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The realisation is instantaneous; sharp, like copper on the back of his tongue, messing with his mind, forcing him to assimilate faster than he can think, but its dulled, drowned out by the neon beacon demanding his full attention that is Lup. In a mere second, his list of priorities has shifted from ‘Taako first’ to Magnus second, Lup first, with everything else following after – there’s so much that he’s remembering all at once, but he knows without a doubt that they resonate the loudest. Lup, who isn’t here. Lup, who Lucretia took away. Magnus, the love Lucretia made him forget. At the very least, he and Magnus have found one another again, at least he’s standing right there with him, whole and alive. Lup doesn’t get that luxury.
Each memory shooting through his synapses hurts and hurts and hurts – Lup careening down the DMV on the best day ever; Magnus smiling at him bright as a beacon; ‘count the shells!’ she cries as she lights up both guns in the dark; delighting in sitting with Magnus as Fischer dances carefree between them; the sheer terror gripping Taako as Lup turned into a lich; the near tangible pain when they perished on a mission; the pure, utter joy when they came back.
He grits his teeth. Anger surges through him like a lightning bolt as he raises the Umbra Staff at a terrifyingly calculated pace.
“Ten.”
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It’s a lot to take in. It’s an overwhelming amount of information, and it hurts, his head is spinning, and it’s not just remembering one hundred years of inter-planar travel in under a minute, though that’s certainly a primary cause, it’s -. It’s trying to somehow slot together his life with Julia and the life he’s suddenly remembering he had with Taako without his head exploding from the sheer dichotomy. He’s not sure whether it feels like he’s betrayed them both, and it’s causing him to fall to his knees, clutching his head as he tries to make sense of it all. Memories intertwine uncontrollably; he and Julia stare out at the stars above Ravens Roost as he and Taako stare out at the stars through the transparent ceiling of the Starblaster, and they’re hand in hand, Julia leaning her head down on his shoulder whilst Taako leans in to kiss him.
He can feel a hot prickle at the corner of his eyes, and he doesn’t know how to process all this; he’s feeling love and betrayal and fear and confusion all at once. He looks up to Taako, maybe for guidance or just a mutual acknowledgement, but Taako’s got a look in his eye that Magnus has never seen before as he stares down Lucretia, Umbra Staff pointed straight at her.
Right. Lup. Of course.
Suddenly, he’s feeling anger.
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It’s not like he doesn’t know. From the second he started to remember, the narrative he’s been missing vital puzzle pieces of for so long starts to slot together, and he gets it. Lup’s been with him this whole time, likely screaming at him futilely from inside the umbrella to try and get him to remember. He wishes with all his heart he could have heard her, could have helped her long ago, but this is the next best thing, he thinks, as he slams the Umbra Staff down over his knee and releases her back into the world, resplendent and glowing and fierce and everything he finally remembers.
He can’t help the rush of emotion that overcomes him, and he’s smiling so goddamn hard; he looks over to Magnus – Magnus, who he can finally give the attention he deserves, now that his sister is back and maybe not whole, and maybe not even alive, in the strictest sense, but real and remembered - and sees his expression mirrored, and for a moment, he’s overcome by love and warmth that override the anger and frustration, and everything feels right.
Were it his style, he might run over to Magnus and wrap his arms around him in a hug the likes of which only dreams are made of, remembering now what he should never have been made to forget in the first place, overwhelmed by the tumultuous waves of positive emotion cascading through him as the memories keep on coming. But there’s a time and a place, and it isn’t when the Hunger is raining down on the world he’s called home for over a decade. Magnus is resilient, he’ll make it through, and they’ll win, and then there’ll be all the time in the world to figure out what they forgot.
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The fact is, with the Hunger right on their asses and the literal universe at stake, there’s just no time to take Taako aside and just talk to him like Magnus is aching to do. There are a million other things on his mind, like Fischer – hell, how could he forget Fischer?! - and the planet of innocent people to protect and the world to save and it’s all coming down on him at once. Despite it all, the only thing he wants to do, right at this moment, is grab Taako and – well, he’s not entirely sure yet. It’s still very strange, to remember that you forgot something with so much emotional weight to it.
As they leave Lucretia’s quarters, there’s a moment, blink and you’ll miss it, where Taako meets his eyes and just smiles softly, an expression Magnus hasn’t seen since – well, since the Starblaster. To see it again is to open the gates for another wave of memories, soft and gentle – falling in love over the course of a century through bespoke meals, late night conversations under the stars, arduous journeys to the light of creation, carefully carved trinkets, Taako’s small, dainty hand enveloped gentle in Magnus’s, learning to surf with him during their year on the beach, playing guitar with Taako's head resting gently on his lap..
He doesn’t even realise that he’s stopped dead in his tracks until he feels a familiar touch to his hand that brings him back to a decidedly unwelcome reality, where pillars of tar fall from the sky and the love of his life is both dead and alive -
“Mags,” Taako says, sharp, eyes boring into his own. “You were gone for like, way too long there.”
“Sorry, I just -,” Magnus pauses. You – it’s you.
“I get it, okay?” He grins, lifting Magnus’s hand up and enfolding it with his own, as best he can. “I am totes with you. But we gotta save the world first, okay? World first. This second.”
“Right. Of course. You’re right.” Magnus nods, squeezing Taako’s hand in response, defiant.
“Just don’t die, okay? You aren’t getting away that easily,” Taako smirks, and winks, and Magnus can feel himself flushing. Even more so when Taako reaches up to kiss him softly, which is – it’s warm and sincere and almost too much to handle, this real, tangible proof that Taako remembers, too. That they’re in this together; that they always will be.
Just like that, he suddenly he feels like he’s flying.
Like he’s home.
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