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Alexander knew something was wrong when Thomas woke up at three in the morning screaming.
Alexander wasn't dumb; he noticed things. He noticed that Thomas never let him see him shirtless. He took in the fact that he would always volunteer to cook, clean, or to take Alex somewhere. Even if Alexander insisted that he could do it himself, Thomas always offered to do it.
It's like he was trying to be Alexander's slave.
From the moment that they moved in together, Thomas left at the normal work hours. He never stayed late and went in at exactly 7:30 AM. He handed Alexander his coffee and always thanked him for being a great boyfriend. If Alexander continued to ask about it, Thomas would drop the topic and let the younger man do as he pleased. It left Alexander questioning.
A year and a half down the road and here they are.
Thomas was the more dominant partner in their relationship, especially in bed. But here's the catch; they've never actually had sex. Thomas would finger Alexander, give him a handjob, or maybe a blowjob. Every time Alexander offered to help out Thomas, the man denied him. He said he was fine or that he could do it himself.
Screaming isn't something you'd typically wake up to, but for Alexander, he had gotten used to it. He wiped his tired eyes and check the clock. 3:21 AM was shown in blurry orange letters that hurt his eyes due to him just waking up and not wearing his glasses.
"Thomas. Thomas! Wake up!" Alexander said sleepily, shaking Thomas' body. The dark-skinned man jumped and woke up suddenly, bursting into tears. Alexander sat up and pulled him into his arms. He rocked his boyfriend slightly and whispered encouraging things.
Alexander contemplated asking something, before deciding to throw caution to the wind. "Tommy, what's up? You've been waking up like this a lot..." He said in a much more awake tone. He had to force himself awake.
"'m fine. Stress is gettin' to me and I tryin' do too much at work," Thomas said, Southern accent thick and voice hoarse due to sleep, crying, and screaming. Alexander nodded but let it slide. At the same time, he was honestly too tired to deal with this right now, considering it was almost 3:30 in the morning.
After a few minutes of just hugging each other and Alexander whispering sweet sayings, Thomas said, "'m ready to back to sleep now, darlin'." Alexander nodded and laid down with Thomas's head on his chest. They didn't tend to sleep like this, well unless Thomas had another nightmare. Though they sadly have been happening more and more often. They fell asleep in each other embrace.
Morning came and Thomas was up at the crack of dawn. He laid in bed for about half an hour, letting his thoughts take over his mind. He was shaken out of them when Alexander groaned loudly. Thomas smiled at his boyfriend, saying, "Darling, I'm getting a shower," Alexander hummed sleepily and it didn't really register in his mind.
It was a Saturday morning and the two men didn't have work. Alex kept his head buried in the pillow before he heard the water rushing out. He stood up and walked over to the bathroom. He remained in his (technically Thomas') unbuttoned flannel and black boxers. He pushed the door open since a small sliver of light shined through the doorway and into their hallway.
Thomas was already in the shower and Alexander took off his flannel. He slid open the curtain just a little bit and saw Thomas who happened to turn around at that moment. Alexander smiled but Thomas' whole body froze.
Before Alexander knew it, he was being pushed out of the way and Thomas was using the curtain to cover himself.
He had a scared and offended look in his eyes. His pupils were huge and he just seemed so scared and fragile. Alexander furrowed his brows and Thomas glared at him. "Thomas, what's up?" Alexander said in a calm tone, now sitting on the closed toilet lid. Thomas continued to glare at him. "Baby, are you okay?" Alex said curiously.
Thomas broke the glare by looking down at the floor and mumbled, "Yeah, 'm okay."
Alexander stood up, grabbed the flannel, and put it back on. He walked closer to the curtain and leaned up. Alex lightly pressed his lips to Thomas' and smiled into the kiss. He pulled away and fell off of his tiptoes. He smiled at Thomas, who gave a shaky smile back. "Can we talk once you're done with your shower?" Alexander asked, in a sweet tone. Thomas nodded and Alexander walked over to the sink. He began brushing his teeth but Thomas kept his gaze on Alexander the entire time, just in case he decided to pull that same stunt again.
After fifteen minutes or so, Thomas came out of the shower with black boxers on and a white t-shirt. He gave a fake smile and sat down on their shared bed while Alexander was grabbing clothes out of the dresser. Thomas thought to just say it now. Better to say it now and quickly rather than beat around the bush and sugarcoat the whole damn thing."I think we need to b-break up..." Thomas said, confident at the start but slowly falling away towards the end of the sentence.
Alexander remained in his spot near the dresser and said, "Thomas, why do you say that?"
Thomas shook his head and just mumbled something. Alexander slowly walked closer and said, "Does it have something to do with me trying to get in the shower with you?" Thomas shook his head, gaze focused on the tan carpet of their shared bedroom.
Alex sighed and said sadly, "We-We can break up if you want to, but I'd like an explanation, please. A year and a half with someone is a long time, I need some type of closure." Thomas shook his head and got up quickly. He went for the door but Alexander caught his arm. Thomas yanked it out of his grip and when he saw the offended and confused look on his boyfriend's face, he fell into his submission state of mind.
"Alex baby, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to pull away from you like that. I'm really sorry." Thomas said, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. Alexander put his hand on his arm, this time only much lighter. He motioned towards the bed that Thomas was previously sitting on and sat down next to each other. A few seconds pass and Alexander said, "Look, Thomas. I'm not dumb."
