Chapter Text
Even though Raphael was only a teenager when he was turned, he had already started to suspect that there was something different about him. His peers started developing interests that baffled him, but he let them slide. He was still young, wasn’t he? Something might change.
But then he ended up being forever young, and things didn’t change. He started to understand certain things about himself more. Magnus Bane was a God send (he really was, because of him he can actually *say* that). Raphael is not sure he could have survived without Magnus. But the things Raphael didn’t understand, the things lacked, he never developed them. Magnus couldn’t quite understand. Magnus loved deeply and passionately. Magnus knows that Raphael does love, he loves his human family, his clan, Magnus. But it’s not the same type of love Magnus feels. There is a silent understanding between them to not talk about it.
But over time, Magnus worries. Camille enjoys teasing Raphael about his lack of interest. It’s mean, and Magnus can tell Raphael is bothered by it. After a while, Magnus decided to do a little research. The mundane world was starting to really show an interest in classifying sexualiaties, and Magnus hoped he might find answers for Raphael. While he’s not completely on board with Kinsey’s findings, he does appreciate the inclusion of ‘Group X’. As far as labels go, it’s not great, but he can tell it gives Raphael a little peace of mind to know he’s not alone. However, Raphael does not appreciate Magnus calling him Mr. X because of it. He really appreciates finding the labels asexual and aromantic decades later.
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Raphael: It may have started with the blood, but it’s more complicated than that, alright? I care about her. I have feelings for her. I wasn’t lying about what I said. There’s something about her. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.
Magnus: You’re so hooked on her blood, you can’t separate your feelings from your addiction.
Raphael: I thought you of all people would understand.
Magnus: If you truly believe that, see if you still feel the same when you’re not getting high. ###
Raphael looks devastated. Magnus pulls him to a hug. “My poor boy. Raphael, you know I want only what’s best for you. This situation isn’t healthy. You must know that yourself.” Raphael doesn’t return the hug, but he doesn’t move away from Magnus either, which is about the best he could hope for. Magnus pulls back so he can look at Raphael in the eyes, leaving his arms on his shoulders. He asks softly, “What happened? How did you get here?”
Raphael looks down, ashamed. “Isabelle got addicted to yin fen. She ran out, tried to get some vampires in my clan to bite her. I stopped them. They would have probably killed her. She said she just needed one bite. So I gave it to her.” Raphael finally looks up apologetically. “I meant it, Magnus. I wasn’t going to do it again. I don’t want to be that person again. But then she… She came back to me, and she hurt herself. The blood… I tried to resist it, I swear.”
“Oh, Raphael. It’s alright. I know you did.” Magnus holds Raphael again and this time Raphael hugs him back awkwardly. They stay like that for a moment. Magnus would like to know all the details, but there will be time for that later. His heart breaks for Raphael, and even for Isabelle, although he suspects Raphael was the more injured party. “I will help you through this again, Raphael. Don’t worry.” He strokes Raphael’s hair for a minute, helping him calm down. Magnus takes in a breath and lets it out in a sigh. There are other questions he needs to ask Raphael. He break the hug gently, now holding Raphael’s face in his hands. Raphael doesn’t break eye contact and he looks so young, his physical instead of his mental age. Magnus tries giving him an encouraging smile.
“I have known you such a long time Raphael. I remember going through you figuring out your identity, your labels with you. I also know Isabelle, she’s a fine young woman. If what you’re feeling for her is romantic, that is perfectly fine. I’ll be happy for you both. But I want to remind you, that there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with being asexual or aromantic. I want you to be sure you are not doing this to try to change yourself. If Isabelle makes you happy, I am happy for you. I just want you to be sure. ”
Raphael is quiet, thoughtful. Uncomfortable. “I don’t… I still don’t want sex. It’s not what this is.” Magnus nods. “But… I might feel something for Isabelle. I’m not sure what it is. I really do care about her.”
“I’m glad. I want you to be happy, Raphael. I just don’t want you to think you have to change yourself, trying to be someone you think you should be, not who you are. And addiction can be such an ugly and tricky thing. I want what’s the best for you.”
“I know you do, Magnus.”
Magnus gives him a big smile, and Raphael gives him an embarrassed one back. “Good. I’m always here for you, Raphael.” Magnus gives Raphael’s forehead a kiss, and heals his cheek. “Everything will be alright. I promise. I will help you through anything.”
"I know." Raphael's usual determination is back in his voice. Magnus hates that it has come to this again, but they'll pull through. Raphael is strong. He can do this again. Magnus is doubtful of Raphael's feelings for Izzy; Shadowhunter blood is too potent, Raphael's previous feelings too certain; but Raphael deserves all the affection he can get. Raphael will figure things out again, he just needs time. And Magnus will always be there for him, no matter what.