s eyes. She couldn’t handle her eyes upon her a single second longer. She knew she wouldn’t be able to handle seeing Chariot’s reaction to what she said next.

“But you need to get over it.”

Keith made a motion. To comfort or to confront, she didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. “Get your hand off me, Keith.” She said in a monotone voice, staring ahead at nothing. “Please. We’re going to the library. I have work to finish.”

“Meridies…” He began to argue, but Croix didn’t care enough to hear it.

“I’ve wasted too much time. I only have a few days left. I have to finish this.” Croix refused to let her voice waver, to give either of them any sign of the turmoil she felt. She walked, she forced herself to walk, to return to the haven of the library to do the only thing that truly mattered at this point.

“Croix.” Chariot called out to her. “Croix, wait. Just…please, listen to me.”

“Don’t waste your life on me, Chariot.” Croix did not turn to look her in the eye as she spoke. “Not again.”

~~~

Croix tried for two hours to finish her work. She had her textbook, she had her notebook, but she couldn’t concentrate. This was the only thing that mattered, but it seemed so useless all of a sudden. Why was Chariot so insistent on her? What had Croix ever done to deserve her kindness? The second something hadn’t gone her way she had snapped and swore her revenge and Chariot still loved her. She actually loved her.

It was maddening. Infuriating. Croix didn’t want to hurt Chariot anymore, but if Chariot kept loving her, kept waiting for her, kept forgiving her, there was no other ending. She was going to end up hurt again and again. Croix was good at nothing else, and that’s why she was alone and that was why she had to stay alone. Croix loved Chariot, and that’s why she could not love Croix back.

Chariot was kind and empathetic. She loaned an ear to every problem no matter how small. She was beautiful, confident, and gentle. She was everything Croix was not, and she deserved so much better. Letting her back into Croix’s life wasn’t kindness. It would be torture. She’d drag herself through the rocks and dirt and bloody herself just to dilute her sunshine on someone like Croix, who’d take and give nothing back, and wouldn’t know virtue if it was held right in front of her.

Chariot loved her, and she would be hurt when Croix left her for good to die alone in Solis. Chariot loved her, and she would be hurt when Croix stayed with her and could never treat her the way she deserved. Either way, she ended up in pain and tears. She had to see that, eventually. She had to see that if she didn’t get over it, she’d end up in the same dark, inescapable pit as Croix. Because if she didn’t, what other options were there? What way could Croix turn so that she could avoid hurting the last thing in her ugly life that was actually worth something?

However little sense it made, it…it couldn’t bother her. Not now. She had to finish her research. Curing Chariot would not clean any of this mess. They still couldn’t be what they once were, and they still could never be together no matter how desperately they both wanted it. The cure was not her path to Chariot’s heart. It was the only way Croix could ever hope to bridge the impassible gap between them. It wasn’t a romantic gesture, it was a debt being repaid. If she finished this, then at least she could say she did right by Chariot at least once by the next time Croix broke her heart. Croix had forced herself to read the textbook in front of her again, not paying attention to Keith, the rest of the library, or the pain in her chest. She managed to ignore everything, until someone snapped her out of her focus.

“What’s your plan this time, Croix?” From out of nowhere, an accusatory voice shot at her. Pulled out of her misery, Croix looked up to be met with an icy glare. Diana Cavendish stood over her table with her arms crossed. She bore down at Croix with narrowed eyes and a righteous, open contempt. Everyone had treated her like she was so fragile and nice lately, Croix was unsure of how to even react at first.

“Diana? What…?”

“I asked what your plan is this time, Croix.” Diana’s scowl deepened. “You’ve been talking to all my friends recently and I want to know why. What’s your end goal?”

Croix stared at her a moment, confused at first. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Diana. They’re just coming to talk with me.” Bitterly, she added, “I don’t have any sort of plan anymore.”

Diana merely scoffed disdainfully, not buying a single word from her mouth. “Spare me that. You manipulated Akko and Professor Ursula for months on end. You manipulated everyone here just to get close to the Grand Triskellion.” She uncrossed her arms to lean on the table, expecting Croix to back away. “Why should I believe what you’re doing to my friends is just innocent conversation?”

Keith stood up from his chair. It was his job to keep Meridies from such conflicts, even if she wasn’t the instigator. He held his hand out in a placating gesture. “Now, listen, Miss Cavendish-”

“Don’t worry about it, Keith.” Croix cut the wizard off. Frankly, Croix wanted someone to yell at her at this point. Someone had to realize who she really was. Turning back to meet Diana’s distrusting gaze, Croix simply said, “Look, I’m just here to research. I’m not doing anything.”

Diana was not impressed. “All the time you spent as a professor here, you used carefully placed words and outright lies to trick everyone just to further your own desires. You can’t expect me to just believe anything you say again. Let me tell you this, Croix.” She bent down, her face filling Croix’s vision, and this time Croix couldn’t help but recoil away.

Diana spoke in a low voice. “Whatever your plan was with Lotte, and Sucy, and everyone else? I won’t let it work.” The threat was clear in her voice. “You’re not going to hurt any of my friends, Croix. Not this time.”

Croix just snorted. Hadn’t that been her intention this whole time, to avoid everyone so she couldn’t hurt them again? “Like I said, Diana. I’m just sitting here. You’re all coming to me. I know you don’t believe me, but I’m not the one starting any of this. You can ask my probation officer here.”

Diana did not appear any more ready to accept Croix’s benevolence, and it wasn’t like Croix could blame her, all things considered. Still, there was a part of Croix that ached at the idea of one of these girls thinking of her the way she thought of herself, even if she did encourage it. Croix at least wanted to make it clear that she was honestly doing her best not to make things worse anymore, and she knew enough of the great heir to the Cavendish name to relate to Diana on some strange level. She didn’t have to believe her, but Croix didn’t want to lie anymore if she could help it.

“Honestly, Diana?” Croix looked to the girl in front of her. “You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age.”

Diana straightened, crossing her arms once more. “I assure you, Croix. I am nothing like you.”

“Not as a person, hopefully.” Croix smiled wryly at her own joke. “But our histories are similar enough. Spending your whole life thinking it was destiny to save magic, to help everyone, to show the whole world what a real witch looks like. And then, after spending so long searching for that, watching someone else take that from you and live your dream. That’s what I went through too.”

For a moment, there was a glint of recognition in Diana’s face, but it was quashed and replaced with her dismissive expression once more. “That may be true…but I never tried to kill my friends.”

“You’re right.” Croix shrugged.

“…What?”

“You’re right.” Croix repeated. “When Chariot was chosen instead of me, I resented her for it. I hated her. Sabotaged her. You, on the other hand, saw a girl who was far beneath you…” Diana bristled at her description. “…And you became her friend.”

“Beneath me?” Diana questioned scornfully. “Is status all that matters to you? I didn’t become Akko’s friend because I pitied her.”

“That’s not what I-“ Croix sighed out before being cut off by Diana’s indignation.

“Akko’s not some waste of space, and I’m not so full of myself to think I’m above her. I’m not anything like you. Sorry to disappoint, Croix.” She spat her name like it was an insult.

Croix merely scoffed. “Please. If I thought I was a good person I wouldn’t be sitting next to this mouth-breather.” Both Keith and Diana raised a brow at that, and in a less tense situation she might’ve found it funny.

“…The truth is…I think I want to be. A good person, that is.” The words were out of her mouth before she even consciously thought them.

“Hmm.” The younger witch hummed disbelievingly. “And why is that, Croix?”

She hadn’t even intended to say that. She wasn’t even sure if she really meant it. But the more Croix thought about it, the more honest the statement seemed to get. She thought back to her confrontation with Chariot this morning, and realized in her absent-mindedness, she hadn’t just lied to the kid in front of her. But answering the question of why was no easy task. And frankly, Croix was sick of everything being so complicated.

“My reasons…don’t make much sense.” As true as it was, it sounded pathetic to her own ears as soon as it left her mouth, and it hardly convinced her current company to leave her alone.

“That didn’t stop you before.” Diana stated flatly, and ouch. She didn’t even waste a second before going for the kill. This girl was good. Croix actually liked her. She sat down at the table, and it was clear Croix was not getting out of this until she gave her a satisfying answer.

A nervous feeling rose up in her stomach. The first thought that came to her mind was saying she didn’t have to justify herself to some snobby teenager, but it sounded hollow in her own head, let alone aloud. Not to mention that Diana didn’t deserve that from her. But Croix was sick of her flaws being laid bare, sick of everyone consistently being so much better than her, and tried for several, long, agonizing seconds to resist the urge to tell her the truth and do it all over again.

Perhaps it was because she realized she was trapped in this situation and had no way out. Perhaps it was because she felt like someone should know and it might as well be her because she was here now. Perhaps it was even because Croix honestly did relate to Diana, did see the elements of the girl she had once been in the young student before her, and felt like if anyone needed to hear what she had to say, it had to be Diana. It was difficult to tell. Croix was too much of a mess to really know why the next thing she did was take a deep breath and begin to open up.

“Look, the truth is, you’re right. I’m not a good person.” Croix said, as she ran her hands though her hair. “But Chariot…she looks at me like I am. And I don’t deserve it. Not after everything I did. I know I’m not right for her, but…I see the look in her eyes and I can tell she honestly believes I can change. So I think… I want to feel like I actually deserve for her to look at me the way she does. I want to be better, for her sake. I want to be redeemed.” Croix gave a long, weary sigh, wiping the corners of her eyes, struggling to organize the thoughts in her head into words.

“I really don’t know if I can, and God knows I’m tired of being wrong. But I want her to be right. She honestly believes in someone like me, so…I think I want to believe in me too. I want to feel like she’s not wasting her time. I’m tired of hurting her. I’m tired of hurting everyone. And she just…just keeps hoping for me. If she’s going to keep giving me that look, like I’m worthy of her, then I…I actually want to redeem myself, so that maybe I really can be.”

She wasn’t quite sure when she had started staring at the ceiling, but Croix returned her attention to the others at her table. Their expressions were blank and unreadable. “…Like I said, kid. It doesn’t make sense.”

The two of them studied Croix for a long moment, and Croix felt herself growing increasingly agitated. “You’re telling the truth…” Diana questioned. “Aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I am.” Croix smiled, but there was no happiness behind it. “I know you don’t get it, but…I really do want to be a good person. I don’t know how. But if it’s for her, I really want to try.”

Diana didn’t say anything at first, seemingly trying to judge if Croix was actually telling the truth this time. Croix tried not to let the thought bother her. After a moment’s reflection, Diana suddenly pulled her seat in to sit closer at the table. Croix couldn’t help but note it was the first time she saw her shoulders slump. Diana turned to Croix, a pensive look in her eyes.

“…When Akko first came to school, I didn’t like her much at all.” Diana said. “I thought of her as a stain on Luna Nova’s reputation, an unskilled girl who tarnished the name of a witch. I never tolerated bullying, I always tried to encourage others to act responsibly, but when the whole school mocked and scorned Akko, not only did I say nothing, but I…agreed with them.” Diana scowled once more, but it wasn’t directed at her this time. She had enough experience to know self-loathing when she saw it on someone’s face.

“After a while, I noticed the great things Akko was doing, how much she was accomplishing, how amazing of a witch she was becoming, and I realized how wrong I was about her. I could never bring myself to apologize for my behavior. I’ve never been able to find the words that could justify myself. But…she never seemed to care. Akko accepted me into her group without hesitating. She kept looking out for me, even when I treated her so poorly. She’s never questioned if I deserved to be at her side, even when I have.”

Diana’s brows furrowed as she returned her gaze to the older witch. “I’m not like you, Croix. But…I guess…I can’t deny Akko and I are quite similar to your relationship with Chariot. I want to earn the kindness she gives to me so freely. She deserves someone honest and caring, and if she believes I can be that…then I’ll keep trying to live up to her.”

Croix felt a bit beside herself. She had never been that honest since…well, it was a long time since she had ever been so open about herself. She had never actually expected the gesture to be returned. Something shifted between the two of them, and Croix realized that not only did Diana understand, but she felt the same shame she had struggled with all this time. The revelation that someone who had put herself on the line to stop Croix from causing harm to anyone could also feel the same way as someone who had done the things Croix had done…it filled her with a strange feeling that she struggled to identify.

Naturally, given her nasty personality, she played it off with sarcasm. “…Not too similar I hope. My love life is not one to be emulated.”

Diana brows shot up, caught off guard by the sudden statement. “L-love life? What? What does that have to do with anything?”

“…well, yeah?” Croix said, genuinely confused. “Chariot and I used to date. Did you not realize that?”

Hadn’t they just had a genuine moment here? What did Diana think she was talking about with all that? It seemed pretty obvious that was the implication behind the conversation they had, this whole idea of earning the look your love gives you. Diana was smart, so it didn’t make much sense that she would miss that, or that right now she was beginning to look flustered and start blushing and…

Wait, really?
Two of these girls in a row?
That. Is. Hilarious.

“I…d-don’t get the wrong idea then!” Diana stammered out, her face slowly but surely growing more and more scarlet. “Akko and I aren’t…we’re not…we’re just…good friends, is all.”

“Good friends.” Croix repeated flatly. God, were these kids all just preciously pathetic?

“Y-yes, just good friends. Whatever you and Chariot are…w-we’re not that. Just so we’re clear.”

Croix just leaned on her arm, her mood feeling quite a bit lighter. “Those are pretty heavy thoughts to have about a good friend.”

“Meridies, don’t tease these kids anymore.” Keith admonished her from the side. Croix barely glanced over, but could see enough of the smile on his face to know she wasn’t exactly alone in her amusement. Diana’s eyes flashed between the two of them as she tried to muster up a defense.

“No! They aren’t strange feelings to have about friends! I…j-just because I value Akko doesn’t mean that I…” Diana stopped suddenly as she realized she couldn’t bring herself to say what exact feelings she did not have. “T-that is, when I say I…care about Akko, it’s not in that sense, per say. It’s just…ah, it’s just how good friends care for one another. That’s all it is.” Diana cleared her throat, trying to look composed, but one could only look so professional when one’s cheeks were a vibrant red and was too embarrassed to look people in the eyes.

Croix felt a smile growing on her face. “So are you two good friends because you’re secretly dating, or because you haven’t actually told her all that yet?”

“N-no! We’re not dating!” Diana cried, and Oh no, did she realize her voice just cracked? “T-there isn’t any…wh-why does everybody think that?”

Croix couldn’t keep the snicker from her voice, despite honestly trying her best. “Okay, kid, I’m sorry! Really, I am.” Croix took a deep breath to straighten herself out, in stark contrast to the frazzled girl sitting before her. “Look Diana, the point of all that was I used to be in your shoes way back when. You’re young, and you have your own things to figure out. You’re already a lot more moral than I was at your age, but that’s not a huge hurdle to cross. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I want you all to live the lives you deserve.” She offered Diana the closest thing she could manage to a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about me. Just keep growing up and doing what you’re doing. You’ll figure it out.”

Why was she giving so much dating advice these days? She was probably the least qualified person in the entirety of Luna Nova to give guidance on the romantic, considering her only qualifications were that she had an ex-girlfriend and that she spoke French. Regardless, Diana seemed to be mulling over Croix’s words in her head, and gave her an affirmative nod. Perhaps they may not like each other, but Croix felt happy enough that they reached an understanding.

Diana cleared her throat in hopes of speaking normally. “L-look, either way, just…don’t do anything to hurt Akko again.” She turned to leave her seat, before suddenly snapping back to her to quickly add, “…O-or anyone else! I care about all my friends equally”

“I’m not trying to hurt anyone, Diana.” Croix’s grin spread even further up her cheeks, in wonder of how much these kids could blush. “Even your good ‘friend’, Akko.”

“…I’ll hold you to that, Croix. And don’t say it like that.” She stood from her seat and under her breath, Croix heard her mumble, “Why do I even bother with you people…”

Croix watched her stand up and begin to leave the library. She had teased her enough, and she needed to let the kid heed her advice and figure things out on her own. Still though, Croix wished her better than what she had lived through, and couldn’t let her leave without one more piece of wisdom she genuinely believed she should hear.

“Word to the wise, Diana.” She called out. Diana stopped in her tracks and turned to face the table.

“Dating in secret is a huge pain in the backside. Don’t get into all that.”

Diana narrowed her eyes, annoyed. “…We’re not like that…but I’ll keep it in mind.”

The young Cavendish muttered something else under her breath as she huffed away from the library. Croix was left alone again, as she had wanted, but suddenly things seemed less…hopeless than they had earlier. The textbook that was splayed out before her no longer seemed so impossibly long and incomprehensible as it had seemed when she started this morning. Her heart still ached, but somehow it no longer felt as debilitating. Picking up her pen and tuning out the world, Croix set to work once more to finish her duty. It was a slow process, but over the course of the hours she gradually copied down all the information she could absorb, and a small, persistent optimism built deep within her. She didn’t let herself think of Chariot more than she needed to.

But somehow, when she did, it hurt a little less.

