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Gavin loved sitting next to Jack during any meals. He loved the warmth of his bear on one side and Geoff’s steady presence on his other. He loved how he could lean either way and be wrapped up lovingly, being fed to be sure he ate something no matter what. But clearly Jack stopped enjoying fussing over him. Clearly, Gavin had pushed him to the limit. So he started sitting between Ryan and Geoff during meal times. It was nice, but it wasn’t the same and many days found him with less of an appetite whenever they ate together.
Slowly, as Jack drew away, Gavin was convinced he’d messed up. The commitment issues he’d stopped fighting with reared their ugly head to fill his with doubt. What if he just wasn’t meant to have any lasting relationships? He clearly wasn’t built for them. What if the others saw that and left him? What if he was just a bother they put up with because they couldn’t get him to leave?
Trying to push the anxiety down, he’d planned a night home with Ray and Jack. They’d show him how silly he was being. The night was perfect until he awoke to the sound of a car driving away. Ray was still cuddled into his side like he was when they fell asleep.
Why was Jack leaving alone?
Gingerly, he rubbed at his eyes and asked why Jack didn’t wake him for midnight adventuring. He loved when one of the boys would just take them out, late at night, sometimes for nothing more than a doughnut craving. He got no answer from Jack. Slowly, he and Ray woke up fully and made their way to the kitchen only to find Jack’s house key.
That was when breathing got hard.
Jack wasn’t on a late night adventure. Jack was leaving and wasn’t coming back. Gavin held tightly to Ray’s arm, trying to keep the dizziness at bay. He set Jack a surprisingly coherent text while Ray got him to sit down and drink water. On a drifting thought he sent the boys a text telling them about the abandoned key. He’d left his key. Jack had left his key. When it seemed no answer was coming, he’d started to cry and begged Jack to come home.
Michael was sending him text after text but Gavin couldn’t focus on them. He needed to know what he’d done. What they’d done. So he asked. It didn’t get a reply either. Oh god. Jack hated them. Jack hated him. His crying turned into sobs and the hand holding his didn’t help. He couldn’t take it if Jack hated him. Gavin tried to text coherently but he couldn’t. He was shaking too hard and concentrating on anything was difficult.
He still wasn’t answering. Gavin tried to apologize for being stupid and chasing Jack away but he wasn’t even sure what he texted. Breathing was so hard. Air came and left too quickly for it to do any good to his system. Still no answer but Ray was wrapped up around him now, trying to take away his phone. Gavin held tightly to it and apologized for bothering Jack. Maybe the man really didn’t want to hear from some british twat. He couldn’t blame him.
Then Michael came home and it was loud. His firey red head kissed his brow and stroked his back soothingly, helping get his breathing back under control. He wasn’t the only one shaking and he leant back into the attention. With his lower lip trembling and tears streaming down his face he asked the one question that was bothering him the most: “Jack hates us, doesn’t he?”
Ray went quiet and wouldn’t answer anything Michael said. Gavin zoned out until Ryan and Geoff came home. Geoff stared at them and snapped his fingers. Before Gavin could figure out what that meant, Ryan had drove them to an old apartment building where Jack’s car was. Jack was here. Jack was here! He got his breathing under control and linked his fingers with Michael’s. The steady heartbeat calmed him. Until the reached the apartment and the door was wide open. Gavin froze in horror as Ryan rushed by him.
Oh God.
No. It wasn’t happening. Couldn’t be happening. Jack was okay he had to be okay- Ryan confirmed he was and Gavin rushed in the door to see it for himself. His bear was curled up on the couch around his phone and he smiled brokenly. He was alive. For now, that was all that mattered. He knelt next to Ryan, running a hand over the man’s back, and stared at Jack. He couldn’t touch him. Gavin wasn’t sure he was still allowed to even talk to him.
Everything passed in a blur after that. He almost didn’t remember how he ended up curled up next to Jack when he woke up but it was too fresh a memory to shake. He covered his bear in kisses and broken apologies, nearly knocking off Geoff by accident. He gave a nod to Geoff as he left the room, almost diving into the couch to cuddle with Ryan and Ray. Michael joins them and they’re a mess of limbs in places they shouldn’t be, all trying to get closer to one another just to prove the others are still there.
Jack gets loud and Gavin shrinks, curling up into Michael’s chest close enough to feel the diamond necklace dig into his cheek. His legs wrap tighter around Ray’s waist and his hands are buried somewhere in Ryan’s shirt. He call feel the nerves coming off everyone and tries to calm them but he’s too much of a mess until he hears that beautiful laugh.
Jack is laughing.
Jack is happy.
He smiles and Ryan leaves the cuddle clusterfuck to go tell the gents they’re ready to go home. He mouths the word silently against Michael’s chest. Home. They’re going home. They’re all going home. He cries in sheer relief and joy, exhausted even though he’s slept most of the morning away.
Home.
ame ricais ntho mewith out y o uy I j us t thou ghtyou neede dtok nowthat -Gavin