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The night time was always the hardest. The days had distractions like practise and forced conversation with his friends, but night time? Night time was always the hardest.
The night was just him, his thoughts, and the music that only provoked them. There was a ringing in his ears as the numbness set in. The room around him was full of things to look at, but he saw nothing. Seokjin lay in the bed across from him, but Yoongi felt so lonely. The house was full with happy conversations that rang jubilantly from the room next door, but yet everything was still so silent.
For Min Yoongi the nights were the worst.
Sitting up from his bed Yoongi looked across to Jin who was still awake, occupying the same position Yoongi had seconds ago staring at the ceiling.
“I can’t sleep, I think I’ll head to the studio.” Jin shuffled his head and looked to Yoongi saddened but nodded.
“Okay, look after yourself okay?” Yoongi nodded before pulling on a hoody and exiting the room.
No one else noticed Yoongi leave, which secretly he was thankful for. It was hard forcing a conversation when you were too numb. It was possible, but hard. Like swimming against a current trying to push you back to the beginning; the further into the conversation you got, the harder it was to not give up.
The walk to the studio was welcoming to Yoongi. The autumn breeze brushed past his cheeks, cooling them as he walked. Pulling his hands from his jacket pockets, Yoongi let the cold get to them too as he walked down a dark, familiar road. By the time Yoongi had reached the studio there was no more warmth in him, his body felt numb like his mind which pleased him; for a second everything felt right. He kept walking.
Yoongi wasn’t sure where from, but something in him urged him forwards as the night sky draped over him with every step. No warmth, no feelings, but mindless tears began to drip down the young rapper’s cheeks as he moved onwards.
Headphones in his ears, Yoongi found himself lost in his music as his surroundings, too, changed from familiar to foreign. The roads were getting steeper, and though the exercise would normally hate him, Yoongi chose to continue up the slope, feeling nothing.
“I want to get higher.” he thought to himself as he marched up, seemingly almost possessed as the peak of the road greeted him. Yoongi found himself in a place he had never been but always wanted to find. Somewhere away from the people he knew, somewhere high up where, if he closed his eyes and jumped, he believed he could fly.
Jumping wasn’t a good idea. In reality, the drop would probably kill him. Still, he wanted to be higher. In a moment of misjudgement Yoongi placed his foot on the handrail, climbing up to sit with the drop just below his dangling feet. Closing his eyes, the young rapper took a deep, long breath in and held it until his lungs felt they would explode before blowing out between his lips. “This is peaceful.”
The loud ring of his phone blocked out the music Yoongi had forgotten he was listening to. Holding tight to the railing beneath him Yoongi swiped to answer his phone, before sighing to the voice of a concerned Jin.
“Yoongi-ah? Where are you? I thought you were heading to the studio?”
“I am, I just haven’t make it there yet.” Yoongi breathed, casting his legs back over the rail and jumping down onto his feet as he began back towards the studio.
“Yoongi-ah its almost 7 in the morning... You left the dorm four hours ago.” Suga’s eyes widened as realisation of the time hit him like a bat over the head. Suddenly he felt tired… No, exhausted. His legs ached, his chest hurt, and his lungs burned. “Yoongi-ah are you still there?” Taking a couple of steps across the road, Yoongi decided it best to lower himself to the ground. Resting his back against a large flowerbed wall, he felt his head begin to pound.
“Hyung? Can you come get me?” The way Yoongi’s voice changed so quickly, from annoyed frustration to desperation and pain, that his pleas made Jin feel sick with worry.
“Of course; where are you?” "Tears? Why was Yoongi suddenly crying? Did he feel bad for bothering me? Or was it maybe, just his body informing him that something was wrong? Although if that were the case he’d always be crying."
“I don’t know.” Pulling his hood up over his face, Yoongi leaned his head against the wall behind him, looking up to the sky that was beginning to brighten with the morning sun. Jin could hear the sadness in his friend’s voice, something he didn’t hear often; further reason for him to worry. Breathing in, Jin sighed before softening his voice to speak to Yoongi.