~~~

The crossed moon had already taken its place high into the starry sky by the time Croix and her escort were making preparations to leave. Croix hadn’t really spoken to him at all since this morning, and he seemed to respect her work ethic enough to leave her alone unless he had to step in, which worked just fine for her. He was fiddling with his broom, and she with her notebook, when he stopped and turned to her.

“Croix.” She considered just ignoring him again, but something stuck out to her about his address. Croix. Not Meridies.

She turned to him, curious as to what he wanted. He had a serious look on his face. “When you told Diana you wanted to redeem yourself for Chariot, did you mean that?”

“Are you serious, Keith?” He couldn’t be this boneheaded. “I’ve been talking about curing Chariot since I came to your stupid facility half a year ago. What do you think I’ve been doing this whole week? Reading for fun?”

He didn’t look at all taken aback by her tirade. In fact, he started to smile, which was worrying. “Oh, I know plenty of your interest in helping Chariot. It’s just…this is the first time you’ve ever expressed interest in trying to be a better person.”

“Wha…?”

“In the eight months since you were admitted, you spoke of helping Chariot and nothing else. You never once claimed you wanted to heal and redeem yourself. I’m glad to hear something changed.”

Croix just stared like a deer in headlights, unsure of how to compose herself. “…There you go again, overanalyzing everything.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes at him. “It was just a conversation, don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

The infuriating smile on his smug face just grew. “If you say so. But if you ever are serious about it, I’ll help you. In any way I can.”

“Look, save your heartfelt crap for someone else, alright? Let’s just…get out of here already. I’m hungry and I’m tired. And I have a lot more work to do tomorrow.”

“And now we’re eating and sleeping? This is a big day.” Croix felt her body tense as she snapped at him.

“W-would you just go f-! Why don’t you get your broom ready to fly already so we can go.” She threw her hands up in the air, feeling incredibly annoyed. “Maybe I would’ve gotten like this sooner if I got a probation officer who could keep his comments to himself!”

“You know, I’m actually not going to count that as an infraction either. I think we’re making progress.”

“Your opinion is noted.” Croix seethed. “Now fly us back already.” He finally kept his mouth shut, but he still didn’t bother to wipe that conceited look of his face. Croix just rolled her eyes again.

Self-aggrandizing mall cop.

Chapter Text

While on her back to the library with Keith after a short lunch break, Croix spotted Lotte and Sucy in an adjacent hallway. Lotte’s fingers were nervously tugging on the brim of her skirt, but despite her fidgeting it was clear she was happy where she was. Sucy stood as dour and emotionlessly as she always did, but her face was decorated with a smile that, unlike her usual malicious smirks and grins, was small, genuine, and honestly sweet. The two were standing very close to one another at the edges of the hallway, out of the way and in their own little world.

Croix sighed wistfully. So the kid had actually managed to fess up then. Croix had encouraged her, and she had hoped Lotte would go for it, but actually seeing her advice lead to the two girls hanging on each other’s every word as they talked away the hours? It was never a scene that would’ve crossed her mind as something she could’ve created. Keith still was acting all self-righteous about Croix saying she wanted to redeem herself, but to think that those girls had actually listened to her, and that somehow listening to her hadn’t made their lives worse like so often happened with Croix. It was a weird, hopeful, prideful feeling in the pit of her stomach that was rising to her chest.

Of course, a hopeful Croix was still Croix at the end of the day, and she considered walking over there and teasing the girls. She’d congratulate them, of course, and she wouldn’t intrude on their date too long, but she was honestly curious if she could make someone like Sucy blush. She liked to attribute it to working out her lingering desires to cause others misery through wanton destruction. She had only taken a single step down the hallway when Lotte and Sucy separated. Croix briefly wondered if they had already spotted her, but quickly noticed their attention was on something else. A classroom door had opened next to them, and the two were focused on someone who was stepping out.

And there, from out of the doorframe, she could see Lotte and Sucy were talking to another witch in training. Croix recognized her in an instant, and the blood drained from her face. The auburn hair and the small half-ponytail she kept it in. The short stature and the red sash across her hips. And as soon as Croix saw her, she abandoned the idea of walking over there and instead darted away back towards the library until she was sure she was out of their view, desperately hoping she hadn’t seen her, and if she had, she wouldn’t follow.

She walked briskly, as fast as she could go without making her internal distress too obvious, catching Keith off-guard as he tried to match her sudden pace. She didn’t slow until she had returned to the library and was positive that kid wasn’t going to approach her. She sat down in the corner once more, doing what she could to not look like she was breathing any heavier than normal. Keith reached the table a few seconds later, and fixed her with an odd look as he took his own seat, and Croix was filled with dread at the possibility that he might question her, or even worse, somehow force her to confront the girl.

“What was that all about, Croix?” Keith asked her, and Croix let out her relief as subtly as she could. So he either hadn’t seen her, or he didn’t understand how narrowly she had just avoided disaster. If Keith didn’t know, then it didn’t affect him. Guilt was something she could deal with. Croix had to, considering there weren’t many times she didn’t feel guilty about something or other. But dealing with guilt, and dealing with that were two entirely different beasts.

“I just wanted to make sure I had time to work.” The lie rolled off Croix’s practiced tongue. “I’ve been getting distracted the past few days, after all.”

His brow arched, and while he didn’t seem to agree with her, he nonetheless appeared to fail to catch her lie. “We still have two more days here, you know. And it’s not like a distraction every now and then doesn’t help you.” He smiled as he said it, and Croix bristled as she realized what he was referring to.

“You’re just going to keep holding yesterday over my head, aren’t you…” She groaned. He had prodded her all last night about her admission that she might like to not hate herself all the time, and refused to believe her when she dismissed it as just being casual conversation. It was incredibly annoying. Going back to the first few days when he didn’t trust her to be safe around the innocent students of Luna Nova was much preferable to whatever this new development was between them.

Fine. She’d accept it, if it meant she could avoid any more of these distractions. There was a trend happening here. Granted, she had honestly enjoyed seeing the other girls. Many of them she had never really met face-to-face, so getting to know them in a peaceful context was actually sort of nice. But regardless, she could do without seeing the trend continue, let alone finished. Perhaps if she was lucky, she could go these last two and half days without any more confrontations.

Though, she doubted the universe was done paying her back for her maliciousness. Especially since she heard the telltale sound of footsteps approaching her rapidly.

The bookshelves in Luna Nova were no small affair in any sense of the word. Many of them reached the very top of the building, practically built right into the support structure. Even the smaller ones, like the cases that boxed in Croix and Keith’s table from the rest of the room, were close to eight feet tall, and very few students at the all-girl academy could reach the top shelf without either a levitation spell or one of the many step-stools and ladders strewn about the building. Thusly, Croix nearly had a heart attack when a girl, quite literally, front-flipped over the top of the bookcase from the other side before landing harshly on the ground next to their table. She stood up instantly, as if she had not just front-flipped in here what in the hell and pressed her back to the shelf as she eyed for her apparent pursuers, not paying a single glance to either of them.

After her heartrate returned to normal, Croix looked over the girl and noted that, if nothing else, it wasn’t Akko.

“…Hey, Amanda.” Croix greeted her. Amanda O’Neill, Luna Nova’s resident self-proclaimed rebel, simply waved her hand in acknowledge, as she kept her focus on the lookout beyond the corner.

“Yeah, hey. Listen, Finnelan’s in a mood or something, so don’t tell her I’m-!“ Amanda turned for a fraction of a second, and did a double take as she belatedly realized who she was talking to. “Whoa, wait. It’s you, Croix.”

Judging from the skeptical expression she was getting, and the inflection in her voice as she said her name, Croix was guessing this was not going to turn out like Jasminka where Croix was trusted absurdly fast and received free desserts. She tried to push away the disappointment.

“You…don’t seem all that surprised to see me here?” It was a stupid statement to say, considering everyone else had learned Croix was back at Luna Nova by now, and Amanda agreed, looking at Croix like she had just told her the sky was blue.

“Yeah, I already knew you were here.” Amanda retorted, unimpressed. “We pretty much got into a big argument about you the other day.”

Croix cocked her head. “Argument? About me?”

Amanda nodded her head. “Day before yesterday, Diana told us to stay away from you because…” Amanda trailed off, and her brows furrowed in confusion. “How did she say it? Something like, you…manipulate people with your words or whatever. She said it fancier.” She shrugged, deciding it wasn’t important. “She talks like she’s got a dictionary shoved up her skirt.”

