Chapter Text
Sabo’s office was empty.
Koala exhaled in order to calm the surfacing tension, and hastily set out to look for her friend and fellow colleague, already having a rough idea as to where the other might be. It wasn’t unusual for Sabo to slip out unnoticed – the man always walked with purpose, shoulders pushed back and head held high; therefore, no one ever paid him any attention and just let him through, never keeping track as to where the commander went – and lately, it was happening more and more often. Their medic said that it might've had something to do with his returning memories, and while Koala didn’t probe at the subject too much, she knew that it wasn’t far off the truth.
Sabo wasn’t too good at keeping secrets in his time of need, relying on Koala wholeheartedly. They had each other’s backs not only on battlefield but on more personal matters as well. They always told each other nearly everything, from innermost musings to basic things, such as peculiar encounters that they had on their respective solo missions, which often resulted in some hilarious stories relayed to the rest over the dining table.
Koala spotted Sabo’s blond locks immediately, their color a stark contrast against the dark gray sky promising rain. The man was sitting in his usual spot, or as Koala had dubbed it, his private musing corner, looking out into the distance as though the mountain peaks held the answers to the numerous questions clearly plaguing his mind. At first, Koala had considered leaving him alone but then quickly remembered that Sabo could easily spend half a day drowning in muddled thoughts if no one bothered to step up to bring him back to the world of living. And here she was - bravely marching up to the ladder which Sabo used to haul his ass up on the rooftop and climbed up to join him.
He had that distant, clouded look in his eyes again, and just as she'd expected, Sabo's gaze was unseeing. As per usual, he was thinking of the lingering ghosts from his past, trying to recall faces, names, facts, but drawing blanks every single time. It was almost as though his memories were constantly scratching at the surface but the shock from that fire, combined with the fear and the near-death experience, had built a sturdy, impenetrable wall that no amount of careful probing could break. Sabo didn’t dwell on it all that often, focusing on the present and the people he had in his life right now, but whenever he slipped up and switched to one of his bizarre moods, he always put everything into it, consciously or not.
Koala wrung at the folds of her skirt, playing with the loose threads that were poking out here and there, and waited. Seconds turned into minutes and she was beginning to get anxious, wondering whether she should forcibly bring Sabo back to reality to kindly remind him that they had an unfinished mission plan to attend to. He spoke up on his own, no push needed. “Do you ever think about the people that you used to know and got along with? Back then.” Sabo shot Koala a brief sideways glance, lips puckering up – a sign that she was free to not answer the question if it made her uncomfortable in any way.
Despite the passage of years, Koala still stiffened up at the memory of her… experiences as a slave. There were many others, far too many, and no one ever attempted to get to know each other on a deeper level, knowing perfectly well that they could kick the bucket at any second. Why bother making friends when they could die the following day? Right in front of your eyes, if you were unlucky enough. And for what? Showing a speck of emotion? Looking up at the wrong moment? Scrubbing the floor a few centimeters away from the assigned area?
“No,” Koala answered truthfully, shaking her head to the sides. She took a moment to calm down, shoulders gradually sagging. “I knew a girl. Once. She was gone a week later for,” a brief pause, “for dropping a cup. Her mother tried to step up for this injustice and was executed as well.”
Her tone seemed to do the trick as Sabo turned to her with a hard look in his blue eyes, eyebrows pinched – a display of pity for the fallen slaves and hatred for the heartless nobles. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought up any of this. My bad,” he trailed off guiltily, tipping his hat lower to shadow his eyes.
Sabo turned back to the bleak horizon, the sparse forests completely overpowered by the mountain range. Another cold breeze swept by as Koala decided to bite the bullet to disperse this stuffy awkwardness. She didn’t need Sabo’s pity – rather, she wanted to find out what was bothering her friend. By turning this conversation around, he was escaping his problems, downplaying his feelings and that wasn’t right. Koala had had more than enough experience in that field – just enough of it to know that these ghosts of Sabo’s unknown past would inevitably come back to haunt him right before he fell asleep that night.
“Just tell me what’s wrong, Sabo. You’re acting… more weird than usual,” Koala snorted at the sharp nudge aimed at her side, swatting the offending elbow away. “You know you can be open with me.”
“Yes, Mother,” Sabo rolled his eyes, cracking a grin when Koala swatted him back for referring to her as such. However, it was gone before she knew it, replaced by that faraway look once again. “I asked because I had a dream last night.”
