Work Text:
It starts with a small group of Gryffindors getting a bit tipsy during the end of their sixth year and of course Marlene McKinnon would have to suggest the idea of playing the muggle game Truth or Dare.
An idea that Sirius hurries to second; he’s seen how Lily’s smiles have grown wider at James’s jokes recently and Sirius is determined to work out if she has romantic feelings for his best mate if it kills him.
Because if she’s just toying with James then it’ll break James’s heart which will in turn kill Sirius so he’s pretty much doomed either way.
The game is fun for an hour or two, of course getting better with every shot of firewhisky they take.
Dorcas eats a box full of only earwax flavoured beans and almost vomits, Peter did a surprisingly brilliant strip tease for James who laughed and clapped the entire time and Remus had to try and list all the school rules he’s broken in a minute while Lily timed him.
Sirius had snorted by the end because while Remus had spoken rather fast, he hadn’t even listed a quarter of the ones Sirius has known Remus has broken.
But the fun and excitement all end when Marlene McKinnon dares Sirius to go into the cupboard for seven minutes in heaven with Remus.
And in that moment Sirius knows that if there were any moment in all of his life that he’d take back it would be the day three months ago when Sirius told Marlene he’d a crush on Remus.
That crush hasn’t faded since their talk. If anything it has just grown stronger and became more prominent and difficult to ignore. If Sirius were a romantic he’d believe he might have accidentally fallen in love with his best friend.
Of course Remus knows nothing of this crush Sirius has on him. Well, Sirius hopes he doesn’t.
Remus is rather observant and as James put it when Sirius told him of his feelings for their best friend the previous year, “You’re the most obvious person in the whole world Pads, especially when you like someone. Remus is going to find out sooner or later so you might as well tell him first.”
But Sirius isn’t the best at taking advice, no matter how good it may be so Sirius didn’t tell Remus and Remus never asked or suggested that he knew about Sirius’s romantic feelings for him so everything had being going perfectly well.
Until of course Marlene bloody McKinnon decided to play matchmaker after a few too many bottles of firewhisky.
Remus’s cheeks are burning but Sirius has never known him to back down from a dare, even if it wasn’t even his so he stands up and glances down at Sirius, almost challengingly,
“You coming?”
Sirius opens his mouth to say something but he can’t think of what to say, can’t decide what he wants to say.
At least Remus hadn’t said something like, “Let’s get this over with”.
But…that’s sort of how Sirius feels right now.
Because Sirius doesn’t want to go into some dark secluded closet and make out with Remus and unbutton his pants and do what people usually do during seven minutes in heaven.
Sirius wants to…Sirius just wants to hug Remus and squeeze just that little bit tighter so Remus knows he’s there and that he’s loved.
He wants to thread his fingers through Remus’s sandy curls but gently so it doesn’t hurt.
He wants to sleep next to him and entangle their legs so he can no longer tell whose limb is whose and feel Remus’s arms around his stomach so Sirius knows they’re both safe.
Sirius had thought of Remus in a sexual way before, of course he has but every time he does, it just always made him feel uncomfortable.
Not like it was wrong or weird to think about Remus that way. It was just the same off, empty feeling he got whenever he thought of being sexual with any other guy, girl or person.
But…if this is his only chance of being close to Remus then shouldn’t he take it?
Standing on shaky legs, Sirius tunes out the whistling from the group behind him, except for James who’s not whistling at all.
Because he’s the only one who knows how things like this make Sirius feel.
Despite all of Sirius’s confidence about his body and the rumours that the Hogwarts gossipers have spun about his sexual encounters over the past few years, he’s never actually been with anybody, all he’s ever done is kiss two girls when they were in fourth year and one Hufflepuff boy when they were in fifth year.
And yeah, Sirius loves his body, who wouldn’t? But he just feels uneasy when he thinks of anyone touching him in certain places.
Merlin maybe his parents really did fuck him up.
Sirius follows Remus into the closet and shuts the door behind him.
A second later Remus murmurs a low and adorable “Lumos” and then a small ball of light fills the room.
Sirius looks up and relaxes ever so slightly when he sees Remus’s gentle smile.
“I’m so sorry about this” Sirius blurts out.
Remus shakes his head and leans back against the back wall, only a few inches away from where Sirius stands by the door.
“This isn’t your fault. It’s a stupid dare. Plus I spend practically all my time with you anyway, seven more minutes won’t hurt.”
Sirius snorts and looks down at the ground, trying not to fidget with his hands.
They stand in silence for a minute and just when Sirius is wondering what joke he should crack to break the tension, Remus rubs the back of his own neck and asks, “Sirius, why do you think Marlene chose me to come in here with you?”
Sirius swallows, his stomach tightening even further and he feels like he’s going to throw up.
Remus apparently sees this in his expression because James is right and his features can’t hide anything, especially when he likes someone and they’re standing in a closet right in front of them and Remus walks closer to him and places a rough but delicate palm on Sirius’s cheek.
“Pads? Pads I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer.”
