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"Of the voices in your head...
I hope the loudest one is mine,"
Michael softly sang.
"'Cause you know, you know, you know,
I think you're beautiful.
And when you say it hurts inside,
C'mon, look at me...
And don't stop looking in my eyes.
We can be seventeen,
We can learn how to chill...
Quoting songs by our favorite bands, and
Telling jokes no one understands,
Except us two.
And we can talk, and take in the view...
And it can be us,
It can be us,
It can be us and only us...
And oh, everything about you is so wonderful.
Oh, everything about you always makes me smile...
And yeah, there's voices all around,
And you can never mute the sound,
And they can yell and hurt like hell, but I promise we'll be fine...
'Cause I will fight for you,
And you will fight for me..."
It had become a gentle ritual of sorts. The song was a lullaby in function, and a patchwork quilt in form. Jeremy always found himself unable to drift off through the voices in his head without Michael singing to him. It was like... It sounded dumb to say out loud, but it was like Michael's soft voice scared away the ghosts of past traumas that fueled Jeremy's insomnia. Michael was the white mage to Jeremy's status ailments. And Jeremy was... What did he do for Michael? Why did the caramel-skinned boy care? What was Jeremy worth?
The lankier boy buried himself deeper into the red sweatshirt, valiantly battling his inner demons. Michael ran his hand up and down his boyf's back and sang a few more verses.
"I want you to know,
I've never had someone that knows me like you do, the way you do
I've never had someone as good for me as you, no one like you...
Wherever you go, I won't be far to follow
Oh, I'm gonna love you so
You'll learn what I already know
I love you means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me..."
"Loved... I'm loved..." Jeremy whispered insistently, the sound muffled by Michael's sweatshirt.
"You got it, dude. You're safe, don't worry about all the mean voices... I've got 'em." Brown eyes shut for a brief moment. Yep... I've got those cruel thoughts swimming around in my head. But, as long as Jere can sleep... I'll be fine.
Suddenly, Jeremy's thin arms wrapped themselves around Michael, and a pale, frowning face appeared out of the sea of fabric.
"I'm not sleeping if you're not, Mikey."
Michael smiled softly and shook his head.
"How do you always know...?"
"I dunno, but it doesn't matter. Wassup?"
"It's..." I can't do this to him... Can't put these toxic things in his head when he's already fighting so hard. "...nothing. Not... It's stupid."
"Michael Mell, you tell me what is bothering you this instant, young lady."
"How can you say that with a straight face?"
"I can't have a straight face. I'm too gay for you."
"Wow. Nice one."
"But seriously, what's wrong?"
"I..." He looked away evasively. "Dammit, Jere, don't..."
"I can't sleep if I know something's keeping you up. How's that for convincing you?"
"I think you mean coercing..." He muttered, though there was no real resentment behind the words. He sighed. "Fine, fine, you win."
"Great! So what're you hearing in your head?"
"That... Oof, this hurts to say. That you... You don't love me, not really, because I'm a giant dork, and not in, like, an endearing way. Just in a cringy way. And, like... That you don't wanna be seen with me... You get the gist... It's all about what you think of me because you're the one I love the most in the entire universe, so of course I'm insecure, right? It's not like I don't trust you, because I do, I'd trust you with my life, but—"
"Stop, Mikey." Jeremy tightened his grip around Michael's waist. "I love you, remember? Don't forget that."
"Y-yeah..."
"I. Love. You. Can't say it enough times, right?"
"Right..."
"Hey." Jeremy sat up and put his hands, covered by the cuffs of his overly large cardigan, on either side of Michael's head. "I love you means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me."
When his voice cracked on the high note at love, they both grinned and Michael giggled a little.
"Okay, Ogie."
"And don't you forget it," Jeremy said, pulling his Player 2 into a hug.