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"Yo, I'm going to O'Malley's! F-feed Rosa for m-me, would you?"
"Sure! Have fun, tall-ath!"
Rolling his eyes at the old nickname, Jeremy shut the door to the apartment he shared with Rich and his boyfriend Jake. Oh, and Jeremy's cat Rosalina. Named after the Mario character. What a nerd he was.
But hey! Like Michael had said all those years ago, guys like him were definitely cool in college. He was loving life as a sophomore theatre student.
Speaking of Michael... Jeremy's mind would wander to him every once in a while. Where was he now? Was he succeeding in video game sound design? Was he happy? Did he ever think of Jeremy anymore?
It wasn't like they had ever stopped being friends. But after a lot of confusion over Jeremy's phone number changing several times, they'd just... Stopped really talking. Lost contact.
Wouldn't it be funny, Jeremy always daydreamed, if he ran into Michael here in Portland? He couldn't imagine what would bring a young musician from Jersey to somewhere as far-flung as Oregon, but hey, a guy could dream, right?
He arrived at his favorite pub, O'Malley's, relatively quickly. It was only a few blocks away, not worth driving or even biking. Michael would've made the trip on his Heelys, but...
Jeremy shook his head. No use dwelling on the past, Heere. Michael's got his own life now. Move on.
He stepped inside and held up a hand to the florally-tattooed bartender in greeting.
"Evenin', Jere. Usual?"
"You know it, Rox."
He sat down at the bar and flicked a ten across the counter. As Roxy (her real name was Roslyn, but she went by Roxy at work, and the regulars just called her Rox) pushed Jeremy's drink across the counter, another man entered.
He looked to be about Jeremy's age. His already-dark skin was handsomely tan, and he had thick, dark hair in a mop cut reminiscent of '90s emo bands. His healthily slim frame was clad in a white tee shirt and a red plaid flannel shirt, which was unbuttoned and had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His jeans were scuffed, and his Heelys looked ancient. He had glasses, wore an overstuffed backpack, and carried a guitar case.
He approached the bar with a friendly smile.
"Play for drinks?"
Roxy smirked, one brow raised, and glanced at Jeremy, who shrugged.
"He's pretty cute. I d-dunno, Rox, maybe give him a go!"
Roxy nodded, raising both her thinly penciled, heavily pierced eyebrows.
"Arigh, then. Lessee whatchou've got, my friend."
"Yes! Aright, hang on. One song per drink's our exchange rate?"
"Sure."
The young man pulled out his guitar. Jeremy felt for a moment as though he was living in a flashback, but he didn't know what to.
"Ohh, oh, woah, oh, ohh...
Time's tickin'.
Woah, oh, woah, oh, ohh...
Time's turnin'.
I never thought we'd end up like this;
Al-a-ways dreamin' that we'd kiss,
Never thought that you'd drift away
From mey, ay, ay...
I never thought you would lose contact,
Thought I was more im-por-n-tant
To you-oo-oo-oo-oo than that,
To you-oo-oo-oo-oo...
But no,
Somehow you faded away,
Somehow you fell away,
Somehow you slipped right through my fingers
And I don't know how I've been livin' this way!
Hey-ay!
Why don't you come back home?
I 'ave been waiting alone,
Nights with the front porch light on...
Oh, hey!
Why did you leave me to bleed?
Couldn't you pay me some heed?
I thought what we had meant much more than the way that you're
Acting seems to suggest..."
The song trailed off to scattered applause. The man adjusted his glasses, cheeks rosy with a pleased smile.
"Thanks, thanks!" He waved to the room at large, then turned back to Roxy and Jeremy. "Like it? I'm not quite done with it yet, but it means a lot to me."
"Friend," Roxy said, snapping her gum loudly, "you have earned ya first drink a the night."
Jeremy finished off his glass and knocked the counter for a refill as the tattooed barmaid passed the man a drink.
"So, w-what brings this at-ttractive face to P-Portland?" Jeremy said, addressing the man beside him. The man smiled again. He does that a lot...
"Two things. First and foremost, I'm spending fall quarter at school here. Second, this is a stop on my ongoing search for a friend I sorta... Lost track of."
