Work Text:
The arguing had been going on for half an hour and all Dick wanted was for it to stop. His family’s voices echoed in the empty room they’d been locked in, amplifying the anger, whining, and tinge of fear filling the room. He’d tried to clear up the blaming, but so far the only one who’d listened to him was Cass. Damian and Tim were still in a heated debate on whose plans were so ‘predictable’ they could easily be caught. Jason was egging them on, chiming in every few seconds with a barb.
“All of you, quiet!” Dick shouted at last. “It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is. We’re here and there’s nothing we can do about it. Each of us was targeted because we're Bruce’s kids, now stop fighting and start trying to figure out why someone would want us all, instead of just one. They can’t just be after money.”
Jason kicked at the door and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m purely a victim of circumstance, and I’ll be demanding my release the moment we get some attention.” Jason shrugged.
Dick almost groaned. He’d gained silence for sarcasm. At least Damian and Tim had turned their glares to their second oldest brother instead of at each other.
“They’re not going to let you out, Jason. You’re in it for the long haul with all of us.” Tim said, rolling his eyes.
“I don’t belong here. You four do.” Jason pointed around the room, his finger moving across them Dick, Cass, Damian, and Tim before he turned to point at himself. “Me, I’m probably the guy they’ll send out to give a message to dear old dad.”
“As little as I like to admit it, Tood, you are a part of this family no matter how you feel about it.” Damian said.
“Well they don’t know that, Tater Tot. I’m supposed to be dead, remember?” Jason said, shaking his head. “They think they’ve grabbed all the Wayne kids, plus one sap unlucky enough to be caught with them.”
“If they need an errand boy, I’m him.” Jason shot them a grin and sat back down between Dick and Tim.
Tim scoffed at this and Damian tutted. Cass just smiled.
“Maybe.” she said. “But you are expendable.”
Jason sputtered, his face going red. “It's not like they're going to listen to me anyway.” He grumbled, letting his legs kick out in front of him. “So, what’ll we do while we wait? Sing Kumbaya? Maybe we can tell ghost stories, I’ll start. Once there was a boy named Jason--”
“We know.” Tim and Damian said, at the same time, both of them shooting him a glare.
“Enough.” Dick said, glaring at his brothers. “We’re going to wait.”
“And be good little hostages, I know.” Jason interrupted. “You told us a thousand times on the drive over, and a thousand more when they tossed us in this stinking hole they call secure. I already came up with six different ways we could get out, you know.”
“I counted nineteen.” Damian chimed in.
Dick shot him a look that he hoped said ‘don’t encourage him’. The youngest grumbled and slouched further against the wall.
“We’re going to wait, and not argue. B will be here soon enough.”
“Maybe.” Cass said.
“If they call him right away.” Tim added.
“They could have brought us here to kill us. That would sufficiently upset Father.” Damian suggested.
Dick groaned and let his head hit the back of the wall.
“Listen.” he said, sitting up straighter. “They aren’t going to kill us, and they’ve probably already called Bruce. They took enough proof of life pictures in that van to start a catalog. I’ve been through this before, I know how these things go.”
“You bet you have. How many times did you get kidnapped as a kid? Like a hundred?” Jason ribbed.
“Your one to talk, Todd. I believe your kidnapping count hit around that number as well.” Damian said, defensively. Dick had to smile at his kid brother, he was always willing to stand up for his honor. If only he could be persuaded to do that for the rest of his siblings.
Jason scoffed. “Sure, but we all know who should take the crown for being kidnapped the most.” he looked pointedly at Dick.
“Tim?” Cass suggested.
Tim leaned forward and shook his head. “Why would you think that, Cass? It’s obviously Dick.”
“You were Robin longer.” she pointed out. “I rescued you a few times.”
Tim’s face reddened. “I don’t think we’re only talking about being Robin. Dick’s been taken plenty in the past year.”
Dick shrugged and let himself smile. “What can I say, I’m valuable property.”
Now Damian scoffed. “Surely there have been more attempts to kidnap me this past year than you.”
“I dunno, Dames. I think you scared off all the kidnappers when you bit that last guy and threatened, to what did you say? ‘Cut out his entrails and spread them across the floor’?” Dick teased.
Honestly he was happy enough to be the most sought after target for kidnapping. Dick hated it when he got a call from Bruce or saw on the news that one of his family had been taken, in costume or out. It was the worst with Damian, he was so young, and Gotham’s criminals were not always kind to the young. He always pushed aside Dick’s coddling, but he knew what it was like to be a kid, afraid and being held against his wishes. It wore down even the toughest of shields.