The day before yesterday…so that meant that Diana had warned her friends after Croix had met with Lotte and chose to confront her the next day. Croix couldn’t blame her, all things considered...but it still hurt all the same to think of how affected they all were by her actions to distrust her so openly. “Then why are you here, Amanda? You trust me, then?”

“Pfft, no.” Amanda said, rolling her eyes. “I trust you about as far as I can throw you, but I’m also not scared of you either. Even if you are up to something, I’m not gonna go running just because Diana said so. Plus, if you ar-!”

“O’Neill, you better not be in here!”

The voice wasn’t exactly yelling, only barely being louder than a speaking voice, but given the quiet atmosphere, it might as well have been an explosion for how it boomed throughout the library. Croix recognized it as Professor Finnelan, and given the fear on Amanda’s face, she recognized it as well.

“Aw no!” Amanda paled, speaking in a hushed, frantic whisper. “D-don’t tell her I’m here!” Amanda dived behind Croix’s chair, making herself as small as possible, just barely hiding herself from view as Professor Finnelan had walked over.

The professor was absolutely fuming. “Where is that girl? I swear when I-…Oh.” Her brow raised on her forehead in a very distrusting manner. “…Croix. Hello.”

“Afternoon, Anne.” The older professor’s eyes narrowed at her. As Croix had found out during her brief stint as a professor, Anne Finnelan was a woman who very much liked traditions. One of her points of contention was that new hires and especially former students of hers should address their senior professors with respect. Given that Croix, especially at that lower point of her life, lived almost purely on spiting others, she had taken the habit of calling her by her first name in casual conversation. It probably wasn’t smart to annoy school officials given her delicate situation at the academy, but Croix had found some appreciation in tradition and old habits as of recently too.

Finnelan placed her hands on her hips, with body language that communicated a sense of superiority that only an aging woman with years of teaching under her belt could have. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen a student run by here, Amanda O’Neill?”

“No, don’t think I have. It’s been pretty quiet down here.” She was lying before her brain even decided defending Amanda was worth her time. “How about you Keith?”

As she casually turned to her probation officer, she could see the naked disapproval on his face. But as much as he disliked it, he didn’t seem willing to make all three of them look foolish. He gave a pleasant smile to Professor Finnelan. “…No. I have not, Professor. Sorry I couldn’t be more help.” He turned his gaze back to Croix in a blank, inscrutable expression that made her wince. If nothing else, she had just guaranteed their next conversation wouldn’t be about yesterday’s events.

“Hmph.” Finnelan made no secret of her displeasure, but didn’t want to waste her time in another debate. “Stay out of trouble, Croix.” With that cheery goodbye, Finnelan turned on her heels and left to go prowl for Amanda elsewhere.

Croix looked over to see the girl in question still sitting low on the floor. She waited a second before looking back up to Croix with a confused expression. “…you didn’t rat me out?”

Croix absent-mindedly shrugged. “I’m not a very good professor, Amanda.”

Amanda peered back at her a long moment. Her expression seemed to fall somewhere in between surprised and wary, dissecting Croix in her mind for some ulterior motive. She sat in silence before suddenly crossing her arms with a suspicious expression. “I don’t get you, Croix.” She said. “One second, you’re trying to blow up the school with missiles, the next you’re all giving everyone advice.”

It wasn’t that Croix disagreed with the assessment, but she spent enough time loathing herself for her actions she didn’t appreciate them being misconstrued. “…First, the missile wasn’t going to blow up the school, it went the exact opposite direction. Second, the missile itself was a miscalculation, I never tried to blow up anything.” Keith’s visible displeasure grew, and it was becoming readily apparent there was no good way to defend launching a missile in any capacity.

Croix shook her head. “And third, I’m done with all that. I’m…really trying to make amends for it, if you can believe it.”

Amanda’s face scrunched up as she spoke, making it clear she didn’t believe it.

Croix sighed. She knew redemption was going to be a hard sell for people. It was a fairly major reason she preferred the simplicity of just being irrevocably evil in the first place. She didn’t like to think about it much anyway, so she deflected the conversation from herself once more, turning to the girl sitting on the floor. “So…you don’t seem to like Diana much.”

Amanda seemed genuinely surprised to hear that. “What? No, I wouldn’t hang out with Diana if I hated her guts. She’d actually be cool if she didn’t act like a total princess all the time.”

“What does that mean?” Croix questioned.

“Eh.” Amanda dismissed her. “She’s a snob sometimes, but she’s fun enough. It’s all just teasing. It’s not like it’s even hard to tease her. All you gotta do is talk about her crush on Akko she thinks we don’t all know about and she loses her mind.”

Croix thought back to yesterday’s encounter. “I…will have to take your word on that. Still, it just doesn’t seem like you two are friends.”

“Eh.” She said again. “I don’t know if we are either. Like I said, she’s always nagging me. Back when school started again, I was trying to show the freshmen what real broom-riding looked like, and I sort of messed up the landing when I jumped off the roof. Fractured my leg in like three places. Diana still brings it up sometimes.”

She began apparently quoting Diana in a ridiculous falsetto voice. “Real witches don’t show off O’Neill, you need to be less reckless O’Neill, wah wah wah O’Neill. It’s so annoying.” She threw her hands up in frustration. “And then when everyone visited me at the nurse, she wouldn’t even sign my cast!”

Keith, who had been keeping to himself this whole time, spoke up to the girl who was still huddled on the floor next to the table. “You know, you could sit on a chair, if you’d like.” he offered, but Amanda made no effort to get up.

“I’m fine.” She leaned back, getting comfortable against the bookcase. “S’Not like I’m staying here. Just ‘til I’m sure Finnelan’s gone. Anyway, Croix, you’re really not up to something at all? Guess that means I was wrong…”

Croix just gave her a strange look, and Amanda rolled her head in response. “In that argument I told you about.” She explained. “I was actually on Diana’s side that you were probably up to something. Jasma said you were a good guy, and Sucy didn’t care either way. And Ak-“

Croix quickly cut her off. “L-look, Amanda. I don’t need to know everyone’s position on me.” Especially not Akko’s. “So…if Diana bothers you so much, why do you keep spending time with her without, I don’t know, trying to change?”

“I spend time with her ‘cause it’s something to do. And why should I change? Like I said, she’s a princess. She’s always trying to be the best at everything, and she’s all about the rules, and being a role model. It’s exhausting. Me, I don’t really care if people don’t like me. That’s their problem.”

“…Well, what if you took it too far and seriously offended her? Wouldn’t that make you a bad person?”

Amanda blinked, not ever having considered it a possibility. “I mean…if I actually hurt her feelings enough for us to stop being friends, I’d feel like crap. But we don’t do anything that bad to each other, and besides, I can’t control if she doesn’t like me or not. Thing is, she’s gotta learn no one’s perfect, and you’re just gonna kill yourself trying to please everyone. I don’t think that makes me a bad person.”

Croix wasn’t as convinced, and she surely didn’t want any of these girls to have to go through anything near what she had been through. If she could keep them from her own path of darkness, she’d certainly sleep easier at Solis. “Well, that’s a slippery slope to be on, considering who you’re talking to. If I had any empathy, we could’ve avoided that entire mess last year. But instead, all I cared about was my own selfishness.”

“Huh.” Amanda scratched her head. “I always thought your problem was you cared way too much about what everyone thought.”

This time it was Croix who was caught off-guard. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I dunno. You were all about opening the Great whatever-it-was-called, but you never seemed to care much about magic. You don’t even use real magic, you use robots like Contz. It seemed like you only cared that you were the one to open it. If you just wanted power or whatever, you coulda just let Akko open for you and then steal it. Instead, you made this big, dumb plan to trick everyone.”

Croix was floored. No one would do what she had done if they “cared too much,” but…Amanda’s odd explanation wasn’t exactly off-base. Croix had wanted to open the Triskellion save magic…but now that she thought about it, she never actually considered why. She scorned witches for being so obsessed with tradition that they let magic wither and die as they refused to do anything, and it was only days ago she had encouraged Constanze to continue her mixing of magic and technology despite claims of blasphemy. She didn’t want to bring back the Golden days of witchcraft, she couldn’t have cared less about that. And as concerning as her logic was, Amanda wasn’t wrong that if it had been important to her, there were ways around stealing that magic power.

But Croix had never thought of her actions that way. Was that truly what she saw as important, that she alone be the Chosen One? Did she really only care that people would see her as the best, and that was the reason she turned so cruel? Petty appearances? It was an uncomfortable revelation to think about, but now that the idea was filtering through her thoughts, she could see the grains of truth in them. She spent a lifetime preparing to be the best, and she couldn’t stand being seen as runner-up.

God, she felt sick to her stomach. All this time, all the things she did…it hadn’t been about her destiny, it had been about everyone knowing it was her destiny. She had set out to destroy so many lives just so she could be the favorite again. Croix rested her head in her hands, and a flood of fresh guilt battered her mind, as she ran through all her mistakes once more in a harsher light. She only just barely avoided shutting down completely as she heard Amanda speak, ignorant to her distress.

“Like I said, I’m not the best person out there, but I don’t care. If someone’s got a problem with me, that’s their fault.”

Croix looked at her in a new light. It wasn’t just rebellion for rebellion’s sake with Amanda, as she had thought. Amanda could see her faults in the mirror and accept them as part of her. It was a delinquent’s mindset, one that could lead her into a dangerous lifestyle, but it was balanced out by her own peace with her demons. She was irreverent, but not malicious. Content with her own character enough to find happiness through adversity. And Croix couldn’t help but find it…very admirable.

These girls all seemed to find new ways to amaze her each time she met with them.

“To tell you the truth, Amanda…” She said, burying her sadness. “I think that’s…a pretty amazing mindset to have. You’re a lot more insightful than you think you are. You might just be right, to be so comfortable with who you are. We can’t all think like that.”

Amanda’s brows raised, and she studied Croix. Perhaps she too, after hearing Croix’s admission, saw her in a new light. It was strange, in some ways, for her to be connecting with these girls, but she found more and more she valued these interactions. Maybe someday, if she ever made good on her promise to get better, these connections she was building could grow and become something truly dear to her heart.

“…Well,” Amanda leaned back, her hands behind her head. “That’s why I’m not in crazy magic jail.”

Croix barked out a loud laugh, startling the two of them. “O-Okay, fine!” She snickered, trying to catch her breath. “I guess I deserved that one.”

Amanda began sniggering as well. “Man, the only professor to laugh at my jokes and it’s the one who got sacked…” A realization struck her. “Oh! Finnelan’s probably gone by now, so I’m gonna bail. Catch you later, Croix.” She finally stood up from the floor, roughly dusting off her skirt. She and Croix exchanged short waves goodbye.

Just as Amanda prepared to leave, however, she suddenly turned back, hand on her chin. She peered down at Keith, who leaned back as she leaned inwards to inspect him.

“Hey, Croix. I never asked. Who is this old man, anyway?”

Keith reacted as though he’d been slapped across the cheek. “Old?! Wha- I’m 37! I’m not old!”

Amanda just shrugged. “That’s like, middle aged.”

Already in a good mood, Croix struggled, and subsequently failed, to keep a straight face. No matter how much goodwill she built, she knew Keith had his limits and she really shouldn’t push them. “C-come on, Amanda,” she said as serious as she could. “Lay off him, he’s-“

“An officer of the law-“ Keith stood, cutting her off. “-who should really be telling teachers when students are cutting classes, Amanda.”

Amanda’s face was ghostly white. “I…heheh. S-so you’re a cop! That’s really…um…” She clapped her hands. “Whelp, I got some homework I gotta do, because I’m a student and all, so…I’m gonna go do that. It was a pleasure meeting you, sir!”

Amanda left the library as fast as her legs could take her. As Croix watched her go, she tried to ignore Keith turning his disapproving gaze back to her. She cleared her throat, and banished the smile from her face, pulling out her textbook and jumping back into her work. Keith watched her a moment, before sitting down, muttering, “That’s what I thought.”

Croix whittled away the rest of the day, as she polished up her research. She made progress, she seemed to get a little closer every day, but as they neared the end of the day, and the rest of the library’s occupants began to filter out, a nagging thought persisted in Croix’s mind. She repeatedly banished it from her head, only for it to plague her once more. It seemed no matter how much she resisted, her heart would not let her rest until it forced her into this. As the library closed and they prepared to make their leave once more, she cleared her throat to get the attention of her probation officer before they got too far.

