Work Text:
"Hey mam, aren't you looking great today! And I'm not saying that just to get a discount." Lance tells the old lady at the counter with a cheeky smile as he pays for their groceries.
Keith's heart gave a bitter tug.
The lady fluttered six of her eyes when she chuckled.
"You are one sweet talker, boy. Reminds me alot of my grandson." She said wistfully.
"Well I sure hope so, if he has the same beautiful genes as you." Lance replied with a wink and finger guns.
"Alright, time to go, Casanova." Pidge urged as he drag him away from the store screaming, "Have a nice day, beautiful!"
"Isn't she a little too old for you?" Keith asked tersely.
Lance threw a casual arm around his shoulders, and he felt a little stiffness melt away.
"Keith, buddy- Age," Lance paused dramatically, hand held in the air, "Is just a number."
"Prison," Keith mimicked his pause, "is just a room."
"...Touché." Lance conceded, "But the Lance charm doesn't discriminate." He continued with a wag of his fingers.
Oh sure, it doesn't discriminate alright. Lance had been flirting with aliens of all species and gender, all the paladins, even Pidge who is like 14, and now old ladies are included too. Apparently everyone in the universe is applicable to his flirting, except for Keith.
Which was fine, really, if Keith hadn't developed this big dumb crush on him.
Somewhere in between getting abducted by large lion robots to save the universe and living together with each other like a second family, Keith had made the second most stupid decision in his life. (The first was taking on Zarkon himself)
Falling for Lance was as natural as it was ridiculous. Sure, he was easy on the eyes but at the same time he always eyed his moles with distrust("I swear I didn't have this mole on my finger last month!"). But also, this is the same guy who hardcore knitted sweaters for all the Arusians(he didn't want to leave out anyone) within the few days they were there until he had passed out from exhaustion. The same guy who threw himself in front of Coran's readily during the explosion. The same guy who painstakingly collected coins from the fountain in the mall just for Pidge to buy her favourite video game.
And with every smile directed at Keith, he falls a little deeper unwillingly.
So sue him if he's being a little salty about Lance's latest flirting conquest. Which he copes mainly by complaining to Pidge, but not in as much words.
"Is he seriously that desperate? She's like more than thrice his age probably!" Keith spat bitterly.
"Hmm, Allura's ten thousand years old, you don't see it stopping him." Pidge pointed out as she soldered some wires in Rover together.
"Allura doesn't have a grandson." He deadpanned.
Pidge snorted.
There was a moment of companionable silence while Pidge tinkered with more wires.
"...You do know Lance's not seriously attracted to that old lady, right?" She questioned in amusement.
Keith frowned, like more than usual.
"Then.. why is he flirting with her?" He asked uncertainly.
Pidge paused her work and looked at him in the eye.
"He's just being friendly, I guess. I think he has a soft spot for the elderly, he used to chat with the janitor back at the Garrison too."
"Not just the elderly," Hunk added when he entered the lounge carrying a two bowls of dorito-like substance and flopping onto the couch.
"He compliments people who seem a little down to cheer them up. Like those girls who aren't very popular in school and stuff. That's Lance for you."
At this point, Keith's not surprised if Lance had donated his liver to make someone else feel better. No wonder he loves that selfless idiot.
His heart squeezed with that realisation.
"Of course, Lance flirting for real is an entirely different thing. You wouldn't even know he's doing it." Hunk continued, testing one chip and looking pleased with himself.
Keith huffed.
"Wouldn't pin Lance for subtlety."
"Oh he's as subtle as a brick to your face alright, it's just that he does" Hunk glanced at him, "the opposite of flirting."
"W-What's that supposed to mean?" Keith asked, face hot.
Hunk shrugged as he offered some chips to Pidge, who accepted eagerly.
"He'll act his worst. See if the person can take his bad side and all that." He continued.
Keith's heart pounded in refound hope.
"That's s-stupid." He rasped.
"It is," Pidge agreed before looking at him pointedly, "But it worked, didn't it?"
Both of them looked at him with smug expressions.
Keith's felt his cheeks burned and his heart raced as he excused himself from the room.
Stupid Lance and his stupid illogical flirtings. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He bumped into something solid in midst of his sulking stride.
"Whoa, there." Lance steadied him by the shoulders when he fell backwards, peering closely into his eyes.
"Are you okay?" His voice was laced with concern, but then it switched to a mocking tone,"Or did you just got up the wrong side of your mullet today?"
This was the real Lance, good and bad or combined into one tan, lanky being. And Keith loves it all.
The words "Your flirting sucks." tumbled out of his mouth.
Lance seemed taken aback by this sudden insult, but recovered quickly with a playful look on his face.
"I don't think you have the right to judge my flirting, Mr.I-Work-Alone."
Keith narrowed his eyes at the challenge and set his shoulder decisively. In one swift move, he grabbed Lance by the hip and swept him off his feet into a dip.
"Keith!" Lance exclaimed in an unusually high-pitched voice.
Their faces where inches away from each other.
Keith wrecked his mind and blurted the only pick-up line he remembered from watching tv, "Can I borrow a kiss?".
Lance's eyes widened as his jaw flopped opened with a "W-What?".
Encouraged by his reddened cheeks, Keith swallowed and trudged on to complete the sentence.
"I-I promise I'll give it back." He looked at Lance in the eye, hoping it'll convey his sincerity.
The lack of response from the blue paladin for the next ten seconds had Keith reconsidering his entire life decisions and planning the nearest route to the escape pod.
Then finally Lance's brain had caught up with his mouth to whisper, "..My interest rates are high." - A cautionary reaffirmation, an are you sure?
Keith's heart soared because, he has never been more sure, not about finding Shiro back, not about the weird energies in the desert.
He leans in to tell him that, watching as Lance's eyes fluttering closed and - "Smooth." a voice distinctly not either of theirs jolted them out of the little world they have created between themselves, like they have always done, Keith realised belatedly.
But that physical jerk had apparently been enough to overbalance their weight, sending them toppling over with a yelp.
They then turned to glare at the intruders outside the door.
Hunk raised his hands up meekly.
"Sorry, sorry! I just wanted to see the fruits of our labour." He apologized.
"Fruits of -what?" Lance asked, confused.
"We got tired of your pathetic pining and shitty flirting, so we gave Keith a push instead." Pidge clarified, chewing on Hunk's chips like popcorn.
"Hey! I'll have you know my flirting is top notch! Right, babe?" Lance nudged Keith.
Despite telling him otherwise just a few minutes before, the combination of Lance's adorable pout and pet name has got him agreeing to almost anything.
"Yeah." He murmured in a daze.
Hunk snorted while Pidge whispered something that sounded suspiciously like whipped, but the full blown grin Lance turned on him was made it worth it.
"Now if you'll excuse us," Lance drawled as he stood up and held a hand out to Keith, "We still have important matters to discuss."
He winked at Keith and added, "In private."
Twin groans emitted from their fellow paladins, while Keith took his hand firmly with a shy smile.
The couple took their leave happily, but not before Lance turned back to mouth a Thank you to his wingmen.