“It did the trick.” Damian pouted.
“You told a kidnapper you’d spread his entrails across the floor?” Jason whistled. “Kudos to you, kiddo. That’s got to be the best story I’ve heard in a while.”
“You think that one’s good, you should hear how Cass’s last kidnapping went.” Tim said.
All eyes turned to Cass who shrugged. “It was nothing.”
“Nothing my foot, spill, Cass. We’ve got enough time to kill as it is.” Jason said.
Dick nodded. “You know, it’s not a bad idea.” he grinned. “Jason you suggested ghost stories, but what if we told kidnapping stories instead?”
He received skeptical looks from his family. “Come on, guys. It’ll be fun. We’ve all been kidnapped, and if memory serves some of them have been pretty crazy. Jason’s right we have a lot of time to kill and I rather this happen than we go back to arguing.”
“I’m with Dick.” Jason said.
“Only because he said you were right about something.” Damian retorted. “But I have no problems with telling stories. It will be an amusing pastime.”
Dick looked at Tim and Cass. His sister nodded and Tim sighed.
“Fine, I guess.”
“Great, who wants to go first? Cass, we already mentioned yours?”
She shrugged. “Okay.”
They all waited while she thought it over. “I was grabbed while leaving practice. I acted on instinct, and sent the man into a trash bin. His friends were surprised, but I allowed them to put me in the van when I realized they were trying to kidnap me.”
“You could have run, Cass.” Dick pointed out.
She shrugged. “We are not supposed to show off, and I felt bad about putting the man in the trash.” she smiled. “He was very smelly.”
“What happened then?” Jason asked.
“They took me to an apartment, but they were jumpy the whole time. Though they were polite when asking me to follow them up. We sat for a while until one of the men called Bruce. I talked to him for a minute and then we hung up. While we waited the men wanted to know what the move was that I used, so I showed it to him. Then they all wanted to learn. Batman arrived after I’d finished teaching them the proper way to strangle a man.”
Dick wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. “You were teaching them how to fight?”
“Their skills were poor. They could have been killed.” She shrugged.
“So you didn’t run because you didn’t want to show off, but you decided to--” Dick stopped mid sentence and shook his head. “You know what, never mind.”
“I think it’s great. Crappy skills are the number one road to death in this city, you did those guys a favor.” Jason said.
“Thank you.” Cass smiled. “Your story next, Jay.”
“Well, aside from a few crime related messes I’ve managed to stay pretty kidnap free as the Red Hood, but I do have a fun one from when I was a kid.” Jason grinned.
“It was at a party, one of B’s galas, and I was bored to tears. I’d finished reading the book I’d smuggled in, so I was wandering around the house the party was being held at. It is amazing how open some people’s homes are during those things. I’m surprised more thieves don’t take advantage of it.”
“Jason, story not discourse.” Dick said.
He shrugged. “I’m just saying, maybe I’ll suggest it to Selina the next time I see her, I’m sure she’ll be interested. I digress, I was up in one of the rooms when I happened upon an attempted robbery.” He paused to eye Dick. “See, context.”
Dick rolled his eyes and waved at his brother to continue.
“The guy took one look at me and realized he’d hit pay-dirt. Before I could scramble out he’d grabbed me. His stupid move came when he decided to make the ransom demand from inside the mansion.”
“He didn’t take you anywhere?” Damian asked, surprised.
Jason shook his head. “Nope. He shoved a sock in my mouth and tied me up with the hostess’s pantyhose, before locking me in a bathroom. It was child's play to get out of.”
“The fool.” Damian scoffed. “He deserved whatever he got.”
Jason chuckled. “You’ll like the next part then. So, I get myself untied, he didn’t even use a proper knot just some triple tied mess, and I text B I’m alright and ask him to send the commissioner upstairs in twenty minutes. The guy’s going to jail either way, but I had decide to play a prank on him. Bruce didn’t seem happy about it, but he couldn’t really get away from the crowd and had to let me do my thing.”
Dick remembers this story now and he has to stop himself from chuckling at the conclusion. None of the others seemed familiar with it though, leaning forward to listen. Dick bit down on his lip and let Jason continue.
“The mansion is old, with lots of hidey holes and empty spaces, and I’m familiar with enough of them at this point to really use them well.” Jason said, and stood up. “So I spend the next twenty minutes haunting the guy, like some kind of real life ghost.” he paused to pace the room, darting over to Cass and Tim like he was going to scare them.