Koala shuffled closer, leaning in to observe Sabo’s profile, wondering if the other had finally remembered something and was waiting for the right opportunity to bring it up when she least expected it. She wouldn’t put such behavior past the other boy, but his face remained stone-like, betraying nothing. “What kind of dream?” she asked with urgency lacing her gentle voice, gnawing on her lower lip in anticipation. What if the people from Sabo’s past weren’t… good to him? Perhaps this was the key to his silence? Did he even remember their faces?
He exhaled then, awkwardly tugging on a golden lock. Tension was rolling off him in waves as his nose scrunched up. After a long moment, he gave up with an exasperated exhale. “I don’t remember. I could see it so… so vividly the moment I startled into awareness, but before I could write it down or memorize any of it, it slipped through my fingers,” a pointed look at his gloved hands, “just like that. All I know is that it felt too real to be a dream. It had to be a memory, I know it.”
Koala placed a tentative hand on Sabo’s tense bicep to console him. “There’s no need to feel frustrated. It will come back eventually – Bo said so too, right? You’re starting to remember; the best you can do is prepare yourself for whatever may come.”
“I don’t care about my past, Koala,” Sabo shrugged her off, worrying at his lower lip. “I have no idea what kind of family I grew up in, why I never wanted to return home in the first place or what occurred there. I don’t care if I was the son of a criminal family or a noble – I just… I want to know the ones who mattered. Remember them at least. They linger on somewhere in the back of my mind and no matter how much I try, I can’t pull them out. Like today! It was such a pleasant dream that gave me so many good feelings, and yet when I opened my eyes, that’s all it was. A dream and nothing more.”
Koala watched him bury his face into his gloved palms, fisting at the straying hair strands to collect himself. “Let’s start from the beginning; what sorts of feelings do you recall? Perhaps this will help you get on the right track?”
“You’re not much of a psychologist, are you?” Sabo snorted, mirthless. Dejected.
Koala puffed out her cheeks in anger. “Well, excuse me for trying to help out then! If you don’t need me, just outright say it so that I can return to my neglected pile of paperwork!”
“As if it’s any better than listening to my woes.”
“At least the paperwork doesn’t verbally insult me.”
“It wasn’t my intention to insult you, really.” Koala only huffed out an annoyed “as if!” and crossed her arms at that. Sabo was known for his “I do what I feel like” attitude, often saying harsh things without ever meaning to. “Look, I’m just in a bit of a sour mood. Nothing a few hours of mind-numbing mission planning can’t fix,” he chirped with faux happiness, swinging a fist in a sharp arc a few times.
“You’re the worst liar around.”
“I wasn’t raised as one.”
“You don’t even know that!” Koala bit back, face scrunching up.
“I assume that I wasn’t,” Sabo shrugged in return, supposedly innocent. “Since I’m so terrible at it and all.”
“You know what, if you suddenly forgot me, I’d be dreading the day you recalled my face again. I’d be all “man, piss on that guy”. He was one hell of an insulting douchebag. Blessed be the day he forgot to say mean stuff to me on hourly basis.”
“You know you love me.” Sabo foolishly poked her cheek like a doofus with a death wish and nearly had it karate-chopped when Koala swiftly brought down her hand. “Ouch! That’s not how post-traumatic therapy works. I told you that you can’t do it.”
“Oh bugger off, Sabo.” Koala decided that she was done with horsing around and stood up, wiping off the back of her skirt. “Now if you don’t mind, I have some unfinished work to attend to – something you clearly have no concept of.”
“Now there’s no need for that.” Even though she couldn’t see it, the pout in his voice was nearly tangible. Koala was making her way back to the ledge when Sabo called out once more, running her means of escape with the desperation lacing his tone. She knew that something wasn’t right. “Wait. Koala, please.”
With a defeated sigh, she sat back down, not bothering to close the distance or even look her companion’s way. “You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you stopped it with the off-putting dramatics and out-of-place humor. This is no laughing matter, Sabo. You’re going to lose focus if you keep going on this track.”
“I know. It’s just,” there was a silence, “there was someone else in my dream. I don’t remember what we were doing but… it felt really nice. I think it was something dangerous, I’m not too sure,” he said with a smile in his voice. Koala couldn’t help but quirk her lips upwards as well, not one bit amazed to find out that Sabo likely had a rowdy childhood. It suited him. “All I know is that this person was important to me. I loved them and they loved me back.
When she finally looked back, Koala took notice of her friend's confused expression and the hand pressed to his chest, right over his heart. Sabo zoned out, trying to chase after the fleeting feeling but he never quite grasped it. It was warm, fuzzy, and definitely nice. Something he’d rarely felt for others – only those who were the closest to him, Koala included.
