Chapter Text
He knew that he was in the wrong here. This was an effect to a cause that he had chosen to create as soon as he shoved Keith back there in that blasted forest. Choosing to push him out of range from the reaching hands of an abnormal crawler. Taking on that bite to the meat of his leg instead of the ravenette himself. This was by his doing. He had put himself in this position souly on the fact that he had wanted to guard Keith's life. Preserve it by making sure he went more unscathed then what he already was.
So why was he acting like Keith was the monster here?
There was no reason for it and yet everytime he saw those hands? He picture them covered in blood. His blood as the other survivor cut through his skin and bone with his knife to sever the infection before it spread any further up his leg. Killing him.
The bite had been inflicted on his calf almost an entire day out from the damn that their group along with other clusters of survivors had claimed as a sort of safe heaven. It was the closest thing they had to a home and in Lance's opinion? It was beautiful. The forest was thick and smelled fresh with natural life that went unaffected by the carnage and horror the rest of the world was suffering from. Their little society was nestled safely away from it all. Seemingly out in the middle of no where. Where they could hunt game on horseback and raise their own sort of gardens within the safety of their walls. Sometimes they even had the comfort of power. When Hunk and Pidge were able to work with the others and get the genoraters running for a while. Until weathering took them back down again and a party had to be formed to go out and work on the Dam's power sights to repair it. Which wasn't always a trip that went smoothly. Being out here? The danger of being overwhelmed by the infected didn't come often. Their base of sorts had been isolated to begin with and once the crew had cleaned it all out, checking every inch of the place for spore growth and the insane, it became safe.
Every once in a while however. They had a wave of the infected from distant neighboring towns work their way into the forest. Special teams went out to cut them down before they managed to reach their home's walls and overwhelmed the defenses there. No one wanted to loose the heaven they had created and no one could really afford to either. Not when families were being sheltered there. Kind hearted and generous people who worked day in and day out to assure that they could survive on what they had.
This had been he and Keith's job.
They had volunteered eagerly to take on the task of scouting ahead to pick off a wave that had been spotting during a hunting party's venture back in. Lance just hadn't expected for their to be so many infected beings. It was a miracle that they even survived at all and made it back in one piece to be honest. His life was in debt to those gloved hands. The same ones that had carried him all the way back to the safety of their home and into the waiting hands of their friends who jumped to spare his life from intense amounts of blood loss. He was very lucky to of woken up after the terrible expierence. Breathing regularly and able to speak and think normally despite the trauma of having your leg amputated on the field with no form of medical supplies outside of his own jeans being tied and knotted at the end to try and stop the bleeding. So why was he scared of him?
Lance sat out at one of their own spots. Over looking the fenced off and protected pasture where they kept the horses. He could barely see the mare he had raised himself from here because his eyes were watering so bad. Hands clutching at the front of his jeans while he sat in an old fold out chair that was propped up atop the wall of the power plant. The other one that was just to his right? Painfully empty in the absence of Keith. They use to sit up here for hours when it was their turn to watch the pasture and make sure the horses were safe. Animals couldn't get infected and turn onto flesh eating monsters but that didn't mean that they still couldn't die from the natural order of things such as crafty wolves or coyotes. No one dared to kill any of the wild life out here if they didn't have to. They sort of added to the comfort of things. Making their life seem normal when you could hear wolves howling at night and birds singing in the morning.
There was no Keith though.
Because he had chased him away with his finicky behavior. Subjected the man to feeling like a beast for doing what he thought was right in the panic of the moment. He didn't mean to do it. Lance didn't aim to make the other think such a thing, but the flash backs came everytime he saw that fierce boy and it almost terrified him. Contradicting the intense need to see him again. Lance wanted nothing more then to have him at his side again, like before because when Keith was around? Everything felt so normal again. Like they were on an extended camping trip instead of living out here like freaking farmers that were armed to the teeth and ready to kill for the sake of living.
"You messed it up -- " He sniffed, oblivious to the door that slid open almost twenty feet away. Ignorant of the the distant thunder from the dark grey clouds and blind to the tranquility he could of had..
