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The room was full of alliance leaders, the debrief well in session. Everyone was tired, they'd been running on less than 50% since the Battle of Atollon, and with far less patience and grace than before. The dead had been put to rest, but the anger had not. With the passing weeks since then, and the missions getting riskier, their outlook had become bleak. The chatter in the room sounded frustrated, the mood tense.
"Commander Jarrus, can you please tell us why you disobeyed the order from Captain Syndulla and went back into the destroyer?" Mon Mothma's gentle yet firm voice carried over the fray. The room fell silent. Kanan Jarrus stood before the Rebel Alliance's finest, looking down. He paused.
"I'm not a Commander, Senator. Captain Syndulla was in danger. I knew the destroyer's engine had been damaged, but I wasn't about to listen to a foolish order."
Captain Hera Syndulla stood behind Mothma, her eyes closed, hands balled into fists behind her back, trying to will herself back into a state of calm. She remembered the series of events relatively well, but talking now about her brush with death had brought her back to a place of helplessness. She hadn't seen Kanan since they'd boarded the Imperial destroyer and felt angry at both her own failure to escape and his risk in saving her.
---
It had been a simple mission really - Kanan, Ezra, Sabine and Hera would board the destroyer and steal the Empire data disc from Thrawn's office. They would then reach the engine room, sabotage the engine, hyperdrive and gravity wells and then escape back to the Ghost, which would provide support from Zeb and Chopper on board. Shortly after boarding however, it was clear that the simple mission was turning sour. A quick scan by Zeb had shown most of the Imperial troops to be near the engine room, which was unusual. Most destroyers had troops scattered everywhere, but this distribution made Hera think they were waiting for them. Thrawn's office was deep within a maze of hallways, but appeared to be unguarded. Hera quickly switched their plan to achieve their objectives. She split up with the others, heading to Thrawn's office for the data disk. Kanan, Ezra and Sabine had headed to the engine room, where the bulk of the Empire's crew was expected to be defending the ship. When Hera arrived to her destination, The Grand Admiral's office was orderly and did not look like it had been recently used. She quickly accessed the files needed and her search for the disk had been uneventful. Uneventful that is, until out of nowhere Hera had been grabbed by Pryce.
Although she had years of Ryloth fighting experience, Hera quickly noted that Pryce had the upper hand with her Imperial training but also because of her anger. A large explosion rocked the ground beneath her feet, and Hera knew that the sabotaged engine room had successfully been destroyed by her crew. A smile crept over her face briefly and then reality had briefly set in - this destroyer wouldn't last long, and she was still fighting deep in its depths with Pryce. Escape was no longer an option for Hera and all at once, she knew that her life was over. Hera had yelled into the comm that the Spectres should retreat back for the Ghost and make their escape to safety. Chopper was at the helm and she knew the little astromech could capably pilot them away. She vaguely remembered Zeb and Ezra yelling back via the comms and Sabine doing the same. Then she'd heard Kanan's voice clear and urgent amidst the explosions.
"Hera! I'm coming!"
"No! That's a direct order, Spectre 1. Get back to the Ghost."
Pryce had then shot her with her stun pistol and Hera's fight had been an unexpected and unwilling surrender. She didn't remember much after that, except being held by someone who was running, then her hastily being shoved into an escape pod. When Hera had regained full consciousness, it had all felt like a dream. She had woken up in the sick bay of an Alliance fleet ship, bandaged and stitched up. The drugs and residual effects of the stun had fogged her memory from some of the finer details, but everything hurt and she knew that Kanan had likely disobeyed her order and saved her life. He hadn't been there in the sick bay of the ship though when she'd woken up, like so many times before. After her injuries at Concord Dawn, he had practically moved into the sick bay himself, waiting for Hera to recover enough to tell him she was ok. Kanan's absence now felt hollow as she waited for the med-droid to return to her to ask questions on how she'd survived.
When Sabine had come to visit the soon to be discharged Hera, she was all smiles until Hera asked about the rest of the crew. Sabine noted that Kanan had indeed come back for her, disobeying her order but ultimately surviving the ordeal with her by using an escape pod. Sabine hadn't seen him since he'd boarded the Ghost with Hera in his arms, and had quickly taken the co-pilot's seat. He'd left Hera in Ezra, Zeb and Sabine's care, and he and Chopper had piloted the Ghost to the nearest med ship for the fleet, which is where she'd received care. All of the crew were expected to join in the debrief on Yavin 4 tomorrow, where Kanan had already been summoned to update leadership. Pryce's death on the destroyer was unconfirmed. The Empire data from the stolen disk had contained some useful information, but not enough to justify the risks they'd taken. Hera took in this news slowly - the Alliance had followed this mission carefully and although it had been a technical success, it had been messy, risky and could have proven to be fatal for Phoenix Squadron. The debrief would no doubt be a difficult one. Hera was then discharged from the med bay and allowed to accompany Sabine to Yavin 4, where she discovered she'd been placed on sick leave and all missions had been grounded.
