Work Text:
“Edward, would you shut up?!” Jonathan hissed, shooting a glare at his green-clad companion, “Keep jabbering and you’re not only going to let everyone within a five mile radius know our current location, but Batman and the entire Justice League as well.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Jonathan,” Edward Nygma hissed back, arms crossed to show his disdain, his fingers twitchy, “It’s just that I am not used to going on absolute suicide missions, you know? So forgive me if I happen to be a little antsy!”
Jonathan rolled his eyes and impatiently said, “Oh quit being melodramatic, Edward. Isley is in Arkham and none of these plants have so much as moved since we’ve arrived. Keep talking though and I am sure one will move just to wrap around your mouth and shut you up. That would be quite the blessing on my part.”
“Fuck off, Jon,” Edward snapped, bristling slightly. Part of him wanted to stand up and leave right there and then, not liking Jon’s tone, but he also didn’t want this to turn into a full-blown fight. He knew part of his impatience and anger with the taller man was just coming from his own anxiety at being in this situation in the first place.
Honestly, this whole night could’ve gone better.
Edward didn’t know what to expect when Jonathan had invited him to go out with him. After all, Jonathan never really initiated dates. That was normally something Edward did. Usually, it went that Edward would pick the time and place, schedule it, and basically shoo Jonathan into some putting down his work, getting ready, and going to the location. Jonathan would complain at first… but once he realized how hungry he had actually let himself become and how much he was actually enjoying himself, he would quiet down and Edward would know that he won. Dates would usually go smooth from that point, with Edward doing most of the talking (which he loved to do) and Jonathan listening quietly along, making a few comments here and there to encourage Edward to go on and to show that he was paying attention.
Usually, after their lunch or dinner, he could get Jonathan to hang out with him somewhere else, be it a park or some cool hangout spot in Gotham. Edward found he really enjoyed those moments, where the two of them weren’t pouring themselves into their work or devising some new way to beat the Batman or his Boy Wonder or any of the other vigilantes crawling around Gotham. Don’t get him wrong, his work was important to him. In fact, if Edward wasn’t working most of the time, he would feel twitchy and unhappy. He knew Jonathan felt the same way about his own work. But it was time-consuming and lonely and if left alone with his thoughts too long, Edward would start to not only get obsessive… but let himself go as well. He didn’t know if Jonathan ruminated in bad thoughts like he did… but he certainly knew the man took no care of himself, judging by the fact that Edward sometimes had to force him to eat, sleep, or drink. How Jonathan survived before he came along was beyond Edward.
So every now and then, it felt nice to just be out and not have to worry about defeating someone or how to do this or that. It felt nice to relax. It felt nice to be with Jonathan and to talk to him. It felt nice, he realized, on an occasion, to feel normal. That wasn’t a thought he thought he would ever have.
Maybe age was making him softer.
Besides, Edward knew if he could play his cards right and make their going out time fun enough, he could convince Jonathan to spend some extra time with him in the bedroom, so to speak. So that was always a bonus.
But Jonathan had changed things up by asking him if he wanted to go out. Edward had agreed, his curiosity getting the best of him, wondering what Jonathan had planned.
All chances of it being a normal date got thrown out the window however, when Jonathan pulled out his costume and told Edward to go get dressed in his own. Edward was a tad disappointed at first that Jonathan’s idea of a date was work, but that disappointment had vanished when he realized just how exciting of an opportunity this could be. They split bounties from their own crimes often, but they had never once actually worked together on a project.
This mostly being for preservation reasons. It was a well-known fact that the Scarecrow and the Riddler had garnered quite a few enemies over the years. Enemies that were not just limited to Batman and the Justice League. People like Black Mask, Joker, old victims looking for revenge, the like. They were all out there and they were all looking for a reason to kill or hurt them in some fashion. If they found out Jonathan and Edward were a team, or god forbid, dating, then they would not hesitate in using the other as leverage against the other. And that was a level of stress that both Jonathan and Edward didn’t need in their lives.
So they just skipped working together and did their crimes separately. But he supposed if Jonathan was feeling confident enough to work together with him, then he must trust Edward and his abilities. Jonathan had been working very hard on his fear toxin formula after all to make it more potent and Edward’s robotic army was improving faster and faster by day…
So he supposed they could try it out.
During the car ride there, Edward lightly asked, “So what are we doing? Robbing a bank? Getting revenge on someone? Interrogating some sucker for information?” He figured since Jonathan only brought a few syringes and a gas canister of fear toxin and had told Edward that he would only need to bring his cane that the mission was a simple one. Probably one that wouldn't involve much work on their parts.
What he hadn’t expected Jonathan to say was that they were going to infiltrate Pamela Isley’s base and steal her formula notes.
Jonathan had been confused by his hatred of the idea.
“I fail to see the problem, Edward. You and I both do not hold the highest opinion of Isley, so why not strike while she is away and she has no guards stomping around this area? Besides, we both benefit. I get to see some of her formula notes and improve my own toxin and you get to have the satisfaction of seeing her unhappy and be happy with the knowledge she isn’t going to tamper with you for a while. So what’s the problem?”