“Keith. Before we go…d-do you think I could make a quick detour?”

~~~

After three short knocks, Croix heard shuffling from behind the door. She stared down at her feet, knowing it was too late to turn back from this now. The door opened, and she saw the distinctive footwear of the Luna Nova uniform across from her. She looked up, and into the familiar red eyes she had fallen in love with so many years ago.

“Hey…Chariot.” Croix forced a smile onto her face.

“Oh, um. Hello, Croix.” She returned the smile just as awkwardly, almost as unsure of why she was here as Croix was. Croix took a deep breath.

“…Can I…c-can I talk to you?” Chariot blinked in surprise. It only took a second for her to respond, but to Croix, it seemed to drag on for hours as fears ran through her head. Was yesterday her final straw? Had Croix finally pushed her too far? Would she close the door in her face?

When Croix saw the smile on Chariot’s face become genuine, she felt her heart leap up to her throat. “You know you never need to ask. Please, come in!” She stepped to the side, allowing Croix into her office once more.

And Keith too. He was still here.

As Croix sat down, she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Chariot was seated across from her once more, patiently awaiting for an explanation. Croix’s thoughts felt jumbled in her head, and struggled to parse through them to find a place to start. She didn’t want to ramble in front of her.

“Chari, you…you’re so good.” She settled on. “I’m nothing like you. You’re the best person I know.”

“Croix, you’re not-“ She began to start the same argument they had been through yesterday, but Croix simply held her hand up to stop it before it began. Chariot gave her a worried look, but let Croix continue all the same.

“Just…just let me finish. I think…you were right about me, but I don’t know what to do. I need your help.” She ran her hands through her hair, pleading with the girl in front of her. “H-how do I do this, Chari? How do I get better?”

Chariot simply walked over and took Croix’s hand in hers. “You’ve been getting better this whole time, Croix. Admitting that you want to be is a big step to take.”

“I-it’s not enough.” Croix looked into her eyes. “And the more I admit, the worse I feel. I don’t know if I can do this, even if I wanted to…”

Chariot stood up, taking her hand away for only a moment as she sat next to Croix on the couch. “Tell me about your talks with the girls.”

“What?”

“You’ve been talking to the girls a lot, right? Tell me about those. Just anything. Ramble, if you like.” Croix stared at her a moment, questioning, but Chariot was serious. Unsure of what her point was, but trusting her all the same, Croix rambled, near incoherently in her opinion, about the past five days and the encounters she had. She talked of the strange quirks of the students and the odd ways they regarded her. She talked about the things she said and the things they said back.

As they talked, they gradually inched closer and closer to one another, until they were leaning on each other. Almost unconsciously, Chariot’s arm found its way to drape across Croix’s shoulders in an innocent hug. But as soon as Croix felt the contact, she flinched.

Chariot pulled away in an instant. “I’m s-sorry. I…I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I-it’s not your fault. I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet…”

They sat in silence for a moment, before it was broken by another knock at Chariot’s door. She hadn’t bothered to close it as she let her two guests into her office, and the three looked over to see the short woman who stood in the doorway.

“Headmistress Holbrooke?” Chariot stood respectfully. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m truly sorry, but…I’m here for you two.” She turned to Croix and Keith, and gave them a genuinely apologetic look. “I’m afraid you two need to leave for the night. We can’t have you here after hours.”

“But Headmistress-!” Chariot began to argue, but Croix cut her off as she stood to leave. That had been one of the conditions of her probation after all. There was no sense in throwing away all the work she had put into the cure, no matter how much she wanted to stay with Chariot again.

“It’s fine, Chariot.” She lied. She gave a wry smile to play it off as a joke. “I’m following the rules now. Better late than never, right?”

The dejected look in Chariot’s eyes didn’t falter, and she certainly didn’t laugh. Croix supposed it was just how things would have to be. She gave a short nod to acknowledge Holbrooke as she started her way out of the office once more. When she had reached the doorway, she heard Chariot call out to her.

“Don’t give up on yourself, Croix. I still believe you can be better.”

Croix hung in the doorframe, a million things she thought she should say running through her heads. There wasn’t enough time to say the ones that felt like they really mattered. “I’m not sure I believe it yet, but…” She looked over Chariot one more time, as if trying to memorize every detail she could before she was forced to leave her again. “I think I’m trying to.”

Chapter Text

When her probation began, she had been dreading seeing Chariot again, but Croix no longer denied the part of her heart that longed for her. She was number 2 on her list, but it was out of guilt for how cruelly she treated the woman she loved, and Croix had spent the previous night wishing she could be sleeping with Chariot in her arms, so it was safe to say she no longer wished to avoid her. She had no love when it came to Woodward, but frankly Croix still wanted to see her once more simply to because she thought it’d feel nice to yell at her for giving away that damn rod, so she made number 3. There were others who she would prefer not to see again after everything that happened, a couple of whom had approached her anyway. But there was only one person Croix had absolutely no desire to see in any shape or form, out of a stomach-churning mix of guilt and terror.

Akko Kagari. Akko, the young witch who had claimed the Claiomh Solais, who had conquered every one of Croix’s plans, had shrugged off everything she threw at her, had somehow unlocked the Grand Triskellion and lived the dreams of both Chariot and herself through her own two hands.

Croix hadn’t hated her before, when she had enacted her plan. She hadn’t cared enough to hate her. The only reason she bothered with Akko at all is because Chariot cared about her, so Croix wanted to hurt the kid in the worst way. It could’ve been anyone and she’d have reacted the same. Akko was just some dunce in over her empty head who gave her a convenient way to break the witch she once held dear. If the kid got too scared by her plans and ran crying from the school, it was no skin of her back. If she kept persisting with the words and got herself killed, Croix wouldn’t have lost sleep. She had cared more about delivering the bloodied Shiny Rod back to Chariot than the body that wielded it.

She didn’t hate Akko now. She avoided considering her thoughts on Akko as much as she could. She regretted trying to hurt her. It seemed so petty in hindsight, to think Croix would’ve gotten an innocent teenager killed to hurt her ex. There had been a spiteful comfort in the fact that Chariot had lost the Claiomh Solais. Being chosen inherently made her better, and it was pleasing to think that even someone as good as Chariot was still so fundamentally flawed that she could fail. Croix had gone on to believe that the Nine Olde Witches were holding people up to impossible standards, that no one could be as good as they wanted them to be, and that’s why she had been passed up, and why she really couldn’t care less for the safety of its new Chosen wielder.

And there upon lied the simple fact that terrified her. Croix may be trying to make herself better now, but then, she had been an awful person incapable of even touching the Claiomh Solais. Chariot, for all her forgiveness and empathy, hadn’t been a good enough person to unlock the secret of the final Word and fulfill her destiny. Akko did it. She revived all seven words, unlocked the Triskellion, returned magic to the world, all while Croix manipulated and attacked her. There was no sense in denying that Akko was a better person than both of them, and thus meeting with her after the fact terrified Croix to her bones. It felt like a final test, in some ways, a true assessment on the idea that Croix could ever be redeemed.

Chariot may forgive her, but they had history and she was biased. The other girls might not hate her, but they had never been the ones she was after. The Claiomh Solais had chosen Akko over all of them. How could anyone hope to speak to someone they had fought with when there was inarguable and undeniable proof that person was a better person than you ever could be?

She kept dismissing the thoughts as illogical. It was a stupid way to think. She had met Akko, she knew Akko better than she knew any of her classmates, even now. She knew it was silly to think of her as being this virtuous hero, or some unassailable judge. But her heart still skipped a beat at the thought of meeting her once more. She had spent her life dreaming of taking the staff and being the witch who saved magic. Before it had been bequeathed to Chariot, it had been all she cared about, and Akko was its Chosen One. And if Akko hated her…

How could she ever hope to be redeemed if the true Chosen One hated her?

It was better to avoid her. Avoid her, avoid any and all mentions of her, do everything in her power to avoid getting a definitive answer to the one question that had plagued her for eight solid months. She didn’t want to know if she objectively could be redeemed. She didn’t want to know. She could not know. Bettering herself for Chariot was the one thing she had let herself want after a lifetime’s worth of apathy and hatred, and the possibility that this one person could take away the one part of her mind she felt at peace with was real and terrifying.

Croix had spent months tormenting the kid and crushing her dreams. It would be poetic justice that in an instant and with but a few words, Akko could return the favor, and take the one thought Croix found happiness in and crush it right in front of her.

She only had to stall the confrontation for a several hours more. It was evening now, and Luna Nova would have her leave their grounds permanently tomorrow night. She had managed to speak to both of her roommates without ever meeting Akko face to face. If she could manage for one more day, she could leave and never have to worry about it again. If she could escape the Chosen wielder’s judgement for just a little longer, Croix could keep her dreams alive.

And hey, she had talked to the kid before her plan blew up, and she wasn’t one to go study in the library. And it wouldn’t be midterms yet, so there likely wasn’t anything overtly pressing that might force her into cramming for an exam. She hadn’t come with any of her friends, so perhaps Croix might have this one thing.

God knows she doesn’t deserve it, but just let her have this one thing.

Croix focused intensely on her research. On its own, it was obviously immensely important. More than anything else. But that it helped distance her thoughts from Akko was a much needed bonus. Not long after meeting with Diana, she had gotten most of what she needed from the medical dictionary she had been using. A lot of it were theories she would have to follow up at Solis. There was a promising angle, however, that begged for more immediate research.

Magisiosis was one of the first magical sicknesses that jumped out at her when she first began cross-referencing them with Wagandea Sickness. When contracted, it infrequently but severely cut off magic flow, and could last for weeks. In its best cases, witches diagnosed with magisiosis could have their spells and incantations function perfectly one day but struggle with the most basic witchcrafts the next, on and off again for a couple of days. At its worse, it could completely take away all magic power for up to four weeks, where they’d essentially might as well not be a witch at all. The sickness would run its course and disappear without any side effects on its own, but as with so many magical ailments, the human body couldn’t effectively develop antibodies for it, so it was likely that someone could contract it multiple times.

But unlike Wagandea Sickness, magisiosis had a cure. Boiling the root of a mandrake would cause it to shrivel and become edible, and consuming the root killed magisiosis cells in the bloodstream. Edible might be a strong word, considering they tasted somewhere between expired milk and battery acid. Most witches ate one once, since as far as anyone could tell it pretty much worked for life. Which was good, as once was about all anyone could stomach. It was a fairly old practice, dating back about eighty years when it was first discovered. But because it was old, there were plenty of books written on it, mandrakes, and everything in-between. There had never been much effort to cross-reference it with the comparatively unheard of Wagandea Sickness, which meant Croix had a trail to blaze. She had picked out a zoology book, Magically Gifted Species of the Mediterranean, a scientific journal with a significant section on the Murmurationis Folium species that mandrakes belonged to, which was…

Well, honestly, it was dry as hell. But it was important, so Croix would just have to deal with it.

She distracted herself with her all-encompassing research for the remaining hours of the day. It was to help Chariot. That was the only reason she needed. That was the only reason there was. She wouldn’t let herself think about it. Six out of seven could very well be a coincidence. There wasn’t a guarantee. She could avoid this. Just focus on this, push her from her mind, and just get to the end of the day without confronting her.

But no matter how hard Croix tried, the terror plagued her mind. The thought returned from its exile as soon as she forced it from her head. Whatever higher power pulled the strings of fate had forced her into facing the judgement of the other girls. It was only fitting that in the end Croix would be at the mercy of the one who could render all her progress moot.

Her every instinct told her the girl would hate her. Akko was headstrong, set in her ways, and Croix had given her every reason to feel as such. She had done everything in her power to torment her, and it hadn’t even been for her sake. It had been to torment Chariot, her childhood idol and the teacher Akko adored. That was yesterday’s revelation, after all. That she had only cared for appearances. There was nothing she had done to earn her forgiveness, so it would only make sense that she would hate her.

But she didn’t know that. Akko might hate her now, but Croix had no definite way of knowing for sure. Even if her every instinct said otherwise, she could still lie to herself and go about trying to redeem herself without ever knowing if it was in vain or not. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

Croix was losing focus. The letters were becoming blurred on the page. She forced herself to read, forced her eyes down the page. This was the only thing that mattered. She read as many pointless facts about mandrakes as she could as she tried to commit them to memory, let them fill her mind and push out any unwanted distractions. She had felt so good after talking to the other girls, but how could she ever feel that way again, if Akko proved…

No, dammit. Don’t think about it. There was no way of knowing if they’d cross paths. She just had to focus, and she could avoid Akko for the rest of her life. She felt her stomach turn as she attempted to read, and her head was growing hotter and hotter. Her grip tightened on the book as her nails dug into the paper. She felt sick, but she powered through. She needed to do this, needed to ignore the blanket of guilt suffocating her. It was making it hard to breathe all of a sudden, but she just needed to avoid this, avoid her. It wasn’t fair that this one girl could do this to her. How could she ever live with herself with her judgement hanging over her? She couldn’t meet Akko. She couldn’t handle knowing the truth. She couldn’t let her take away her hopes when they were right in front of her.

She couldn’t…

She couldn’t read. The letters. They were all phasing together on the page. They were too out of focus. The room was getting smaller, tighter. The walls were crushing her. The air was getting thinner. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t breathe. Her hands clawed at her throat, trying to pull in air, but she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t handle it, she couldn’t see. Everything was moving too fast, and she couldn’t, she couldn’t she couldn’t-

“Meridies! Breathe!” Keith. Voice was yelling, loud, tight, too much, couldn’t do it “Talk to me, what’s wrong? What do you need?”

The words were too much, too many, she could just barely hear them. She didn’t know what she needed, she didn’t know what to do. It was only when she felt her stomach crushing her from the inside out that she was able to say something.

“B-bathroom!” 

