Chapter Text
Thor mournfully lifted the tumblerfull of ale to his mouth and drained it, oblivious to the hoots and cheers surrounding him. Smashing it back on the table, he demanded “More”.
“You really should slow down my friend” Bruce advised, though he too was smiling.
“Let him drink” Clint slurred, more than two sheets to the wind himself. Somehow managing to drag his chair over to Thor’s, Clint draped himself on Thor and the two drunkenly clinked glasses.
“My poor little friend-hic-hash been commanded” Clint burped, “Commanded by hish cruel, cruel father to –to”, another hiccup, “to shain himshelf to a woman or be dis-dis-“Clint blinked owlishly.
“Disinherited?” Tony asked in an amused voice.
“Thatsh it, dishvonberited” Clint hugged Thor who returned the embrace causing Clint to choke.
“Ish not right” he managed sleepily, his head on Thor’s shoulder.
“As I recall Barton, you chained yourself to a woman and you don’t seem to be suffering for it” Loki said acidly, taking a dainty sip of his wine. Thor’s brother didn’t often join them but sometimes Thor left him no choice and bodily dragged him to their conclaves, where he would find a corner and spend the night alternately brooding and insulting them.
“Thid he inshult my wife?” Clint demanded, raising his head with a martial light in his eye. “No, no” Bruce replied soothingly causing Clint to go back to snoring on Thor’s shoulder.
“I have to agree with Reindeer Games here, I don’t see the problem Thor”
Thor blinked at Tony sadly. ”Ah my friend, marriage has changed all of you. Barnes and the heroic Major have not even presented themselves today. Only this one remains unchanged”. He patted Clint’s head fondly.
Tony chuckled. “One is enjoying his honeymoon and the other is preparing for his. I would hardly call that a miserable existence”.
“Steve is preparing for his wedding Tony, not his honeymoon” Bruce said dryly.
“Meh” Tony gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “Everyone knows a wedding is only a minor event before the good part”.
Thor appeared unconvinced. “My friends, you all found worthy bedmates except for our friend Banner who escaped the shackles”. Bruce winced, both at the description and the reminder of his bachelordom.
“Where am I to find such a one?” Thor lamented.
“When in doubt, settle “Tony replied callously. “Find someone you can tolerate and get her with an heir, then go back to your bachelor ways”.
“I wonder how Wanda will react if she heard you say that” Bruce murmured slyly causing Tony to jump and direct a horrified glance at Bruce.
Thor refused to be side-tracked. “There is no such person” he said sadly.
Tony frowned.
“Miss Mure?”
“Giggles too much and sets my head aching”
“Lady Clothilde” Bruce said
“Spiteful”
“Miss Moreton”
“Boring”
“Miss Foster”
Tony and Bruce choked as Thor frowned at Loki’s suggestion. “Miss Foster? Who is she?”
“No one “Bruce replied hastily while Tony stared at his glass, a mischievous and speculative glint appearing in his eyes.
“You met her once, remember?” Loki continued sweetly, disdaining Bruce’s interruption. “Mrs Barnes’s cousin? I believe your friends’s know her, I am told she occasionally works in that quaint little workshop they have down in the city”.
Bruce glared at Loki.
“Ah yes” Thor frowned, “small, brown haired, rather delicate”.
Loki nodded and threw another bone. “Orphaned at the age of ten Thor, dowerless and friendless, alone in the world”.
Thor’s eyes grew wide with pity while Bruce watched with horror as Loki pushed all of Thor’s buttons, one by one.
“Is this true?” Thor demanded. Tony grinned and struck in before Bruce could. “Utterly. Miss Foster is a very sweet young lady whose only asset is her brilliant brain. Unfortunately, the times we live in are such that intelligence does a woman more harm than good”
Thor nodded gravely while both Tony and Loki gave almost identical smirks at a horrified Bruce.
“It is settled then! I, Lord Thor Odinson, heir to the Duke of Asgard shall take this woman under my protection and bestow upon her my name and my patronage” Thor declared, bringing his hand down on the table with a crash to emphasize his point.
“Lovely, brother. She should be honoured by your condescension. But er- will she be honoured?”
Thor blinked.
“Nonsense Funny-Eyes” Tony declared happily “Miss Foster will certainly not reject our glorious warrior Thor”
Thor blinked again. “Reject me?” he asked blankly.
“I believe” Loki began smoothly “I believe Miss Foster will not yield to my brother’s persuasions. And I’ll wager ten guineas on that”
“Done” Tony agreed before turning to face Bruce who shook his head immediately.
The four of them looked at Clint who let out a tiny little snore.
“Very well then” Thor stood up abruptly, sending Clint crashing to the floor.
“I shall leave you now and inform my father that I intend to start courting Miss Foster. Brother, be prepared to turn over your money to our friend Anthony any day now”. He smiled and marched out of the room leaving them and a snoring Clint behind.
“You two should be ashamed of yourself” Bruce informed his remaining two awake companions. Tony grinned.
“Brucie, aren’t you the one who keeps saying that our adorable baby boy needs to be pulled a peg or two down?”
Bruce sighed.
“And what better way than this?” Loki finished, his eyes a bright green.