Chapter Text
So many emotions. Everyone has their own stupid problems, why does he have to be stuck with all of them?
At a young age, Logan had realized that he was different. Other people’s emotions weren’t as loud as his were, and no one ever talked about feelings the way that he experienced them. After years of research, he had come to the conclusion that he was an empath: someone who could feel the emotions of others.
The fact that he felt so many emotions terrified him, Logan was terrified of feelings. They were too loud, too volatile. As he grew older, he stopped caring. He could feel everyone’s emotions, and he just didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t identify what the emotions were, couldn’t even identify which belonged to other people and which were his. They blended into a spectacular mess of colors from every direction. Even as a part of Thomas, he could feel the emotions of others that Thomas talked to, and he couldn’t stand it. The other sides were even worse, he was never alone. He always felt what they felt.
So, he kept up a persona. Don’t show any emotion, not your own nor anyone else’s. If they don’t think you have emotions, they won’t bother with trying to help you sort them out. Of course, there was somebody he knew that wouldn’t ever stop trying to help anybody.
“Why don’t we talk more?!”
“Do you ever get homesick Logan?”
The comments bore into his skull. Whenever he spent time with Patton, the emotions would drown him, pull him under like a wave. So many emotions coming from one person.
Virgil was simpler, he was usually nervous about something, occasionally mischievous or proud, but he had one major emotion. His feelings were like gentle tides. Sometimes rising, getting bigger and bigger, almost over Logan’s head, but then they’d go back down again, and Logan could be calm.
Roman, while being easier than Patton, sometimes terrified him more. His emotions were more specific, they had motivations and they wanted something. Logan couldn’t ever name any of them, and he hated coming across things he couldn’t categorize.
So, he stayed in his room, reading books. The characters in the books said their emotions, demonstrated them with their actions, and never once did Logan have to feel those emotions for himself. Patton quickly noticed Logan’s avoidance of them, and one night forced the man to watch movies with them. Not wanting to deal with even bigger feelings from Patton, Logan reluctantly obliged, reminding himself that it was just one movie.
He could survive.
Not even five minutes into the movie, and Logan’s fingers tapped on his leg, out of control.
He was nervous, incredibly anxious. That made sense, considering that he most certainly did not want to be there. Or, were those nerves even his own feelings? Were they instead coming from the perpetually nervous Virgil? He was also…excited? The word didn’t fit with the emotion he felt. That had to be from Patton…or maybe Roman…could it be from himself? Underneath it all, he was…annoyed? Confused? None of these words fit, none of them made sense!
He couldn’t figure it out, he couldn’t figure it out, hecouldn’tfigureitout, hecouldn’tfi-
“Logan, are you alright?”
Patton’s caring eyes, concern seeping from him…was it concern? Was Patton concerned, or was Logan concerned? He couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up and bolted from the room, muttering something along the lines of,
“There is some work I must attend to.”
Logan cannot stand emotions.
More importantly,
Logan cannot understand emotions.