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Soonyoung locked eyes with his reflection, sweat pouring from his brow and chest heaving with every breath. The others had long left the practice room, and he had recognized their exhaustion as they left as well as the few sympathetic glances his way when he said he was going to stay a few more minutes.
That had been hours ago, and it was well into the morning.
A small part of his mind told him he wasn’t performing as well as he wanted to because his limbs were too tired, but a louder part told him to keep going until he had perfected the choreography. He hadn’t even made a complete dance for the song Jihoon had made, which was another reason he had pushed himself to this point.
Others were counting on him, and even with Minghao, Chan and Junhui helping he knew the heaviest weight was on him as the leader of his team. He had appreciated how they had stayed the longest to help him get through the choreography, but even they had their limits. He was reaching his own now, and he knew it.
After allowing himself an extremely short break he walked over to his phone and started the song again, moving back into position. He closed his eyes and felt the rhythm, trying to match movement to it, but everything he tried felt wrong. He grit his teeth and furrowed his brow, still moving in spite of his frustrations. He was starting to misstep and hit beats late, his head too full of fog to understand . When he started to get too dizzy he stopped and stood still, placing his head in his hands and groaning.
He couldn’t fail them, because even if they forgave him for his mistakes they faced the very real possibility of fading from the industry. He didn’t want them to burn out just as they were starting to gain traction. He slapped his cheeks lightly and looked in the mirror.
“Fighting,” he whispered, his voice almost frightening himself with how weak and rough it was.
He stepped closer to the mirror, cleared his throat and tried it again. Again it was so weak and frail, so he inhaled deeply to try and shout it as loud as he could. His eyes squeezed shut, and his throat felt raw, but what little energy he had left went into it and his voice rang louder and clearer.
His face was pink and puffy when he looked at himself again. Tears were starting to fill his eyes, from tiredness more than anything, and he wiped at them gently. Even his posture was starting to droop, his shoulders slumped forward and back curving.
He saw rather than heard the door to the practice room open. He turned slowly, his body suddenly sluggish. Curious eyes found him in the room, and for a moment they flashed with anger before softening to concern.
Jeonghan quickly crossed the room and stood in front of Soonyoung, steadying him. He hadn’t even realized he had been swaying until he stopped. He met his eyes apprehensively, an apology on his lips.
“You know, it’s okay to rest a bit,” Jeonghan said, interrupting him before he had the chance to say anything.
He swallowed thickly, leaning into Jeonghan’s hand. He felt another hand run through his hair, and his eyes grew heavier with every stroke. Exhaustion finally catching up to him, he tipped forward into Jeonghan’s arms. He was caught easily, and he rested on Jeonghan’s shoulder.
“My head hurts so much,” he said, his voice hardly louder than a sigh. Only now he realized the enormous headache he had.
“Don’t think of anything.” Jeonghan began to massage Soonyoung’s head gently, pressing his temple up against Soonyoung’s.
So he did. He emptied his head of all thought and felt the pounding behind his eyes lessen. His body still ached and felt as heavy as lead, but his head was blissfully empty. Unencumbered of worry, he started to slip into unconsciousness, only keeping himself up with Jeonghan’s help.
He was vaguely aware that he was being picked up, and so he reached up and wrapped his arms around Jeonghan’s neck, leaning into it sleepily. He allowed himself to close his eyes completely, listening to the sound of Jeonghan’s breathing. It was warm in his arms, and the fleeting thought of why Jeonghan was still up entered his mind before leaving just as quickly as it had come.
“Thank you,” he mumbled, his lips resting against Jeonghan’s pulse. He could feel it beating softly against his mouth, and the slow rhythm was helping lull him further unconscious.
Jeonghan replied, but Soonyoung couldn’t make out the words, he could only feel the vibration in his chest as he spoke. He felt safe, and more than that he felt cared for. His chest nearly constricted with something that overtook him at that moment, and he wanted to express his gratitude properly, but his head felt too heavy to lift and his mouth wouldn’t comply.
Suddenly he was being lowered, and he realized he was being placed in a bed when he touched the sheets. It was probably the exhaustion, but the bed felt like the most comfortable thing he had ever lied on, as though he were floating.
He needed a shower and to change into proper pyjamas since he had sweat through his clothes, but right now he could hardly think of anything beyond rest. Instead he turned on his side and pressed his face into the pillow, a soft, contented sigh escaping his lips.
The bed dipped as Jeonghan lied down beside Soonyoung, his arms wrapping around him to cradle him to his chest. Jeonghan wasn’t just bragging when he said he was the best smelling member, and right now it was overtaking Soonyoung’s senses. He pressed his face further forward so he could drown in it.
The feeling of being safe washed over him again, his hands reaching up to grab at Jeonghan’s shirt. Hands smoothed his own shirt down his back, sweat cooling his skin while Jeonghan provided enough warmth that he wasn’t shivering. The sheets were pulled up around them, Jeonghan tucking them in so they couldn’t feel the cool night air beyond the bed.
Soonyoung managed to open his eyes enough to see Jeonghan staring back at him, and the emotion Soonyoung could see in his eyes made him look away. Being the center of attention on stage was entirely different from the way he felt when Jeonghan looked at him that way.
A hand pulled his head back up so they were making eye contact again. There was only one thing he could see looking back at him, it was written all over his face.
“You know I love you, right?” Jeonghan asked.
Soonyoung knew, but he’d never heard him say it out loud. A smile spread slowly over his face, and he felt heat rising in his cheeks.
“I love you too, Jeonghan,” he whispered, the words forming a bubble of excitement that rose in his chest. Saying it back almost felt forbidden, his lips tingling as if the butterflies were trying to escape from his stomach out his mouth.
Sensing consciousness threatening to return, Jeonghan stroked Soonyoung’s cheek to calm him back down. Soonyoung understood, relaxing under Jeonghan’s hand and settling against the bed.
“Sleep, there’s time to practice tomorrow,” Jeonghan said, smiling and leaning in to kiss Soonyoung’s forehead. There was a nod before his head slumped against Jeonghan’s chest- his breathing began to slow, and soon Soonyoung was completely asleep.
Jeonghan let out a soft chuckle and rested his nose in Soonyoung’s hair, closing his eyes so he could finally rest too.