Chapter Text
“-and new reports on the continued investigation into the lives of the Valtersen Royal family continue to come to light,” the blonde reporter says and the clip of his parents being escorted out of the castle rolls. “Up next we’ll investigate how-” The TV cuts out. Even drops the remote onto the bed spread as he sits down next to Isak on the mattress. He rests a hand on Isak’s shoulder.
“Stop torturing yourself,” he says. Isak snuggles deeper into the blankets, scratching their little cat, Leia, behind the ears. She purrs gently and the sound makes him smile. She’s pretty much the only thing that keeps him sane when Even isn’t around. Even frowns like he does when he’s worried.
“I’m not,” Isak argues weakly, even though he knows he is. Watching news about his parents, reading gossip columns on his own love life - it’s all so stupid.
Not to mention, he’s already having a pretty terrible day - he woke up late with an awful sore throat and a fever only to find out Even already left for class. When he tried to make himself tea his hands were shaking so bad he dropped the full mug on the kitchen floor where, of course, it shattered. He spent too long cleaning it up, cutting his palm on one of the shards of ceramic. Apparently, they’d run out of band aids a while ago, so he was forced to walk to the drug store, holding a paper towel over his bleeding cut, dressed in Even’s sweatpants and t-shirt - his normal sick-day outfit - only to realize when he got to the check out he forgot his wallet. So, he walked home and was too tired to do much else, so he just curled up in bed and tried to pretend he never woke up in the first place. Which was frankly pretty difficult, considering his body’s insistence on reminding him how uncomfortable he felt.
He’d been to the doctor a few days ago with Even, and was told that “it’s probably fine” and “will probably go away in a few days,” but so far, it hasn’t. He’s had a stupid sore throat for a fucking week and he’s just about ready to call it quits. He feels like he gets sick all the time now, it’s always something.
The worst thing is probably the fact Even can’t kiss him. Well, Even wants to, but Isak doesn’t want him getting sick too, no matter how much Even insists he doesn’t care. Isak cares.
“How do you feel?” Even asks, wrapping a warm arm around his shoulders. Isak immediately relaxes, tucking his head against the older boy, trying to drink in the touch. He smells good, a little like lemons, mostly like coffee.
“Ok,” he croaks, wincing at how raw his throat feels. Even kisses his cheek and Isak shivers. He forgot he was running a fever until just now - Even’s lips feel so cold, and Isak is all too aware of how hot he must feel in comparison. He hopes Even doesn’t notice. Or, if he does, he doesn’t worry too much.
“Better or no?” He asks, running his fingers gently through Isak’s hair. He rests his lips against Isak’s temple.
“Mhhmmmm...” he hums, ignoring the question.
“So?” Even prompts and kisses him again, this time on the nose. Isak laughs softly, even though it hurts.
“Better,” he says, even though that’s an exaggeration. Besides, Even already knows Isak feels like shit. He always knows. It’s not like he really needs to ask, but he does anyway. It’s their little ritual.
Isak’s phone goes off and Even reaches to grab it.
“Vilde, again,” he says, checking the caller ID and passing it to Isak.
It's only been a couple of days since he'd agreed to make a YouTube channel, and all of his vlogger friends have decided to take him (more) under their wings (or ask to collab with him). He lets it ring all the way out before shooting her a quick text.
sorry. Feel bad. Also nope phone calls
He knows that his texting is a little delirious, but at this point, he doesn’t care. He’s really just making the most of this stolen time that he has with Even. And he knows it’s stolen. People keep trying to tell him it’s a well-deserved break, but he knows what is really going on. They don’t want him around the investigation. He would appreciate their kindness more if he didn’t understand their agendas. They don;t want him anywhere near a position of power.
The investigation has really ramped up. They tell him he’s paranoid. They tell him that the only reason he isn’t anywhere near the throne room is because he’s in too deep. He knows too much about the investigation. He’s emotionally connected. He is evidence. He is the witness. He thinks they’re worried he’ll get rid of the monarchy if he is put into change (they aren’t wrong).