"Oh, r-really?" Jeremy laughed, sipping from the drink Roxy handed him. "Tell me more?"
The man smiled yet again, getting a faraway look on his dark face.
"Oh, man, it's hard to do him justice... He's a true work of art, that one. Really beautiful. Blue eyes, wavy brown hair, cutest freckles I've ever seen... We were actually tight as hell till a few years ago, but I lost contact with him and never got back in touch. I'm still a little traumatized by it, if I'm being honest..." He took a pull from his drink. "But hey, long as I'm searching, I may as well go on a country-wide music culture tour, I figure! I've been busking and selling my music online to get money for buses and trains, cheap hotels, my cell phone bill... Living on a shoestring. Started in Jersey, then I went down through the South and Texas, and I'm making my way up the west coast at the moment. Next stop's Seattle, then I head back east through the Midwest and stop by Nashville."
"S-sounds pretty cool! Name's J-Jeremy, by the way. I'm a Jersey b-boy too, actually."
"Michael," the man said, shaking his hand. He had an odd look on his face.
"What?"
"It's just... This friend I'm talking about... His name is Jeremy, and he had a stutter when I knew him. Maybe I'm crazy, but you look a lot like him, too."
Jeremy laughed nervously.
"W-wouldn't that b-be funny, if I was...?"
"Right, though? And I'd be crying my eyes out when I realize I let you slip by me."
They shared a chuckle.
"Actually, it's kind of crazy, c-cause my best friend for, like, 15 years was named Michael. W-we lost contact almost three years back now, but... D-damn, if I could turn back time, I'd g-go and cuss my teenage self's skinny ass out f-for not making out with that k-kid while I still had the chance. He w-was hot. Of course, I only r-realized that as a grown man. I was a very narrow-minded pansexual in my teens." He shook his head and looked back at Michael to find him gaping. "'Sup?"
Michael slowly set down his guitar, hands shaking, and took his glasses off to clean them on his shirt. Once he had them back on, he choked out one word.
"J-Jeremy?!"
Jeremy squinted in confusion.
"Wha—" Something clicked. The old guitar. The warm, friendly voice. The laugh like music. The constant good-natured smile. "Ohmyg-g-g-god I'mgonnahaveaheartattack. M-Michael goddamn Mell is n-not s-sitting in f-front of me. I'm d-dreaming, or I d-drank a lot more than I should've, or— Holy shit, MICHAEL?!?"
"Oh my god, it's you, it's really you, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god—"
"SH-SHUT UP AND— HUG ME, BROTHA!!" Jeremy shouted, launching himself at the other man.
They spent a solid five minutes squeezing the life out of each other before sitting again, holding hands and grinning like idiots.
"I knew I c-couldn't forget such a p-pretty face! Dude, h-holy shit, you've g-gotta come l-live with me and Rich and J-Jake! I've got a king-size bed for no reason, so—"
"—you're with Rich and Jake too!? Oh my god, I have got to come over—"
"—why not t-tonight? I'm assuming you d-don't have anywhere reliable to st-stay here yet—"
"—well, uh, define 'reliable?'"
"Pff, oh g-god, you're living in the b-back room of a strip c-club or something, aren't you."
"Uh, yeah, guess I gotta call 'em to say I won't be needing the accommodations anymore, huh?"
"Is th-that all your st-stuff?"
"Hah! Yeah, turns out living on the road isn't so easy. But I've learned a hell of a lot too, and I've heard and written so much music!"
"Oh my g-god, that voice still gives m-me thrills."
"Uh, by the way, are we—?"
"I mean, if you—"
"—I totally do!"
"Then hell yeah. I m-meant what I said," Jeremy added, leaning his elbow on the bar counter. "You're hot. And I w-wish I'd realized that before. And... Honestly, y-you deserve a lot better than a d-deserting j-jerk like me."
"Boys, I 'ppreciate the gay of this sitch an' all, but if ya gonna sit at my bar, ya gotta buy some drinks," Roxy said as she passed. More people were filtering in with the later hour.
