Work Text:
"Yeesh, what did your laptop do now?"
Kaneki moved his gaze from the computer screen to the warm cup of coffee that Hide offered to him. He wrapped both hands around the mug and leaned back into the couch, feeling the some of the tension in his shoulders alleviate as Hide sat down next to him.
"I haven't the slightest idea what you mean," Kaneki said evasively and sipped on his coffee.
"Really? Then what's this?" Hide gently pressed his thumb between Kaneki's eyebrows. He rubbed to smooth out the frown. "You're gonna get wrinkles if you keep doing that, old man."
"Good thing you're here to keep me youthful." Kaneki closed his eyes and smiled, relaxing into his touch with a sigh. Hide's hands rubbed his temples and Kaneki hummed appreciatively.
"What's got you stumped this time?"
"Another action scene."
Hide chuckled and started to rub behind Kaneki's ears. "Maybe if you didn't keep killing characters off, you wouldn't have to keep writing these crazy detailed murder scenes."
“Not everyone gets to learn the power of friendship and have a life-changing redemptive arc.” Kaneki smiled when he heard Hide snort. Hands combed through his hair now, pushing back his bangs and massaging his scalp.
"I think I know something that could help."
"Don't you always." Kaneki cracked an eye open.
"Hey, being your muse is a tough job y'know," Hide smiled wryly. He patted Kaneki's hair back down before lowering his hands. "Let's go out for a bit. Do some action-y things."
"Outside? In the sun? Near people?" Kaneki cradled his coffee protectively against his chest.
"Yeah! We can walk over to that new café that just opened up."
"I'm already enjoying a cup of perfectly delicious coffee," Kaneki said before taking another sip.
"Right, because you're definitely not going to want a second cup about twenty minutes after you finish that one." Hide laughed when Kaneki gave him an exaggerated sigh in response.
"There are definitely a few drawbacks to this whole 'cohabiting with your best friend' thing," Kaneki said as he closed his laptop. "But I suppose your knowledge of my coffee habits isn't one of them."
…
This was a drawback, Kaneki thought as he worked to keep his eyes fixed on the word document in front of him and not on Hide's bare chest. Kaneki had been working at the kitchen table when Hide emerged from the bathroom with a waft of humid air and a towel wrapped around his hips. He opened the fridge and started to drink directly from the milk carton. Kaneki was definitely concentrating on his work and not at all paying attention to the way Hide's throat moved with his head tipped back or the trickle of white fluid that dripped from his chin down the slope of his neck.
"Shouldn't you use a glass?" Annoyance had unintentionally lined his question. Hide shrugged, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Why? You don't like drinking after me?" Hide grinned and wiggled the carton at him.
"Jackass." Kaneki clicked his tongue but he couldn't completely hide a smile. "It's insensitive to mock my dietary restrictions like that."
Hide put the milk back and then came around the table to lean over Kaneki's shoulder and look at the laptop screen. "What's giving you trouble?"
Kaneki felt the heat of Hide's body, warmed by the shower, and tried not to inhale too deeply when he smelled his shampoo. "How could you tell?"
"You're using that tone." Hide's breath tickled his ear. "So, what's up?"
"The t-" the towel "-the twist. The plot twist. The resolution of the plot twist isn't going as smoothly as I'd like."
Hide nodded his head thoughtfully. Water from his hair dripped onto Kaneki. "Oh, sorry." Hide's hand swept along the column of Kaneki's neck to wipe away the drops. "Well, there is one thing you could do."
Kaneki had stopped breathing somewhere inbetween 'sorry' and 'well' and was thus unable to respond.
"I've figured it out." Hide came closer to Kaneki's ear and his voice dropped to a conspiratory whisper. "What about... aliens?"
Kaneki turned slowly to look at him. They were centimeters apart, breath mingling.
“Hide, I don't think that would fit the overall theme.” Kaneki focused on holding eye contact with Hide and not on his lips, flushed skin, the water that continued to drip from his hair and traveled down the length of his body.
“Alright.” Hide bit his lip. “What about... the power of friendship?”
“Leave.” Kaneki put his palm on Hide's forehead and pushed him away.
...
Kaneki heard his cellphone ring from somewhere very close nearby. He began to riffle through the mess of papers laid out in front of him on his bed. If it were anyone else he would let it go to voicemail, but this was Hide's ringtone. Finally, Kaneki unearthed his phone and flipped it open on the last ring.
"Stop hiding your phone!" Hide chirped immediately.
"That's a tall order from the guy who lost his phone in the freezer last week." Kaneki balanced the phone between his shoulder and ear as he tried to collect some of the papers before they could fall off the bed. He smiled at the sound of Hide's bright laughter.
"Okay, fair enough. How's the writing going?”
“Pretty well. I feel like I got a lot done today.”
“You're welcome.”
“What?” Kaneki laughed, almost dropping the phone.
“I've been sending you positive vibes all day. So you know what that means?”
“Hide, no--”
“It means that I used the power of friendship to help you.”
Kaneki groaned and hunched forward onto the bed until his head touched the mattress. “You're awful,” he grumbled and Hide laughed heartily.
