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‘Tell me about her.’ – asked Yoongi’s sweet voice, his hands holding Jin’s – ‘About your real soulmate.’
Jin sighed and teared his eyes from the ceiling to stare back at the younger man. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Jin wasn’t supposed to be lying next to Yoongi, both with white strings tied on their wrists.
‘You’re my soulmate, Yoongi.’ – his voice laced with fatigue. Fatigued , that’s how Jin felt since he saw Sohee fall for another man, a better man. How can someone be better than your own soulmate? Jin still couldn’t understand.
Yoongi closed his eyes and shook his head as much as the pillow would let him, he opened and closed his mouth as if he was trying to find the right words to express the same grief that Jin was going through.
‘No, we weren’t destined to be, Jin. You know that.’ – he opened his eyes, Jin was staring at the stars glued on the ceiling again – ‘Tell me about Sohee and I’ll tell you about Jungkook.’
‘You don’t need to talk about him.’ – he knew the younger was still recovering, after two years of Jungkook’s death Yoongi was still trying to pick up the pieces to build himself again. Jin was lucky, his soulmate wasn’t killed in a car crash, she had just fallen for another man (it still stung though, and he was still trying to pick up his own pieces).
‘But you need to talk about Sohee.’ – insisted Yoongi, wrapping his arm around Jin’s waist, getting closer to him – ‘You need to open up, I need to open up. Let’s just pretend the whole world doesn’t see us as less for a moment and share our pain, no one’s here to judge us.’
Jin looked down to see Yoongi’s thin pale wrist circled by an equally pale white string, he looked back to the younger, their noses touching from the proximity ( I could kiss him, I could tell him I love him more than I loved Sohee , he thought, I can take better care of him than Jungkook, I can be who he needs. )
‘You really wanna know?’ – Jin whispered, they were so close, Yoongi had to close his eyes for a moment to get ready to compress the information he was about to hear – ‘Sohee was amazing, she was young, smart, humble, caring. She wanted to be an engineer and I wanted to be an actor, she was funny and knew how to make anyone happy.’
Jin went on and on about Sohee, Yoongi could only stay quiet and listen. He wanted to be as good as Jin’s real soulmate, wanted to be better to make up for the pain Jin felt. Sohee didn’t know what she was missing.
‘We discussed kids, wanted to have two.’ – Jin laughed bitterly – ‘Could you imagine? I think I had way too many glasses of wine that night… At least the idea wasn’t concretized, I don’t know what I would do if I had kids with her, what would’ve happened after we broke up? Would we be like divorced parents? We weren’t even married,’ – he sighed, a small weight leaving his shoulders – ‘maybe she was a good mother but didn’t have the chance to show it.’
Feeling Yoongi’s arm tightening around his waist, he looked at the younger, eyes closed with small tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, Jin frowned – ‘What’s wrong? Are you alright?’
Instead of answering, he just opened his eyes and let the tears fall, Yoongi stared at the wall behind Jin, eyes glazed and lost – ‘I missed Jungkook so much on the first months…’ – a sob cut him off, Jin hugged him – ‘Fuck, Jin I’m sorry... I just... He w-was supposed to be m-mine, forever, why do these things ev-even happen... ’ – he sniffed, tears wetting the bed sheets and Jin’s sweater, his voice grew more desperate as he said – ‘Why do these things happen, Jin? A-am I a bad person? Did I deserve th-that?’.
Jin wanted to hug all his insecurities away (he thinks that Jungkook would want too, would love to hold Yoongi in his arms again, but now he’s gone and Jin has to be strong for both of them), to tell him no, baby, you never deserved that pain, neither did he .
They stayed like that, Yoongi nestled in Jin’s arms with his face hidden on Jin’s neck, he was safe, Jin wanted him to feel safe (but it wasn’t Jin’s fault that Yoongi couldn’t feel completely safe since the day of the accident, Jungkook left a big hole on his heart and Yoongi wasn’t done with picking up his pieces yet), wanted him to feel loved and cherished like real soulmates do, like destined soulmates do.
After calming down with Jin’s hushed comforting words, Yoongi finally stopped hiding his face, his eyes were red like he had rubbed them for too long, his cheeks had dry tear trails and his blonde hair was a mess but he was still beautiful.
‘Maybe I’ll never be truly ok, with his death,’ – he sniffed, blinked once – ‘but I have you now, Jin,’ – twice – ‘and I couldn’t be more grateful.’
Jin smiled, holding Yoongi’s nape with delicate hands – ‘Jungkook would want you to be happy, I can make you happy.’
The younger smiled awkwardly as if he just remembered that he spent the last hour crying in Jin’s arms – ‘I’d like that.’
‘Then that’s what we’re going to do,’ – Jin kissed him once – ‘be happy,’ – twice – ‘without red strings.’
Yoongi nodded and pressed his forehead against Jin’s – ‘Without red strings.’