Chapter Text
It was autumn. The sun had not yet arisen, but I anticipated its arrival nonetheless. I didn't want to return to the mountain just yet. While I was elated that we had won the Battle of Five Armies, and I did love Erebor, I often missed the sunlight and the fresh air of the outdoors. Living inside a mountain had never quite appealed to me as it had to Fili, perhaps he had grown accustomed to it, whilst I still craved the feeling of the sunlight warming my face, especially when all else seemed dim.
That is where he found me, perched on a rock as I looked out to the horizon, basking as the first rays of sunrise lit the sky in a sea of orange and yellow. I shouldn't have been surprised that he had found me, he always did, sometimes I wondered if knowing my location was a sixth sense for him, but I knew that was silly.
“It is beautiful, isn't it?” His voice suddenly whispered, close to my ear. I contemplated acting shocked, so he would not question my lack of surprise, but I suspected he’d known I was aware the whole time. Or at least I thought I’d known the whole time. “You have been sat here for 2 hours, Kili. Please come back with me” He was ever so polite, he always was; my mother Dis believed it was one of his charms, but I viewed it as more of an annoyance.
“I do not wish to return yet. Can you not leave me in peace for more than a few moments at a time?” I knew that I shouldn't have snapped, for he was only looking out for me, but I couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside me when he was near. He seemed to consider this for a moment before replying. That was something else I found infuriating.
“It is dangerous out here, Kili. Though the battle was won, all is not well. I have spoken of this to you before. It would not do well for the prince to be captured or worse” He sat down on the rock next to me, almost as if he could not sense my coldness towards him. I considered chancing a glance at him, but I did not wish to see his face, not when I was still furious. Months had passed and I was still not pleased. “It is not my wish either, Kili. Do not flatter yourself so” he mumbled, as if reading my thoughts.
“I am not flattering myself!” I exclaimed, whipping around to face him with rage written all over my face. But he was smiling. Or as close to a smile as he could resemble, but this just fuelled my anger. How dare he think himself so mighty? I jumped to my feet, kicking the rock I was just sat on for effect before storming back towards Erebor’s doors. I was going to speak with Thorin about this. I would not settle for such disrespect in the house of my forefathers.
As I stormed towards the gate, my eyes caught with his, though all he did was raise a dark eyebrow at me as he continued to sit on the rock, his azure eyes locked as if in challenge. I let out a screech of frustration, just as a guard stepped towards me. He flinched, frowned and returned to his post without questioning me. I spun on my heels and marched towards my chambers. I needed a rest before I saw that infuriating creature again!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rest did not find me though, and within the hour, Fili had entered my chambers and perched himself on the end of my bed. Why did everyone keep bothering me this day? I rolled over to look up at my brother, trying my best not to glare as his lips twitched upwards. I had been harbouring cold feelings towards him as of late also, and it suddenly struck me that I had been significantly less than friendly for a long time now. I instantly regretted my actions.
“What is it you want, brother?” I asked the blonde, who was looking at me intently. I felt nervous under his gaze, as I had not done since I was a dwarfling. The months since the battle had altered me, I was not the same naive and mischievous dwarf I was before the journey began. Uncle says I have changed for the better, but I am not so sure, when I can longer even joke with my brother. I barely communicated with anyone anymore; I was much too bitter and miserable. Fili said he did not mind my foul moods, so long as I did not call him horrendous names anymore. I made no promises.
“I just came to check you were all right” he replied finally, his gaze still piercing me as I turned my head away, finding the wall much more interesting and far, far less intimidating than facing my brother and that question right now. He always asked it, ever since the battle where my life had almost been ripped away, but I could never find an honest answer for it. I was alive and well, I had escaped with my life while many had not, but sometimes all right didn't just account for my physical health.
“I’m fine. Stop asking me that” I muttered instead, deciding that it wasn’t entirely a lie if I did not know what the truth was myself. Fili and I had always been close, as brothers with only a few years between us, we had been almost inseparable. But now I believe that Fili is feeling the loss, has noticed my distance and assumes there must be something terribly wrong with me. Perhaps there is, but as I have stated, I do not know the answers myself.
Fili nodded but did not seem convinced. Before he could question me further however, the door to my chambers opened and a guard peaked his head through. “Forgive me, Your Highnesses” I hated it when they referred to us as that, “but Prince Kili, there is someone who wishes to see you” I felt my heart sink as I knew who it would be, and as the figure stepped into the room, my suspicions were confirmed and I resisted throwing the reading book to the left of me at his head.
You do not know the frustration that comes with being promised to an elf.