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It had started as a normal day in the office. The CCG’s best and brightest were milling around, filing stuff, eating their lunches, and dreaming of new quinques.
Completely normal.
That was why, when Investigator Urie went to drop off files in Matsuri’s office, he hadn’t been prepared at all for what he heard. He’d been ready for Matsuri to annoy him a little. Maybe try to promote him into doing something dangerous that’d probably kill him.
He wasn’t ready to hear Haise’s voice crying out,
“You want me to put what in where?!”
It was no secret that, despite him wimpy nature and overwhelming softness towards ghouls, Haise was an infamous combination of cute-but-hot. He was ripped (Urie was jealous), however he’d also bake you cookies and looked good in a dress (Urie was not jealous, not at all).
Matsuri Washuu did follow Haise around a lot. He’d taken him to dinner a few times (a reward for good service that had new connotations to Urie now), flown him around in his helicopter (for mysterious reasons), and had dropped by the Chateau a few times (only to leave abruptly each time, red in the face).
“Haise, I need you to do this.”
Matsuri’s gravelly voice responded and wow Urie should not still be outside this door contemplating his revelation that his bosses were in love with each other.
Wait.
Wait, no.
The only evidence he’d pulled up in his mind showed that Matsuri was in love with Haise! Half the CCG was in love with Haise! It didn’t prove that it was mutual!
“Well…if you really need me to…”
Haise’s soft-spoken pushover voice reached Urie’s ears. Haise was a big baby! He’d give in to any form of peer pressure! He’d always do what people asked!
Matsuri was taking advantage of him (not that Urie was worried - it’s just that Haise being a pushover reflected badly on the Q’s)!
Overwhelmed by the sudden need to embarrass Matsuri (save Haise) and protect the honour of the Q’s (teach Haise a lesson about self-respect), Urie slammed open the door.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Haise! Men only want one thin-”
Urie cut himself off as Matsuri’s head lifted and Urie found himself on the receiving end of the scariest death stare he’d ever seen. Haise gulped audibly, his kagune wrapped around a delicate glass trophy on the top shelf.
“There was no ladder in here…”
Haise mumbled,
“And he wanted to toss this into the garbage…I don’t see why though, since it’s so pretty…”
Somewhere deep inside, Urie was screaming (his bosses were idiots).
(Little did he know, Matsuri asked Haise to do that exclusively to hear that line…he had a voice recorder strapped to the bottom of the desk)