There is an interim ruler. Isak doesn’t want to look too much into it (but he is). He’s tracking his tag on Tumblr. He’s tracking the rumors. He knows what people are saying. He doesn’t want to believe it (he does). It might be a ploy to keep a gay leader out of office. He doesn’t want to look too far into it.
Maybe the stolen time isn’t such a bad thing, though. He is still having problems with his health (see current state). And...what happened...what had been happening...he’d rather not think about it (his therapist says that he’s in denial). He’d also rather not be away from Even (his therapist says he has attachment issues...Isak is less sure). He also can’t seem to catch his breath (and it’s not just untreated pneumonia like that one time in middle school...or after Emma broke up with him).
At least now he can relax while he’s...overwhelmed like this. Before - most of his life, really - he always had to work through everything. Anxiety attack? Didn’t matter. Fever? Just keep pushing. Pushing - that was all he ever did. Now he’s not sure what he’s doing. It feels good but it also feels uncomfortable, like he’s doing something he shouldn’t be and he could be caught any minute.
Even kisses his cheek again.
“You want tea? In your favorite mug?” He teases, and Isak sighs. His favorite mug. The one he broke this morning. It was oversized, with the lyrics of Hello Hello (the song Even likes to sing to him when he’s grumpy) written on the front. They painted it together at some pottery shop in Waeluryn that was owned by a 4 foot tall, 90-year-old woman with blue hair. It’s one of Isak’s favorite memories - a brief moment of happiness in the few weeks after running from the castle with Even. Now, the mug is in pieces in the trash. It’s stupid. He shouldn’t care so much. But still, he feels tears start to well up. Even frowns. “Hey, hey, babe.”
“M’sorry,” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. “It broke.”
“No, I just saw it this morning. I took it out of the dishwasher,” Even says, wiping Isak’s tears from his cheeks with the side of his thumb. He looks halfway between confused and concerned.
“And then it broke,” he mutters, his breath hitching slightly. “Because today is just a shit show.”
“Christ. I know, babe,” Even says, tightening his grip on Isak’s shoulders, and Isak takes it upon himself to get closer. He buries his head in the crook of Even’s neck and tries to focus on all the things that don’t suck at the moment. He tries to take deep breaths. “We can still have tea.” Even’s skin is blessedly cool against his own, and he doesn’t want him to move.
“I know. But really, I’m feeling better. You make me feel better,” he says, and Even laughs softly. Isak can feel the older boy’s chest vibrate against his own.
“I didn’t know my kisses could cure strep,” he says, still stroking Isak’s hair with a sort of single-minded focus. Isak would never admit it but he loves when Even fusses over him like this. His voice gets all soft and sweet and he never lets him go. Isak never wants him to let go. Even presses his lips to Isak’s forehead, takes a slow, deep breath, then turns his head so his cheek rests there. His hold tightens slightly and he sighs again, his worried eyes softening when they meet Isak’s. “Guess I’m just magic, huh?” He asks, and Isak smiles.
“Stop it, you’re being corny.”
“I’ll be corny all I want.” They sit for a while in silence until Isak shudders with a wave of chills that leave him clinging even tighter to Even’s chest. “I’ll make tea. It’ll be good for you.”
“No, don’t get up. Really, it’s ok.”
“It’ll only take a minute,” he says, and he’s already getting up before Isak can protest. His absence is torture but Isak knows he can’t argue. Even should be able to do whatever he wants - he’s dealing with Isak’s shit day in and day out, he deserves some time away. Isak can’t be so...needy. He repeats the words to himself. Stop being so needy.
It’s only a few minutes before Even’s back in their bed, two mugs of tea in his hands, Isak curled back up next to him. Even says something about Isak picking a movie a movie - something that Isak would ordinarily be thrilled to do - but he’s too busy trying to ignore all the discomfort swirling around to savor the moment at all. He chooses Cabaret (a musical he’s been meaning to show Even for a while). He’ll fall asleep, but he knows it backward and forwards by this point.
