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It wouldn't be enough.
Kiryu had played his strongest card, had made his last-ditch effort to break things off with Nishiki. But not even ending their brotherhood was enough. He could see it in Nishiki's eyes; behind the gleam of tears was the same steadfast loyalty that had always been there.
Taking Nishiki's car and leaving him stranded here, in the middle of nowhere, wasn't going to buy him enough time. And he needed that time, desperately so. He was trying to tell himself it was to keep Nishiki out of harm's way if things went badly, but deep down he knew better. If he was going to die, he didn't want Nishiki to have to see it.
So Kiryu had to come up with something else, something that would truly end things between them.
Only one course of action came to mind. He had to fight down a bitter laugh at the irony of it. He'd end it all, for sure — there was no doubt about that. And he would do it by finally allowing himself to do what he'd been dreaming of for years.
His heart was racing. With every rapid beat, it thudded against Nishiki's lighter in the breast pocket of his suit. A ridiculous notion, of course, but that was what it felt like. He'd spent so long wanting to do this, and now he was — but for all the wrong reasons.
Still, his mind was made up. There was no going back now. He walked forward. Nishiki opened his mouth as if to speak, but Kiryu didn't let him.
The kiss was hard and demanding; he took without giving, closing his eyes against the pain of it. Nishiki's hair was soft in his fisted grip, and his lips tasted of salt.
It was nothing like what he'd been dreaming of.
Kiryu broke the kiss and stepped back. He'd expected to be shoved away, but Nishiki hadn't so much as raised a hand against the assault. Now he just stood there, eyes wide and staring at Kiryu.
"You..." he started, voice breaking.
"Now you know," Kiryu said.
"Know what?" Nishiki replied, before shaking his head. "No, what — what the hell was that?"
He was starting to look angry, which was exactly what Kiryu had hoped for. Hurt like hell, though. If his heart beat any harder it was going to break the lighter. He swallowed, wanting to keep his tone as calm and emotionless as possible. "It was our first kiss," he said. "And our last."
Nishiki's eyes narrowed. "You bastard," he hissed.
"Like I said, you and I end here. Stay away from me."
The only warning he got was Nishiki baring his teeth in a silent snarl. Then he moved forward, body slamming into Kiryu's and shoving him up against the nearest tree.
He didn't fight it. If Nishiki wanted to punch him, so be it. He closed his eyes, granting the request Nishiki had made earlier, when he'd begged Kiryu not to look at him.
It was surprise that made them fly open a few seconds later, as Nishiki captured his mouth in another kiss. It was just as hard as before, but despite that there was a world of difference. Kiryu's hand moved up, cupping the back of Nishiki's head — softly this time.
They were both breathing heavily by the time they broke the contact. Nishiki stayed close, still bodily pressing him up against the tree.
"It wasn't our first kiss," he mumbled.
"Huh?"
"In the car, on the way here... I pulled over for a moment, trying to steel myself for what I was about to do. You were sleeping next to me, completely exhausted. Dead to the world. And I — I had to do it, Kiryu. Before it was too late."
Kiryu could only stare. "Are you saying that you kissed me?"
He nodded. "You didn't so much as stir."
So many questions were going through his head, but he couldn't find the words for any of them. Perhaps misunderstanding his silence, Nishiki finally let go of him and stepped back.
"It's not fair, either," he said, "for you to say that it was our last kiss. Who are you to decide that?" His voice was quiet, but deadly serious.
"I was trying to drive you away," Kiryu managed to force out.
Nishiki snorted. "I figured as much. I guess that plan backfired on you, huh? Do you..." he trailed off, lowering his gaze before continuing. "Do you regret doing it?"
In a way he did — it was going to be a lot harder to leave Nishiki now. But he didn't regret it in the ways that truly mattered. "No," he said.
Nishiki didn't answer. He just stepped forward again, and stood there for a moment until Kiryu reached out to pull him in even closer. They remained that way for a long time, embracing without saying a word. Despite the silence, a million things were spoken between them.
"We could still leave," Nishiki said at last. His head was resting on Kiryu's shoulder, breath fanning his throat. "Together, we could..."
"No. You know we can't."
Nishiki tilted his head, lips brushing against Kiryu's jaw. "I know."
"I meant what I said earlier. This is the life you gave me, and I don't intend to let go of it so easily. Especially not now."
"...Do you promise?"
It wasn't the sort of thing you could promise, and they both knew that. So Kiryu didn't answer. He kissed Nishiki instead, trying to put everything he felt into it.
Maybe it came through, for when he moved towards the car Nishiki let him go without protest. Kiryu drank in the sight of him, swollen lips and disheveled hair — silently swearing that he'd do whatever it took to survive and find his way back to him.
"I'll see you later," he said, as he opened the car door.
Nishiki nodded and gave him a smile — small and shaky, but trusting. Nishiki had faith in him, and Kiryu wasn't going to disappoint.