Well Jonathan seemed to be forgetting the fact that Isley’s base was a greenhouse. A greenhouse full of plants who were well-known for eating humans and turning them into fertilizer. When Edward pointed this out, Jonathan had merely said that these plants were not going to do that. He had sounded confident enough, which probably meant Jonathan had scouted the area beforehand and tested the plants out… but he still wasn’t comforted.
And that was what lead them to where they are now.
Jonathan growled as he walked, swatting at a bunch of hanging tendrils of ivy that were in his face, “Honestly, I don’t know why killer plants are the biggest of your concerns. If I were you, I’d be more worried like I am about getting lost in this freaking jungle. Does Pamela not tend to this place at all?”
As he was complaining, Edward swore he felt something touch his ankle. Leaping three feet into the air, he jumped back and pointed his cane threateningly, tempted to already turn on the electric modification on it and blast whatever was touching him into oblivion. However, when he calmed down all he saw was a piece of shrub bouncing innocently up and down from where his ankle brushed against it.
Edward immediately felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment, made even worse by the annoyed look on Jonathan’s face. Thankfully, Jonathan didn’t say anything and just continued on. Edward reluctantly trailed behind him, just wanting for this whole stupid night to be over.
Finally, they reached the Isley’s lab and Jonathan immediately began scouring the place for her notes. Edward just kept watch of the plants, urging Jon mentally to hurry up.
“Aha, found them!” Jonathan said triumphantly, holding up a battered old book for Edward to see. He looked so proud Edward couldn’t help but feel somewhat proud himself, but that didn’t mean he wanted to get out of here less.
Holding a thumbs up to Jonathan he said, “Okay, so why don’t we head back now and-“
Suddenly the whole greenhouse began vibrating as if an earthquake was running through it and before they knew it, a large eruption blasted through their ears.
Turning around, Jonathan and Edward were met with a giant Venus flytrap plant, its mouth open, teeth dripping with acid. Sitting primly on top of its head was Pamela Isley, adorned in her costume and everything.
“Now, now, boys. You think just because I was away in Arkham means you can just go ahead and steal from me?” Pamela cooed in a tone that made a chill crawl up Edward’s spine. It was a tone of pure poisoned honey. Seemingly sweet, but dangerous as hell.
Edward could see Jonathan was just as tense as he was, but to the other man’s credit, he seemed to cover it up better. Taking a daring step forward, he heard Jonathan say, “Impossible. There was no news of you escaping Arkham. If you did it would be all over the place by now.”
Pamela did not seem bothered by the accusation. Clucking her tongue she said, “Oh Jonny, you don’t think the fools working at Arkham Asylum can’t be tricked for a while? They’re a rather unobservant bunch. You should know that. You’ve tricked them quite a few times yourself.”
Jonathan gritted his teeth and looked less confident than before but he slowly said, “Suppose, I believe this… what are you planning on doing with us?”
Edward borderline didn’t want to know, but it was too late, Pamela was speaking then, “I am feeling strangely merciful, so consider this your lucky day. However, my generosity only goes so far. You and Eddie have got ten seconds. Ten seconds to put the notes down and leave. If you don’t well… my plant needed a new snack anyway.”
For a sickeningly frightening moment, as Pamela began to start counting, it looked like Jonathan was thinking of refusing the demand. To try and test his luck by taking the book and leaving. But thankfully, Jonathan set the book down and nodded at Edward, saying, “Run.”
Edward didn’t need to be told twice. The two of them began running through the dense jungle of the greenhouse. Occasionally one of them would trip on something in the underbrush, but they would scramble up immediately and run at a much higher pace. When Pamela finally reached ten and the Venus flytrap monster let out a bellow that reminded Edward of a beast escaping the bowels of Hell. That sound gave them more motivation to run out of the building, leap into the car, and peel away.
As they got on the main road, Edward panted and glared at Jonathan, hissing, “I am never letting you pick the dating spot again.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, Harley Quinn sat on the swivel chair of Pamela Isley’s lab, cellphone in hand as she said, “You shoulda seen them running, Red. The looks on their faces were hilarious.”
“Can’t believe your acting managed to fool them,” Pamela said with a tsk on the other end of the line, wrapping the cord of the Arkham phone idly around her hand, “As if I would ever give mercy. Please.”
Harley giggled from her spot and said, “Well, I think your holograms were scaring them enough to make them not think that clearly. They almost scared me and I knew they were fake! And hey, don’t insult my acting, sister. I deserved an Oscar for that shit. That voice changer of yours is great… I swear to you even Batman wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Tell me, where did you get these high-tech gadgets?”
Pamela smirked and said, “Oh you know, a few connections here and there. Eddie and Batman inspired me a bit. Showed me how far you can go with just a little fancy technology and I am pleased to see that they are right.” Then a pause before saying, “Thank you by the way, for doing that for me.”
Harley beamed and said, “No problem, Red. I am fine doing a little guard duty, especially when I get a result as funny as that. But remember, you gotta keep your end of the bargain now and break out of their soon.” Her smile turned into a frown a little as she said, “I miss you.”
Pamela bit her lip, doing her best to not let too much emotion slip through her tone as she said, “I miss you too, Harls.”