He sips his tea, wincing when it hits his swollen throat, and tries to keep his eyes open. It’s so hard, he’s so tired. Insomnia and illness are not a good pair. Still, seeing Even react to this movie is important to him (and getting his detailed movie musical trivia is important to Even). He needs to stay awake.
After a while, he’s drifting off so frequently that Even has to take the tea out of his hands because he’s afraid it’ll spill. Isak strengthens his resolve. Tries to focus on the plot and music, the dialogue and actors. Even must be able to tell he’s struggling because he pulls the blankets up around them and shifts down on the headboard so they’re lying almost horizontal. After Isak’s eyelids flutter hazily for what seems like the 100th time, Even kisses his cheek.
“Go to sleep, baby. It’s ok,” he whispers, and Isak shakes his head, tightening his jaw.
“No, m’awake,” he mumbles, shifting in place, rubbing his tired eyes. Even frowns, feeling his forehead carefully. His hand feels a lot colder than before.
“You should sleep.”
“I really feel a lot better,” he says halfheartedly, and Even nods even though Isak’s sure he knows it’s a lie.
“I’m glad, I just know you’re sleepy,” he says, almost like Isak is a little kid. And Isak is not a little kid.
“M’not,” he grumbles, and Even sighs quietly.
“Alright.”
Only a few moments later he’s asleep, though still somehow restless. He has an odd dream - no, a nightmare - where he’s running through the castle gardens. He can’t run fast enough from whatever’s chasing him - he can hear it gaining on him, getting closer and closer. His heart is beating so fast it’s hard to breathe, he can feel it in his throat. Every so often he’ll fall back into half-consciousness and adjust his aching body to a new, arbitrary, position against the too-warm sheets before being pulled back into sleep. A few times, he wakes up in tears, not remembering why he’s crying and feels arms wrapping around him carefully, holding him until he isn’t shaking.
That’s all he remembers before waking up alone in bed, wrapped in the comforter, shivering. He’s only lying there a few moments before Even walks in, looking surprised when he sees Isak’s eyes are open.
“Hey, baby, I was just coming to wake you up,” he says, grabbing something from the bedside table and taking a seat on the mattress, close enough so his hand rests on the side of Isak’s head, fingers tangled in his hair. Isak doesn’t move, he’s too tired. Is it possible to feel even more exhausted than you were before you fell asleep?
“Sorry I…” He isn’t sure what he should apologize for, though he knows he has to. Falling asleep? Ruining Even’s day with his stupid illness? Being an ass about the whole thing? “I’m just sorry,” he says, trying his best to keep his voice steady. It hurts his throat to speak.
“It’s cool. Don’t worry about it,” Even says dismissively, his thumb running back and forth over Isak’s cheekbone. “I can handle a grumpy prince if I have to.” Even smiles, and it makes guilt twist in Isak’s stomach. “Now open your mouth, I have to see how worried I should be.” Isak rolls his eyes but complies, letting the older boy stick the thermometer under his tongue. They wait in silence until it beeps and Even takes it out. He’s quiet, which usually means something isn’t good, so Isak clears his throat.
“Uh, I actually don’t feel so bad. Really.” When Even doesn’t respond, Isak keeps talking. “Fevers are actually good for your body, they’re healthy, so...it’s really ok. I’m really alright, Even,” he says hurriedly, wanting nothing more than to get that pinched, sad look of worry off his face. He finally meets Isak’s gaze. Before he can speak, Isak starts again. “Honestly, I feel so much better than before. Please, just don’t...don’t worry about me. Wasn’t the movie good? It was gay, right? I promised you’d like it!”
“You don’t need to lie to me, Isak,” Even finally says, ignoring Isak’s deflection. “You’re an awful liar. And I do need to worry about you, obviously.”
“But I don’t want you to!” He practically bursts out, surprising even himself. There are a few moments of silence.
