Chapter Text
It begins so subtly. If he tries hard enough, he can ignore it. But he can’t.
It’s a shiver along his spine, a stray hair tickling his neck. A feeling that someone is there, when they aren’t. Carlos knows it well. That feeling becomes all he knows, and it wraps around him and engulfs him in anxiety. Like his own personal casket, forged from his nerves. It’s only a matter of time before the storm cloud hovering above him releases its heavy baggage, and he knows it.
She knows it.
She is everywhere, watching, listening, waiting-
“Carlos,” Jay says.
A hand lands square in the center of his chest and snaps Carlos’s attention back to his surroundings. He’s in the dining hall, a tray of colorful foods waits in front of him. Jay is next to him, his hand lingering on Carlos’s chest. He shivers and shakes his head. Evie cuts her eyes towards him and raises one shaped eyebrow.
“Dude, are you okay? You’ve been out of it since, like, the coronation. It’s been a few months.” Jay’s voice is dripping with concern and Carlos hates it. He hates the feeling of people worrying about him. He doesn’t deserve it, because he isn’t good enough for that yet.
“You’ve got designer bags” Evie says. “We could get Mal to whip you up a sleeping potion, under the table, of course.”
“No,” Carlos says. “I’m fine, just a bit stressed about some of my tests.”
“Oh, I totally understand,” Mal finally joins the conversation. “That chem exam is haunting me.”
Carlos wants to laugh. He really does.
“I can help you study. Oh, we could all study together!” Evie sounds far too excited for a study circle, but Carlos figures it can’t hurt to amuse her.
“Sounds good,” Jay says. His arm is draped around Carlos’s shoulders. Usually, Carlos loves that. But right now, he feels weighed down, literally. It’s suffocating, but he doesn’t want to hurt Jay’s feelings.
Carlos scratches the back of his head and closes his eyes. Sleep is always so tempting, but he can’t. Ever since Maleficent almost burned down the whole castle, Carlos has felt ill. He can’t sleep, can’t eat, and can’t escape.
“I think I’m going to go take a quick nap at the dorms. I’m beat,” Carlos says. He stands up and grips the table like it’s an anchor in his ocean of dizziness. He doesn’t want his friends to notice anything, so he takes a deep breath and centers himself. He smiles and grabs his tray, almost escaping them.
“I’ll come with you!” Jay is behind him, tray in hand. “I’m also tired, tourney wears a guy out.”
Carlos smiles and sets his tray on the designated counter. He watches silently as Jay does the same, and lets out a gasp when Jay’s fingers intertwine with his. Jay kisses him on the cheek and Carlos wants to lean into him and sleep for a million years. It’s all he wants right now. He lets Jay pull him to their shared room and he sinks onto the bed with him.
“Wait,” Carlos sits up. “I need to use the restroom.”
“Don’t take too long, I’ll get lonely.” Jay twists his mouth into a sulky frown and Carlos laughs, rolling his eyes in exasperation.
He closes and locks the door behind him. The bathroom is covered in used towels and dirty clothing. Carlos steps through them until he’s leaning on the counter for support. He takes a quick look at himself in the mirror and sighs.
“You look like shit,” he says to himself. Evie is right. His under-eye bags are huge, surprisingly so. It makes his freckles stand out against his complexion even more than they already do. He runs a tired hand over his face and pulls the bottle out of his pocket. The little yellow capsules fall into his hand and he pops two of them into his mouth, following them with a glass of water.
The caffeine pills assure him that he only gets a thirty-minute nap. If he sleeps longer, she will come for him. He slips the bottle into the little compartment under the counter and returns to the bed. Jay pats the empty space next to him and Carlos flops down, utterly drained.
“Which one of us should set an alarm?” Jay asks as he slides an arm around Carlos.
“I’ll do it, because you probably won’t check to make sure it’s set for the right part of the day,” Carlos teases. He pulls his phone out and sets five different alarms. They’re heavy sleepers.
“See you in a few hours,” he mutters sleepily, already burying his face into the warm crook of Jay’s neck. He hears a muffled noise and that’s it for his consciousness.
Carlos opens his eyes. The smell gets to him first. He’s so used to it now. The thick mustiness of the wet ground he stands on overwhelms his senses and he looks around. He knows she is here. But he doesn’t know when she will strike.
“So, you’ve shown up,” she says, voice like ice. “You can’t escape me, after all. I’m your creator.” She says the words with such ferocity that Carlos can’t contain the shiver that wracks his body. Creator, he thinks. As if she compiled every aspect of Carlos and knew everything that would happen in his life. He turns around. He’s staring directly into her dark, dangerous eyes.
“Boo,” she says. Carlos jumps back and trips on himself. He flings his hands out in front of him to buff his fall. Every muscle in his body is urging him to run, but he can’t. The ground opens around him as he begins sinking into the earth.