“Okay, turn your phone GPS on, okay? And then send me your location. I’ll come get you.” Yoongi nodded not really realising that Jin couldn't have heard his reply. Licking his lips Yoongi spoke, his voice choked with tears.
“Okay.” He whispered before taking a moment to breathe. “Hyung?” Yoongi waited to be sure Jin was listening; licking his lips again to speak, which seemed to have come a chore. “Will you stay on the phone with me?” Jin was silent for a moment, Yoongi could only imagine his Hyung’s surprised face.
“Of course I will Yoongi-ah. I’m coming now, send me your location.” Looking down at his phone Yoongi moved to do as Jin asked, his hands shaking as he struggled with the touch screen. It ended up taking a couple of minutes to finally complete the simple task.
“Okay, I have it. You’re pretty far away. Goodness, Yoongi. I’m bringing the car, are you still there?”
“Yes.” Listening to Jin’s words, Yoongi closed his eyes. At this point his entire body was aching, his hands were shaking from a combination of cold and exhaustion, even just replying to his Hyung seemed like a marathon task. “Just keep talking to me. I’m too tired to reply.”
Jin wasn’t surprised by Yoongi’s words. It actually wasn’t the first time he’d said that to him, but it was the first time Jin felt that Yoongi honestly was too tired to reply. “Just stay awake Yoongi-ah okay?”
Yoongi just hummed into the headphone speaker, his eyes still closed as he listened to Jin get into the company van and start the motor. “Just get in, I don’t have time to stop. I’ll explain on the way.” Yoongi opened his eyes, glancing around him as Jin spoke to someone that clearly wasn’t him.
Closing his eyes, the world went black for a second before the light around him forced his eyes opened again.
“Here, talk to him.” Had he passed out?
“Hyung?” A new, younger voice spoke through the phone, and Yoongi almost smiled at the concern in the maknae’s voice.
“Jungkookie?” Tiredness crept from Yoongi’s toes as he spoke- the air around him had become colder.
“Yeah, it’s me. Jin-Hyung and I are coming to get you. We’ll be there soon, I promise.” It was strange for Yoongi to hear Jungkook so concerned- normally it was his Hyungs worrying about him.
“Why do you sound so worried?” Yoongi chuckled, the tiredness sweeping up his legs.
“Hyung told me that you left, and that you’re still out. It’s too cold outside. It’s snowing… Haven’t you realised?” Looking to the sky Yoongi nearly laughed. It was snowing. The sky was lighting up as the sun rose, but the sky was falling. Cold, white flakes landing all around him. How had he not noticed?
“I didn’t realise.” Yoongi spoke, again licking his lips. A moment of darkness passed. “I guess I’m tireder then I thought.” Yoongi paused, catching his breath. “Don’t worry though, it’s not cold here.” Yoongi spoke unthinking as Jungkook listened on, concerned as his Hyung’s voice began to slur.
More darkness passed Yoongis eyes, but he forced it back. His tiredness filling to his shoulders.
“Hyung? Are you still there? We’re almost with you.” Jungkook waited for a reply that never came.
Yoongi was still there though, and for now he was awake, but his tiredness had climbed above his head and his energy had dropped to his toes. He just sat with his eyes closed facing the sky as flecks of snow fell onto his pale cheeks.
A beeping in his headphones indicated that the Maknae had ended the call, making Yoongi’s music start up again, loud in his ears. Lowering his head, Yoongi could see two figures in thick jackets running towards him calling unheard words as they got closer; his own mixtape filling their mouths.
Jungkook was the first to get to Yoongi’s side, but as the Maknae’s hands fell onto Yoongi’s shoulder, the young rapper allowed his body to finally give in to exhaustion. Black dots began to fill his vision as he felt his head drop. Yoongi simply smiled at his rescuers before passing out completely.