~~~

Keith had to drag his charge to the nearest restroom, and while he knew his words weren’t getting through to Croix right now, he still gave a constant stream of guidance to her, encouraging her to simply breathe in and out and to focus on his voice. She was hyperventilating, and the lack of oxygen was not helping her get past her sudden panic attack. As soon as they reached the bathroom, she writhed her way out of his grasp, stumbling to the nearest stall and falling to her knees. Croix retched, attempting to vomit, but she couldn’t manage. She coughed violently into the toilet, out of breath.

There wasn’t much Keith could do except hold her back and talk to her, hoping that she could focus on something he said and pull herself out on her own. It was hard to believe she had broken down, now of all times. So much had changed with her this week, and she had come so far throughout the past few days. He had been fearful of this sort of thing when they had first arrived, but she had surpassed his expectations each day she had been here, surprising him at every turn with her personal growth. To see her crumpled on the bathroom floor, about to throw up out of stress…

It shouldn’t have saddened him as much as it did. He’s been in this line of work a long time with Solis. It didn’t matter how much progress you made, or how much you wanted it. These type of problems didn’t get neatly solved in less than a week. He had been babbling to her this entire time, both breathing tips and simply random topics for the sake of having her hear something.

“Croix, tell me what you need.” She didn’t respond, too overcome to think rationally. He had no idea what had caused her breakdown. She had handled herself very well for the past six days, but had she just been repressing something and lost control? It was difficult to help her without knowing the problem, but he needed to get through to her.

“Croix, what do you want?”

It was a minor change of wording, but enough to cause Croix to pause. She looked at him, bewildered, and he watched as she considered the words in her mind. Her gasping gradually slowed, and her chest stopped heaving, until finally she breathed at a safer pace, taking in lungfuls of air deep and slowly.

“I…I’m sorry. Keith.” She spoke hoarse and empty. “I didn’t…I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry…I’m so…”

“You’re all right, Croix. Just breathe, okay?” He spoke as comforting as he could, and to his relief, Croix simply took a moment to recuperate. She was still distressed, so he repeated himself, in hopes that it would help. “What do you want, Croix?      

“I…I think I want to see Chariot…”

~~~

They made a quick trip back to the library to pick their things back up. Croix still felt like dirt, but everything didn’t feel as taxing on her senses as they had moments ago. She might’ve preferred going straight to Chariot, but the short detour at least gave her a moment to reacquaint with herself. She may want to see Chariot now, but Chariot didn’t need to see her acting so pathetic. She didn’t need to be burdened with that.

Croix gathered her frazzled nerves. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to do when she got to her office, and hell, there wasn’t any guarantee she was available, but she still wanted to see her. Chariot steadied her. She was like a beacon of light, to guide her through the storm. As pretentiously corny as that sounded, it still rung true. Just seeing her would help her nerves.

Chariot had let them into her office, as warm and loving as she always was. Croix simply told her she wanted to see her, which was true, if not the whole truth. Chariot began to tell them about her day as Croix listened in silence, feeling more centered. Chariot was the reason she was doing this after all.

Croix loved her. It was almost ironic, really. As a teenager, her heart had raced at the sight of her beautiful red hair, and her lovely eyes. She had been so nervous around her back then, so in love. But now, it was less frantic. Her heartrate slowed, and she felt relaxed. She felt safe with her. This was what she had told Diana about. It was this safety she felt as she passed away the time just listening to her voice that made her want to redeem herself. Chariot deserved to have someone make her feel the way she made Croix feel, and if she still loved her, then Croix would do everything in her power to be that someone to make Chariot Du Nord feel at home. Her own guilt and her own disbelief in herself didn’t matter. For Chariot, Croix would do everything to achieve her dreams of redemption. And never did it feel more possible when Chariot was with her.

Croix toyed with the words in her mind, trying to find the perfect way to admit them to Chariot, to let her know how much she wanted this feeling to last, to be reciprocated. For now, she was content to simply watch her smile and talk about her day. Croix had almost forgotten her earlier breakdown, sitting there reveling in her admiration, when from outside the door, a sound cut through the air. A sound that made her heart freeze. It was a voice, saying three words.

“Hey, Professor Ursula!”

 No.

No no no!

She knew that voice. It was her. It was her. This couldn’t be happening. She heard the footsteps approach the door, and whipped around and watched transfixed as the knob turned. She could do nothing but watch.

Akko Kagari entered the room.

“Hey, Professor Ursula!” She said, in a cheery voice. “Could you help me with-?“ She stopped, midsentence. After eight months of doing everything in her power to avoid it, Croix met Akko’s gaze. Her red eyes widened, almost as much as Croix’s did. “Croix?”

Her breath felt short once more as she stood from the chair. She couldn’t let this happen. She turned to Chariot and said as quickly as she could, “I-I didn’t know you had a student coming, Chariot. I should just get going then, there’s no reason for me to be here.”

She darted from the room, not sparing a single glance at the young witch. The hallway was dark as she all but ran through it. She didn’t know where she was going, but as long as it was anywhere else, it didn’t matter. She only made it a short ways from the office before Chariot had run past and stopped her in her path.

Frantic, Croix’s eyes flashed behind her. Keith was following on her heels, but Akko hadn’t left the office. Croix breathed a little easier. She looked to her front, where Chariot stood, confused and afraid.

“Croix,” She said slowly. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

The truth spilled past her lips before she could stop it. “I can’t face her, Chari,” she admitted. “I can- I can face a lot, but I can’t face her.”

Chariot just tilted her head. “This is…about Akko? Croix, I understand if you feel guilty, but-“

Croix interrupted her, stumbling over her words. “I…It’s not just guilt. If I do this, it’ll ruin everything. I-I can’t…not with her.”

“Croix…” Chariot sighed sadly, and then laid a hand on her shoulder. “Believe me, after what I did to her with Dream Fuel Spirit, I understand how you feel.”

Croix just shook her head, unconvinced. “That was my fault, though, Chari. I made you do that.”

“Maybe.” Chariot admitted. “But I cast the spell. And ever since Akko first came here, talking about how big of a fan of Shiny Chariot she was, it broke my heart over and over again. And even if that was on you, I made my own mistakes with her. I let her down all by myself, and there were times where I should’ve been there for her and wasn’t. I lied when I should’ve been honest.”

Her hand squeezed Croix’s shoulder. “I know what it’s like to feel guilty. But facing it, as hard it is, is important.”

“B-but…” Croix stammered. “I can’t…you don’t understand…”

“I don’t understand, but if it helps, I’ll be there with you the whole time, okay?” She looked hopefully to Croix, and her rebuttals died in her throat. “We’ll do this together.”

With that, Croix found herself dragged back into the office, her heart hammering against her chest. Akko sat on a stool, and Chariot thanked her for waiting. She guided Croix to the couch and motioned for her to take a seat. Unable to find the words to plead her way out of it, Croix was compelled to sit on the cushion, where Keith took his own seat next to her. Breathing heavily, Croix looked up. There, sitting across from her, was Akko. The Chosen One. The girl whose dreams she almost destroyed. The witch who could return the favor without a second thought.

“So, uh…” Akko hesitantly waved her fingers. “…hi Croix.”

Croix’s fingers clenched around the armrest of the couch, her knuckles white. “…Hello, Akko.”

The two stared at each other for a moment. Akko started to find it uncomfortable, and her eyes flicked over to the man sitting next to Croix. Her wave to him was much more enthusiastic.

Don’t think about what that implies.

“Hi! I’m Atsuko Kagari, but everyone calls me Akko!”

“My name’s Keith.” He introduced himself with a pleasant smile. “Everyone calls me Keith.”

It was a special kind of dorky joke that a dad would tell, but Akko still smiled at it. Maybe it was in the delivery. Chariot began to speak to Akko, about something Croix didn’t really pay attention to, and the young girl enthusiastically hung on every word.

Maybe…maybe with Chariot here, she could do this. Chariot could be her go-between, softening the blows, appealing to Akko’s better nature. The possibilities of what Akko would say still hung dangerously in the air, but with Chariot here…

Or no, better plan. Akko was a fan of Shiny Chariot. And she had come here seeking answers to a problem. Maybe Croix could just…force the conversation to stay there, and away from her. Chariot was pretty bashful, so she might get too overwhelmed if they started singing her praises to notice Croix quietly sitting out the conversation until she could reasonably slip away. And then, everybody wins. Croix can say she faced her fear without actually having to put her happiness on the chopping block. Akko doesn’t have to see Croix anymore, and Croix doesn’t have to learn the awful truth.

“So, since we’re all here, let’s see if we can help each other then.” Chariot greeted them happily. She turned to Akko first. “What did you come by to see me about, Akko?”

Akko began to talk about some test, and Croix was still too nervous to really catch any details. Before Akko got too far, there was a knock on the door, and Croix bit back a sigh. She just wanted some alone time with Chariot, why did she need to be so popular now, of all days? The new guest didn’t bother to wait for Chariot to open the door for her, and Croix saw it was Professor Nelson. Her face was agitated, exhausted, and covered in dirt.

“Ursula, we need your help down in the North Building.” Nelson said to her.

“What?” Chariot just blinked, and gestured to all the people in her office. “No, I can’t leave, I’m in the middle of someth-“

“Something is affecting Arcas,” Nelson cut her off. “And you’re the only one that bear listens to.”

Suddenly, Chariot sat alert, looking very serious. “What’s wrong with Arcas?”

“C-Chariot?” The blood drained from Croix’s face.

 No. No, she couldn’t be thinking of leaving! She couldn’t!

“I think he’s sick, he’s not guarding the fountain, and he’s growling at students. We’re worried he’s going to start attacking someone.” Nelson explained. Croix wanted to throttle her. Chariot was needed here. Let someone else deal with it.

Chariot stood up, grabbing her wand. She couldn’t do this to her. She couldn’t just abandon Croix like this!

“I…I’m sorry, Croix, Akko, but I have to take care of this.”

“But what about-?” Akko called out to her as she left through the doorway, but the professor only shot her a hurried apology, and Croix’s heart raced, trying to find the words to beg her to stay. She couldn’t…!

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise!”

Chariot, her lifeline, the only hope she had of making it through this, left the room without looking back, slamming the door behind her as she was whisked away. Croix was trapped, with the single person she feared. It was her punishment. It had to be. This was the fate she had earned. All the times she had threatened her safety, her happiness, and now Croix was on the other side of the gun, with Akko’s finger on the trigger.

~~~

It was dead silent in Chariot’s office. None of the three occupants were willing to put in the first word. Her mind could only frantically race to imagine what Akko and Keith’s reasons were, but Croix was simply on her last, most desperate plan. She could just…avoid saying anything. If she said nothing, maybe Akko would have nothing to say in return. They could simply sit awkwardly in silence until Chariot returned or until Holbrooke came to kick Croix and Keith out to the curb. She just had to not engage, and hope Akko wouldn’t take the initiative, and Croix could find a way to escape without ever learning the truth.

Croix still had her notebook with her. She pulled it out, and pretended to read over her research. Both Keith and Akko turned to watch her as she was the only one in the room moving. She ignored their eyes on her. Look busy. Look so engrossed in her work it would simply be impolite to talk to her.

“…So”, Croix flinched as Akko’s sudden words cut through the silence. “Whatcha got there?”

“Nothing!” She said too quickly, startling Akko and Keith. It was a difficult effort to speak normally. “…I-it’s nothing. Just some notes I took. That’s all it is, so please, don’t worry.”