“No!” He shouts. His screams tear at his throat and he’s sobbing, but it just won’t end. It will never end.
“You know what you need to do, Carlos. It’ll all be over, then.”
Carlos jumps up so quickly that Jay doesn’t even stir in his sleep. He barely makes it to the bathroom in time to empty the little amount of food he has in his stomach. His hands are shaking and he’s fucking freezing.
“I’m dying,” he moans but quickly shuts up because, yeah, he might actually be dying. He’s too scared to go get actual help, because he knows it isn’t real. The stress is just getting to him. Carlos can handle stress.
He pulls himself up with help from the counter and wipes at his mouth. So much for the pills, he thinks. Something he doesn’t understand is how that happened when he only slept for a moment. Usually, she only comes for him when he’s out.
But it’s like she’s getting stronger. It makes him nervous. If he was on edge before, he’s falling now.
He stares at his weak reflection. “You won’t get to me, Cruella. You’re on the isle. You can’t,” he says with a certainty that he tries to make himself believe.
The rest of the day passes with the pace of a snail. He almost passes out completely in all of his classes, and for the first time, he is given detention. Carlos doesn’t care. Detention at Auradon is bullshit. He has no appetite for dinner, but he forces down the soup anyway. When he finally gets back to his room, all he wants to do is go back to bed. He works on his essays with Jay for an hour, plays with Dude, actually cleans the bathroom. Anything to distract himself and keep busy. Every move is shaky and he knows he needs a good night of sleep but he’s scared. He doesn’t want to see his mother when he closes his eyes next to Jay.
When midnight rolls around, Jay insists that they sleep. Carlos wants to refuse, but he can see how tired Jay is and that face is something he cannot say no to. So, he caves, sliding in next to his boyfriend and cuddling up to him. Jay makes him feel small and protected, something Carlos desperately needs but won’t admit. He’s thinking of ways to remain awake when it finally hits him. Sleep washes over him so forcefully that he doesn’t have a chance to fight it. He lets himself sink into the blackness, praying for a dreamless sleep.
His prayers are answered. Carlos rolls around in the bed, his arms reaching for the body that should be next to him, but isn’t. He makes a pathetic noise and opens his eyes.
Carlos reels back too quickly, his head impacting against the headboard of the bed with a resounding pop. He wants to scream but he holds it in, because she cannot be near Jay.
“Cruella,” he whispers. She’s towering over him, her hawk like eyes digging into him. She looks exactly the same as she had when they left the isle. Her hair is spread in crazy twists and her clothes are ironed and as perfect as possible.
“Mm… Miss me, Carlos? I certainly missed you,” her words hang in the air, like a net he can’t detangle himself from.
“Not particularly,” he manages to say. “You can’t be here.”
“Oh, but I am!” She laughs, sending a shiver through his body. Her laugh always unsettles him.
The door to the bathroom opens, and Carlos jumps up. He runs to the door and shoves Jay inside, shutting it behind them. He’s confused and scared and too young for this, but he has to protect Jay.
“Carlos, what- “
Carlos slaps a hand across Jay’s mouth and shakes his head furiously. The silence stretches on for what feels like an eternity. Carlos cracks open the door, peering into their room.
It’s empty. There’s no sign that his mother was ever here.
“Carlos, you’re shaking like a leaf. What the hell just happened?”
Carlos sighs and rests his forehead against the wooden door for a second. “It was nothing, just a bad nightmare,” he lies. Hopefully. He can’t think clearly right now, and his heart is pounding so intensely that he can feel it in his stomach.
“Jesus, it must’ve been horrible. You’re sweating through your clothes,” Jay says. Carlos looks down and realizes that his shirt is completely flat against his torso. He grimaces and peels it off of himself.
“I think, um, I’m going to take a shower” he says weakly.
Jay nods and kisses his sweat-slick forehead. “Be careful, C. I’m really starting to worry about you.”
“Please don’t,” Carlos murmurs softly.
Carlos is left alone with his thoughts. He turns the shower on and lets the icy water run over his hands. He shimmies out of the rest of his clothing and steps in, biting his lip to stop the gasp escaping from him. The freezing water energizes him. He’s running on empty, but his heart is pumping hard and his adrenaline is spiking. His head drops and he stands in silence, watching the water run into the drain. Although he’s probably imagining things, Carlos swears he can see dirt swirling around the drain.
“I’m worried about Carlos,” Jay says.
Evie nods vigorously. “Me too. He looks like a ghost.”
“Really? He seems fine to me. If not, super jumpy,” Mal says.
They’re lounging on the grass during the break they share between 4th and 5th period. Mal and Evie are stretched out, their skin bared to the sun’s rays. Jay is sitting cross-legged with Dude in his lap. He knows something isn’t right when the dog comes to sit with him.
