Work Text:
You have a list, one you don’t want to think about too much. It’s not on paper, and it will never be on paper because then you would have to admit that it exists.
The first name on the list isn’t yours. It was, a long time ago, but the list changes with every new person your captain drags onboard and you’re not stupid. The living always come before the dead. You grit your teeth when your mind writes Brook’s name down.
The second name isn’t yours either, and neither is the third. Unfortunately you’re just a human, and one that has more sense than stamina. That, you don’t want to admit, isn’t exactly the truth: it’s a question of the sheer amount of resilience and stubbornness. You scream silently when you add Franky and Zoro’s names in invisible ink.
The fourth name is yours, not that it helps.
The fifth and the sixth are one horrible choice. You’ve all become so much stronger, but there are differences between you. Some have been forged in fire and gone through Hell, only to come back with a core of steel. Some are just beginning to find out how much they can take without breaking. Still, your chivalry wins in the end. Usopp’s name is before Robin’s.
The next name tears your heart out. You’re numb every time it crosses your mind, and you know that the shitty old geezer would kick you to death if he’d ever find out. You would let him, too. Nami is a precious, precious jewel, but she’s also almost as hard as the diamonds she so loves. She’s tough enough to be the seventh.
The eighth name is on this list and no matter what you may say aloud, it isn’t actually included in the regular inventories you make. The little critter is a walking meal, but he’s also your nakama and there will never, ever be a day when you see him as an ingredient instead of a friend. Chopper might disagree because he’d do almost anything for his family, but you don’t want to witness that one horrifying sacrifice ever again.
The ninth name is Luffy’s. Not because you love him more than the others, and not because you love him any less. You don’t know how you’ll do it, but he will be the last name on the list. If he’s capable of hating any of you, he will hate you when you force that last piece of food down his throat. You don’t mind: he can hate you all he wants to as long as he’s still strong enough to get you all to safety. He would find a way to do it, of that you have no doubt, and to you it’s the only thing that could possibly justify your morbid list.