“A little crush of yours?” the aforementioned girl teased, placing her hands behind herself to support her weight as she lounged back, tilting her chin to get a better look at the rapidly blinking man.
“I – I don’t think so?” Not like he had much to compare to, seeing that he’d spent the entirety of his new life training or running from the marines, far too busy to develop any feelings towards passing strangers, not to mention have romantic affairs with them. “No, it’s probably something else. Definitely something else,” Sabo reassured himself rather than Koala at this point. She wisely said nothing, even if she picked up on his reluctance. “But it was pleasant. Despite the adrenaline rush and all.”
“Can’t imagine you in any other friendship if I’m being completely honest. You seem like a ride-or-die person.”
“You say this as though it’s unexpected and you haven't spent the last six years with me.”
“I’m allowed a moment of hesitation every now and then,” Koala shrugged. “Thanks for telling me, by the way. Keep me updated on this mystery person if anything else pops up.” Sabo could hear the finality in her voice. Secretly, he was grateful for it – he knew that he wouldn’t remember anything else today. Forcing himself only ever made things so much worse. He tried it before – mostly back when he was still a newbie at the Revolutionary army. Clinging to some faceless, shapeless ghosts provided him with a source of comfort whenever he was introduced to all these shady-looking people who would one day become his comrades, brothers and sisters in arms.
“Will do,” he assured and stood, helping Koala up on her feet as well. “Now then, the last one to the office is a rotten egg and has to give the winner their desert. I heard that it’s cheesecake night.”
“You’re on,” Koala smirked and they nearly jumped off the roof in their haste to get to the ground.
When Sabo was back in his little office – ah, the luxuries of being the commander of an army made up of rebels; he actually had some space for himself which could be loosely referred to as his room, and it even contained a sofa that served as his bed more often than not – with a growling stomach because Koala had beat him to the office by ten centimeters, he dimmed the lights and sprawled out on the blueprint covered “bed”. He rolled over and began gazing at the ceiling, carefully probing at his chest area. Chasing after the feeling of lingering warmth.
Night times were the worst.
Empty thoughts plagued his mind whenever he was particularly stressed and felt like screwing himself over even further by trying to recall right about anything, coming up empty-handed. His post-shock amnesia was still kicking strong as ever, even after all these years. Sabo was already nineteen, well on his way to his twenties. Living out his days in the perpetual semi-looming darkness was starting to take a bit of a mental toll on his well-being. He tried to ignore his past, but it always found new and creative ways to haunt him, demanding to be remembered. Faces, voices, dreams – they all continuously painted a smudged picture on the blank canvas that was his wiped memory. Whenever Sabo stepped back to admire the painted image, he found it too warped to comprehend, unable to make out any significant details.
During the first year, he’d wake up drenched in a cold sweat, shaking like a leaf in the wind and obsessively checking his burn scars. They’d feel unnaturally warm against his palms, as if he’d just escaped the hellfire that was the sea on that fateful night, lungs tight and left eye literally burning in its socket. It’d taken a while to get used to being blind in the left side – not that he could remember seeing with both eyes, but the discomfort remained – and even longer to catch up to the rest of the Revolutionaries with this handicap of his. He remembered avoiding sleep, training to hone his dragon’s claw, passing out, Hack carrying him back to the barracks, Dragon inviting him to his tent to give him a good scolding, more dreams, fire, two boys, danger.
Wait.
Before his stream of muddled thoughts could continue its flow, flashing before his eyes in a confusing sequence of senseless images, Sabo jumped up from the sofa, latching onto that little detail.
Two boys.
…who?
Quickly, he grabbed the journal teetering on the edge of his paperwork-cluttered desk, jotting down the words. Sabo closed his eyes, trying to remember anything that would make sense, give him more information.
Time trickled by. Hours passed, yet Sabo remained in the same pose without moving an inch not daring to open his eyes, feeling the telltale burn under the eyelids.
Nothing. There was nothing.
He only moved from his spot when he heard people walking around outside, getting ready for their morning warm-up routines.
Two days later, after working himself to near coma and repeatedly having his ass kicked by various men of the army, Sabo deemed himself exhausted enough to allow himself at least some sleep. The sound of it seemed heavenly to his ears but also weighed him down, as though it was some sort of cruel punishment that he’d willingly sentenced himself to. In the end, it didn't really matter because his body was far too exhausted to walk in a straight line, no less discuss plans of their next mission with the rest of the staff, so Sabo dutifully ate lunch and then dragged himself back to his room, tying a red scarf on the knob – a sign that he was not to be disturbed by anyone unless the world was coming to an end. He didn’t bother to take off his shoes before crashing face-forward into the squeaky sofa, readily passing out. The suddenness of his sleep vaguely reminded him of something, his tired brain drawing a connection to someone from his past – someone who used to pass out at random moments.