Sirius shakes his head and backs up until he hits the door, lifting his head and looking his best friend in his worried but stunning eyes.
James was right. If someone’s going to tell Remus about Sirius’s feelings for him it might as well be Sirius himself.
And if it gets extremely awkward then none of those seven minutes in heaven things will happen anyway and Sirius will be saved the embarrassment of having to explain why he has no interest in doing something that most people would give anything to do.
“I like you.” Sirius whispers, his words somehow loud in the small, secluded room.
Remus’s eyes widen and Sirius watches as the worry flickers to confusion.
Once those words are in the air, the others just seem to spill from Sirius’s lips.
“I told Marlene a few months back that I’d a crush on you and well apparently this is her way of trying to set us up but trust me I never asked for it. I…I don’t want this...not that I don’t want you because I do! It’s just…” Sirius let’s out a ragged breath and before he can stop himself, his brain has subconsciously decided that if he’s going to bare his soul to Remus Lupin, he might as well tell him everything.
“I want you but not in…not in the seven minutes in heaven way.”
Remus’s eyebrows draw together but he doesn’t look annoyed, if possible he just looks more confused and unsure.
“You mean not in a sexual way?”
Sirius nods, wondering how Remus understood what Sirius meant so easily when it took Sirius 15 years to realise it himself.
Remus’s eyes flicker back and forth across Sirius’s face and then Remus is the one to look at the ground as he takes in a shaky breath.
“Is it because of the scars?”
Sirius blinks and for the first time in this conversation, his heart physically hurts,
“What?” He whispers.
Remus looks back up at him again, his eyes determined but Sirius knows him well enough to recognise the awareness, hint of anger but most of all, the heart-breaking acceptance that lies there.
“Or do you think I’d be too rough? Because of what I am, I…I wouldn’t hurt you Sirius I swear I’d never-”
“Rem, Moony, no of course not.” Sirius steps forward and places his hand on Remus’s folded arms.
“It’s nothing to do with you. I just…I don’t want sex. I don’t want to touch people in that way. Not just you, anyone. I don’t want anyone to do it to me. Merlin I don’t like it much when I do it to myself. Like it feels good but…not much you know, it’s like I don’t need it. It’s good, it’s fine but I don’t particularly like it if that makes sense.”
Remus nods and his face slips back into the gentle one he always wears,
“I’m sorry if you thought I was making it about me” Remus says softly, “I thought it was just me so thanks for eh, explaining that to me, I think I get it.”
Sirius blinks again, surprised again by just how well Remus is taking all of this, “You do?”
Shrugging, Remus takes a step forward that’s so tiny Sirius might have imagined it.
“I’ll never fully get it because I’m not like that, not like you but I think I understand what you’re saying and I’m glad you told me.” Remus smiles a smile brighter than any Sirius could have imagined, “And I’m glad you told me you liked me because I’ve liked you for a while too.”
The nervous ball in Sirius’s stomach transforms into a sea of butterflies that could explode at any moment much like the smile growing on his face.
“What?” Sirius asks, his voice high pitched and ridiculous to even his own ears, “Really?”
Remus brings a hand up to hesitantly stroke Sirius’s cheek, “Of course, I’ve liked you for a good few months now. I was just…too nervous to say anything, I’m sorry.”
Sirius shakes his head, tired of Remus’s unnecessary apologises and hoping that Remus knows he doesn’t blame him for anything.
Words have never been Sirius’s strong suit though so instead of telling him this, he opts in closing the last step between them and wrapping his arms around Remus’s waist for a soft hug.
Remus kisses the top of his head gently and hugs him back. Sirius lets out a content sigh and wishes he never had to let go.
Unfortunately about a minute afterwards, someone loudly bangs on the door and Lily’s voice calls them to “Get the fuck out you two it’s been more than seven minutes!”
Sirius groans, reluctantly pulling away but Remus takes his hand instead to make up for it and Sirius instantly feels a bit warmer inside.
“Ready?” Remus asks softly, squeezing his hand once.
Sirius nods and leans up on his toes to kiss Remus’s cheek,
“Ready.”
When they emerge holding hands and receive several raised eyebrows, Sirius avoids eye contact with all of his friends but makes sure to sit closer to Remus than he had been before.
“Well?” Peter asks eagerly, eyes darting between Remus and Sirius, eyebrows raised and lip tilted into a half-grin, half-smirk.
Remus glances at Sirius and then turns to the group with a self-satisfied smile.
“Best seven minutes of my entire life.”
James and Dorcas let out a long “Aw” while Marlene and Peter roll their eyes while Lily makes fake gagging noises but Sirius just snorts and moves closer to Remus so their legs are touching and he could lay his head on his shoulder.
Sirius closes his eyes as the game continues around him and feels the blissful happiness and his own tiredness kick in.
As he begins to drift of, Sirius can’t help but think that yeah, they were definitely the best seven minutes of his life too and maybe he can have a few more moments like that with Remus in the weeks to come.