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He was walking down the hall, on the way to the library. Drake had finally talked him into trying that old science fiction novel he loved so much. Said there was a copy in the manor.
Grayson was in town, he knew that. Here to see his father about something or another. He’d promised himself he would leave the two be until dinnertime or so. Then he’d demand his eldest brother’s attention for himself.
His father has had decades after all. Lifetimes. Damian’s only had a few years, and needs to catch up.
So he wasn’t surprised when he heard their voices coming from his father’s office. Just assumed that’s where they were having their discussions, instead of in the cave. Was going to continue on his way, at least until through the closed door he heard Dick say:
“…then I’m going to have to leave. And Bruce, I don’t know if I could bring myself to come back.”
Damian detoured towards the room immediately, not even realizing he’d done it until he was throwing the door open.
And he had no idea what they were talking about. After all, it didn’t sound like they were arguing. There were no raised voices, no tones of violence. They were just talking. Softly even, sounding almost sad.
But at just the thought of Dick not coming back. The thought he’d never come back to Gotham, for whatever the reason…
His heart ached. His heart broke instantly.
And he’d do anything. He’d do anything.
Bruce and Dick both jumped at his arrival, eyes widened in alarm. Bruce was seated behind the desk, Dick was leaning against the front of it, looking across the room.
“What’s wrong?” Bruce asked instantly, turning his chair towards Damian, shifting to stand. “Are you alright?”
“You can’t leave.” Damian breathed, looking straight at Dick. Bruce froze, and slowly eased back into his chair. “Whatever it is, I’ll stop it. I’ll fix it, and then you can’t leave.”
Dick blinked, face full of sorrow. “Damian, I…You don’t think…” But after a moment, he sighed. Closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose. Walked away to look out the nearby window.
“…Grayson?”
“Damian.” Bruce, now. Actually getting out the chair, and coming over to kneel in front of his son. “What did you hear?”
“That Grayson’s going to leave.” Damian admitted, still looking over his father’s shoulder to stare at his brother’s back. “That something’s going to make him leave and never return.”
Dick huffed, leaned his forearm against the glass above his head.
“So what is it?” Damian asked his father, even as Bruce glanced back at Dick. “What’s the issue that I need to correct?”
Dick’s fist tightened.
“Damian,” Dick’s voice was tight, almost angry. “I don’t want you to-”
“Damian.” Bruce cut off, shifting to block Damian’s view of his brother. “May I ask you a question?”
Damian felt his suspicions rise. “I suppose.”
Bruce hesitated, just for a moment, then slowly asked, “…How open would you be to changing some aspects of your training? To modifying some of your skills?”
“Father.” Damian scolded. “We’ve been through this. I dislike it when you try to change the subject from something just because you don’t want to talk about it-”
“I’m not changing the subject.” Bruce promised quickly. “The question has to do with what you’re concerned about.”
“…What?” Damian breathed. “What do my skills have to do with Grayson wanting to leave?”
“Everything!” Dick wheeled around, face anguished and conflicted and almost angry. “It has everything to do with you and what you do!”
Damian jumped, moved to take a step back. Bruce gently took hold of his forearm to steady him.
“I…” And Bruce could see the misplaced guilt already seeping into Damian’s heart. “I don’t understand.”
“What Dick is so inelegantly trying to say is,” Bruce tried to explain as quickly as he could, before Damian ran and hid where none of them could even hope to find him. “We’ve…noticed a pattern. In your decisions and actions.”
“Father, I’ve tried.” Damian almost pleaded. “I’m working on my overuse of violence and my anger and my attitude. I promise.” He looked up at Dick. “But I don’t think that’s any reason to want to leave me-”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Bruce interjected again, before Dick could. “Damian, we’re talking about…” A pause, and tired sigh. “Damian, we’re worried.”
“Understatement.” Dick snapped behind them.
“We’re terrified.” Bruce amended. “Because we’ve noticed that you have developed a habit of jumping in front us in the most dangerous situations.”
Damian looked at him. Glanced back at Dick and then back to his father. “So? That’s what Robin is for.”
“No. No it’s not.” Dick argued desperately. “He’s not supposed to jump in front of Batman in a situation when even Batman won’t go forward. He’s not supposed to sacrifice himself to be a prisoner of the Court of Owls or die because it would save Nightwing.”
“That’s not your job.” Bruce agreed quietly. “Your job is to back us up, sure, but it’s also to come home safe at the end of the night. With us.”
“And I would rather die than come home without you.” Dick swore, emotion cracking his voice. Then, almost like it was more to Bruce. “I refuse. I won’t do it, not on my life. Not again.”
“But!” Damian tried. “I.” And he seemed unsure, like it was difficult to admit. “I…I care about you. I…I love you. All of you. I don’t want you to get hurt. So if I believe I can stop it, I should try, shouldn’t I?”
“Not if it means we might lose you in the process.” Bruce countered gently, lifting his hand to hold Damian’s face. “We’ve done enough of that, don’t you think?”
“Irrelevant.” Damian said defiantly. “I don’t regret a single thing I’ve done.”