“I swore revenge on the man for ‘ruining the sanctity of my home’ and for kidnapping and stealing. He was begging me to stop, and kept trying to dart downstairs but I’d slam a door in his face or jerk his belt loops and disappear. By the time Gordon gets upstairs he was fully spooked and handed himself right over to the commissioner.”
When he was done he gave a bow and sat back down in his spot.
“Only you would torture a guy over a crappy kidnapping.” Tim chuckled. “That’s better than any of mine.”
“Come on, Timmy. I know you’ve got one or two good ones.” Dick said.
“Well, there was the time the Riddler thought it was a good idea to grab Robin.” Tim said, thoughtfully. “When I woke up I convinced him to a game of riddles.”
“Like Bilbo?” Jason asked.
Tim rolled his eyes. “I’m way better than Bilbo. You know that.”
“Right, the mighty Timbo. Continue.”
Tim rolled his eyes at him. “Convincing Nygma to a game of riddles is like asking Damian if he wants to spar, the answer will always be yes.”
“Hey!” Damian said, affronted. “It is not always a yes.”
“Really?” Tim raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to spar?”
“Yes, but only because we have been trapped in this stupid room for hours and my joints are starting to protest, not to prove your point.” Damian scowled.
“It still did.” Tim crowed. “Anyway, Nygma said yes and I thrashed him. It wasn’t really about beating him, just stalling for time until Batman could make it there, so when I won and he let me walk out of the building I was pretty surprised. Though, not as surprised as Bruce was when he saw me walking home. He was both proud, and a bit upset I hadn’t done anything to actually stop Riddler, but we took care of that soon enough.”
“So that’s why he refused my challenge a while back.” Dick said. “You ruined it for us all.”
Tim grinned. “I beat you all to the punch you mean. It’s Edward’s own saltiness that keeps him from trying again.”
“I am happy about it. I don’t like riddles.” Cass said, scrunching her nose. “He can keep them.”
“Damian, I think it’s your turn.” Dick said.
The boy pondered the question for a moment before nodding. “Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn tried to take me once, I’m not sure if it was because I was a target or they were in a hurry.”
“Wait, what do you mean by that?” Tim asked.
“They were running from the police, and I was unfortunate enough to be in their path.” Damian explained. “Pennyworth and I were out shopping when they crashed in and through the supermarket, with officers close behind. It was Ivy who grabbed me and Harley who threatened harm to me at the officers.”
“What did you do?” Cass asked, leaning closer to him.
“I started to cry.” Damian told them. “Father and I had been discussing the importance of using my youth as a tool and I took the opportunity to put some of his suggestions into practice.”
Dick’s jaw dropped, but not as far as Jason’s had. Tim was fumbling for his phone, probably to set it to record. And Cass was grinning.
“I built it into a fit, with tears, screaming, and pounding fists. I put up quite a show, and managed to irritate Ivy to the point where she dropped me the moment Harley bemoaned ‘scaring the kid, and maybe we should let him go Ives, he’ll distract the cops well enough.” Damian mimicked Harley’s voice as he said it. “She released me and the two were apprehended soon after. Father was quite proud when he heard the story.”
Dick had to hold back laughter while his other siblings didn’t feel the need to, filling the room with mirth. Damian’s look of pride fell at the laughter and Dick had to pull him into a hug.
“You did good, Damian. That was both entertaining and good to know. We’ll have to have you throw fits more often.”
“Hmph. It still should not have been that funny. I can act my age when I need to.” Damian said, but didn’t make to push away from him.
“Alright, Dicky your turn. What’s your kidnapping story?” Jason said once they’d all calmed back down.
Dick smiled at them all. “This, right here and right now. It’s the best one I have.”
Damian squirmed by his side to glare up at him. “Not fair Grayson, we all told one.”
“Yeah, you of all people must have something to tell us.” Tim said.
Dick shrugged. “I’ve got too many to count. Besides, this is by far the weirdest kidnapping I’ve experienced yet.”
“You just like it because you're stuck here with all of us. Forced bonding time and all that.” Jason said. “If Bruce were here I’d be you’d orchestrated the whole thing.”
“I agree.” Cass said with a smile. “This is the best.”
Gradually everyone agreed with her and fell into trading more stories, the weirder the better. Dick was trying to catch his breath from laughing over another one when the door burst open and Batman stalked in. He froze at the sight of them laughing and pressed close.
“Did I miss something?” he asked.
“Don’t worry B, we’ll tell you about it later.” Dick said, standing. “For now, let’s go home.”