“It’s not your choice, Iss. I care about you, I don’t want you feeling like shit. And I’m disappointed I can’t do more for you.” Even takes a deep breath, putting down the thermometer, and kisses Isak’s cheek. He gives him a tiny smile, and Isak tries to smile back. “Listen, you’re...so important to me. I’ll do anything for you. So never, even for one second, think that I don’t want to be right next to you. If you’re sick or you’re grumpy or whatever, I don’t care. I want to be with you. I want you to feel good. And if it makes me sad or worried that’s my problem, not yours. You haven’t done anything wrong, ok?” He finishes, and Isak nods, though he’s not entirely convinced the words are true. How can they be true? Even has so much in his life - his sisters, his mothers, his friends, college, work - how can Isak be that important, compared to all those? Sure, Isak feels that way about Even, but that’s because Even is...everything. The only thing.
Why would Even choose him? Why would Even put up with all of it? He thinks what he’s saying is true but Isak knows eventually he’ll be too much. He’ll be too much and too broken and Even won’t want him anymore. Won’t be able to handle him.
“You’ll feel better soon. I promise, ok?” Even asks, and Isak nods. “And the movie was really good. Just as wonderful as you promised. And gay.”
They eat chicken and rice in bed for dinner, and afterward they take a disappointingly cold shower together - it’s uneventful, but that’s mostly because Isak is too tired to really stand up on his own, so he has to keep himself pressed against Even’s chest. It’s a sort of hug, Isak’s arms wrapped weakly around Even’s waist, leaning heavily against him for support, letting the frigid water soak him. The cold is supposed to be good for the fever and Even seems happy with the result, so Isak half-heartedly chalks it up as a success, despite the lack of their...typical shower activities.
They play half a game of Monopoly, stopping when Isak can’t keep himself from laughing over Even’s too-serious approach. He’s trying to analyze which properties have the best cost-to-rent ratio, and which would be the most “prudent” to buy. Isak loses it when Even says, “It’s almost like this game is just completely oblivious to the realities of real estate.”
Isak is asleep a few minutes later, curled up against Even, trying not to think about all the ways things could go wrong.
---
He’s having a lazy day (aka he is being forcibly kept away from any state business and also the news). He’s finally over his stupid illness, and for some reason, he isn’t sure, he didn’t immediately get sick with something else right after. Which was definitely a positive. He can finally kiss Even too, which he missed. A lot.
When he’s kissing Even, everything just feels like it’s frozen for a moment. Nothing matters. He’s warm where Even touches him, hot where his lips land. His whole body is awake and alive and it’s so so good Isak never wants it to end. It always does though, and Isak is always disappointed. Every time, without fail. He’s not sure how he used to walk around not knowing what that felt like.
But it’s not a completely lazy day. He’s decided to film his first youtube video. He severely underestimated how difficult it would be.
“Hello everyone,” he says waving slightly awkwardly at the camera. He glances off to the side where Even is stirring something on the stove. It smells vaguely like chocolate. “Uhhhh….this is really weird…”
“You’re doing great babe,” he says absently, all his focus seemingly on whatever he’s cooking.
“Thanks, Ev,” Isak says, shaking his head. “Uhhhh...so back by popular demand and on my own channel now...yayyy!!!” He stops and does an awkward little dance. “Ok, so...I guess I’ll just talk.” He glances over at Even again. “What do I say?” He asks almost desperately.
“Just keep doing what you’re doing. They already love you,” Even says, smiling wide.
“Ok. Uh...I guess I’ll just talk about...fuck. I don’t know. I need help! You can’t just abandon me!” He says, half laughing, and Even turns around from his place at the stove. He grins, and Isak’s heart jumps a little in his chest. He’ll never get used to how lovely that smile is.
“Talk about our day,” he says, and the thought brings an involuntary smile to Isak’s face. “I’ll edit it all later and post it. You just...talk.”
“We...me and Even...uh that’s my boyfriend because I’m gay. Even and I...are dating.”
“They know that, babe!” Even says, and Isak huffs, crossing his arms.
“Sometimes I like pretending that people don’t know everything about me because they’ve read it in the Sunday times or something.” He looks down at his hands.
“Then tell them that,” Even says, nodding encouragingly. Isak pauses. That’s not a bad idea. Then again, Isak isn’t so keen on sharing his feelings.