“And I don’t want you to. I’m proud of you, and the person you’ve become.” Bruce nodded. “I’m just saying – maybe we should work on some tactics – all of us – to either avoid these confrontations, and how we handle them from here on out, or change your mindset of thinking your life means less than any of ours. Because it doesn’t. It never has and most certainly never will.”
“And if we can’t,” Dick whispered. “If we can’t fix it to where you don’t…” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Where you don’t think you’re less worthy of living than us, then the only thing I can think of to do is leave.” Damian’s eyes widened as he looked up at him. “Go somewhere you aren’t, so you don’t even have the opportunity to try to take a hit or a bullet or a…a deal for me.”
Damian shifted, though no one knew if it was to run away or at his brother. Bruce kept his gentle hold of Damian’s arm regardless.
“And I don’t want to do that. You know I don’t.” Dick’s hostile and frustrated tone dissipated immediately as he came forward. Knelt next to Bruce to look up at Damian. Leaned up to hold Damian’s face with both of his hands, pushing Bruce’s out of the way. “You know I love you, more than basically anything in this whole universe. But if the only way I can protect you from getting taken away from me again is to leave and stay away, then…then I’ll do it.”
Damian’s lip quivered.
“I’ll do anything to protect you. And so will your dad, and Tim and the girls and everyone. Even if it hurts.” Dick murmured. “Because I promise you, Damian – nothing will ever hurt any of us as much as losing you – in any form – will. Did.”
If Damian was going to answer, he didn’t get the chance to, because Dick suddenly dropped his hands to his shoulders, and pulled him into an embrace. A tight embrace, a nearly suffocating embrace. Damian could feel the tremble in his arms though.
“I don’t want to go through that again, Damian. No matter the circumstances.” He breathed. “I can’t.”
“…We were going to talk to you about it.” Bruce hummed after a moment. Damian shifted to look up at him. “Dick just approached me about it right now, that’s why he’s…upset.”
“No, I’m upset because of how many times he’s jumped in front of us in the line of fire, and has gotten hurt because of it. Has died because of it.” Dick snapped over Damian’s head. “I’m upset because we let him think this is okay and it’s not.”
“I know, Dick.” Bruce offered. Carefully, he laid his hand on Damian’s shoulder, and Damian could feel the shaking of his hand, too. And maybe he wasn’t saying it verbally, or in a way Dick liked, but Damian could hear it loud and clear. Bruce felt the same as Dick. He might have been even more upset and more guilty than his eldest. “…I know.”
“Promise.” Dick whispered. “Promise me you won’t try to sacrifice yourself for me or anyone else anymore, Damian. Please.”
And Damian thought about it. Really, he did. Stared up into his father’s eyes as he did it, and even as he confidently decided: “No.”
Dick squeezed him tighter, to the point he almost gasped, and buried his face in Damian’s hair. Let out a near-sob. “I hate you so much.”
“I’m sorry.” Damian whispered sincerely. “I’m so sorry, Grayson, but I can’t. I can’t promise that.”
Dick just held the back of his head, and let out a deep, deep sigh.
“If an intervention on my part will save any of you from harm, then it’s worth it. No question about it.” Damian explained. It didn’t seem to be working, for either of his mentors. “But…I will try.”
A beat.
“I will try.” Damian repeated, even as Dick released him from the embrace just enough to look down at him. There were tear tracks on his face. “If it will make you feel better.”
Dick’s eyes darted between his for a moment, before he lifted his hands once more to hold Damian’s face.
“Why are you such a good person?” He demanded in a growl, but it was half-hearted and exhausted. Bruce quietly chuckled. “Who taught you to be so great?”
“…Batman.” Damian shrugged with a small smile. Then looked to his father. “Both of them.”
Bruce grinned almost shyly, and gave Damian’s shoulder another squeeze as Dick engulfed him back into the hug, leaned his cheek against Damian’s hair.
“Trying is all we can ask of you.” Bruce hummed. “But…we’ll talk about any training or studying changes we can make later.” His smile widened. “After a well-deserved night off.”
“…For you both as well?” Damian asked immediately.
“Dick for sure.” Bruce promised. “And I…will attempt myself. Let me just finish up the report on this case and inform the Justice League, and we’ll see how it goes.”
“Okay.” Damian sighed softly, and gently leaned his head against Dick’s shoulder. Dick just shifted to hold him tighter. “Thank you, Father.”
“No,” Bruce returned, then leaned down to kiss Damian’s forehead. “Thank you, Damian.”
Damian felt heat rising to his cheeks, and pushed his face a little harder into Dick’s collarbone.
“Come on, kiddo.” Dick suddenly moved again, lifting Damian into the air, holding him against his chest as he stood. “Let’s leave batdad alone so he can get his crap done and hang out with us.”
And Damian didn’t fight him. Just wrapped his arms around Dick’s neck, and let himself be coddled – probably in a silent apology for upsetting his big brother in the first place.
Dick just wasn’t going to let their youngest go right now. Not for anything.
So he watched the two leave, and felt a smile melt onto his face as he went back to his papers, wondering how he got so lucky as to have these kids as his.