His dreams felt like some hyperrealistic hallucination, as though the commander was feverish and overthinking instead of sleeping, semi-aware of his surroundings; the sounds of heels clacking outside whenever someone passed the office, people conversing. Sabo was drifting in and out, while bursts of vivid colors exploded beneath his sandpaper-like eyelids. Bright and exotic; the blue of the cloudless sky, the turquoise of the vast sea, and the various greens of what appeared to be a jungle. He heard the distant sound of laughter. Sabo craned up his neck to see a smudge of browns and reds in the shape of a person, working on what appeared to be some sort of construction suspended in the tree.
A treehouse, clearly.
Sabo’s small hand wrapped around something hard – a pole or tool of sorts? – as he looked around and then said something to the blurry person. They replied, voice undeniably boyish, and the more Sabo looked, the more shapes he could make out on that lineless splash of color. It felt as though he was in serious need of glasses with that blur getting in his way, more than a little annoying.
He seemingly wasn’t in control of his body. Dream Sabo nodded at whatever the other kid had said and picked up a sturdy-looking piece of wood off the ground, approaching the suspended rope ladder to skillfully climb it, carefully passing the plank to his companion.
“How much longer until we’re done?” he heard himself ask in his adult voice. None of that kid-like squeaking. Sadness and disappointment gripped Sabo's chest at the fact – his subconscious was successfully blocking out everything that would give him any hint as to what was occurring. Gradually, he felt himself becoming more and more aware of his current predicament – at this point, waking up was inevitable. Sabo clung to the remains of the dream, memory, tooth and nail, unwilling to open his eyes just yet, not ready to forget everything the very moment wakefulness took him hostage.
The dreamscape kid lowered what appeared to be a hefty hammer and hummed around the two nails placed in his formless mouth – how Sabo even knew that, he had no idea, seeing that he wasn’t able to make out anything of importance – giving his handiwork an appraising look. “Not sure. You never know it with this weather, and repairs tend to take a while. What do you think, Sabo?”
The obscure image started warping at insane speeds, and before Sabo could answer, it faded out.
He found himself staring at the dirty ceiling of the office, his extended arm grasping at nothing.
His long hair was sticking to his forehead in an uncomfortable way. Right away, Sabo knew that he was in desperate need of a shower, answering to no one in particular, “I think… it’ll take a few more days…”
A name was sitting right at the tip of his tongue, craving to be set free, but it just wouldn’t come. He didn’t know that name, not yet.
He figured that it must've belonged to the one from his dream.
He barely remembered the dream. Sabo had a distinct feeling that there was someone else there if his desperation was anything to judge by. He just wasn’t too sure. He might’ve been talking to himself all along.
Sabo pulled the leather-bound journal closer, flipped it to the marked page, and wrote down two words: jungle and treehouse.
“Sabo, pass me the hammer, please,” Koala asked and insistently wiggled her fingers in his direction, legs folded on the ladder that seemed godawfully unsteady.
Sabo looked up at her from an area that Koala had deemed “peeking-under-the-skirt” free and tipped back his hat to assess the damage and get a better look at the sorry excuse for cardboard that was meant to cover the wall, which Koala had all but kicked in while they were sparring. Hack had yelled out a garbled “my dojo!” upon impact, and after a lot of well-deserved scolding, the Fishman had pushed the tools necessary to fix the paper-thin walls into his pupils' arms. “How come you take the nails but forget the hammer? Sheesh,” Sabo bent down to pick up the aforementioned tool, a bizarre feeling rising in his chest. Déjà vu was hitting him hard, but he couldn’t quite put his finger around it. Then again, he and Koala were often stuck repairing the stuff that they'd broken mid-spars, so it wasn’t all that weird. He placed the tool in her waiting hand with a wary look. “Seriously, I can’t bear to look at you up there. You look like you’re about to fall over.”
“Then steady the ladder, jackass,” Koala muttered and placed the nails in her mouth. Sabo stared, suddenly feeling very, very lightheaded. “Hello? Sabo? Anytime today? Or are you going to pull a macho gentleman act on me and tell me to get down because you can do this faster?”
“Koala, be quiet for a bit,” Sabo shushed her, putting a free hand to his forehead. It felt as though Koala had taken the hammer and purposefully dropped it on top of his head. “I’m having a vision.”