“Hey, everybody. So this might not be the most interesting video but it’s pretty important, so stick with it if you can, ‘kay?” He waits for a second like he’s seen his favorite YouTubers do. Well, he’s seen Vilde and Sana do it. “Uhhh...so I think that now that people are seeing me about more I should lay down some ground rules for meeting me?” He says. It comes out like a question and he grimaces. “I mean….It’s time I lay down some ground rules for meeting me.”
Even walks over to the couch, two large mugs in his hands, setting them down on the coffee table, making himself comfortable by the opposite end.
“Hot chocolate?” Isak asks, and Even moves toward him, rubbing his cheek with his thumb.
“Of course.” Isak has the strong, sudden urge to kiss him, but he holds back. If he starts now they won’t get anything done. He clears his throat, getting back to the video. The camera lens makes his stomach twist.
“I love meeting you guys, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want that to stop. I just want to give some suggestions that will let you guys and me have a better time.” He glances over at Even and takes a sip of his hot chocolate. “I’m not sure how much of my life story you know. I mean...I’m sure you see the stuff that’s on the news. Whether you believe me, or...don't I guess, which is a bit…” he trails off. He was going to say scary, but that seems too judgemental. “Uhhh...not judging, I guess,” he says instead, looking to Even again. Even looks up and meets his eyes.
“You ok?” he mouths. Isak thinks for a second before nodding.
“So you guys probably know I was...ummm...abused. By my parents. Or well...yeah. But yeah. So I have some pretty shitty anxiety stuff. So...that’s mainly why I need some rules? They’re not bad or anything,” he rushes to say. “Just...ideas.”
He stops to take a deep breath. Now to express what he actually wants to say.
“So...something that really helps when you meet me...just pretend you don’t know everything about me. I mean...I know that you guys know a lot. I know a lot about movies, people in musicals, uhhhh...YouTubers, I don’t know. But it really helps if, when you approach me just to be like...uhhhh...Even help?” He says motioning to Even.
“Yeah of course,” Even says, sliding into the frame.
“Ok you go,” Isak says and Even rolls his eyes slightly.
“Hi, Isak. My name is Even. How’s your day going?”
“It’s going pretty well, I think?” Isak says. Even grins.
“What’s your favorite album?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Ummm…” Isak stops to think and smiles slightly. “The cast album of-” Even scoffs, cutting him off, shoving his shoulder lightly.
“No. Illmatic? By Nas? What the hell Isak?” He says. “Or at least something good like Sargent Pepper or something.”
“Dear Evan Hansen?” Isak asks. “Hamilton? Newsies? Wicked? Rent?”
“Fine. Gahhh…” Even smirks, shaking his head.
“It’s probably Illmatic…” Isak admits with a smile. “I’m just fucking around.”
“I know, baby.”
“I still love those, though.”
“I know. I love them too. And I love you.”
“One of those was a lie. You hate musicals. You only watch them with me,” Isak says, and Even shrugs. Isak almost forgot they were filming. Almost.
“They...might have grown on me...a bit. I think it’s the dishwashing with them on.”
“I still think you’re full of shit.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Can’t stand em,” Even says leaning over to kiss Isak on the cheek. Isak kisses him back, this time on the lips.
Later when Isak hears Even belting out ‘Waving Through a Window’ with the dish water running in the background, he feels warm.
---
“I’ve been eating!” Isak argues. Eskild raises an eyebrow, spearing a piece of pancake with his fork.
“Yeah?” He starts. “Do you want me to check with Even on that one?”
Isak hesitates for a second. He has been eating...but Even always worries and if Eskild calls he’ll be inclined to think something is wrong (more so than usual at least).
“If you want. If I say no, I know you will anyway, so.” Isak shrugs. Eskild laughs.
“You’re really catching on, huh?”
“You’re just too predictable.”
“I did talk to Even, for the record. I just wanted to see what you’d say.”