“Hey, do you wanna go out tonight? There's gonna be a concert downtown and it's free cover if we get in before nine."
"A concert?"
"Yeah, local band. Ghoul-friendly venue. How about it?"
Kaneki sat back against the headboard and fidgeted with the stack of papers, making them as neat and straight as possible. He already knew how the night would play out; the music would be too loud, the strangers would stand too close, and Hide would drink and mingle with friends that Kaneki had met before but didn't know how to talk to. He'd either trail awkwardly after Hide all night or end up sitting at the bar nursing the same glass of blood wine for the entire event.
“That's a pretty telling silence, dude.”
"Sorry, Hide."
"Nah, don't worry about it!" His tone was casual but Kaneki could sense his disappointment. "We can do something else. There's that movie--"
"You should still go," Kaneki interjected. "You don't need to miss out just because of me. You know I'm no good at these things anyway." He laughed and hoped that it sounded natural.
Hide paused. "You sure? I'm always down for movie night."
"Yeah, we can do movie night anytime. Go have fun."
“Okay. I'll text you text you when I head home.”
“Thanks. Be safe.”
“You too. No staring into the void for too long, mister!”
Kaneki snapped the phone closed with a sigh. It was strange, to have been through so much with Hide and still feel so insecure about their friendship sometimes. But Hide was marvelous; he could live, grow, thrive anywhere he wanted to. Kaneki looked around his room at the shelves and desk laden with books and the story draft notes he still held and wondered, not for the first time, if it was possible for him to live outside of fiction. He wondered who was he supposed to be when he didn't have a role to play and a stage to perform on. He had carved a place into the world where the people he cared for would be safe, but where was his place in this new world?
But maybe it didn't matter. As long as he wasn't burdening anyone and as long as Hide was happy, maybe it didn't matter who he became from here. Maybe it was fine to just keep being a storyteller and to stay inside of imaginary worlds. After all, even from the beginning he had only needed his books. It made sense to return to them now that he was back to being regular Kaneki Ken, the literary enthusiast.
Kaneki got up from the bed and put his notes on top of one of the book stacks on his desk. He flipped through a few of the novels, searching for an old favorite to revisit. They were all tragedies.
'No staring into the void!'
Kaneki put down the book he held, hesitated, then went back over to his bed and knelt down beside it. He lifted the edge of the mattress with one hand and felt around on top of the box spring with the other, pulling out one of the books from his secret stash. They were on loan from Hinami at her recommendation, but he had been too embarrassed to leave them out where Hide might find them. They were all lighthearted romance novels.
Well, if Hide was going to have a fun night then so was he. Kaneki went out into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of blood wine, then he brought that and his book into the living room. He curled up on one end of the couch and looked forward to finding out which love interest the heroine would be taking to her sister's wedding.
…
“Kaneki! What happened?” Hide came home that afternoon to find Kaneki sitting on his bed, blinds closed, with his computer open on lap. He had several blankets draped over him and was openly sobbing even as his hands flew over the keyboard.
“Welcome home, Hide.” Kaneki hiccuped and wiped his face on a blanket. “Sorry, I'm fine. I just made myself cry while I was writing a really sad part. Sorry, I thought I would be finished before you got back.”
“You don't need to apologize,” Hide said softly and sat down on the bed next to him. “I was just worried. I'm glad you're okay.”
Kaneki nodded, sniffling, and closed his laptop.
“I didn't mean to interrupt--”
“It's fine. I've only got, like, a paragraph left in that scene. Besides,” he smiled at Hide, red-eyed but affectionate, “It's hard to be sad when you're here.”
“Oh.” Hide's face went through a series of expressions before settling on 'bashful but pleased.'
Kaneki giggled, holding a blanket over his mouth to try and muffle the sound.
“What is it?”
“Did I just embarrass you, Hide?”
“Who? Me? Nah,” Hide laughed nervously and nudged his shoulder against Kaneki's lumpy blanket form. “Ooh, you're squishy.”
Kaneki laughed as Hide leaned against him. They were quiet for a moment.
“Maybe a little.”
“Hmm?”
“You maybe embarrassed me a little.”
Kaneki smiled and played with the hem of a blanket.
“Are you done with being sad for today? I wanna watch a movie with you.”
“Did you have one in mind?”
“Not really. Just, not a sad one, I guess.” Hide shrugged.
“Well, if you're up for it-” Kaneki became very interested in the stitching on the blanket- “I do need to do some research for a scene in the book that I've put off writing.”
“That's certainly vague.” Hide chuckled. “What do you wanna watch? Is it something I already have?”
“It is.”
“Great!” Hide sprung up from the bed. “To the entertainment center!”
Hide lead the way into the living room, Kaneki following after. He decided to bring only one of the blankets with him. They sat down in front of the television, where Hide proudly displayed his movie collection.
“So, what'll it be?” Hide mused. “Something in the documentaries?”
“No.”
“Spy thriller?”
“No.”
“Mystery-suspense? Action-adventure? Comedy?”
“No, no, sort of.”
Hide blinked at him. Then his eyes widened and he suddenly seized Kaneki's shoulders, overcome with excitement.
“Kaneki! Do you-! Could you possibly mean-?”