She brought her notebook closer to her face, almost pressing it too her nose. Akko muttered something, and Croix’s brain made a conscious effort not to recognize it. Ignorance is bliss. With the pages so close to her eyes, she could see the mistakes in her calligraphy. An ‘i’ she forgot to dot, the lines making up the letters not as straight as they should be, the ‘o’s were imperfect circles. It was still legible, but there were plenty of mistakes. She always wrote pretty quickly after all. Chicken scratch, they called it. Neater than it had been when she was a student here, but still messy.

“…sorry I asked then.” Akko muttered, causing Croix to wince. Every second she was here was just making it worse. Her knees were quaking, and the cramp in her stomach was back. She didn’t know what Keith would think of her if she fell apart in the bathroom again, not to mention how disappointed Chariot would be in her cowardice, but that was much preferable to this.

They sat in silence for another few minutes. There was still a few hours until Croix could make her escape, and there was no way of telling when Chariot would return. She struggled to focus solely on her notebook, to simply ignore the odd looks Akko was sending her way. The silence was making the younger girl impatient and that could only lead to disaster.

“You’ve been talking to my friends a lot, huh?” Croix flinched again. That felt like a loaded question. Diana had accused her of doing it nefariously only days ago. Was Akko interrogating her as well? “Even Amanda said she talked to you yesterday.”

She stared, waiting, and Croix realized she had no choice but to answer. “Y-yeah. They…they were just in the library with me…s-so we…talked.”

Akko’s expression was unreadable. She didn’t follow up with another question, but that alone did little to ease the tension laying over the room. She prayed that it could last, that Akko was simply making idle conversation, that there was no deeper accusation behind her words.

And then, to her horror, Akko spoke.

“You know, a lot of professors here didn’t like me. I thought it was so exciting when we first met, because you were one of the first ones who encouraged me and didn’t just think I did everything wrong. Whenever I had a bad day with one of the professors, I thought of you and Professor Ursula.”

And suddenly, all her worst fears were coming to fruition. There was only one place Akko’s statement would lead. Croix had to escape, had to keep herself from hearing the end of this. Desperate, she eyed the door, but before she could make a move, Keith’s hand was on her shoulder, and he gave a reassuring smile. He thought he was being supportive, but all he was doing was forcing Croix into her doom.

“But…that was all a lie. You wanted to use me to get to the Grand Triskellion. And you tricked me into not trusting Ursula.” Akko continued listing Croix’s transgressions in a subdued voice, either oblivious to how much they hurt to hear, or deliberately dragging it out to make sure Croix knew the full extent of her sins.

“You spent a lot of time tricking me. And it really hurt, to find that out.” As Akko’s words stabbed through her consciousness, Croix became more and more aware of how in vain all her efforts to avoid this were, how futile it was to panic. There was no longer anything she could do. This was it.

“To learn that the cool new professor who liked me didn’t like me all that much, and that she was trying to hurt people, and attacking me and my friends…” Akko trailed off. The panic was replaced with a grim acceptance of the inevitable. Like a condemned man overlooking his noose, Croix knew this was the fate she had earned.

Croix looked up for but a moment, and was frozen by the intense way Akko was looking at her. “Like I said, it really hurt my feelings to find out that you weren’t the nice person I thought you were. That’s why I was surprised to hear how you treated my friends.”

“I heard you said to Diana and Amanda that you even felt bad about all that, and you wanted to become a better person…” There was a look in Akko’s eyes as she said it. Was it disbelief? Scorn?

She willed her head to move to look elsewhere, but she couldn’t. No matter how much she wanted it, her body was betraying her. Not only would Croix have her life ruined, but she was being compelled to have it burned into her memories. She couldn’t live with the image hanging over her for the rest of her days.

“If that’s true…” Akko said, trailing off. Croix pinched her eyes closed, unwilling to see the moment she feared most unfold.

“If you’re really sorry, then…I forgive you, Croix.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, silence engulfed the room, just as it had at the start. Croix blinked, and looked over the girl sitting across from her. Her mouth hung open, struggling to find words as she studied Akko, still as a stone. Akko simply stared back. No one made a move.

And without warning Croix heaved, and bolted from the room, her chair scraping loudly on the floor. Keith was alerted by her sudden movements and chased after her into the hallway. Akko followed close on his heels, shocked that her words caused Croix to run.

As they exited the office into the darkened hallway, they saw Croix, leaning on the wall, her shoulders pumping up and down. For a moment, it looked as though she was panicking once more, but she turned to face them, taking her hand away from her face to reveal tears running down her cheeks.

Akko looked up to Croix, confused. “Wh-why are you crying?”

“B-because I don’t get it…” Croix sniffed, blinking back tears as much as she could. “How…how could you forgive me?”

Akko smiled, taking a step closer. “It was wrong what you did, but…it’s all in the past!”

“B-but how?!” Croix sputtered. “Everything I did to you…y-you even said how many times I lied to you…I haven’t done anything to earn forgiveness, s-so how can you possibly…?”

“You know, Croix. I’ve made lots of mistakes. Everybody thought I was a complete failure when I first got here. But I just kept trying and trying until I got better, and now I have so many great friends and I got to help people love magic again!” Croix just stared bewildered, almost unable to see through her tears.

“I can even fly now! It’s so much fun! I think I’m getting to be a great rider too! I even got second in the broom relay this year, all on my own! Well, partly because Amanda broke her leg, but I didn’t use a special broom or potions or anything!” Akko stopped smiling suddenly, and scratched her head. “Um, wait, I had a point…”

Croix wiped her eyes, trying to clear the wetness from her vision. “Was it…to just let go your mistakes?”

Akko snapped her fingers. “That was probably it! Even if you were bad before, you told everyone that you wanted to get better!”

“Y-you believe me?” Croix sniffed as she leaned back against the wall, emotionally drained. “You-you actually believe that I can…?”

“Well, yeah!” Akko shrugged, as though it was obvious that someone could actually let go of everything Croix did to wrong them. “You were telling the truth, right? If you’re really sorry, and you wanna get better, then I think you can do it!”

Croix, unsure what to even say, slid down the wall, and ended up sitting on the floor. In response, Akko plopped down right next to her. “I’m not sure I can just…move on.” She craned her head, looking at the door to Professor Ursula’s office. “Everywhere I look, I just see reminders of who I used to be. How can I just let my sins go when they’re staring me in the face?”

“I…kinda get that.” Akko admitted, to Croix’s surprise. She turned to her for an explanation, and Akko looked very sheepish. “They still haven’t fixed the hole in the wall in the big lecture room from last year.”

Croix’s face scrunched up. “…You’re ridiculous. What I mean is…I’ve been so angry and guilty for so long,” she said, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t know how I can just…forget everything. I’ve screwed up so much.”

“I’m…not really sure I get what you mean…but I screw up a lot too! And when you make a lot of mistakes, you’re bound to forget some of them, so it’s really easy to move on!”

Croix could barely suppress a chuckle, shaking her head. “That might be the saddest life philosophy I’ve ever agreed with.”

Croix studied the girl who sat on the floor next to her. Akko forgave her. Akko didn’t hate her. It was…ludicrous. Croix had never given her reason to believe anything she said, and yet, Akko claimed to believe in her recovery fully. She hadn’t taken away her dream, she had encouraged it. She looked at Akko’s bright, hopeful expression, and her heart stirred. She wasn’t even sure how to respond anymore.

 “…I’m curious now.” She admitted, after a moment. “How do you manage to break through a wall in the lecture room? Aren’t those still magically reinforced?”

Akko seemed surprised to hear that. “Are they? I didn’t know you could do that. That might be a useful spell to learn!” She smiled, scratching the back of her head. “…Even if I did break through it once.”

“How much stuff do you break on a daily basis?”

Akko just laughed bashfully. “Eheheh…Like I said, I guess we’re both screw-ups. But even though I’m a screw-up, I still managed to help a bunch of people and make a lot of friends!” She jumped to her feet, and looked at Croix with excited eyes. “You can do it too, so don’t be sad anymore, okay?”

Croix stared at her, before a smile took over her face. “God, you sound just like her…” Akko looked a bit confused, so Croix explained, “Chariot, I mean. You talk like she did when she was your age.”

If Akko’s eyes were excited before, they were shining now. “Hee hee, do I really sound like Shiny Chariot?”

Croix stood up from the floor with a small grunt of effort. “I meant Chariot your teacher.”

“Oh.” Akko blinked. “I knew that. I sorta forget they’re the same person, sometimes…”

 “Heh, it’s no wonder the disguise worked then.” Croix froze as she said it, fearing she had gone too far, but Akko didn’t look very offended by the remark, and childishly stuck her tongue out at her. Croix let out a small laugh.

“But seriously Croix!” Akko said. “Don’t be sad, okay?”

As Croix looked down at the short girl, with her eyes trusting and genuine, and suddenly her anxiety felt so silly in hindsight. “I…I’ll try,” she promised. “I can’t understand how you could care about me after how I treated you…but I’ll try.”

And suddenly Akko jumped on her, throwing her arms around her midsection. Croix’s heart froze in her chest. What was happening? Why was the kid tackling her? Had she been wrong again? She wasn’t trying to push her to the ground, so what was she-?

Oh.

It was a hug. Akko was…hugging her.

Croix was unsure of what to do. She hadn’t been hugged in a long time. Hesitantly, she draped her arms around Akko’s shoulders, and rested them there awkwardly. Akko responded by giving her midsection a small, not unpleasant, squeeze. Croix bent lower and squeezed Akko back, who gave a contented hum.

As a rule, she really did not like being touched, and hugs were out of her comfort zone. But then, it was too late to stop it now, Croix supposed. It felt…reassuring, somehow. It was a warm, comforting thing. She had spent so long feeling nothing but dread at meeting Akko, and yet, she felt her earlier fear and sadness melt away.