They’ve met for brunch in a small cafe close to the ‘EVAK APARTMENT’ (“I don’t see why this needs all caps, ‘skild” “It just does, ok, Isak.”). Isak has evolved in his disguises. No longer does he confine himself to a simple hoodie, snapback, and glasses combo. He now has a variety of beanies, scarves, (and yes, snapbacks, hoodies, and glasses), designed (who is he kidding--thrift stored) specially for maximum fan distraction. Isak is confident they won’t be spotted, interrupted, or judged (too harshly. He is wearing a Winnie the Pooh sweat-shirt that he couldn’t let go of in the thrift store, but got teased mercilessly by all of his friends for).
“Heard you got sick,” Eskild says, a too-casual look on his face that Isak knows is trying to mask Eskild’s not-at-all-casual concern.
“Yeah. Not too bad. Not even a big deal, really. Just a cold.”
“I did say I talked to Even, right? I remember saying that but you’re still acting like I don’t know what’s up.”
“He worries too much.”
“You just need to...relax,” he says, drawing out the word. “Like this.” He sighs, letting his shoulders slump. He smiles, raising his eyebrows. “See? Easy.”
Isak resists the urge to roll his eyes. If he’d been able to follow that advice and relax, he wouldn’t be struggling to find (any) medication that worked to calm him down. He wouldn’t have spent years panicking alone in various parts of the castle.
His insomnia’s been awful lately. Probably because of all the shit going on with the investigation and Even and everyone else. He hasn’t seen Eva in forever – all he gets is the occasional Instagram update. Sana has basically disappeared, and he hasn’t spoken to anyone who worked at the castle (other than Eskild) since he left. Other than the one dinner they all shared a few months back, he hasn’t seen any of his Youtube friends. He hasn’t spoken to any of them since he didn’t immediately agree to collab with them a few weeks back. Friends...are they? He thought they were. He knows they’re probably doing what they think is best for him, letting him have time to heal or something, but it’s making him feel very...isolated. Even when he was at his most alone in the castle, he still had a few people wanting his attention or making an effort. Now he’s back down to Eskild and Even. He’s...been better.
Some nights he’ll wake up and - very rarely - Even will stay sleeping. He both hates and loves those nights. He’s all alone, staring at the ceiling, waiting to pass out from exhaustion, wishing Even was awake to hold him. But at the same time, glad to finally not be the burden he knows he always is.
For a few weeks he got into the habit of sleeping on the bathroom floor - that way, if he was tossing and turning or waking up or having nightmares Even would still be able to sleep. It all stopped when Even woke up one night and had half a heart attack when the bed was empty.
”I thought you’d…”
“I’m ok.”
“I thought someone had taken you or something.”
“I’m just feeling a little warm.”
“Come back to bed, babe. I’ll take off the extra blanket.”
So that ended.
It’s so aggravating to need people so much. Especially when you love them. Worse when they love you too. It all gets so confusing and sad and Isak wishes things could just be normal for once. But they’re not. And it’s his fault.
---
Today it’s been revealed that the Baewythian administration will not act in response to the building tensions between Thoara and Iralia. Iralia has been a long time ally of Baewyth, but Acting Administrator Elinor Wathen states that in this time of transition, “it is important to keep our own nation intact.”
There have been protests calling for the institution of Prince Isak as acting monarch as opposed to Gwent Coslett, who was nominated by the MNSC (the Multi National Security Confederation) of which Baewyth and Iralia are both members. Others argue that the prince lacks the experience and insight to control a country as large as Baewyth.
Currently, the former King and Queen are under investigation for fraud, unwarranted arrest, abuse, and treason. Though some argue this last claim is unfounded, the law clearly states that harming any member of the royal family in an attempt to impede their health, safety, or well being is an act of treason. With their accusations of abuse against the prince, treason is a charge that will be decided based on the outcome of the abuse allegations. At this time, there is said to be insufficient evidence, but many predict the two monarchs will be indeed charged with these crimes. However, it is much too early to make any definitive statement.
Little has been heard from the prince since his public interviews almost three months ago. Sources say he is still living with alleged lover Even Bech Næsheim. Rumors continue to circulate about his health after he was photographed leaving a medical facility early last week.
As always, we will keep you updated on the latest news concerning the Royals.