“What?” Koala looked down, more than a little annoyed. “Sabo, what the hell are you talking about? Did I hit your head too hard or something – oh,” she stopped herself mid-sentence, the pinched frown replaced by confusion and concern. The blond man looked as though he was about to pass out. “Are you okay? Seriously, you weren’t lying when you told me that you got enough rest last night, right? I wouldn’t have agreed to spar otherwise.”
He didn’t answer, so she jumped off the ladder with the grace of a newborn gazelle, going down to her knees to join her unsteady friend, who was now busy hugging his waist, bent over his folded legs. Sabo's eyes were squeezed shut, eyebrows twitching to ward off the pain, face pale and beginning to collect beads of sweat.
“…Sabo?”
He only took off his hat and placed it on the wooden floor, rubbing at the sides of his head, breath growing labored.
“Sabo, you’re scaring me. I’m gonna call Hack and-”
With a swift hand motion, he cut her off mid-sentence, swallowing a few times before speaking up again, eyes still squeezed shut and throat ridiculously parched. “Don’t tell him. Or anyone. This isn’t a health thing, I think I just… remembered something,” Sabo rasped, and Koala gaped, incredulous.
She blinked a few more times to process the information, placing her hands on Sabo’s shaky shoulders. “This is… a little abnormal no matter how I look at it. Are you sure you don’t want to visit the medical ward? They’d give you some herb tea and meds. Therapy maybe, since I’m bad at it,” she joked lamely, yet it seemed to do wonders, because Sabo forced himself to crack his good eye open to shoot her a shaky grin, slowly getting his breathing pattern under control.
They spent a few moments like this, with Koala soothing her dear friend with awkward shoulder pats and Sabo fighting off his looming anxiety attack, suddenly feeling a whole lot better now that he actually remembered his warped dreams better. When he had enough breath in his lungs to speak up, he faced Koala, smiling softly. “He was my best friend. We went on adventures together and we even built a treehouse, I assume. He was… good at building stuff, I think. Kept the nails in his mouth, just like you do. There was a ladder involved as well, and seeing you up there – Koala, you brought me back my memory by forgetting the tools on the ground. You lovely genius!” Koala’s eyes were the size of saucers, growing in width as the distance between them shrunk, Sabo’s eyes sparkling with excitement. She wasn’t ready for one of Sabo’s notorious hugs, nearly falling over to the floor as the blond laughed, happy beyond belief due to his little memory. She awkwardly returned it, patting the boy’s wide back, pleased to hear this news.
Someone yelled “oh for the love of god, get a room!” but they were too busy wrapped up in each other to actually react to it like usual – heatedly denying all and any rumors implying that sort of relationship between them.
Sabo was in a wonderful mood for the rest of the week, his productivity levels going off the charts. He’d flawlessly presented his upcoming mission plan to the members of the staff; and Dragon, who'd nodded in approval, even congratulated him on fully thinking everything through without missing one or two crucial details as per usual. They’d adjourned the meeting after discussing the more suspicious movements of some Warlords – the current events happening on Dressrosa being their primary concern – and Sabo stayed behind to tell Dragon his discoveries. The older man mostly listened, asking a few questions here and there, pleased to know that his Chief of Staff was feeling better, and most important of all, getting enough sleep. In fact, Dragon seemed confident enough in his chief's mental state to assign Sabo's personal team to this new mission – they were to check out the underground market of Baltorei, and if their suspicions were confirmed, confront the local mafia unofficially in charge of the town.
To say the least, Sabo was pretty damn excited by the prospect of it, never having wandered into desert areas before, and while Baltorei Peaks wasn’t exactly located in a desert, it was famous for its plains and canyons – thus, the name. Sabo was a nerd like no other and he loved learning geography, so he spent hours reading over books and travel journals, some of them written by the Revolutionaries, describing the Baltorean sunsets in great detail, to the point Sabo could actually visualize himself standing between the canyons, feeling as though he was trapped between the pink-to-orange gradient stones.
However, Dragon popped his bubble of expectations by uttering a single sentence. “You’ll have to be on high alert at all times. I’ve received some news that other pirates are looking into this case as well. Make sure you don’t stand out. I’ll give more details regarding that matter later. Run along now.” Dragon made a shooing motion with his hands and turned to the window, thinking something over. It was a dismissal as good as any, so Sabo politely bowed, and with a confident “sir!”, he left the room, speed walking down the cramped hallways, keeping an eye out for Koala the entire time, more than excited to share the news.