For once, Croix’s head wasn’t filled with anxiety and depression. Nor was it filled with hatred and desire for vengeance. For once, Croix emptied her mind, and just enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

~~~

Chariot spotted Keith in the hall and ran as fast she could.

“S-sorry I had to leave suddenly, poor Arcas just had a bad stomachache. But now I-!” She was suddenly stopped when Keith grabbed her shoulder. Turning to him for answers, he just motioned to the scene unfolding in front of them.

“Oh!” That wasn’t what she was expecting to come back to. “Seems like I wasn’t needed after all, then…”

Keith turned and smiled, watching as Croix knelt down to hug Akko back. “I wouldn’t say that.”

She couldn’t keep the smile from her face. She had always hoped to see the two connect after all that had happened between them, but it was something else entirely to have it in front of her own two eyes. “I have to admit, I’m almost jealous. She didn’t let me hug her.”

“Well,” Keith leaned over and gave an amused shrug. “There’s still tomorrow.”

“Yes.” Chariot agreed, with a tender smile. “There’s always that.”

Chapter Text

When Croix woke up in the morning, she was hit with a strange feeling. It wasn’t…unpleasant, but it was foreign, and unfamiliar. She laid in bed for a few minutes, mulling the sensation over in her mind, trying to put a name to it. Last night had been hectic to say the least, but she had gone to bed feeling lighter than she had in a long time. That peculiar lightness remained, but it was…pronounced differently. It wasn’t just her mind, or just her body. It was both, at once. While she made no effort to do so, remaining under the covers, she felt like she could move around and get something done. There was an optimistic feeling, not for anything in particular, as far as she could tell, but just…in general. She felt like she could go out and do…something. What was this feeling? She didn’t recognize it, but had she felt it before?

Perhaps it was only because she just woke up, but it took her a few moments to realize she was attempting to quantify the fact that she felt well-rested. Unless, it really had been that long since she awoke feeling refreshed and prepared for the day ahead, which suddenly seemed like a likely possibility.

God, her life was sad.

Keith had been a little late getting ready to leave and his broom up and running, an odd disconnect from his typical punctuality, but eventually the two managed to fly over to campus, if a little later in the morning than Croix might’ve preferred. As she and Keith entered the doors to Luna Nova and began walking the halls to the library, it finally struck Croix that this was her last day. Tonight was the last night she’d be at the academy and away from the Solis Facility for a long time. It was a bittersweet feeling. She felt like she had grown close to the girls who visited with her during the past week. The meetings had been emotionally taxing, and in a number of cases extremely stress-inducing, but even with that, they felt…pretty nice. Had someone told her eight days ago she’d miss any of the seven of them, she might’ve laughed. Or more in-line with her personality, made a sarcastic comment and not felt any positive emotions.

There was also Chariot, which hurt more to think about. It would be a lot harder to see each other, after tonight. Chariot would likely still call and write letters, but it wasn’t the same as being able to see the look in her eyes actually directed at her. The same look that drove her to do so much. How long would she go without seeing those beautiful eyes on her again?

But despite all that, there was a silver lining to this being her final day, and it was hanging from her hands. It was a brand new notebook. Croix had actually managed to fill the previous one, and was lucky she thought to bring a second. With how everything had gone, she was unlikely to meet any of the girls today, which meant a full day to fill up this fresh notebook, and when she went back tomorrow, she’d have all the time in the world to find the cure.

So in regards to Chariot, Croix decided, it wouldn’t be long at all.

The library looked a little more full than usual, both because they had arrived later than the crack of dawn as well as the fact that, as their table sat in the corner partially enclosed by bookshelves, Croix never really saw much else of the room during its busier hours. Croix just buried the uneasiness away and set out to find her book for today. She wouldn’t mind seeing one of the girls today, but that was a lot different than meeting a random stranger who might recognize her from her previous tenure as a professor/megalomaniac. It was an entirely different thing to be judged by some anonymous student who knew her through reputation, and Croix would definitely prefer to keep the public at arm’s length, at least for now. She was trying to be a better person, but of course, that meant that she wasn’t one right now, so she didn’t have much of a leg to stand on when it came to defending herself.

She hadn’t actually gotten far in Magically Gifted Species in the Mediterranean yesterday, mostly because she ended up almost vomiting in the bathroom and then having a panic attack which, in general, impeded her reading ability. She was still honestly beside herself from last night. Or hell, from the events of this entire week. All Croix had wanted was just to set things right with Chariot one last time. But that so many of the girls could believe she could actually get better, that Akko would go as far as to forgive her…It still felt like more than she deserved.

Maybe she didn’t understand it (and she really didn’t understand it), but if everyone believed she deserved a second chance, then she wouldn’t reject it. A fresh start was not a gift that came often, and once the cure was finished, Croix was going to earn it. Somehow, Croix was going to prove their forgiveness was not given in vain, and become the person they all said she could be.

…But fixing herself was a daunting task, so for now, it was better to take it one day at a time, and today she had one more day of research to do. She had quite a bit of notes to her name right now, even with all her guilt-wallowing and near-breakdowns and actual breakdowns, but she might as well make the most of the rest of her access and finish some notes on mandrakes. There was still potential there to unlock.

So…where was the book? Croix’s eyes scanned the shelf where she had found it yesterday, but it was nowhere to be seen. It wasn’t like she had put it away yesterday, but surely that was what the librarians were paid to do, so where was it? She couldn’t even find any other scientific journals. Her eyes ran through the shelf a third time, hoping that somehow it would jump out at her, when a voice greeted her from the side.

 “Oh! Pr- darn it! I mean Croix!”

Lotte was sitting at an adjacent table, greeting her with a small smile. To her right was Sucy, who merely gave a subdued wave in Croix’s general direction. They were both hunched over a single book. Croix gave a somewhat awkward hello to the two of them. It was still somewhat surreal to be so friendly and open, but it seemed to bother her less and less. Were the two reading together? Because that would honestly be adora- Wait a minute. That was her book in Sucy’s hands!

Sucy gave a bored smirk. “Kill anyone today, Croix?”

“Sucy! Be nice!” Lotte admonished, only earning a quiet snicker in response. Croix just gave a small shrug at the remark, unbothered by jokes at her expense.

“Not yet, kid.” She smirked back, before eyeing the book in the young witch’s hands. “So…what are you two up to, then?”

“I was telling Lotte about some of the vertebrae down in Croatia. Like this.” Sucy pointed down to a picture of a monstrous looking creature with spikes, crab-like claws, and an excessive amount of eyes. “It releases a deadly toxin that paralyzes its victim, and then it crushes its prey with its claws, and then it can suck up their insides through them.” Sucy gave a hearty cackle. “They’re really dangerous. I need one for my house.”

Croix glanced at the page it was open to, and then to the reactions of its readers. Sucy looked enamored as she read about all the various ways magic creatures in the Mediterranean could kill unfortunate somethings. Lotte…looked like she was trying very hard to be supportive of Sucy’s interests.

“Um…why do you ask, Croix?” Lotte turned to her. Maybe she didn’t look comfortable with the topic, but she was bonding with Sucy over it, and it felt wrong to just take that away.

“Ah…it’s nothing.” Croix lied. She’d let them have their fun. Maybe if she hadn’t been trying to think of steps to be a nicer individual, she might’ve found a way to get the book back, but she just had romance on the brain lately, it seemed. “Just thought I should stop in before I left. See you, Lotte. Oh, and Sucy?”

Sucy looked up, her expression disinterested as ever. “Listen to your girlfriend, kid.”

Sucy blinked, and muttered something under her breath, visibly annoyed. Lotte just giggled, slightly less chagrinned than her. Her habit of embarrassing children really was something Croix should workshop, but for now she’d enjoy it just a bit longer, filing it away as another personality flaw to correct.

Heading back to the shelves, Croix looked for something else to continue her research with. There was only one other book on mandrakes. A picture book, with a little “Ages 7-12” written in the corner of the cover. Why was this in a high school? Biting back a groan, and ignoring Keith’s amusement as it grated on her ears, Croix simply picked up a biology book from another shelf. It wasn’t a massive setback, and if Solis let her get away with a research trip to Luna Nova, she could definitely find a way to get a single book on mandrakes, but it was still another obstacle keeping her from returning the status quo with Chariot. Whatever. With the book at hand, she made her way to the corner to begin her research anew.

Only to find three girls sitting at her table. Amanda was leaning back in her chair, hands behind her head, Jasminka was reading silently, and Constanze was fast asleep.

“Oh!” Jasminka smiled as she noticed the two of them. “Good morning, Croix! Good morning Keith!”

“What’s up?” Amanda barely bothered to look up, at first, but suddenly straightened herself out on her chair. “Oh, and, uh, good morning officer. Nothin’ to report here.”

“Uh, yeah. Good morning.” Croix greeted them. “So…what’s going on with Constanze?”

“She came here to work last night and fell asleep at the table.” Jasminka explained. “She gets…temperamental when someone wakes her up. So we’re…”

“We’re protecting the public from her fury.” Amanda finished. “Don’t want some innocent schoolgirl facing the full wrath of Contz in the morning.”

Croix struggled to find a way to ask them to move that didn’t feel petty. “I was just hoping to use this table one more time. It’s my last day after all…”

“It is?” Jasminka asked, gasping. “Ooh, I’m sorry! We’ll miss you! I’d offer to let you sit with us, but…” She trailed off, looking at her sleeping roommate warily.

Amanda just shrugged. “If you wanna wake her up, be my guest. Just hope she doesn’t have anything metal on her. There’s a chance you might get cussed out in German too, so if that’s a deal-breaker for you...”

Croix supposed she had spent enough time trying to take things from other people. If the kid wanted her beauty sleep, then there was nothing to be done. “…Maybe I’ll sit somewhere else.” Croix turned away with a small wave. “Nice seeing you three again. Give my regards when she wakes up.”

“Of course!” Jasminka said.

 “See ya, Croix. It’s been cool.” Amanda waved her off before quickly adding, “Hey, if you see Diana, ask if I can borrow her notes for Divination.”

“…Sure.” Croix agreed. “See you, Amanda.”

There weren’t many open tables, and Croix didn’t want to sit too close to any students she didn’t know. The only one she could find that worked for her was a small one next to the wall, but near the front entrance. Just great. Even when she had a good day, there was still a catch.

Sitting down with her back to the wall, Croix decided to just re-read facts about biology. After a few minutes, she found herself distracted, but this time the thoughts invading her mind wasn’t a bout of self-loathing, nor was it a stabbing pain of guilt, or an admission of the things she had did wrong. It was an image. She was in the air, on a broom. Chariot was flying next to her, on her own. Chariot turned, looked to her, and she reached out her hand for Croix to take.

She reveled in the scene for a moment, but quickly dismissed it from her mind. She had a long way to go before that could ever become reality. She buckled down and began trying to focus on the book in front of her, but despite her best efforts, she had pretty much gotten all she needed on the topic, and she had only even looked into it at the start as a refresher. There wasn’t much else she could look into as far as her research went. At least until she actually began running some tests, which went well beyond the parameters of her probation. She couldn’t help but groan. This day was not turning out in her favor thus far. Damn her brain for being optimistic.

There was a noise behind her, from the corner where she usually preferred sitting. After a moment, Amanda and Jasminka shuffled out and began to make their way to the exit, and Croix spotted a very tired, and very angry looking, Constanze with them. She gave Croix a short nod in greeting, which Croix returned, before immediately returning to her irate exhaustion. Amanda and her friends made their way out of the library noisily, much to the librarian’s displeasure. Some people just weren’t morning people, it seemed.

Well, if her research wasn’t going to go the way she planned, maybe she’d do the same and just go see Chariot. Croix still wanted to devote time to becoming better, and Chariot was her primary motivator. Might as well spend a few hours with her for some…inspiration, as it were. Returning the book to its shelf and making her way from the library, Croix and Keith walked outside the building to avoid the more crowded hallways of the academy. They had almost reached the tower where the professors’ offices were when a cheerful voice called out to Croix, stopping her in her tracks once more.

“Hi Croix!”

To her surprise, the one who had so cheerfully called out to her was Akko, who was simply walking about with Diana at her side when they had noticed Croix. It was…odd, to say the least. Both having Akko be so jubilant with her, and that somehow, all of these kids saw fit to say their piece to her. Was something going on today, or were they always this easy to find and she just didn’t notice?

“Hello, Croix. It’s nice to see you.” Diana greeted her cordially, her earlier distrust seemingly having subsided. “I’ve heard today was your last day, correct?”

“What?” Akko’s brows raised on her face, before dropping sadly. “Aww, you just got here. And you really gotta go back to…uh, wherever it was?”

Croix just snorted. Like she said, odd. “You might’ve forgiven me, but I did still attack you. And, you know, launch a WMD. Still have to do my time.”

“But it’s not like it’s a big deal.” Akko claimed. “We stopped that thing, and Sucy tries to kill me all the time!”

The three of them all shot her distinct, but strange looks. “Your priorities concern me sometimes, Akko.” Diana said, before turning to Croix once more. “I’m glad to hear that I was wrong about you. I apologize for misjudging your intentions, Croix. I just wanted to ensure you weren’t trying to get something out of it again.”

“No, I get it, kid. It’s no problem.” Croix shrugged it off. “Though, if it makes you feel any better, Amanda did ask me to get her your notes for Divination.”

Diana responded with a weary sigh that indicated this was a frequent occurrence. “I swear, that girl…You can tell her I said n-“ She was suddenly cut off when Akko slapped her own forehead.

“Oh! I need those notes too!” She gasped, and turned to Diana excitedly. “We can make it a study group!”

Diana pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why can’t either of you just take notes? You’re upperclassmen now! You need to be an example for the new students.”

“I just forgot, is all! Besides, it’ll be fun to have a big study group! We never do that anymore!”

“Because I’m always the only one studying.”

Letting out another amused snort, this one more at herself for being so fearful last night, Croix looked down to the girls. “Look, I was just on my way to see Chariot. I didn’t mean to interrupt your date or anything.”

Diana glowered, her annoyance betrayed by the slight tinge of pink on her cheeks. “A-as I have said repeatedly, Croix. We are not dating.”

That had been the response Croix was expecting, but evidently, not everyone agreed. Akko blinked, and turned to Diana in her confusion. “…We’re not?”

And suddenly, Diana’s face erupted into a deep red hue. “Wh-what?! No!” She stammered out completely mortified, her eyes flashing to an amused Croix, before returning to Akko. “Y-y-you thought-!? W-we’ve never been on a d-date!”

Akko began to blush as well, as she threw her arms up in the air with a strange gesture. “Wh-well what is this then?”

“What?! This isn’t a…T-this is just a walk!” Diana sputtered, tripping over her words. “We take walks all the time! W-why did you think this was a-?”

“I don’t know!” Akko shrugged helplessly. “I thought when you asked it was like a code word!”

“A code word?!” Diana cried. “Is this why everyone thinks we’re dating? H-have you been telling people?!”

“So…I’m going to go see Chariot.” Croix told them. As charming as this was, she figured she should probably get something done today, and it didn’t seem like the scene in front of her was going to go anywhere fast. “Goodbye, you two.” She waved, but the two girls were too engaged with each other to pay attention.

“Well what about last time!?” Akko demanded. “You…you held my hand! What was I supposed to think?”

“Akko!” Diana shrieked. “Don’t shout t-things like that! There are other people here!”

~~~

When Chariot opened the door to her office to let them in, Croix half-expected to see someone else in there given her track-record, such Woodward stopping by to voice her low opinion of her, or God Himself waiting to smite her, but it seemed her luck was turning around and she might finally have some time with her without any more interruptions. So long as Keith kept his mouth shut, of course.