“No, I’m serious. Something is really up with him,” Jay glares at Mal. She’s been completely nonchalant about everything since they were assimilated into Auradon’s culture. Sure, she’s had issues coming to terms with herself, but she’s gotten over them well. Carlos, on the other hand…
Jay doesn’t know. But he wants to find out. He hates seeing his boyfriend so distressed and panicked all the time.
“Talk to him about it,” Mal suggests.
“I’ve tried. You know how Carlos is. He won’t let anyone take on his problems with him.”
“We could call an intervention…” Evie whispers. “But he would probably hate us.”
Jay shakes his head. “He wouldn’t hate us. He’d probably ignore us for a few days, but he wouldn’t hate us.”
“Let’s do that,” Mal says. “If we can’t help him, an adult surely can.”
Something in Jay tells him that they shouldn’t. Not yet, anyway. “I’m going to try talking to him again. Give him a chance to actually open up, you know?”
Jay hates that he feels so helpless. He’s not new to the whole romance thing, but he knows that partners need to support each other. All he wants is to be enough for Carlos. And—Jay knows. He knows Carlos loves him, but sometimes his insecurities get the best of him. He’s always wondering if Carlos really wants to maintain their relationship. Those thoughts leave him feeling guilty, because Carlos is clearly struggling and Jay knows it isn’t because of their relationship. He just feels as though there’s nothing that he can do to help, and it makes him livid.
Dude hops out of his lap, and Jay takes the opportunity to depart from his friends. He has no idea where he’s heading, but he doesn’t mind. He just needs a moment to think.
When he stops walking, Jay runs his hand through his hair. He’s at the tourney field. The bleachers are deserted, so Jay climbs up to the top and spreads out in the corner. His leg is dangling off of the edge of the metal and he closes his eyes. He feels at peace, physically, but his brain is miles away.
He recounts every moment he can of their time in Auradon, trying to pinpoint where Carlos’s behavior started. There’s no particular moment he can tackle. Carlos has always been a fidgety, withdrawn person. Jay moves on. He starts looking for reasons. Carlos overcame his fear of playing tourney, and his anxiety of not fitting in. He found friends outside of their little group. None of it makes any sense to Jay. He sits up and sighs. The bleachers are not where he needs to be. His instinct pulls him away from the field and towards the museum. He’s climbing the stairs to the second floor before he even realizes it. The gold-trimmed sign points him towards the “Hall of Villains.”
“Gods, what am I doing here?” he asks to nobody.
He takes hesitant steps forward, placing his hands on the metal bars that surround the exhibit. The silence is so thick, he’s sure he could hear a feather hitting the ground. Clearly, the second floor isn’t all that popular any more. Jay looks over the eerily life-like figures of their parents. His father, Jafar, is in the cobra stance, his eyes widened with insanity and betrayal. Jay lowers himself to the ground slowly and rests his head on the cool surface of the bar. It feels like yesterday he was here with his friends in an attempt to steal the wand. That time, a time where Carlos was fine, was long past.
“What’s wrong with him?” Jay says into the quiet room. “Why won’t he talk to me?”
His stomach clenches uncomfortably and Jay groans. He needs food, and a nap—and Carlos.
He’s still not sure why he came here, of all places. Jay would never ask Jafar, or a statue of him, for help. But part of Jay wants advice from an adult. Because he’s scared. Carlos is scaring him, and he just wants to make everything better.
Jay drags himself up, keeping his eyes on the statues of their parents. They always were so creepily realistic. If he stays here any longer, he’s sure to go crazy. So, Jay backpedals out of the display room and back down the stairs.
He’s confused about many things, but he’s completely flabbergasted by Mal’s lack of caring towards Carlos’s attitude. She of all people should understand the struggles of adjusting. Just last month, she was a nervous wreck and she constantly made it known. But, it’s like now that she knows Ben loves her completely, she’s forgotten everything else in her life. Jay doesn’t want to say anything. That’s an argument he wants no part in.
It’s no surprise when Jay finds himself standing at the door of his and Carlos’s shared room. He opens it, taking a peek inside. The lights are off and the TV is playing some kind of comedy show that Jay has no interest in. His eyes travel to the beds, and he notices a lump in his. Carlos is fast asleep, curled into a tight ball under the blue comforter. Jay smiles and edges quietly into the room. He pulls his shoes off and sets them down before moving to his bed. Carlos looks so small and tired. But his face doesn’t appear to be peaceful. His eyebrows are drawn together and his mouth is set in a deep grimace. The pillow in his arms is being gripped so tightly that his knuckles are completely blanched.
One instinct says Jay should wake him, but the other is telling him to let Carlos sleep.
So he does. Jay makes sure that he is extra careful as he slips into the bed and drapes an arm around Carlos, the thought of food forgotten. It pains him to admit how much he misses this—before Carlos started freaking about everything around him. But Jay also knows that Carlos will push him away if he brings it up.