Thomas looked at Alexander's bare thighs and didn't say anything. Alexander softly continued, "I picked up how you won't let me see you shirtless. You always wanna do something for me, like cook dinner or clean the bathrooms or bedrooms. You always go to work at the same time and leave at the same time, but you never did that before we started dating. Hell, you used to leave later than me sometimes, and that's saying something." Thomas let out a small laugh in the serious moment, hoping that it would be enough to tell Alexander that he was okay and that they could drop this topic. It wasn't.
"Thomas, I'm serious. I don't want to assume stuff but did-- did someone abuse you? Or is someone currently abusing you?" Alexander said delicately, trying to make eye contact with Thomas but to no avail. "No!" Thomas yelled loudly. Alexander flinched somewhat due to the slight shock but ultimately recovered quickly. "Don't lie to me, Thomas. Did someone abuse you?"
Silence filled the room and Alexander found out his answer. His eyes watered and said, "Baby, why didn't you tell me?" Thomas shook his head and said, "I didn't want our relationship to be based on that." Alexander nodded and he replied, "I get that. I could have helped. You left me with so many questions when you woke up crying. I wanted to know, but I couldn't bring myself to ask you."
"Was it just abuse or rape too?" Thomas nodded and said, "Both." Thomas remained silent and Alexander asked, "Why didn't you tell anyone?" Thomas shrugged and said, "Men can't be abused and raped by women." Alexander's eyes widened and he asked, "It was a woman?" Thomas gave a short and simple answer: "Yeah."
"Do I know her?" He asked carefully, hoping he wasn't treading on fragile memories. "Yeah." He repeated. Alexander waited a few seconds to compose himself and said lightly, "Who is it?" Thomas stared at the ground and said in a numb tone, "Don't want you to know. She's your friend."
The younger man thought for about a minute and broke the tense silence by asking hesitantly, "Was it, by any chance, Maria...?"
"I'm sorry."
Alexander reassured him by saying. "Don't be sorry." Thomas kept his gaze straight forward and said quietly "Can't help it."
"Thomas, how long did the abuse go on for?" Alex said with tears gathering in his eyes but once again trying to be strong for his boyfriend. Thomas needed him. "Two years." The shorter man began to speak, "I'm--" Though he was cut off by Thomas, "Don't. You couldn't help it. It's in the past." It was the most Thomas had said once the truth had come out, and it somewhat calmed
"Yeah but your past is obviously affecting you, and you don't deserve that. You deserve to be at peace, my love. No matter what happened in the past," Alexander said, trying to get to his boyfriend, who replied with, "I honestly can't help it." Alexander nodded and softly grabbed his hands, "I know, baby. I know." A few seconds passed and Alexander kissed Thomas's hands in a few places before asking, "What did she do?"
Another shrug and a quiet reply of "It was mostly verbal. Called me names and always complained about how much of a slut I was." Alexander connected a few things and asked out loud, "So that's why you'd never let me help you out." Thomas looked at his hands which were still and Alexander's careful grasp. "I didn't wanna be a slut."
Silence filled Thomas' ears and he knew this was the end of their relationship. Or at least until Alexander said in a firm but reserved tone, "You're not a slut Thomas. Your body has needs and I'd like to help you with them. You're my boyfriend and partner." He stuttered slightly before gathering his thoughts, "I just-- Once she started, she could never stop. Her words always seemed to flow; they never ended."
Alexander took in the words, though not replying. He asked, "W-What else did she say?"
Another shrug and a comment in a quiet tone, "She would comment about my weight. Said I was too fat. I needed to lose weight." Alexander's firm but level tone was back and he said, "Well, that's complete and utter bullshit. Your body is perfect Thomas." Thomas intertwined his fingers with Alexander's and said in his own firm tone, "Not to her." The younger man's hands tensed up slightly when saying, "Fuck what she thinks! She's not here anymore. I'm here. And I love you with all of my heart. Inside and outside."
"If you say so..."
Alex squeezed his hands and said in a passionate tone, "I mean it, Thomas."
"Okay." Thomas numbly replied.
Alexander sighed and then asked, "What else did she do?" Thomas tried to pull his hands away but Alexander kept a secure grasp, letting his boyfriend know he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. "She liked to tie me up. She would cut my stomach."
"That's why you never let me see you shirtless," Alex said, again thinking out loud. Thomas nodded in agreement and said, "Yeah. I have nasty scars and 'm not skinny enough." Alexander squeezed his hands and said, "Bullshit."
Thomas finally made eye contact with Alexander who smiled at him with tears in his eyes. Thomas leaned forward suddenly and kissed Alex passionately. The younger man was caught by surprise but he kissed back. When the two pulled away, Alexander said, "Thomas, look. You don't have to make me dinner. You aren't forced to clean anything. Nothing will happen if you don't do it. No punishment, no nothing. I promise."
He took a deep breath before continuing, "You can stay late some days after work. You don't have to get home before me and have everything prepared. You can let me take care of your body's needs. You can let me see you shirtless. Nothing'll happen. I won't punish you."
Thomas went to say something but Alexander added quickly, "It's because I love you and I have a heart. No one should do that to a person. I will always love you and you never have to worry about me hurting you." Thomas' eyes watered and he hugged Alex tightly.
He pressed his face in his boyfriend's shoulder and let his tears fall. He whispered out the words 'thank you' over and over again. Alexander hugged back just as tightly and just kept saying how much he loves Thomas.