“Hello, Croix,” Chariot greeted her with one of her consistently lovely smiles. “Did you sleep well? I know last night was stressful for you. I’m sorry again that I couldn’t be there to help you through that…”

Croix just shrugged dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Chariot. If it wasn’t for you, I never could’ve gotten myself in that room.”

“Why were you so afraid of facing Akko?”

“It’s…” Croix struggled to put it to words. After last night’s conversation, and the exchange Croix witnessed minutes ago, she could only see Akko as a rather scatter-brained young girl with a heart of gold. She simply felt too human to be the Chosen One, and saying she was so terrified because of her exclusive access to that old Rod felt nonsensical. “It’s a long story, but I think I’m past it. She’s a good kid.”

Chariot gave a sympathetic look, obviously wanting to understand more, but relented to Croix’s wishes. “Well, I’m glad you did, then. I know it’s not easy to get past feeling guilty, but you’ll be a better person for doing it.”

“Yeah…that’s the dream, I suppose…” Croix said wistfully. She shook her head and fixed Chariot with a determined look. “But if I am past it, then maybe I can finally set things back between us.”

“Back…between us?” Chariot questioned.

“Well, yeah. That was the point of the cure, after all.” Croix explained to her. “When all this is over, we can go back to how things were when we were younger!”

“You know Croix,” she said hesitantly, “I loved how things were back then, but maybe…”

Croix was too enamored with the possibilities of finally returning to their proper places to notice Chariot’s reaction. “You remember how we always used to go flying together, right? Just think, if I can find the cure, we can relive those memories for real.”

“Y-yes, but Croix-”

“It’ll be just like those dates we had back in the day. Once I’m out of Solis, we’ll go flying all the time.”

“Croix.” She took her by the shoulders, looking her directly in the eye. “I gave my broom away. I’m not getting another one.”

“What?” Croix stared at her breathlessly, and began pleading. "Chari, no. No, you can’t! I…I never cured you!”

“It doesn’t matter, Croix.” She shook her head, before being cut off by Croix’s indignation.

“Of course it does!” She cried. “H-how could I ever redeem myself if I can’t even…!”

Chariot cut her off, turning her to a book laying upon her desk. Croix looked to her for an explanation, but all Chariot did was take the book and put it directly in Croix’s hands, motioning for her to open it. Unsure, Croix did so, and her eyes widened in confusion as she flipped through the pages.

It was a photo album, filled with snapshots of the girls Croix had met over the past week. They were all here, and Croix’s eyes glanced over the dozens of pictures that decorated the pages. There was Diana and her teammates, posing after having won the broom relay. Amanda turning up her nose and making a face at the camera. Constanze saluting in front of a massive metal ship. Jasminka happily waving as she volunteered at a student event. Sucy giving a rare smile over one of her potions. Lotte giving a meek, shy pose for her photo. Akko, flying on her broom surrounded by her friends.

As her eyes poured over the pages, she barely heard Chariot say, with a tone of finality, “That’s how.”

“…I don’t understand.” Croix turned to her. “What do they…?”

“I loved what we had back then, but I don’t want to go back to that. What I wanted was for these kids to go out and be happy. And for you to be happy. And that’s what you did, Croix. You helped them, with all their problems and doubts. And you helped yourself too. You were right before, about us being different people now.”

Croix remembered the times when she had said as much. “Wait, when I said that…” And to her horror, realized she had said them as a means of convincing Chariot she wasn’t worth her time. Her eyes snapped up fearfully to her face. “Are…are you saying we shouldn’t be together? Because, I thought…”

To her relief, Chariot just shook her head. “No, Croix. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying I don’t want to be with the Croix from eight months ago, or ten years ago.” Reaching downward, she grasped Croix’s hands, running her thumbs over her knuckles. “I want to be with you.”

Croix could only give her a helpless look, clearly not understanding what the intent was, or why Chariot didn’t want the same thing she did. Chariot smiled reassuringly, only slightly helping to ease her nerves before she finally saying, “I still don’t understand what made you feel so envious, or what made you do all those things, and if I could turn back time and make sure you never had to suffer like that or live with all the guilt you had, I would in a heartbeat.”

She looked away sadly and the regret was the only part of this conversation Croix could relate to. After a second, Chariot looked back up at her with bright eyes. “But you’re different, now. I don’t know if the Croix Meridies from before could’ve done everything you’ve done this week for these girls. You’re more honest. More open. Kinder. And I’m sorry it had to come from recovering from all that nastiness, but I think you’re a better person now than you were then.”

Croix’s gaze fell as she felt Chariot’s hands squeeze her own. “That’s what I want, Croix. I never wanted to go back. I wanted things to be better. We’ve changed, and I wanted us to change into something greater than what we used to be.” Chariot gave a small, but warm chuckle. “You’re the only one who still calls me Chariot, after all.”

“…Am I?” Croix asked, in a quiet voice.

She gave a short nod. “Like I’ve said, I’ve made my own mistakes, but I’ve accepted them, and tried to learn from them. I’m certainly not as…rambunctious as I was back in the day.” She turned to Croix with a bright smile. “And that’s what you’re doing too. You’re healing. You’re not locking everything up anymore, and you’re learning to let things go too. I think that’s much more important than trying to go back to whatever made you so afraid to talk to Akko, or to me.”

Croix had felt her relationship with Chariot was different than it used to be, but all this…was a lot to take in. The woman in front of her wasn’t the excitable, absent-minded ray of sunshine she fell in love with, but Croix’s love for her hadn’t diminished, and she had wanted to relive their golden days once more, before her jealousy had ruined everything. The thought that Chariot wouldn’t want the same hadn’t crossed her mind.

“But…what about all my research?” Croix asked her. Surely, all the work she had put in to cure Wagandea Sickness hadn’t been for nothing.

“Keep going, Croix.” She encouraged her. “Not for my sake. Do it because it’s right. Help someone else find their happiness.”

Croix looked down, the notebook from this morning still hanging from her arms. It was still her path to redemption, but without her love of Chariot motivating her, Croix was almost unsure if she could continue. To just do it because it was the thing a good person would do and not because she wanted to regain lost time. “I…I can…but…”

“But?” Chariot tilted her head.

“…Well, you can’t visit me at Solis this way.”

Chariot blinked, and then laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh, Croix.” She giggled. “I’m sure I can catch a ride.”

“I should warn you,” Keith spoke up, causing Croix to jump. “Conjugal visits are difficult to arrange.”

Croix breathed in and out, clutching her chest. “Christ, Keith. I forgot you were here.”

“Is that how you really feel, Meridies?” He asked with a wry smile on his face. “If it is, I have a gift for your friend here.” Walking over to Chariot, he pulled out a short stack of official looking papers. Chariot took them with obvious uncertainty.

“What are these?” She asked, her eyes running down the pages.

“Some legal documents. Liability wavers, mostly. Read this, agree to the terms, and you’ll be in charge of Croix for three hours, and I won’t need to follow you around.” He gave an amused shrug as both Chariot and Croix stared at him in disbelief. “You wanted some time alone, after all.”

“I don’t know what to say...” Chariot breathed.

“Just…don’t make me regret it.” Keith said. “You would not believe the strings I pulled to get this. It’s not strictly okay for a civilian to be doing this, but I trust you two. Just bring her back, safe and sound.”

“O-of course!” She turned to Croix with a hopeful smile. “That’s alright, right Croix?”

“A break from this guy? Yeah.” She nodded, not looking up from the ground. “But…I still don’t quite get it. You say I’m better now, but I still have…a lot of issues. I could barely handle myself last night. I’m not sure if I’m this greater person you want me to be yet.”

Chariot just smiled. “If you want the truth, I think the same thing about myself sometimes, when I have a really bad day and I’m feeling down. It’s something you have to work on, for a long time.”

And then as Chariot reached over and lightly brushed her finger down her cheek, a chill ran down Croix’s spine. “But you’re already working on it. And I’ve seen how great you can be when you put your mind to it. One day, I just know you’re going to wake up and never have to wonder if you’re still a good person.”

“You really…have that much faith in me?” Even now, when Croix herself had finally accepted the idea that she could get better, it still struck her how much Chariot believed the same. She doubted that even if Chariot’s words rung true, and Croix could put everything behind her, confident enough in herself to accept her failures as a part of her, she would ever deserve a woman as sweet and loving as Chariot Du Nord. It was all the more reason to try and keep her close, until she really could earn the love in her eyes.

“I did say I loved you, didn’t I?” Chariot joked, before seriously adding, “But that’s what you want too, right Croix? You still want to be better, right?”

Croix nodded, scratching the back of her head. “Y-yeah, of course, it’s just…I…I always thought it’d be nice, to go flying and have a picnic, like we did when we were kids. I-I guess, that’s out of the question, then.”

“No, no. That sounds nice.” Chariot said, already excited by the prospect. “We could just walk. I don’t mind being a little more grounded nowadays. It’s slower, but…that just gives us a little more time to be closer.”

And wasn’t that a delightful implication? If she only had a few hours more with Chariot, she might as well make the most of them. Croix couldn’t keep the grin from spreading up her cheeks. At least, for a moment, before she looked up seriously. “…I can still call you Chariot, though, right?”

She just giggled. “Even if we can’t go back, not everything has to change.”

“That’s good,” Croix admitted softly, draping her arms around Chariot’s waist, remarking to herself how good it felt to touch her without feeling pains of guilt. “Because I know some things haven’t changed since we were students…”

“Why, Croix,” she whispered, draping her arms around Croix’s shoulders. “How forward of y-“

The moment was suddenly interrupted when they heard the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly. They quickly turned, embarrassed, to Keith holding out a pen with a forced smile. “You…uh, have to sign before I can leave you to your, you know, business.”

“S-sorry!” Chariot giggled bashfully, grabbing the pen and papers. “T-that was dumb of me…Just a bit excited after all…been a while since I, um…”

She signed off and tried, and failed, to keep the blush from her cheeks. But now that was done, Chariot was left with three more hours to simply enjoy time with Croix. There would be no more need to feel guilty, no need to worry about grand destinies and fates, no need to do anything but make the most of their last night together, until Croix was released from Solis when they could see the great woman that Chariot had always seen in her. Parting was a sweet sorrow, but it wouldn’t be long at all until Croix could bring out the greatness that was inside of her all along. Her heart beating fast in her chest, Chariot opened the door politely for Croix to go and prepare to their private excursion. “Shall we, Croix?”

Croix held up a finger. “Hold on a sec, alright?” Walking steadfastly to Keith, she handed him the two notebooks she had been using throughout the week. As he looked up for clarification, Croix said, “Watch my stuff for me, okay? I need these when I go back to Solis.”

“Of course.” He nodded. “Enjoy yourself, alright? You’ve been working hard, and I think you could use a break.”

Croix gave him a grateful smile, before turning and jogging back to take Chariot’s hand in hers once more. The two women talked excitably about every random topic that came to their heads, laughing and smiling. Keith watched hopefully as they disappeared out the door to bask in each other’s company for a few hours more, and after taking a moment to let out a contented huff that no one was around to hear, he too left the empty office, pulled out his own paperwork and began to write his final report on Croix Meridies’ probation at Luna Nova Academy.

~~~

 ‘Despite previous concerns, Meridies has shown excellent growth in spite of her new environment, or perhaps even because of it. In hindsight, her choice to masquerade as a professor has proved beneficial to her recovery. The students who were previously involved in Meridies’ incident last year have all sought her out for guidance, and the interactions appear to be beneficial to her emotional state as well as her mental health. In comparison to her first day of probation at Luna Nova, Meridies is much more empathetic and amicable towards others. Her previous tendency to shut down and revel in her guilt, while not disappearing completely, has largely been replaced by a more healthy self-awareness and sense of responsibility. Meridies has demonstrated a desire to both accept her guilt and learn from it, and has admitted to wanting to move on and become a healthier individual.

As a personal note, while Croix still has a definite sentence to be paid in return for her actions, the personal growth I have witnessed as her supervisor has given me a strong sense that this sentence perhaps need not be as long as previously thought. I have very high hopes that in time and with help, Croix Meridies will be fully rehabilitated. I don’t fully understand the relationship between her and these girls, but there is an obvious mutual affection between them and, upon reflection, I believe it has brought out the better side of Meridies in ways nothing else has insofar. It’s clear this affection that exists between them has inspired Croix to do great things, and I can do nothing but encourage it. As I have said in previous reports, the influence they have had on Croix is continuously surprising to me. I believe with all the support she has built, it will not be long until she is truly ready to be among the general public once more.

I daresay Croix has a bright future ahead of her.’  

~~~