If he was able to get over the ugly presence of the metal crutch laying on the ground just beside his chair that is. This was the first time he had been out and about the premises on his own since loosing his leg. So he should of been at peace over doing something by himself for once. But the emptiness of it had never felt bigger until now. Drowning him in this misery of being broken and useless. A burden and an extra mouth to feed. A liability that would only get people killed when it came time to move fast and defend that grounds. He dropped his head into his hands with a shaky gasp. Heart aching at the realization that his only worth now, was going to be nothing but a meat shield. In this world you had to be strong to survive or else it would literally eat you alive. But he wasn't strong anymore...he was a broken link in their chain. Weaker then before.
His shoulders hiccuped as a sob forced it's way out of his throat just as the sky rumbled with deafening thunder. Hooves rumbled against the ground just below in fright while his tears gathered and fell. The first dribbles of water sprinkled onto the ground and before he could even protest? A strong arm was wrapping itself around his shoulders. Pulling him forwards into a well built chest with soft, sighing whispers. Lance didn't even struggle to resist..just, allow himself to be wrapped up in a presence that smelled like the earth. Mossy and with this leathery musk that he came to recognize as him.
Keith.
The last of him broke into pieces once he realized who had come for him up here, in their old spot. Where so many good memories had been built in these old tacky ass lawn chairs. A small drizzle turned into a full blown rain storm that poured heavily over them in its quite lull of pitter patter, but neither of them moved. Lance's fingers digging into the back of Keith's shirt as it began to stick to skin from the water. While the other man cradled his head against his collar bone, letting him curl up and hide away from it all for just a little while. Become safe whole he fell apart until there was nothing left to be torn apart. When everything was raw and exshausted? He'd have to get back up again..if he could.
" I'm, so -- so sorry, Lance." Keith mumbled thickly, deep voice straining at an even lower octave then usual. It was then, that Lance realized that he to was letting his tears mingle in the cover of rain. He was hurting..just as much as Lance was with this loss. Because he had been the one to do it. To take his leg while the Cuban male had screamed and cried for him to stop. Just...stop because it had hurt to fucking bad and there simply had to be another way. There was always a way. That's what their group leader Shiro said right? He had been so blind in fear that he didn't really understand that the only way he could go after a bite to the leg was amputation before the infection spread to his mind and drove him insane. But Keith had. His brother had gone through the same shit after all when he had been bitten in the arm. Having to go through this twice? Must of been crippling and yet he had for the sake of saving Lance's life and he...well, he had been so awful in response. Anxious and distant because all he could see when he looked into those pained grey-violet eyes was the reflection of his own bloody body when he had taken the limb off. Lance squeezed his arms around the man's middle with a choked gasp. He had made this man believe that he hated him for something that couldn't be helped and what did Keith do? Make that first move and come to him when he was at his worst...just like he always fucking had.
"Don't -- please don't leave me behind, Keith." he cried out over the rain.
The ravenette nodded reassuringly, brushing the tips of his fingers against Lance's high cheek bone. Using the same fingers that had cut through muscle, flesh and bone to preserve his life. But Lance didn't shy away from them this time. Instilling the protection and comfort that he knew they could provide into his system. Remembering them for their gentle touch and welcoming heat. For the mesmerized way they use to trace his every defining contour in the dead of night when they were alone. For their unwavering grip on the handle of a lengthy blade with the full intent of safe guarding a life by throwing himself into danger. He remembered them for the way they brushed his mare's mane and fur on easy days. For picking wild berries with him by the streams when it was safe. For folding ridiculous amounts of clothes as punishment when they were being a bother to the others that lived here. Most of all...he remember these hands for always been available when he sought them out for strength.
"I won't. I -- promise I won't ever, leave you behind.." Keith murmured fiercly into the soaked strands of Lance's hair as he kissed at his temple. Jaw clenched around all of the rage and pain that he wanted to vent out for the treachery that he had committed. The ravenette knew that some thing had been broken between them. Some thing vital and when one got down to the nitty gritty facts of It? Lance had PTSD. Developed from the horror of having to listen to a blade driven by his own sweaty hand clack against bone with disgusting wet sloshing sounds until it'd been broken and removed.
