Chapter Text
With vigilantes and Avengers scuttling around like overpowered roaches, Wade knew better than to accept bounties in New York anymore. Unfortunately for him, the price on this particular head was too damn high to turn down. They called him the Punisher, and he was mowing down bad guys like it was going out of style. Personally, Wade admired his sharp shooting and ruthlessness, but as a merc, it wasn’t up to him to pick and choose the targets. If he didn’t kill this guy, someone else would, and that someone else would be substantially richer.
Wade lurked behind a building to watch the Punisher’s latest massacre. The dude seemed more than a little unhinged. Wade could relate. Finally, the Punisher finished off the last of the mobsters he’d ambushed. Wade grinned, removing the MP5K from his duffle bag and lining the retreating back of the Punisher up in his sights. He cocked the gun, calibrating for a headshot.
All of a sudden, a blur of red and blue blocked his target. “What the--?” Wade looked up. Fuck. Spider-Man. Of all the days…
Like most of New York, Wade had watched the career of Queens’s masked vigilante unfold on YouTube. The cringe worthy notes he left at crime scenes read like a boy scout manifesto, but Wade had to admit that the kid’s powers were impressive.
Now, Spider-Man was looming over him. Wade could practically feel waves of righteous hostility radiating from him. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to shoot someone, sweetheart. If you could move just a little to your left…”
Spider-Man didn’t move. He crossed his arms. “You’re not going to shoot anyone.”
Wade peered around the kid and noticed with frustration that the Punisher had disappeared. “Well I’m not now! God damn. Do you know how long I’ve been following that guy around?!”
Spider-Man didn’t respond to that. Wade groaned, packing the gun back into his duffel bag with the air of a martyr. He slung the bag over his shoulder, checking his watch. Maybe if he moved quickly he could still catch up to the Punisher…he had good intel about his next target.
Wade had started to walk away when Spider-Man caught his arm. Even seeing the YouTube videos, Wade was caught off guard by the strength of his grip. “You think I’m just going to let you go after you tried to murder someone right in front of me?!”
Wade stopped, cocking his head. Was this kid for real? He chuckled. “Look, shortstop, that guy is a wanted felon, so really I’m kind of doing your job for you… You’re welcome, by the way. Now, why don’t you run along to do your homework and leave this to the adult?”
Spider-Man tightened his grip. Wade sighed. His window of opportunity to catch the Punisher was rapidly closing. He didn’t want to hurt the kid, but… c’est la vie. Wade geared up, throwing a right hook.
Impossibly fast, Spider-Man caught Wade’s fist in his hand. Wade blinked. “Shit. Nice reflexes. Did you fall in a vat of toxic waste or something?”
“Something like that,” the kid deadpanned. He shoved Wade back, toppling him to the ground. Next thing Wade knew, his duffel bag was webbed to the sidewalk.
Spider-Man raised his other arm to web Wade up beside his duffel bag but Wade was too quick. He managed to surprise the kid by sweeping his legs out from under him, buying him just enough time to unsheathe his katanas as Spider-Man scrambled back to his feet. Wade began to hack at the webbing around his duffel bag, cursing under his breath.
The kid shot another web at him, encasing his swords, but Wade tugged and sliced through it. He swiped at Spider Man with a sword, which the kid easily ducked, delivering a powerful punch to Wade’s face.
Ow. The kid really was strong. And yet, he could sense that if he’d wanted to he could have hit harder. The kid was actually pulling his punches. Wade couldn’t remember the last time he’d fought with someone who held back like that. What a cinnamon roll.
Spider-Man’s restraint had no effect whatsoever on Wade’s lack thereof. Wade wasn’t pulling his punches at all, but it was rare that he landed one. Soon, the two were panting in exhaustion as the fight escalated.
Wade was at the point of abandoning his duffel bag for a last ditch effort to catch up to the Punisher when the sounds of machine gunfire rent the air. Damn. He must have reached his next target already.
Seeming to decide that the gunfire presented a larger threat to the public than Wade, Spider- Man abandoned their fight and took off in the direction of the sound. Wade finished the painstaking task of freeing his duffel bag from the web, snatched it up, and took off after the kid.
“No fair! I’ve got dibs!”
Spider-Man didn’t respond, picking up his pace. The two of them arrived on the scene of the Punisher’s latest slaughter. It was a tavern, one that Wade knew was often frequented by members of the newest crime syndicate that had rolled into town. They called themselves the Elite. Stupid name.
Bodies were scattered throughout the bar, coated in broken glass and plaster. Wade looked around for the Punisher but he seemed to have already taken off. He cursed. Spider-Man trudged into the building, and Wade saw him kneeling by one of the bodies.
“Oh, Jesus, you’re not a necrophiliac are you?” Wade asked.
Spider-Man wasn’t listening. “He’s alive!”
“Does that ruin it for you?”
“Call an ambulance!”
“Seriously?”
The kid was now, Wade observed, putting pressure on the not-dead man’s abdomen, keeping him from bleeding out. His voice was higher-pitched, frightened, as he said “Yes, seriously! He’s dying!”
Wade sighed, rolling his eyes. “Alright, alright…” He dug his phone out of the duffel bag at a leisurely pace, dialing 9-1-1.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
“I’m not actually sure this qualifies as an emergency, but there are a bunch of dead guys in the Tavern on 9th and Richmond.”
“Deadpool!” Spider-Man yelled.
“Oh yeah, and one not-so-dead one.”
“An ambulance will be dispatched. Please stay on the—“
Wade hung up. “There. That’s my good deed for the year.”
Spider-Man ignored him, turning his attention back to the dying man. “Can you hear me?” He was checking the man’s neck for a pulse.
Out of the corner of his eye, Wade thought he noticed someone standing at the top of the nearest apartment complex, but when he turned there was no one there. He didn’t imagine that the Punisher would stick around, but maybe just in case…
With a backwards glance at the young vigilante and the bleeding mobster, Wade took off toward the apartment.