"I think we'll go," Jeremy said, and Michael nodded, hastily packing away his guitar and hoisting his backpack onto his shoulder.
When they arrived at the apartment ("decent place, for the insane rent around here," Michael noted), Jeremy held up a finger, grinning, as he unlocked the door.
"Hey, I'm back!"
"That wath quick. What, you get kicked out or thomething?"
"No, I ran into s-someone. Come on in, man."
Michael walked inside, smiling broadly. Rich and Jake shot up from the couch and simultaneously shouted Michael's name.
"Wow, that was quick. It took, l-like, 15 minutes of t-talking before I recognized him."
"You were in denial?" Jake suggested.
"Maybe. Wouldn't put it past a Heere to miss something like that. Oh, but hey, we're also together now. Turns out we had the hots for each other the whole time!"
Rich and Jake exchanged a look.
"Anyways, guess we'll let you two catch up. We'll be in our room!"
They were left alone in the main room.
"S-so, uh... Put down your stuff in my room?"
"Sure."
For some reason, Jeremy suddenly remembered and registered that Michael had called him a "work of art." He blushed and covered his face with his hands, muttering curses.
"Wassup?"
"Y-you. You being a p-poet when describing me."
Michael laughed.
"But you really are a work of art, I mean it. And, like... Damn." Michael sized him up properly for the first time since he'd entered the pub. "You look... You look really good, Jere. Dude, that jawline is sexy as hell. Your voice is an actual dream. Also the fact that you still cover your face when you blush is adorable, but. Hey. Old habits die hard? Maybe not?"
"Y-yoU'RE NOT HELPING," he squeaked, his blush darkening significantly.
"Christ, you haven't gained much confidence since we graduated, have you? Thought that theatre scholarship would help some, but—"
"ONLY WHEN I'M ONSTAGE!"
"Aahh, I get it. So you're the theatrical-genius-onstage-and-bashful-sweetheart-offstage type. I dig it."
"Michaaeeel," Jeremy groaned, "stop m-making my entire face b-burn itself to a crisp!!"
"Are we gonna go in your room, or just let Rich and Jake listen to us with their ears to the door?"
There was a scuffle and a whispered, "fuck" from within the aforementioned couple's room.
"...d-dammit." Jeremy opened the door to his room. "There's plenty of room in the closet. You c-can have half the room and I g-get the other half?"
"Sounds good," Michael grinned, leaning his guitar case against the far wall. "So, hey, you gotta tell me what you've been up to! Been in any plays?"
"Uh, yeah. I'm a theatre student."
"Dammit, you know what I mean."
"Uhm, let's see... I mean, outside of school, no. I've b-been focusing mostly on acting theory, and it's really helped m-my confidence as a person. Oh—!! Oh my god, and Michael!! I got top and b-bottom surgery!!"
Michael mirrored his excited expression and hugged him.
"Jeremy!! That's amazing!! That's— That's fantastic, man! Congratulations!!"
"Thanks," Jeremy beamed. "It feels fantastic. I've never known what it's like to just be— Just— Me! I feel so comfortable in my skin, and it makes acting feel even more like second nature."
"I'm so happy for you!"
"I always knew you w-would be." Jeremy smiled.
"So, what else? How'd you end up in Oregon? Of all places, I expected you'd be in New York at this point."
By now, they were sitting on the end of the bed.
"Man, honestly, it was n-never in the plan to come to Portland. Even though the west coast has always b-been sort of attractive to me. California's t-too hot, and Washington's too expensive... So, Oregon. Rich and Jake were living in an apartment here in Portland and they had a sp-spare room, so here I am. There's a p-pretty decent college of performing arts downtown, so I'm going to school there. I'm starting the senior year of a Bachelor of Performing Arts. I'm... Really happy."
Michael looked at his old friend. The young actor was looking down at his hands and smiling softly. He was so much more... Something than Michael remembered. Or, no. Perhaps he was simply just more. He was more as a person, as himself. It was awe-inspiring to see the change.
Jeremy looked up, eyes shining, at Michael.