Lance had post traumatic stress disorder..that revolved around Keith. Because he had decided to selfishly take matters into his own hands right then for a lack of what to do. With limited resources the options were few and he had done what he thought was best. Keith, couldn't let Lance go. He couldn't of allowed him to slowly loose his mind over the course of a few days before falling prey to the infection. He just, couldn't loose him at all.
This boy who originally hailed from Cuba was Keith's salvation in more ways then one. He had been the light that managed to bring back his humanity in a world where rules inly went so far. Where the crazy ran the streets in packs that hunted whatever uninfected innocent they could find like dogs for nearly no reason at all. That had been Keith. Post Lance, he had been heartless. Only driven to take care of just himself and Shiro. No one else because when the small town they had been living in truly began to loose function and fall apart that's all he had. No one else gave to shits about whether or not he was alive nor dead. No one but himself, and the man who had all but adopted him as his half brother.
It was Lance who reminded him of the fact that they were human. Full of emotions like compassion for one another. Joy for finding jackpots instead of greed. Love over looking at the others in a group at night while they slept soundly under your watchful eye. It was this man who had taught him that it was okay to accept help. Open up his doors and allow those who were willing to come inside and form a special pack of their own. Never before had he had so many people in his circle that he cared about until he met Lance and he had him to thank for that. In this harsh world that they had adapted to living in it was dangerous to make yourself vulnerable to bonds. Because they didn't always last. But Lance had given him the tools to understand that when you had something good? You enjoyed it until it expired. No matter how big or small it was and in that one moment? Keith hadn't been ready for Lance to expire and leave his life for good. He, just..he wasn't capable of it. The man had become something important to him over the short two years that he had known him.
Not only was he a dear friend, but a partner in every since of the word and he wasn't going to just let him go that easily. People outside of himself needed Lance just as much to. This goofball brought light into everyone's lives within these walls. He made it seem normal. Light hearted and even fun dare he say. Chores to ensure their survival turned into games that had scoreboards amongst everyone involved. Kids loved this man to death and parents were more then thankful to have someone around who could give them a simple taste of the good life before everything had been lost in this mess nearly fifty years ago. Before their generation. They needed Lance. He needed Lance..so he wasn't going to ever leave him behind.
"I'll be here..beside you, no matter what." he whispered into kiss swollen lips in the solitude of their shared room.
Beneath the covers hours later. The rain still poured outside but they paid it no mind. Blue and Purple never straying from each other for longer then a few moments at a time. Keith traced his thumb back and forth against the hip his hand rested on. A pair of soft blankets covering them up to their shoulders in the quiet of their room. Burning the feeling of Lance's smooth skin into the forefront of his mind while the other? Reminded himself of the refuge that he had almost lost.
The sun kissed male had himself tucked into Keith's chest as much as his position would allow. Arms folded between then to make himself smaller then he truly was while he teased gently at the ends of his jet black hair. They'd have to change positions soon to keep Lance from feeling pain due to the way they lay here facing each other. But he didn't mind.
Keith would wake every hour on the dot to readjust Lance in his sleep to ensure that he was comfortable if he had to. Currently they had a pillow resting between his thighs. Keeping his still tender, stump..supported. The bandages were due for another changing tomorrow and the wounds needed checking again. Healing from loosing a limb was a long process. One that he had hated being kept from but he couldn't of approached Lance before now. Not when he was so, scared to even look at him.
"Promise..?" Lance murmured, words slurring as he stole another soft and lazy kiss from Keith. He was slowly succumbing to the effects of the drug he'd taken early for pain. One of the few left of its kind. Matt and Shiro had truly pulled off a miracle by finding the hydrocodone for him to take. It was no more then fifteen in the bottle to start with. So a majority of the time the male had to just suffer through the pain until it got bad enough that he couldn't take it anymore. They still have twelve pills.
"I promise..cross my heart." he assured, pressing a final kiss into those tender lips with a soft breath of content through his nose. The response was slow to come and for a moment he didn't think Lance was awake at all. But he huffed quietly with a chuckle. That warm smile spreading across his dimly light features.
"I love you..i've always loved you, Keith."
His eyes blurred for the second time today. He knew that Lance wasn't pulling his leg under the influence of pain medication because when he looked into those ocean blue eyes? He saw nothing but earnest, honest to god warmth.
"..love you too, Lance."