Kaneki reddened.
“The romantic comedies?”
“I'm having trouble with writing the one romance scene in the story,” Kaneki said quickly. “It's meant to juxtapose the brutality of the protagonist's chosen lifestyle against-”
“Shhh,” Hide placed a finger over Kaneki's lips, “If you wanted to see a movie with kissing, you should have just said so.”
Kaneki swatted his hand away. “It's not about the kissing, it's about-”
“I'm so glad you've finally taken an interest in these things!” Hide sighed happily and mimed wiping a tear from his eye. “My little Kaneki has finally come of age.”
“Shut up and start the movie.” Kaneki huffed as he stood up and went over to the couch, face still very red.
An hour into the movie, Hide had stopped watching the film in favor of watching Kaneki.
“Even though you said 'research' I didn't actually expect you to take notes.” Hide smiled as Kaneki finished filling another page in his notepad and flipped to a clean one.
“That is actually what I meant by 'research',” Kaneki replied as he scribbled down a note about flower symbolism.
“Sooo,” Hide began slowly, “This is probably a dumb question, but you never actually...?”
Kaneki looked up from his writing to frown at Hide. “'Actually' what?”
“Actually dated anyone?”
“When would I have had the time?” Kaneki scoffed and brought his attention back to the screen. In the movie, the beginning of a serious misunderstanding was starting to brew between the two protagonists. “You know I didn't date anyone while we were in school. And after that I was sort of running a revolution.”
“So I guess you were sort of busy, huh?” Kaneki saw Hide smile at him from the corner of his eye.
“Sort of, yeah.” He smiled back.
“What about when you were, y'know, Haise?”
Kaneki turned sharply to stare at Hide in surprise. Usually, he never asked about the time he spent as a CCG agent. “Uh, no.”
“Not even anyone you were interested in?”
"That's-!" Kaneki fidgeted with a corner of a notebook page, crinkling and uncrinkling it with his fingers. He looked down at his hands so that he wouldn't have to face Hide. "It wasn't important. Or at least, it wasn't until I tried to write about it."
"I see. So no kissing either?" Hide's tone was politely neutral but Kaneki felt himself blush anyway. "To be honest, I don't think that watching one rom-com is going to solve your problem."
"I've been... I've been reading, too." Kaneki wondered if there was a limit to how much he could embarrass himself in one day.
"Reading? Like, relationship guides?"
"N-No, like..."
"Like... rom-coms?" Hide's grin threatened to split his face. Kaneki pulled the blanket over his head and shrank into it. He yelped as Hide all but leaped across the couch to capture him in a hug.
"Ohmygod, Kaneki! You're so cute!"
"Noooo," Kaneki moaned.
Hide laughed and pulled back the blanket so that he could ruffle his hair.
"Kaneki! Hey, Kaneki, listen- I think I've figured it out."
"Figured out?" Kaneki grimaced. "Please stop suggesting that I use the power of friendship as a plot device."
"What? No way, that's still a really good idea." Hide sat up so that he was no longer half on top of Kaneki. After a moment's consideration, he found where Kaneki's hands were hidden in the folds of fabric and held them. The notepad slipped off the couch.
Kaneki glanced nervously from the notepad to their clasped hands to Hide's face. His eyes were bright and intently searching Kaneki's. Hide's thumbs rubbed over his knuckles.
"What you need," Hide licked his lips and Kaneki's eyes followed the motion, "Is a proper demonstration."
"Um," Kaneki said intelligently, still avidly watching Hide's lips. "What?"
"Pay attention." Hide smiled slyly. He slid his hands up Kaneki's arms, pushing away the blanket. Kaneki was at a loss for what to do with his own hands now that Hide wasn't holding them and they trembled where they lay on his lap.
"H-Hide."
Hide's hands cupped his face now and Kaneki was mildly terrified by the idea that he could feel just how fast his heart was beating. He leaned in so that their noses were almost touching.
“Personally, I think that the moment right before a kiss is just as important as the kiss itself,” Hide said quietly, his breath ghosting over Kaneki's lips. “There's a lot of atmosphere right here. Maybe it's 'heated' or 'electric.' But I prefer something closer to 'breathless', y'know?”
Kaneki was inclined to agree. He certainly felt like he'd almost stopped breathing. Hide's hands were gentle and warm on his face and they guided him to tilt his head slightly.
“You want to make sure the noses don't hit,” Hide explained, brushing their noses together to demonstrate. Kaneki made a small sound and closed his eyes.
“Kaneki.” Hide's tone changed. There was something pleading in the way he said his name. “I...”
Kaneki's hands found the front of Hide's shirt and pulled.
Maybe Hide would want him to pay more attention to the way their heads were angled or the soft pressure where their mouths met. Maybe he should have taken note of the way that Hide's hands moved from his jaw and into his hair. But as their lips moved together, the only words that his brain would supply were 'good' and 'right.'
“So,” Hide said after they separated, but still close enough that their lips brushed as he spoke. “Was that a good example or-”
“No.” Kaneki leaned forward and kissed him hard. Hide made a pleased sound as he fell back onto the couch with Kaneki on top of him.