----
"Foolish or not, you disobeyed an order, Jarrus. A direct order from your Captain."
Bail Organa's voice was soft, yet it had an edge today that Hera did not like. Kanan stood still before the table. The room was warm. Yavin 4's climate was tropical and with a heavily packed debriefing room, it felt unbearable. Kanan shifted a bit but was still silent. Standing just a few people beside him, Hera saw Kallus grimace in sympathy for Kanan and the questioning he was being put through. It would have only been a few short weeks ago since Kallus had endured his own formal questioning about his defection to the Alliance from the Empire. No secret had been left unturned and Kallus had felt stripped and exhausted from the process.
Admiral Raddus spoke up. "The Alliance thanks you for rescuing Captain Syndulla. Your heroism yesterday is respected and to be commended. Nevertheless, it was disobeying an order from a superior officer of the fleet. I'm at a loss as to how to deal with these events. The strength of this fleet rests in the adherence to the plan, and ignoring orders is not something we can afford to continue to do. Not with the losses we've already had."
Kanan shifted yet again then looked up, directly in Hera's direction. He quietly responded at almost a whisper.
"I ignored the order because I wasn't about to lose her."
"Ignoring that order could have resulted in the loss of Captain Syndulla and yourself, Jarrus. We can't afford anymore losses," Raddus replied.
"I love her," Kanan said simply.
The room was eerily silent now. Hera could hear the buzz of insects outside, the shifting of feet and hands, a low whisper joined by others now in the small crowd. Her eyes were fixed on Kanan now, who stared right back at her. His gaze, although masked, was still focused, and briefly Hera felt her cheeks flush. Hera opened her mouth but was at a loss for words. She closed it again, stunned at the open, public declaration of love in front of the senior members of the Alliance, crews and herself.
"I... thought the Jedi didn't have..." Bail Organa struggled for the right word, before awkwardly finding it, "... attachments."
Kanan shifted yet again in place, turning to tilt his head to Organa before speaking again.
"We don't."
More murmurs from the crowd. Hera saw Sabine's white and purple hair bob somewhere near the back of the room and Zeb's facial expression next to her flash with defensiveness for his friend. Bail Organa gave a small smile and remained silent, noting Kanan's admission with respect.
Admiral Ackbar ended the buzzing of the room again with a clearing of his throat, attempting to move forward from the revelation.
"Ahem. I don't have anything to add, except to note that perhaps a warning and notation to your record would be the most appropriate conclusion to this enlightening discussion. Kanan Jarrus, thank you for your account. Please carry on with your current duties Jedi or otherwise, without restriction. Your service to the Rebel Alliance continues to be invaluable, and your contribution to Phoenix Squadron and your crew has been exceptional. Your priorities on this mission were appropriate given the circumstances. You are dismissed for now. We'll conclude the debrief tomorrow at 0730."
Kanan sighed slightly then simply responded, "Thank you, Admiral."
The room broke out into a cacophony of noise then, and people drifted out of the room gradually. Zeb, Sabine and Ezra made their way to Kanan, who still stood at the edge of the table, unmoving. Ezra gave him a small awkward hug, then spoke a few soft words before turning to leave. Sabine also spoke to him, but seeing Hera walking towards them, quickly squeezed his hand, smiled then joined Ezra. Zeb stood next to Kanan for a few beats longer and simply said, "We'll catch you later at the Ghost then, mate."
Zeb then turned to Hera and grumbled, "He's had enough questioning for this lifetime..." before leaving as well.
When the room was empty, leaving just Kanan and herself, Hera put her hand on his own. She looked at him. His ponytail was pulled back, his beard trimmed, his clothes were clean - but there was a roughness at the edges she took in. A lone grey hair was newly spotted. A faint pink line of a scar near his right ear from being scratched, during their escape perhaps. The smell of bacta patches hiding beneath his clothes. The trace of congestion no doubt from the inhaled smoke from the crumbling destroyer. She pulled him into a hug gently, allowing her arms to wrap carefully around him, being careful to not cause any discomfort for either of them. They stayed this way for a few minutes, the warmth between them making Hera feel as though she'd melted into him. Kanan shifted again then and slowly came out of the embrace, a slow smile spreading on his face.
"I meant what I said, Captain Syndulla. I love you."
"I know, love. I know."