"I... I really missed you. I feel like... If you hadn't w-walked into O'Malleys tonight, I would've spent the rest of my life wondering, where is he? Is he succeeding? Does he s-still think about me? Is he happy? And... I..." He shook his head, hurriedly dabbing at his eyes. "I'm just r-really glad you're back, Mikey."
Michael's heart felt like it might explode. Shaking his head wordlessly, he hugged Jeremy again.
They were interrupted by muffled meowing and the soft sound of a paw against the door.
"R-Rosa!" Jeremy jumped up and opened the door to let in a white cat with light grey splotches. She had blue eyes and a pastel blue collar with yellow stars. He picked her up and she climbed up to sit on his shoulder. He laughed. "This is R-Rosalina. I f-found her in an alley a little while after I m-moved here, and I d-didn't have the heart to give her up, so... Now I have a cat."
Michael held up a hand so the cat could sniff him. She lightly tapped his finger with her pink nose, blinked, and leapt down to sit on the bed. Jeremy shrugged.
"Eh. Sh-she can be pretty aloof, even for a cat."
"Well, I'm glad to know she at least doesn't hate me."
"True. So what's been going on with you? G-got any stories to tell after th-three years on the road?"
"Oh, definitely. Oh— I hope you don't mind, I'm playing the guitar and singing almost constantly. You won't get much quiet with me around."
"Michael, I always love to hear your m-music. Play all through the n-night if you want; I'll love every m-minute of it."
Michael grinned and leaned down to pull an enormous three-ring binder out of his backpack.
"Good, cause I've got three years worth of musical Dear Johns for you. The plan, now I've found you, is to record them all and release them as my debut mega-album. So between school and busking, that's what I'll be doing for the next couple of months. I've got a few ideas for the album title, and I've done some sketching for the cover... But I wanna run it all by you," he finished.
"Oh my— Gah—" Jeremy swallowed and took a breath. "...wow, I... I dunno what to say."
Michael's smile softened and he reached up to tuck a stray hair behind Jeremy's ear.
"I'm just... I'm just really glad I found you, Jere. I really think we're, uh..." He trailed off and bit his lip, brows furrowed. "Uh, it sounds weird when I say it out loud, but I... I think we were supposed to spend our lives together. Y-y'know?!"
"...yeah, I-I do," he answered quietly, looking into Michael's eyes. They hadn't changed. If anything, they were even warmer and kinder than he remembered, alive with laughter and busy with thought.
Michael laid one of his large, warm, calloused hands over one of Jeremy's smaller, more spindly ones.
"Just... Please don't leave me ever again, mahal. It hurts me so."
"I'm s-so sorry," Jeremy whispered, trying his utmost to keep the sudden wave of tears from spilling out of his eyes. "I n-never m-meant..."
"I know," Michael said softly. "I know. Hey, here! I'll play you something." He reached over to pull his guitar case to the bed and took the instrument out. "Hmm... Oh, I know the one."
Jeremy watched as Michael tuned the guitar with expert hands, fingers and thumbs twisting the knobs and thumbing the strings. Once the tuning was complete, he closed his eyes momentarily and took a breath. Then he began to play on light, sweet chords.
"Jere, look out the window...
So I can sneak a look at how the sunlight makes your hair glow...
Jere, look up at the sky-y,
So I can compare its hue to the blue of your eyes..."
As he sang, Michael's smile widened and he leaned in towards Jeremy. Jeremy promptly blushed and tried his utmost to maintain a straight face.
"Oh, Miah, let's sit and talk and joke awhile...
So I can see how your face gets rosy when you smile...
Oh, darlin', c'mon, le's go ride our bikes,
'Cause the wind in your hair makes it stick up in spikes..."
Jeremy's hand unconsciously flew up to his hair, pressing it flat.
"'Cause sweetheart, I wanna take you home...
Oh love, I wanna keep you warm, tonight...
Oh Jeremiah darlin', I just can't hold back anymore!
I gotta tell ya now, how much I love you, lovely angel boy..."
"G-god dammit, M-Mell." Jeremy muttered between verses.
"Hey!" Michael said, smiling affectionately, "Mahal, keep your eyes on me,
So I can see them shining like the sea!
Dearest, keep on reading your favorite books...
