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"You don't deserve to pilot Red," Pidge blurts out, and the air around her turns to ice.
Hurt pools in Lance's eyes, and her breath catches in her throat. She absolutely, definitely should not have said that. Her anger rapidly chills and dissipates, shame moving in to take its place. Pidge opens her mouth to say something, but stops when Keith steps forward to grip Lance's shoulder, and gives her a look that makes her want to curl up into herself.
"Pidge," Keith says, his voice stern.
She turns and runs.
Pidge much prefers Green's hangar to her room on the castle ship, but this is one of those times where she needs to be able to lock herself away from the others. There's an Altean override for all the doors on the ship, but Pidge long ago replaced the one on her own door with a custom override protocol. Not even Allura could force her way in if she wanted to.
Pidge throws herself face down on the bed and screams into the plush pillows.
There's a rap of knuckles against the door.
"Pidge?" Hunk asks uncertainly. "You okay in there?"
She shifts her head to eye the door, but makes no move to open it.
"Look, I know you didn't mean what you said. Lance knows it too, okay? You can come out, he's not mad."
Her stomach twists, because even if she shouldn't have said it, she did mean it, and she wishes she didn't. It's not that Lance doesn't deserve to pilot Red, it's that Pidge deserves it more, wants it more, and it disgusts her that she feels that way.
Hunk waits a few minutes before he lets out a defeated sigh.
"Alright, Pidge. If you need time, that's okay. If you don't feel up to dinner, I'll bring something by later. Just... Look after yourself, okay?"
She curls herself up in a ball and squeezes her eyes shut. A single tear slips out.
One sharp knock against her door, then she hears Keith calling her name.
"Pidge?"
She pulls a pillow over her head and hopes that if she ignores him, he'll go away. Fat chance, Keith's even more stubborn than her on a bad day.
"C'mon Pidge, open up."
She can hear the annoyance seeping in to his voice. Better to get this over with sooner rather than later. She trudges over to the door slowly, dread curling low in her gut as the doors slide open with a hiss.
"Pidge, we need to-" Keith pauses when his eyes land on her, uncertain. His eyebrows twitch, mouth curving down into a frown. "Have you been crying?"
Pidge blinks up at him, startled, before turning her back to him.
"No!" She protests, too quickly. Keith's fingers brush against her arm.
"Hey, can I come in?" He asks, and when she nods, "Okay, let's sit down."
He leads her to the edge of her bed, and when he seats himself next to her she can feel the familiar warmth radiating from his body. She's felt it before, when Ulaz infiltrated their ship and Keith pulled her against him to cushion her fall; when he was under the control of the Sphinx's spores and held her struggling form against his chest; when he leaned over her shoulder late one night to peer at her code and ask what she was working on. She desperately wants to lean in to it.
"I'm sorry," Keith says, and Pidge is so startled that she forgets she's been trying to avoid meeting his gaze. She blinks up at him with wide, round eyes and asks, "What? Why?"
"I made a bad call today, and I put us all in danger." Keith's hands curl into fists against his knees, and there's frustration evident in the lines of his face.
"Keith, no-" Pidge starts to object, but he cuts her off. "No, Pidge. It was my mistake, and I have to own up to it. I understand that you're angry, but it should be me you take it out on, not Lance."
For a moment, she's not sure how to respond. Keith's handing her an excuse for her actions, but she can't let him take the fall.
"That's not it," she admits.
"Oh," Keith says simply, his posturing slackening as the tension leaves his body. He looks perplexed for a moment, before his brow furrows and he looks at her so intently he might be trying to stare right through her. "What is it then? Are you...angry that Black didn't choose you?"
It's a blunt question, in classic Keith fashion, and if she was angry about that then it certainly would have hurt. But she's not, so Pidge just shakes her head, "It's nothing to do with Black."
It seems to dawn on Keith then, quicker than she expected. "It's about Red," he says, and Pidge feels the burn of shame on her cheeks. She fixes her eyes on the floor.
"You're jealous," Keith says slowly. "Of Lance? Over Red?"
Pidge inclines her head, the slightest hint of a nod, but not slight enough for Keith to miss it. His hand settles against her arm, the touch of his fingers feather-light, far more gentle than someone with magma running through their veins has any right to be. Pidge looks up at him.
"Why?" He asks, his voice low.
His eyebrows are creased in concern, his violet eyes staring into hers earnestly. Pidge should say something, but she's just so struck by his beauty, by her want, her envy. Before rational thought can stop her, she lunges forward to capture his lips, fisting her hands into his soft, dark hair. She kisses with desperation.
Keith stiffens, and Pidge realises she's made a second mistake. Reluctantly, she pulls away, and immediately he is on his feet.
"Pidge," he says, adam's apple bobbing against his throat. "I'm sorry, I can't."
She says nothing as he leaves, barely noticing the guilty look he casts back at her before the doors close.
Her throat stings, her chest aches, and she curls in on herself once more and tries not to feel.
Another knock on the door. She's quickly getting sick of the sound.
"Hey Pidge, I brought you some food goo. Keith said you weren't coming to dinner, so...do you want me to leave it out here for you?"
Pidge stumbles over to press her hand against the access panel. Hunk's eyes light up as the doors open.
"Oh, there you are- Oof!"
She launches herself at Hunk, wrapping her arms around his waist as far as they'll go. The plate he's carrying falls to the floor, but Hunk is too concerned with her to even glance at it. She lets out a sob.
"Pidge, hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
She just sobs louder, burying her face into his chest. Hunk embraces her protectively, one hand rubbing at her back, and the other gently patting her hair.
"Ssh, it's okay Pidge. You're gonna be okay."
Pidge shakes her head against him, and Hunk frowns.
"I'm gonna take you back inside, is that okay?"
She nods, and Hunk leans down to grab her around the waist securely. Pidge wraps her legs around his body, clinging to him like he can protect her from the storm inside of her. The doors slide shut behind them, and Hunk deposits her gently on the bed before kicking off his shoes and laying down beside her.
Pidge cries into Hunk's chest while he strokes her back and whispers reassurances in her ear. Eventually, once her tears have dried up and all she's left with is exhaustion, Pidge falls asleep feeling like maybe everything won't fall apart after all.