I'll swoon at your giggles, and your face's funny looks!"
Jeremy made a strangled noise of embarrassment.
"Jeremy, let's go stargaze 'round the firepit...
So I can wrap my arm around you where we sit...
Miah, darling, let's go fly a kite...
So when we catch a breeze, I can see you all excite..."
Jeremy smiled through his blush. He remembered flying kites on the beach with Michael when they were twelve. He remembered sitting around Michael's firepit and stargazing when they were seventeen. He remembered riding their bikes back and forth around and across town throughout their childhood and teens. He remembered sitting by the creek, skipping rocks and taking and laughing together, for years on end.
"'Cause sweetheart, I wanna take you home...
Oh love, I wanna keep you warm, tonight...
Oh Jeremiah darlin', I just can't hold back anymore!
I gotta tell ya now, how much I love you, lovely angel boy..."
The key went up a half-step.
"Oh, these are the things,
The things I've always wanted to say to you...
But that's the thing;
You're my best friend, so I can't just say thatchou're
Beautiful...
That I love you, dearest, darling, sweetheart, treasure, lovely angel boy!"
And the key was back down.
"'Cause sweetheart, I wanna take you home...
Oh love, I wanna keep you warm, tonight...
Oh Jeremiah, darlin', I just can't hold back anymore!
I gotta tell ya now, how much I love you, lovely angel boy..."
And just like that, the song ended.
"...wow, Michael... Th-that was..." Beautiful? No, that doesn't do it justice. Stunning? Sounds too negative. Fantastic... Amazing... Sound too... Standard. That song was... "...b-breathtaking."
"W-woah, uh, wow, I... Breathtaking. Really?"
"Yeah!"
"Ah—!" I've got it! "Not as breathtaking as you."
"Sh-shut up!" Jeremy cried, playfully shoving the other boy. "H-hey, you've gotta s-see our gaming setup, dude!! It is s-so lit."
"'Lit'? What are you, 16? C'mon, man, let's go play some video games. Just like old times!"
"Hell yeah!"
As the pair left Jeremy's—no, their—room, a head poked out of the door across the hall.
"Thomeone thay video gameth?"
"You kn-know it, Richy B-Bitch! You in?"
"Fuck yeth! I will dethtroy you two nerdth!"
"Yo, don't forget me!" Jake called, tumbling out of the room behind Rich.
"Two on two?" Michael grinned.
"S-sounds like a plan," Jeremy said. "Oh, man, Rich, you d-do not know w-what you're up against. You are g-going down."
"Nobody can beat the Heere-Mell gaming team!" Michael then started to sing, and Jeremy quickly caught on. "We are—"
"—the champions, my friends!"
"We'll keep on fighting—"
"—till the end! Woohoo! Let's d-do this!!"
.•∴✬•✩•✬∴•.
Michael set his controller aside, smiling softly. In the moment, it felt as though the last three years of heartache and pain had gone... Like he was still in high school, looking down at Jeremy, asleep after hours of enthusiastic gaming, cuddled close against Michael's side. Like he was still safe, but hurting, in the knowledge that Jeremy didn't comprehend the depth of Michael's feelings for him.
That was it, Michael realized. He felt like he was home again. He hadn't felt this safe and comfortable in three years. Not since he'd last seen Jeremy. What is home, but the place where you feel safe and loved, and where your swirling thoughts don't keep you up for hours before you slip into an uneasy sleep? What was the saying... Home is where the heart is. His heart, he knew, had been in this scrawny dork's pocket for ten years. Longer, really. So, then, the thing he had sought after for all this time wasn't Jeremy, or his own heart, or even closure. He'd just wanted to find his home again. To be safe. And loved. And to sleep soundly at night.
And... That's it, he thought drowsily, his mind slowly being overcome by the warm dark. I'm home now. I've caught hold of his hand, and... I'm never letting go again. We can live the way we always have... Together... As co-players in the game of life... Till death. Heh... Maybe... Game of... Death... Togeth... Forev...
Gradually, his arms curled around Jeremy and his face buried in Jeremy's curly milk-chocolate hair, Michael dropped off to sleep. Safe. Warm. And loved.